roused to a fuller sense of the situation in which I had so rashly
placed myself. I soon saw enough to make me weep. Six of the gang
entered, swearing, and threatening two young sailors, whom they dragged
in with them, and who, as well as several of their captors, were
severely cut, bruised, and bleeding. They had, doubtless, fought stoutly
to escape the gang. I was there a voluntary victim, and any little
fortitude that had until now sustained me fled, as I gazed upon the
painful sight. They were both about the same age, and stout, active
young men; they spoke not one word; but their countenances were sad,
gloomy, and desponding; and, at times, I could perceive a shade of
sullenness, bordering on ferocity, pass over their faces, as they lifted
their eyes from the floor towards the men who were busy removing the
stains of the conflict. In a short time after, we were taken to the
Ferry Stairs, and put into their boat. It was now, for the first time,
that I began to doubt if my father was correct in his eulogiums of
British liberty. I soon understood that the cases of these lads were
peculiarly hard; yet, after all, not so very hard as that of many I
afterwards knew. They were brothers, and belonged to Leith, where their
parents still lived. They had been absent three years upon a whaling
expedition in the South Seas; and, anxious to see their father and
mother (the former of whom was stretched on a sick-bed), had, with
circumspection, and in disguise, reached their home, when, only after a
few hours, some unfeeling wretch, for the paltry reward, became
informer, and the gang secured their prey. The sick, if not dying,
parent entreated in vain; and the mother's tears and groans, as she saw
her loved and manly sons struggling against an overwhelming force (for
what, my father oft had said, was the birthright of every British
subject), were equally unavailing. I kept my eyes on the two youths who,
for no offence, were thus treated as felons, and compelled, against
their wills and interests, to leave their homes, and all that they held
dear; yet, so strangely are we constituted, this train of thought passed
off, as I surveyed the clear night, with the full moon shining in a
cloudless sky, and reflected by the waters of the placid Frith. My young
heart even felt a glow of pleasure: I hoped the worst of my new life was
past, and that I would soon be again with my father, to recount to him
the sights I had seen.
When we reached the tall dark sides of the (to my inexperienced mind)
gigantic tender, all my regrets were fled, and expectation again filled
my breast. Having hailed, and been answered by the watch on board, the
two pressed men were forced to ascend from the boat, which they did with
an ease and facility that astonished me. I attempted to stand up, but
fell across the thwarts--the motion of the boat, inconsiderable as it
was, throwing me off my balance at every effort. Forced to hold on by
one of the gang, I had my ears filled with a volley of oaths. A rope was
at last lowered from the deck, and made fast under my arms, and thus I
partly climbed, and was partly hoisted up, until I could hold on by the
bulwarks--furnishing merriment to those on board, and greeted by no
kindly voice, my feelings were again damped. For the first time in my
life I felt that I was alone in the world, and must rely upon my own
energies for protection. Ordered below, I staggered, as I moved upon the
deck, like one intoxicated, still grasping at everything to prevent me
falling, and bewildered at all I saw and heard. How unlike were these
things to what I had found in books, or dreamed of in my enthusiasm, of
the noble navy of my country. My mind was all confusion. My native
language, spoken by those around me, was mixed with such terms and
phrases, that it was all but incomprehensible. When I reached the hatch,
and was in the act of descending the ladder, I missed my hold, fell to
the deck, and a laugh sounded in my ears--all the pity I received,
though I lay sick, stunned, and bruised among my fellow-creatures. I
crawled out of the way, lest I should be trampled upon by those who had
occasion to pass up and down. No kindly hand was held out to me; and
there upon the bare boards I passed my first night from home. Youth and
health triumphed, and I soon fell sound asleep.
Well, not to be too circumstantial, this rough initiation into my naval
adventures was of immense advantage to me. Follow out my course I must,
whether I now willed or not. I had the consolation of my father's
prophecy, that the war would terminate before the winter commenced; and
if I wished to see the world, I must take things as they come. It has
ever been my nature to look upon every event on the sunny side. I
anticipate pleasure even amidst privations and discomfort; and I have
thus enjoyed hours and days of happiness, when those who suffered with
me have been driven almost to despair. When day dawned, I was awakened
by the noise and bustle around me. I looked at the murky den in which I
had passed the night close by a gun-carriage. Some were extended on the
deck here and there; a greater number snugly hung in their hammocks were
the regular seamen; the others were landsmen like myself, unprovided
with anything--their all on their backs, and as ignorant of life at sea
as their purses were empty. I will not say that I was pleased with the
turn my adventure had assumed; yet I was not discouraged; I knew that
thousands passed their lives in the navy, and I would not be worse off
than my equals in rank. I arose, and, seated upon the gun-carriage,
began to be amused by what was passing around. As the day advanced, my
interest began to increase, and I formed a few friendships with my
fellows. One of these, a young seaman who had been impressed a few days
before out of a West Indiaman, was of vast service to me, in giving me
instruction how to conduct myself, and allowed me to sleep with him. I
had left home without one shilling; was provided with nothing, and must
remain so until rated in some ship after we reached the Nore.
No person who has not seen, can conceive the scenes of wickedness and
folly that are acted on board a tender, where all are crowded together
with no regular messes formed, and no routine of duty laid down to
engage the mind or dispel the tedium. The careless act their parts, but
the thoughts are forced in upon the serious thinker. Some sat in deep
abstraction, unconscious of all that was passing around them, fetching a
deep sigh occasionally, and looking mournfully at their merry mates;
others were walking backwards and forwards, with a restless cast of
countenance, like a caged animal; while here and there were small
groups, deep plunged in the excitement of gambling for small sums, and
swearing over their well-thumbed dirty cards; others were carousing in
secret, with ardent spirits, brought secretly on board, by boats which
were continually arriving from or departing for the shore with the
friends of those on board; and very many passed their time listlessly
leaning over the nettings, gazing upon the shore they were so soon to
see, perhaps, for the last time, yet caring not whether they ever saw it
again or not. At length the boatswain piped to weigh anchor. The
foresheet was shaken out, and we stood down the Frith. As the shores
receded from us, some became more sad, but the greater number seemed as
if a load had been taken from their minds. As for myself, I felt my
spirits increase as we gallantly bounded over the waters.
When we reached the Nore, I, along with several others, was draughted
into a frigate, which had received orders to sail for the West Indies.
As soon as I was rated, I received from the purser what necessaries I
required, which was placed to my account to be deducted from my wages. I
felt my importance much increased as I put on my new dress and got my
station on board; yet a qualm of disappointment came over me as I
thought of the distance I was to be carried from home, and I began to
doubt if I could return to Scotland before winter, when the peace I had
anticipated would take place. My sailor life presented many features
that belied my expectations. At this time a war-ship was managed in the
most tyrannical manner, by the caprice of the captain and
first-lieutenant. The rattan of the boatswain was in constant play; and
it often seemed as if he struck the men more for his own gratification
than their correction. Standing at the foot of the rattlins when they
were ordered aloft, he invariably struck the last, whether in ascending
or descending. This was to make them look sharp. The same course was
followed in regard to every duty to which he called them; and a dozen or
more of lashes were often given for what the most microscopic eye could
not have detected as a fault: the cat was seldom out of use, and never a
day passed without several punishments. A chit of a midshipman, if he
took an umbrage at a man, would order him to stand while he mounted a
gun-carriage to strike him about the head or face; and if the gallant
fellow moved on, he was reported to the officer on duty as mutinous,
tied to the grating, and received a dozen or two. Our provisions too
were very scanty, and not of the best quality; while a complaint would
have been mutiny. Before we reached the Island of Jamaica, custom
overcame disgust. I saw, besides, that it was the rule of the
service--officers were not, in their station, better off than the men;
midshipmen were cobbed or ordered aloft with as little compunction or
inquiry as the men were flogged. The only individual on board who stood
not in fear of some other alongside was the captain; yet he feared the
admiral, and the admiral crouched to the Lords of the Admiralty, who
succumbed to the ministry, who crouched to the king; and, as a landsman
on board a man-of-war, all being in a circle, I was next to him again to
complete it. The whole I saw to be an intricate system of coercion and
discipline; and I submitted with all the cheerfulness I could; but there
was a messmate of mine, who claimed the sympathy I disregarded. Poor
James! I am to this hour sad when I think of him. Who or what he was I
never knew; for his years, he was the best learned and most intelligent
person I have ever met with in the world. Every genteel accomplishment
was his. About two years my senior, he was an age in advance of me; and
I looked up to him with a reverence I have never felt since for any
human being, as we have sat on a gun-carriage, I listening to the
knowledge that flowed from his lips, and which he took a pleasure in
imparting to me. Thus, when it was not our watch, he stored my mind with
truths and information, both ancient and modern, the benefit of which I
feel even now. An exquisite draughtsman, he taught me the rudiments of
the art, and practice has done the rest. Yet he was secret as the grave
as to the cause of his sorrows; and though he knew that I wished to be
acquainted with his history, not through idle curiosity, but to console
him, if in my power, he shunned the subject. That he was born to a rank
far above that in which I knew him, both the officers and the men
allowed. He was prompt in his duties from an innate sense of honour; and
there was a lofty bearing in all he did--not the effect of an effort,
but of natural impulse--that extorted the respect of his shipmates;
though, of all men, sailors are the quickest at perceiving peculiarity
of character among themselves, and an appropriate sobriquet is generally
the consequence. To his officers he was as politely humble as the
strictest rules could require; but this manner was so different from the
uncouth and crouching humility of the other men, that a stranger would
have conceived he was the superior returning the civility. His soul was,
indeed, truly Roman, and superior to his fate. Whether that fall was the
effect of circumstances over which he had no control, or voluntarily
chosen, from some secret reason, he would never avow. Once I heard him
sigh heavily in his sleep, and murmur the name Matilda; from which I
suspected he had been crossed in love, and was now a victim of consuming
melancholy, which seemed only lightened by his activity, or when he was
storing my mind with information. Books we had none; but I felt not the
want. His memory was well stored and tenacious, and he was always ready
for whatever subject was the study of the time for which we were at
leisure. I feel conscious I learned much more, and infinitely faster, by
this oral method, than if I had had the volumes, and read them myself.
His vigorous and intelligent mind epitomised and digested my mental
food--imparting to me thus the spirit of volumes, which I might in vain
have endeavoured to comprehend after long study. But, to proceed:--
With this mixture of pleasure and suffering, we reached Kingston and
cast anchor off the harbour, where we had remained only for a few days,
when we sailed to cruise in quest of a French frigate, which had taken
several of our merchantmen. We continued to range the seas for nearly
three weeks, in quest of the enemy, without gaining either sight or
intelligence of him, and had almost given up all hope, when, one
afternoon, a dense fog came on, which obscured the horizon, and we could
not see two lengths of the ship from her decks. It continued thus until
a little after sunrise next morning, when a gentle breeze sprung up,
which cleared all around, and, to our surprise, we saw a French
forty-gun frigate about six or seven leagues to windward. We mounted
only thirty guns. The odds were fearfully against us; but the captain
resolved to engage the enemy. The boatswain piped all hands to quarters,
the drum beat to arms, the bulkheads were taken down, and all was clear
for action in a few minutes--every gun double-shotted, and the match
waiting the orders to fire. James and I were stationed at the same gun
on the quarterdeck, when I saw the enemy, under a cloud of sail, bearing
down, with his formidable range of guns bristling his sides. I felt my
breathing become short, and a strange sensation took hold of me, as if I
doubted whether I could command another full respiration. I looked at
James--there was a melancholy shade of satisfaction on his countenance,
and I thought I saw a languid smile lurking around his lips, along with
a sternness in his eye, that imparted to me a bold feeling of assurance.
I stood with the ramrod in my hand. The interval of suspense was short.
The Frenchman, as he ranged alongside, within pistol-shot, hailed us in
good English to strike. The captain, who stood near me, looking over the
nettings, with his speaking-trumpet in his hand, lifted it to his mouth,
and roared--
"Ay! ay! I'll strike by and by;" then passed the word--"Now, my lads,
give them a broadside."
Scarcely was the order given, when our little frigate quivered from the
recoil, and we were enveloped in smoke; but I could hear the crash of
our shot on the sides and rigging of the Frenchman, which did not return
the fire for a minute or two.
"Well done," shouted the captain. "Another of the same."
And by the time the Frenchman fired his first volley, we were ready. The
salute was simultaneous and fearful. The enemy did awful execution: five
of our gun-ports were torn into one, and several of our men killed and
wounded. I have little recollection of what followed for some time--the
smoke was too dense for observation, and my exertions in working our gun
were too unremitting to allow of extraneous attentions. At length the
shot in the locker being expended, I called for more; and, on looking
round, saw my companion, James, lying extended behind the gun, bleeding.
There was not one moment to spare--the balls were supplied as quick as
called for--and, at the sight of my wounded friend, my dogged resolution
was roused to revenge. I urged those who were still able for duty to
redouble their fire.
"Well done, Elder!" said the captain; "you are a noble fellow."
At this moment, a small splinter struck my hand, as I withdrew the
rammer, and almost divided my forefinger and thumb. I plucked it
out--the blood poured--but I felt less pain from that source than from
my mouth, which was so dry and parched, that I would have given worlds
for a drop of water.
"For God's sake," I cried, "bring me a mouthful of water, for I will not
leave my gun."
You may smile at my folly, for who was there to serve me? Yet,
patience--the captain, who kept the quarterdeck, as cool as if we had
been lying at anchor; nay, cooler, for he was then always finding fault,
or in a passion--heard me, and taking a lime from his pocket, cut it in
two, and put one-half into my mouth, as I was ramming home the charge.
"Here, my lad," said he, "you deserve it, were it a diamond;" and put
the other half into my cut hand. The sting of the pain almost made me
cry out. He smiled, and said it would cure it; then remarked to the
first lieutenant, who had just come up to him, "I have often heard that
the Scots fight best when they are hungry, or see their own blood; there
is an instance; look at Elder's hand, and see how he works at his gun."
At this moment I heard a crash--it was our foremast nearly gone by the
board.
"These Frenchmen fire well," he said, with the greatest coolness.
"That stroke is very unfortunate," replied the first lieutenant; "but it
cannot last long."
"No," said the captain; "they must either strike soon, or blow us out of
the water. How is my ship below."
"Much cut up, sir; but our remaining hands work their guns well. The
enemy must have suffered severely."
I can convey no impression of the calmness with which these few words
were spoken in the middle of this carnage and noise. We had already, as
I afterwards learned, been engaged two glasses. All conception of the
time, from the first broadside until the last gun was fired, seemed to
have been banished from our minds. Scarcely had the conversation between
the captain and lieutenant finished, when the Frenchman's mizzenmast
fell forward, their fire began to slacken, and we, in a clear interval,
could see a bustling on board.
"Boarders, arm," shouted the captain; then, in a lower voice, to one of
the officers--"They are either going to run for it, or board us; were
our rigging not so much cut up, she might be ours." It was at this
moment he first showed his impatience:--"Aim at her rigging," he
cried--"she shuns the contest--ten guineas to the gun that disables
her;" but her sails began to fill, and she bore away before the wind,
leaving us too much disabled to follow her.
When the first firing ceased, I felt so fatigued and faint, from the
loss of blood and the pain of my hand, that I leaned upon my gun, almost
incapable of exertion. A double allowance of grog was now served out to
the survivors. I felt revived, though still unable for duty, and went to
the cockpit to see James, who had been carried there, and to have my own
hand dressed. A cockpit scene has been often described, but description
is a burlesque of the reality. We had twelve killed, and twenty wounded,
more or less severely. I found my poor friend lying upon a mattress,
calm and resigned--no groan or sob escaped him. One of his legs had been
broken and cut by a splinter, and there was a wound from a musket-ball
in his shoulder. Both had been dressed by the surgeon, who was a humane,
active, and skilful man. When my own scratch was cleaned and dressed,
all my attention was bestowed upon James and others. An hospital was
rigged out, and every care humanity could suggest paid to the wounded;
and our otherwise austere captain was as mild and kindly by the side of
the victims as a nurse. James lay, for the most part, silent and in deep
thought. When he did speak, it was of indifferent subjects; and, to my
frequent inquiries how he felt his wounds, he replied, that they engaged
not his thoughts further than that he feared he might recover.
"That I do not wish," said he. "It is long since I received the wound
that is destined to prove mortal, independently of these disruptions of
the flesh, which merely confine me to this sick-bed, and are come rather
as a remedy. Elder, think not I am ungrateful for your kindness: I thank
you from my heart. There is one favour you must promise to do me; and I
feel assured I may trust you."
"Name it," answered I; "and if I should die in the attempt, I shall not
fail to do all in my power to accomplish your smallest wish." He pressed
my hand, which was grasped in his.
"Enough, Elder," said he; "all I request is easily done; yet I was not
the less anxious to find one whom I could confide in. As soon as this
oppressed heart ceases to beat, you must take this locket and ring"--and
he uncovered his bosom, upon which they lay, besmeared with his blood.
Smiling, he continued: "The blood is a proper envelope for them; and I
am only so far happy that I was not killed out-right--for then they
might have fallen into hands which would have done them no justice.
These baubles and I must be forgotten together, whether I die here at
sea, or survive until we reach Jamaica. You must, when I am to be
consigned to my abode of peace and rest, place them where they lie at
present. You will do this for me?"
I pressed his hand, for words were denied me. My tears fell upon his
pale face, as I stooped to kiss his forehead; a sigh was all that passed
between us; but our eyes told more than our lips could have uttered. I
left him alone, to enjoy his own reflections, and went upon deck. In a
few hours the surgeon's worst fears were realised; tetanus came on, and
he died the following morning in my arms. I fulfilled his last request,
and his body was launched into the restless ocean on the day before we
reached Kingston. His man-of-war's name, as the seamen call it, when
one--a different from their real one--is assumed for any reason that
requires concealment, was James Walden, by which he was rated in the
ship's books. Next day, when his effects, scanty as they were, were put
up for sale, I bought a small prayer-book, which I had often seen him
use, for less money than I have seen a few needles and a little thread
bring at the mainmast. Amongst all that he possessed, there was not a
single scrap of paper, or anything by which I could be led to guess who
he was. On a blank page of the prayer-book there was written, in a
small, beautiful female hand, "Matilda Everard;" but whether it was
written by the individual he had once mentioned in his sleep, or some
other, it was impossible to say.
We had spoken, on our return to Jamaica, several merchant vessels, so
that the account of our action with the French frigate was before us. We
were, accordingly, received as conquerors--the sailors complimented in
the streets, and our officers invited to all entertainments. As for
myself, I felt alone after the loss of my friend, and fretted a little
at the news of peace not having been yet received. I had not yet called
my father's political sagacity in question. It was now the month of
September; our frigate was once more, if possible, in better trim than
she was before the action; we had our water on board, and everything
ready for sea to cruise amongst the French islands. All was joy and hope
of prize-money. We were to have sailed next morning, when the accounts
of Admiral Howe's glorious victory of the first of June arrived, when
all became a scene of excitement and exultation. Salutes were fired;
every vessel was hung with as many flags as she could muster, along her
stays, from the bowsprit to the taffrail. Kingston was to be illuminated
in the evening; and we requested leave, and were allowed, to have an
illumination on board of our ship. My spirits recovered in some
degree--every one was of opinion that the republicans of France never
could recover the blow they had received--my father's prediction was
verified--and I would soon be free, and at home. During the afternoon,
which was as lovely as a warm day in Jamaica can be, all was bustle on
board, each mess procuring candles, and each striving who could exhibit
the greatest number. The ingenuity of one of our number was exercised on
some empty barrels, which, with their bottoms pierced, filled with
lights, and placed opposite the port-holes, shamed the bottles and
candles of the others, and gave us the victory. Just before sundown, all
was ready. As soon as all the candles were lit, every port was opened;
and our little frigate and the other ships of war produced a sight truly
beautiful--sitting upon the waters, which reflected the glare like
glowing furnaces, and sending all around their so regular and intense
beams. Meanwhile our decks were crowded with dancers, who, footing it
away to the music of our fiddles, exhibited, in the strange mixture of
white European and dark Kingston girls, all brought out in full relief
by the lights, one of the most extraordinary scenes I had ever seen. At
a late hour the lights were doused, and all was as still as death; and
the late refulgent vessels floated a number of black masses under the
moonbeams.