THE RUSSIAN
"The first thing his Royal Highness did was to open the neat-looking
wicker hamper and take out a cut-glass bottle encased in silver, the
contents of which he poured into a dainty-looking glass. He took a
number of drinks, but without asking me to join, which I thought was
very impolite of him. Then he settled himself for a nap, first drawing
out a huge pistol which he placed near him on the cushions.
"It was, of course, a silly thing for him to do, but then the man was,
I thought, more than half drunk. When he first drew, I was afraid that
he was going to blow me to pieces then and there, and I was ready for
him. But when he laid it down and dropped off into a heavy sleep, I
could have laughed.
"I would have taken a nap myself, but his stentorian snores made
it impossible. There was nothing to see outside but a dreary scene
through the snow that was coming down in fine, white driving
particles. At times there would be distant forests of rather stunted
pines, but for the most part, only the desolate stretch of plains.
"Once in a while we would come to a stop at a small station, but
only for a short time, and then the train with its long line of
flat-looking coaches, would rumble out over the barren plain.
By-and-by I began to feel very hungry and I realized that there was
going to be no stop for meals, as the other passengers, more familiar
with the custom of the country, had no doubt provided themselves with
hampers of provisions.
"I looked at the Grand Duke or whatever it might be, and he was
sleeping as only a big man who is quite intoxicated can sleep. Then
my eye wandered to the hamper. Instantly my hunger hardened into
resolution. I was not going to starve with that within my reach. I
stooped down and picked it up, then opened it on my knee.
"I had never seen anything more dainty, and more elegant, than was the
arrangement of that basket. As for the contents, well, I can only
recall, I cannot describe. For warming tea there was an arrangement
of silver and ebony in one compartment. Likewise a roasted fowl in a
delicious sauce, and stuffed with chestnuts. Also bread and caviar,
the latter a Russian delicacy of fish-roe or eggs."
"I wouldn't like that," cut in Tom.
"How do you know?" reproved Joe, "you never tried it."
"Fish eggs!" exclaimed Tom with a grimace.
"You would have turned up your nose at birds' nests too," said Jim,
"until the Captain told us how fine they were, and not at all like
we supposed."
"Yes," nodded the engineer, "birds' nests are all right, I've eaten
them in China. They are gathered before the birds ever nest in them."
"But go on with your story, I'm anxious to see how you made out. It
was certainly an interesting experience," urged Jim.
"I should say so," chorused the boys.
"I'm glad you like it," remarked the engineer, "and it was an
entertaining situation, especially the lunch part of it. Where was I?"
"Caviar," suggested Tom.
"Oh, yes. Well, on the bill of fare were different cakes, jellies and
jams, all beautifully put up. As to the liquors, there were half a
dozen different bottles, as I have said of cut glass, in filigree
silver holders, with his Nib's crests on the tops, engraved in silver.
It was all beautiful to look upon. One liquor green, oh, such a lovely
green, as a French poet says the color of a mermaid's eyes. Another
purple, another the color of honey. But I had sense enough left not
to take any of them, else I would have had no senses left, which would
have been bad under the circumstances, for I might have wakened up to
find myself at the sudden end of a rope, or sitting out on the lonely
plains with some bruises and no friends.
"So I contented myself with several nice cups of tea, with a bit of
lemon in them, and the rest of the bill of fare. That roasted fowl
was remarkably good, and as for the sauce----! I was on the point of
asking his Royal Highness for the recipe, but he was sleeping so
soundly that I felt that it was a pity to disturb him. Just then I
noticed that the pistol near his hand was about to fall to the floor
with the jolting of the car, so I put the hamper reluctantly aside and
caught the pistol.
"I stood with it in my hand regarding it with interest. A clumsy
weapon indeed, though of beautiful workmanship. I hesitated, holding
the weapon carefully."
"Did you think of shooting him?" inquired Tom tremulously.
John Berwick smiled and shook his head. "No, not that. I was not a
nihilist. You see I had plenty to eat, why should I be? Nevertheless,
I came to a quick decision. I went to the window opposite, and opened
it very carefully, no wider than I had to, and launched it safely
out into a snowdrift. Then I closed the window quickly, but stood
perfectly still, for I was aware that the giant back of me was
stirring, a draught of the fresh air had awakened him. It appeared
that my sin had found me out.
"Standing perfectly quiet, I turned my head slowly and saw that the
Russian had merely changed his position, and had gone off into another
slumber. So I leisurely finished my lunch, enjoying the preserves
and other dainties hugely. After this part of the performance was
completed, I put everything back into the hamper with the utmost
neatness. To tell the honest truth, there was not a great deal left to
repack, a part of the chicken, and some bread and caviar, which to the
appetite of a Russian would be no more than a lamb chop to a hungry
tiger."
"Gosh!" exclaimed Jim again, "but you surely had your nerve with you."
"Yes," acquiesced the engineer, "and a full stomach, which is a good
thing to have along with your nerve. I have noticed that some times
the two go well together. However, the liquor was untouched, and I
hoped that he would take some more and thus again become oblivious to
everything else. One thing reassured me, and that was, that I had got
rid of his revolver or rather pistol. I was not afraid of his shooting
me, but had been afraid of his braining me with the butt end of it.
"It had now grown very dusk in the carriage, and outside the storm was
sweeping over the vast plain in white swirls, and still the train
lumbered westward. I decided to save the guard the trouble of lighting
up, so I attended to that myself, and pulled the dark hood over the
thick glass that was set in the center of the top of the compartment,
so that his royal Nibs could have his siesta undisturbed.
"Then I sat myself down in the corner of the carriage, and pulled out
my cigarette case, selected one and lighted it.
"'I trust your Highness will not mind the smoke?' I remarked in a low
tone, as I gave a delicate puff into the air, but I guess that his
Royal Highness did, for in a few moments he stirred ponderously, and
finally sat up. Then a look of utter amazement came into his face when
he saw me seated there in the corner with a cigarette in my fingers.
His little puffed eyes opened as wide as they could.
"'Poof!' blew out through his bewhiskered mouth, expressing utmost
disdain and indignation. Then he totally ignored my presence, and
picking up the hamper, he set it before him. The crucial moment had
come, and I must confess that I felt a few creeps of apprehension go
over me. As for his Royal Highness, his whole attitude was of great
hunger about to be satisfied.
"It showed in his popped eyes and the workings of his large,
full-lipped mouth. Then he flung back the top of the hamper and leaned
forward eagerly. If his first amazement was utter this was too utter.
He sat bolt upright for a second, then he dived at the basket again.
He poked around in it. He shook it vigorously, but no provisions
miraculously appeared. It was appalling, beyond belief. He took out a
small mirror and regarded himself very carefully, and then solemnly he
nodded. It was none other than himself, his Royal Highness Michael
Palanovitch, and this before him was his Honorable Hamper, but like
old Mother Hubbard's cupboard, it was entirely bare. It was too much
for my sense of humor and from my corner there came a suppressed
snort.
"Instantly his Royal Highness grasped the situation and I thought
that he was going to grasp me at the same time. I never saw such rage
and I immediately became very sober and entirely innocent. He stormed,
he raved, I am afraid he swore, though I could not understand all he
said. It was a roar of sound and a frazzle of language. He tore at his
hair and raged like a caged lion.
"I saw visions of the knout and exile in Siberia. I protested my
innocence, and my profound sorrow at the sad state of his larder. I
used both language and pantomime. 'I am an American, Monsieur,' I
cried, 'I cannot eat anything cooked in Russia, it does not agree with
me.' I protested with such vehemence and with such utter innocence
that his Highness finally quieted down, partly from sheer exhaustion,
possibly from lack of food." There was a twinkle in the speaker's eye,
and the boys roared. "When he had become quiet, I, with a low bow,
went to the hamper and produced the piece of chicken that was left and
presented it to him with much humility.
"His amazement knew no bounds at this performance of mine, and his
face showed it. Then his mood suddenly changed, and he burst into
homeric laughter. It was so extraordinary, that it struck him as
humorous. Part of the joke being that I was a foreigner, especially
an American, of whom anything might be expected. On the basis of
this incident he immediately accepted me into a jovial comradeship.
Whenever it struck him he would burst into a roar of laughter. So,
behold me, when the train finally did stop at a brilliantly lighted
station, wherein was a really palatial dining-room, walking arm in arm
with his Royal Highness, Archduke Michael, and receiving the salutes
of the soldiery and the plaudits of admiring citizens."