“The scandal began to attract attention. It was talked about in the
city. Various opinions were held. Some defended Budnikov. Was it worth
while to believe mere rumors? Really no one knew anything. Some were
stupid stories; others, evident scandals and an unseemly breaking of
the general quiet.... But there was another side. People of the lower
classes sympathized with Gavrilo. They thought that the wise and strong
M. Budnikov must have filched from Gavrilo some sort of a talisman and
was now committing sorcery so that the talisman would lose its power....
So dozens of eyes were turned to the windows of M. Budnikov and looked at
him as he passed, stubbornly and calmly, apparently unaware of the cloud
of misunderstanding, suspicion, condemnation, question, ... yes, sin,
which trailed after him. Every look expressed an evil thought and every
heart was heating with an evil feeling.... It was a peculiar sort of dark
cloud.... Hundreds of individual spiritual movements, confused, unclear,
but evil.... And all aimed at one centre....
“I must say Budnikov had been rather popular and enjoyed the respect of
all.... Even Rogov, when he happened to pass our yard and saw M. Budnikov
with a shovel or rake, always stopped and said:
“‘M. Budnikov, Semen Nikolayevich, is working.... He who works shall eat.’
“Or:
“‘M. Budnikov is helping his neighbor, the porter, with the work of his
hands. Most laudable!’
“Then he passed on as by an object to which he was indifferent or at
which he was pleasantly amused.
“Now, that was all changed.... It gave me a physical sensation ... like
a nightmare. As if those two lines ... or something in the character
of M. Budnikov had polluted the atmosphere.... It was almost an
hallucination.... You’re going to or from the gymnasium ... thinking
out your remarks.... You suddenly feel that M. Budnikov is following
you with his measured tread and his self-satisfaction that comes from a
consciousness of duty performed.... Or you’re giving a lesson or reading
necessary notices and you absolutely hear Budnikov’s accents in your own
voice ... when he lays down to a beggar rules for work or preaches a
moral to Gavrilo over the broken shovel or advises me: ‘Lay aside pride
and be humble.’ ...
“In this ordinary thing, this humble and apparently quiet life of
peaceful corners, there’s something terrible, ... specific, so to speak,
not easily noticeable, gray.... Really where are the rascals, sacrifices,
the right, the wrong?... You so want the fog to be pierced by even one
ray of living, absolute truth, which will not be founded on pencil lines,
but will be actually able to solve the riddle absolutely and completely
... the real truth, which even Rogov will acknowledge.... Do you
understand?
“‘I think I do,’ said the gentleman in the glasses seriously.
“Apparently M. Budnikov began to feel that something was wrong. He
cleaned up but, as often happens, he didn’t find the real question....
He came to me once on the usual day, the twentieth. You understand I
gave him tea as usual.... He drank it as usual, but his expression was
different. Sad and solemn. He finished his business, carefully put away
the money in his pocketbook, marked it down, but didn’t leave.... He
began to talk round the bush ... about the abnormality of his life, ...
in particular about his loneliness, some mistake caused by prejudice and
pride.... Then he got talking of Yelena and Gavrilo. Gavrilo had turned
out to be utterly worthless and Yelena had made a mistake and was very
unhappy.... He felt responsible for letting her marry, but it was hard to
correct it.... It was harder still to fix it up with money.... What good
is money in the hands of a drunkard? And so on. All these subterfuges
showed me that M. Budnikov wanted to solve the whole riddle by recreating
the original situation, so to speak,—that is, to divorce Yelena from
Gavrilo and marry her himself.... That meant those two lines would be
wiped out and disappear.... Apparently ... he had already talked of this
with several people, among them Father Nikolay.... Now he wanted my
advice....
“‘Have you spoken to Yelena about this?’ I asked.
“‘No, not yet.... I, perhaps, you may notice, don’t even go to see her,
so as not to make trouble.... But I know what she needs.... I have no
reason to doubt....’
“I tried to advance certain points, but M. Budnikov wouldn’t listen....
He soon said good-by and left.... As if he feared for the integrity of
his whole plan of action....
“A little while after, when Gavrilo was away, some women of the parish
began to bob up at Yelena’s and Budnikov received members of the
consistory. Twice, toward evening, I saw Rogov leave Budnikov’s.... Then
I thought: so that’s what my young fellow is after; I see now why he’s
ruining Gavrilo; he’s fixing it so M. Budnikov can arrange the divorce....
“The whole situation seemed to me so disgraceful and hopeless that I
began to think of moving and simply getting away from the whole thing....
I couldn’t sleep.... Again I began to walk around the garden. Once I
found Yelena in it.... She was lying on that same bench where I sat
that spring morning.... It was fall now.... Everything was dying and
growing bare.... Autumn, you know, is a terrible cynic. The wind breaks
off the leaves and laughs. They were lying on the muddy, damp earth. And
a woman was lying on the damp bench with her face down and crying. Yes,
she was crying bitterly.... Later I found out why: the arrangement of M.
Budnikov was absolutely impersonal. When she heard this proposition she
merely clasped her hands: ‘Let the earth swallow me up, let me dry up
like a chip.’ ... And so on.... ‘You’d better bury me alive with Gavrilo
Stepanich.’ ... And Gavrilo Stepanich didn’t spend the night at home.
That former pure happiness had perished and she didn’t know what to do.
A ticket ... two lines ... friends from the church, Budnikov, Rogov. She
was stupid and obedient and afraid that something would be done against
her will....
“I walked up to her ... wanted to comfort her. When I touched her and
felt her body tremble beneath my touch ... it seemed to me such a stupid
performance that I trembled, as if from impotent pity....
“I went away.... I forgot the whole thing and wanted to drop it and
leave. If M. Budnikov passed ... let him pass.... If Rogov was engaged
in dirty business, let him! If stupid Yelena wanted a drunken husband,
let her have one.... What did I care? What difference did it make who got
the ticket with the two lines, to whom those stupid lines gave rights?...
Everything was incomplete, accidental, disconnected, senseless and
disgusting....”