He never doubted that, when at length the time came for the great
change--though perhaps not until the last moment--Valerie would consent
to marry him. Because, so far in his life of twenty-eight years,
everything he had desired very much had come true--everything he had
really believed in and worked for, had happened as he foresaw it would,
in spite of the doubts, the fears, the apprehensions that all creators
of circumstances and makers of their own destiny experience.
Among his fellow-men he had forged a self-centred, confident way to the
front; and had met there not ultimate achievement, but a young girl,
Valerie West. Through her, somehow, already was coming into his life and
into his work that indefinite, elusive quality--that _something_, the
existence of which, until the last winter, he had never even admitted.
But it was coming; he first became conscious of it through his need of
it; suspected its existence as astronomers suspect the presence of a
star yet uncharted and unseen. Suddenly it had appeared in his portrait
of Valerie; and he knew that Querida had recognised it.
In his picture "A Bride," the pale, mysterious glow of it suffused his
canvas. It was penetrating into his own veins, too, subtle, indefinable,
yet always there now; and he was sensitive to its presence not only
when absorbed in his work but, more or less in his daily life.
And it was playing tricks on him, too, as when one morning, absorbed by
the eagerness of achievement, and midway in the happiness of his own
work, suddenly and unbidden the memory of poor Annan came to him--the
boy's patient, humorous face bravely confronting failure on the canvas,
before him, from which Neville had turned away without a word, because
he had no good word to say of it.
And Neville, scarcely appreciating the reason for any immediate
self-sacrifice, nevertheless had laid aside his brushes as at some
unheard command, and had gone straight to Annan's studio. And there he
had spent the whole morning giving the discouraged boy all that was best
in him of strength and wisdom and cheerful sympathy, until, by noon, an
almost hopeless canvas was saved; and Annan, going with him to the door,
said unsteadily, "Kelly, that is the kindest thing one man ever did for
another, and I'll never forget it."
Yes, the _something_ seemed to have penetrated to his own veins now; he
felt its serene glow mounting when he spent solemn evenings in John
Burleson's room, the big sculptor lying in his morris-chair, sometimes
irritable, sometimes morose, but always now wearing the vivid patch of
colour on his flat and sunken cheeks.
Once John said: "Why on earth do you waste a perfectly good afternoon
dawdling in this place with me?"
And Neville, for a second, wondered, too; then he laughed:
"I get all that I give you, John, and more, too. Shut up and mind your
business."
"_What_ do you get from me?" demanded the literal one, astonished.
"All that you are, Johnny; which is much that I am not--but ought to
be--may yet be."
"That's some sort of transcendental philosophy, isn't it?" grumbled the
sculptor.
"You ought to know better than I, John. The sacred codfish never
penetrated to the Hudson. _Inde irac!_"
Yes, truly, whatever it was that had crept into his veins had
imperceptibly suffused him, enveloped him--and was working changes. He
had a vague idea, sometimes, that Valerie had been the inception, the
source, the reagent in the chemistry which was surely altering either
himself or the world of men around him; that the change was less a
synthesis than a catalysis--that he was gradually becoming different
because of her nearness to him--her physical and spiritual nearness.
He had plenty of leisure to think of her while she was away; but thought
of her was now only an active ebullition of the ceaseless consciousness
of her which so entirely possessed him. When a selfish man loves--if he
_really_ loves--his disintegration begins.
Waking, sleeping, in happiness, in perplexity, abroad, at home, active
or at rest, inspired or weary, alone or with others, an exquisite sense
of her presence on earth invaded him, subtly refreshing him with every
breath he drew. He walked abroad amid the city crowds companioned by her
always; at rest the essence of her stole through and through him till
the very air around seemed sweetened.
He heard others mention her, and remained silent, aloof, wrapped in his
memories, like one who listens to phantoms in a dream praising
perfection.
Lying back in his chair before his canvas, he thought of her often--of
odd little details concerning their daily life--details almost
trivial--gestures, a glance, a laugh--recollections which surprised him
with the very charm of their insignificance.
He remembered that he had never known her to be ungenerous--had never
detected in her a wilfully selfish motive. In his life he had never
before believed in a character so utterly unshackled by thought of self.
He remembered that he had never known her to fail in sympathy for any
living thing; had never detected in her an indifference to either the
happiness or the sorrow of others. In his life he had never before
believed that the command to love one's neighbour had in it anything
more significant than the beauty of an immortal theory. He believed it
now because, in her, he had seen it in effortless practice. He was even
beginning to understand how it might be possible for him to follow where
she led--as she, unconsciously, was a follower of a precept given to
lead the world through eternities.
Leaning on the closed piano, thinking of her in the still, sunny
afternoons, faintly in his ears her voice seemed to sound; and he
remembered her choice of ballads:--
--"For even the blind distinguisheth
The king with his robe and crown;
But only the humble eye of faith
Beholdeth Jesus of Nazareth
In the beggar's tattered gown.
"I saw Him not in the mendicant
And I heeded not his cry;
Now Christ in His infinite mercy grant
That the prayer I say in my day of want,
Be not in scorn put by."
No; he had never known her to be unkind, uncharitable, unforgiving; he
had never known her to be insincere, untruthful, or envious. But the
decalogue is no stronger than its weakest link. Was it in the heart of
such a woman--this woman he loved--was it in the heart of this young
girl to shatter it?
He went on to Ashuelyn, confident of her and of himself, less confident
of his sister--almost appalled at the prospect of reconciling his father
and mother to this marriage that must surely be. Yet--so far in
life--life had finally yielded to him what he fought for; and it must
yield now; and in the end it would surely give him the loyalty and
sympathy of his family. Which meant that Valerie would listen to him;
and, in the certainty of his family's ultimate acquiescence, she would
wear his ring and face with him the problems and the sorrows that must
come to all.
Cameron drove down to the station in the motor-car to meet him:
"Hello, Genius," he said, patting Neville on the back with a pudgy hand.
"How's your twin brother, Vice?"
"Hello, you large and adipose object!" retorted Neville, seating himself
in the tonneau. "How is that overworked, money-grubbing intellect of
yours staggering along?"
"Handicapped with precious thoughts; Ogilvy threw 'em into me when he
was here. How's the wanton Muse, Louis? Sitting on your knees as usual?"
"One arm around my neck," admitted Neville, "and the band playing
'Sweethearts.'"
"Waiting for you to order inspiration cocktails. You're looking fit."
"Am I? I haven't had one."
"Oh, I thought you threw one every time you painted that pretty model of
yours--" He looked sideways at Neville, but seeing that he was
unreceptive, shrugged.
"You're a mean bunch, you artists," he said. "I'd like to meet that
girl, but because I'm a broker anybody'd think I had rat-plague from the
way you all quarantine her--yes, the whole lot of you--Ogilvy, Annan,
Querida. Why, even Penrhyn Cardemon has met her; he told me so; and if
he has why can't I--"
"For heaven's sake let up!" said Neville, keeping his temper, "and tell
me how everybody is at Ashuelyn."
"Huh! I'm ridden off as usual," grunted Cameron. "All right, then; I'll
fix it myself. What was it you were gracious enough to inquire of me?"
"How the people are at Ashuelyn?" repeated Neville.
"How they are? How the deuce do I know? Your mother embroiders and reads
_The Atlantic Monthly_; your father tucks his hands behind him and
critically inspects the landscape; and when he doesn't do that he reads
Herbert Spencer. Your efficient sister nourishes her progeny and does
all things thoroughly and well; Gordon digs up some trees and plants
others and squirts un-fragrant mixtures over the shrubbery, and sits on
fences talking to various Rubes. Stephanie floats about like a well-fed
angel, with a fox-terrier, and makes a monkey of me at tennis whenever
I'm lunatic enough to let her, and generally dispenses sweetness,
wholesomeness, and light upon a worthy household. I wouldn't mind
marrying that girl," he added casually. "What do you think?"
Neville laughed: "Why don't you? She's the nicest girl I ever
knew--almost."
"I'd ask her to marry me," said Cameron facetiously; "only I'm afraid
such a dazzling prospect would turn her head and completely spoil her."
He spoke gaily and laughed loudly--almost boisterously. Neville glanced
at him with a feeling that Cameron was slightly overdoing it--rather
forcing the mirth without any particular reason.
After a moment he said: "Sandy, you don't have to be a clown if you
don't want to be, you know."
"Can't help it," said Cameron, reddening; "everybody expects it now.
When Ogilvy was here we played in a double ring to crowded houses. Every
seat on the veranda was taken; we turned 'em away, my boy. _What_ was it
you started to say about Stephanie?"
"I didn't start to say anything about Stephanie."
"Oh, I thought you were going to"--his voice died into an uncertain
grumble. Neville glanced at him again, thoughtfully.
"You know, Sandy," he said, "that there's another side to you--which,
for some occult reason you seem to hide--even to be ashamed of."
"Sure I'm ashamed to be a broker with all you highbrows lining out
homers for the girls while I have to sit on the bleachers and score 'em
up. If I try to make a hit with the ladies it's a bingle; and it's the
bench and the bush-league for muh--"
"You great, overgrown kid! It's a pity people can't see you down town.
Everybody knows you're the cleverest thing south of Broad and Wall. Look
at all the boards, all the committees, all the directorates you're mixed
up with! Look at all the time you give freely to others--look at all
your charities, all your: civic activities, all--"
"All the hell I raise!" said Cameron, very red. "Don't forget that,
Louis!"
"You never did--that's the wonder and the eternal decency of you,
Cameron. You're a good citizen and a good man, and you do more for the
world than we painters ever could do! That's the real truth of it; and
why you so persistently try to represent yourself as a commonplace
something else is beyond me--and probably beyond Stephanie Swift," he
added carelessly.
They whizzed along in silence for some time, and it was only when
Ashuelyn was in sight that Cameron suddenly turned and held out his
hand:
"Thank you, Louis; you've said some very kind things."
Neville shrugged: "I hear you are financing that New Idea Home. I tell
you that's a fine conception."
But Cameron only looked modest. At heart he was a very shy man and he
deprecated any idea that he was doing anything unusual in giving most of
his time to affairs that paid dividends only in happiness and in the
consciousness of moral obligation fulfilled.
The household was occupying the pergola as they arrived and sprang out
upon the clipped lawn.
Neville kissed his mother tenderly, shook hands cordially with his
father, greeted Lily with a fraternal hug and Stephanie with a firm
grasp of both hands.
"How perfectly beautiful it is here!" he exclaimed, looking out over the
green valley beyond--and unconsciously his gaze rested on the Estwich
hills, blue and hazy and soft as dimpled velvet. Out there, somewhere,
was Valerie; heart and pulse began to quicken. Suddenly he became aware
that his mother's eyes were on him, and he turned away toward the south
as though there was also something in that point of the compass to
interest him.
Gordon Collis, following a hand-cart full of young trees wrapped in
burlap, passed across the lawn below and waved a greeting at Neville.
"How are you, Louis!" he called out. "Don't you want to help us set
these hybrid catalpas?"
"I'll be along by and by," he replied, and turned to the group under the
pergola who desired to know how it was in town--the first question
always asked by New Yorkers of anybody who has just arrived from that
holy spot.
"It's not too warm," said Neville; "the Park is charming, most of the
houses on Fifth Avenue are closed--"
"Have you chanced to pass through Tenth Street?" asked his father
solemnly.
But Neville confessed that he had not set foot in those sanctified
precincts, and his father's personal interest in Manhattan Island ceased
immediately.
They chatted inconsequentially for a while; then, in reply to a question
from Stephanie, he spoke of his picture, "A Bride," and, though it was
still unfinished, he showed them a photograph of it.
[Illustration: "'It is very beautiful, Louis,' said his mother, with a
smile of pride."]
The unmounted imprint passed from hand to hand amid various comments.
"It is very beautiful, Louis," said his mother, with a smile of pride;
and even as she spoke the smile faded and her sad eyes rested on him
wistfully.
"Is it a sacred picture?" asked his father, examining it through his
glasses without the slightest trace of interest.
"It is an Annunciation, isn't it?" inquired Lily, calmly. But her heart
was failing her, for in the beauty of the exquisite, enraptured face,
she saw what might have been the very soul of Valerie West.
His father, removing his spectacles, delivered himself of an opinion
concerning mysticism, and betrayed an illogical tendency to drift toward
the Concord School of Philosophy. However, there seemed to be
insufficient incentive; he glanced coldly toward Cameron and resumed
Herbert Spencer and his spectacles.
"Mother, don't you want to stroll on the lawn a bit?" he asked
presently. "It looks very inviting to a city man's pavement-worn feet."
She drew her light wool shawl around her shoulders and took her tall
son's arm.
For a long while they strolled in silence, passed idly through the
garden where masses of peonies hung over the paths, and pansies, iris,
and forget-me-nots made the place fragrant.
It was not until they came to the plank bridge where the meadow rivulet,
under its beds of cress and mint, threaded a shining way toward the
woods, that his mother said in a troubled voice:
"You are not happy, Louis."
"Why, mother--what an odd idea!"
"Am I mistaken?" she asked, timidly.
"Yes, indeed, you are. I am very happy."
"Then," she said, "what is it that has changed you so?"
[Illustration: "'You are not happy, Louis.'"]
"Changed me?"
"Yes, dear."
"I am not changed, mother."
"Do you think a mother can be mistaken in her only son? You are so
subdued, so serious. You are like men who have known sorrow.... What
sorrow have you ever known, Louis?"
"None. No great one, mother. Perhaps, lately, I have
developed--recognised--become aware of the sombre part of life--become
sensitive to it--to unhappiness in others--and have cared more--"
"You speak like a man who has suffered."
"But I haven't, mother," he insisted. "Of course, every painter worries.
I did last winter--last winter--" He hesitated, conscious that last
winter--on the snowy threshold of the new year--sorrow and pain and
happiness and pity had, in an instant, assumed for him a significance
totally new.
"Mother," he said slowly, "if I have changed it is only in a better
understanding of the world and those who live in it. I have cared very
little about people; I seem to have come to care more, lately. What they
did, what they thought, hoped, desired, endured, suffered, interested me
little except as it concerned my work. And somehow, since then, I am
becoming interested in people for their own sakes. It's a--new
sensation."
He smiled and laid his hand over hers:
"Do you know I never even appreciated what a good man Alexander Cameron
is until recently. Why, mother, that man is one of the most generous,
modest, kind, charitable, unselfish fellows in the world!"
"His behaviour is sometimes a little extraordinary," said his
mother--"isn't it?"
"Oh, that's all on the surface! He's full of boyish spirits. He dearly
loves a joke--but the greater part of that interminable funny business
is merely to mask the modesty of a man whose particular perversity is a
fear that people might discover how kind and how clever he really is!"
They walked on in silence for a while, then his mother said:
"Mr. Querida was here. Is he a friend of yours?"
Neville hesitated: "I'll tell you, mother," he said, "I don't find
Querida personally very congenial. But I have no doubt he's an
exceedingly nice fellow. And he's far and away the best painter in
America.... When did he go back to town?"
"Last week. I did not care for him."
"You and father seldom do care for new acquaintances," he rejoined,
smiling. "Don't you think it is about time for you to emerge from your
shells and make up your minds that a few people have been born since you
retired?"
"People have been born in China, too, but that scarcely interests your
father and me."
"Let it interest you, mother. You have no idea how amusing new people
are. That's the way to keep young, too."
"It is a little too late for us to think of youth--or to think as youth
thinks--even if it were desirable."
"It _is_ desirable. Youth--which will be age to-morrow--may venture to
draw a little consideration in advance--"
"My children interest me--and I give their youth my full consideration.
But I can scarcely be expected to find any further vital interest in
youth--and in the complexity of its modern views and ideas. You ask
impossibilities of two very old people."
"I do not mean to. I ask only, then, that you and father take a vital
and intelligent interest in me. Will you, mother?"
"Intelligent? What do you mean, Louis?"
"I mean," he said, "that you might recognise my right to govern my own
conduct; that you might try to sympathise with views which are not your
own--with the ideas, ideals, desires, convictions which, if modern, are
none the less genuine--and are mine."
There was a brief silence; then:
"Louis, are you speaking with any thought of--that woman in your mind?"
she asked in a voice that quivered slightly.
"Yes, mother."
"I knew it," she said, under her breath; "I knew it was that--I knew
what had changed you--was changing you."
"Have I altered for the worse?"
"I don't know--I don't know, Louis!" She was leaning heavily on his
elbow now; he put one arm around her and they walked very slowly over
the fragrant grass.
"First of all, mother, please don't call her, 'that woman.' Because she
is a very sweet, innocent, and blameless girl.... Will you let me tell
you a little about her?"
His mother bent her head in silence; and for a long while he talked to
her of Valerie.
The sun still hung high over the Estwich hills when he ended. His
mother, pale, silent, offered no comment until, in his trouble, he urged
her. Then she said:
"Your father will never consent."
"Let me talk to father. Will _you_ consent?"
"I--Louis--it would break our hearts if--"
"Not when you know her."
"Lily knows her and is bitterly opposed to her--"
"What!" he exclaimed, astounded. "You say that my sister knows Valerie
West?"
"I--forgot," faltered his mother; "I ought not to have said anything."
"Where did Lily meet her?" he asked, bewildered.
"Don't ask me, Louis. I should not have spoken--"
"Yes, you should have! It is my affair; it concerns me--and it concerns
Valerie--her future and mine--our happiness. Where did Lily meet her?"
"You must ask that of Lily. I cannot and will not discuss it. I will say
only this: I have seen the--this Miss West. She is at present a guest at
the villa of a--countess--of whom neither your father nor I ever before
heard--and whom even Lily knows so slightly that she scarcely bows to
her. And yesterday, while motoring, we met them driving on the Estwich
road and your sister told us who they were."
After a moment he said slowly: "So you have actually seen the girl I am
in love with?"
"I saw--Miss West."
"Can't you understand that I _am_ in love with her?"
"Even if you are it is better for you to conquer your inclination--"
"Why?"
"Because all your life long you will regret such a marriage."
"Why?"
"Because nobody will care to receive a woman for whom you can make no
explanation--even if you are married to her."
He kept his patience.
"Will _you_ receive her, mother?"
She closed her eyes, drew a quick, painful breath: "My son's
wife--whoever she may be--will meet with no discourtesy under my roof."
"Is that the best you can offer us?"
"Louis! Louis!--if it lay only with me--I would do what you wished--even
this--if it made you happy--"
He took her in his arms and kissed her in silence.
"You don't understand," she said,--"it is not I--it is the family--our
entire little world against her. It would be only an eternal, hopeless,
heart-breaking struggle for you, and for her;--pain for you--deep pain
and resentment and bitterness for those who did not--perhaps could
not--take your views of--"
"I don't care, mother, as long as you and father and Lily stand by her.
And Valerie won't marry me unless you do. I didn't tell you that, but it
is the truth. And I'm fighting very hard to win her--harder than you
know--or will ever know. Don't embitter me; don't let me give up.
Because, if I do, it means desperation--and things which you never could
understand.... And _I_ want you to talk to father. Will you? And to
Lily, too. Its fairer to warn her that I have learned of her meeting
Valerie. Then I'll talk to them both and see what can be done.... And,
mother, I am very happy and very grateful and very proud that you are
going to stand by me--and by the loveliest girl in all the world."
That night Lily came to his room. Her eyes were red, but there was fire
in them. She seated herself and surveyed her brother with ominous
self-possession.
"Well, Lily," he said pleasantly, prepared to keep his temper at all
hazards.
"Well, Louis, I understand from mother that you have some questions to
ask me."
"No questions, little sister; only your sympathetic attention while I
tell you how matters stand with me."
"You require too much!" she said shortly.
"If I ask for your sympathy?"
"Not if you ask it for yourself, Louis. But if you include that--"
"Please, dear!" he interrupted, checking her with a slight gesture--for
an instant only; then she went on in a determined voice:
"Louis, I might as well tell you at once that I have no sympathy for
her. I wrote to her, out of sheer kindness, for her own good--and she
replied so insolently that--that I am not yet perfectly recovered--"
"What did you write?"
Mrs. Collis remained disdainfully silent, but her eyes sparkled.
"Won't you tell me," he asked, patiently, "what it was you wrote to
Valerie West?"
"Yes, I'll tell you if you insist on knowing!--even if you do
misconstrue it! I wrote to her--for her own sake--and to avoid
ill-natured comment,--suggesting that she be seen less frequently with
you in public. I wrote as nicely, as kindly, as delicately as I knew
how. And her reply was a practical request that I mind my business!...
Which was vulgar and outrageous, considering that she had given me her
promise--" Mrs. Collis checked herself in her headlong and indignant
complaint; then she coloured painfully, but her mouth settled into
tight, uncompromising lines.
"What promise had Valerie West made you?" he asked, resolutely subduing
his amazement and irritation.
For a moment Mrs. Collis hesitated; then, realising that matters had
gone too far for concealment, she answered almost violently:
"She promised me not to marry you,--if you must know! I can't help what
you think about it; I realised that you were infatuated--that you were
making a fatal and terrible mistake--ruining life for yourself and for
your family--and I went to her and told her so! I've done all I could to
save you. I suppose I have gained your enmity by doing it. She promised
me not to marry you--but she'll probably break her word. If you mean to
marry her you'll do so, no doubt. But, Louis, if you do, such a step
will sever all social relations between you and your family. Because I
will _not_ receive her! Nor will my friends--nor yours--nor father's and
mother's friends! And that settles it."
He spoke with great care, hesitating, picking and choosing his words:
"Is it--possible that you did--such a thing--as to write to Valerie
West--threatening her with my family's displeasure if she married me?"
"I did not write her at first. The first time I went to see her. And I
told her kindly but plainly what I had to tell her! It was my duty to do
it and I didn't flinch."
Lily was breathing fast; her eyes narrowed unpleasantly.
He managed to master his astonishment and anger; but it was a heavy
draught on his reserve of self-discipline, good temper, and common sense
to pass over this thing that had been done to him and to concentrate
himself upon the main issue. When he was able to speak again, calmly and
without resentment, he said:
"The first thing for us to do, as a family, is to eliminate all personal
bitterness from this discussion. There must be no question of our
affection for one another; no question but what we wish to do the best
by each other. I accept that as granted. If you took the step which you
did take it was because you really believed it necessary for my
happiness--"
"I still believe it!" she insisted; and her lips became a thin, hard
line.
"Then we won't discuss it. But I want to ask you one thing; have you
talked with mother about it?"
"Yes--naturally."
"Has she told you all that I told her this afternoon?"
"I suppose so. It does not alter my opinion one particle," she replied,
her pretty head obstinately lowered.
He said: "Valerie West will not marry me if my family continues hostile
to her."
Lily slowly lifted her eyes:
"Then will you tell me why she permits herself to be seen so constantly
with you? If she is not going to marry you what _is_ she going to do?
Does she care what people are saying about her?--and about you?"
"No decent people are likely to say anything unpleasant about either of
us," he said, keeping a tight rein on himself--but the curb was biting
deeply now. "Mother will stand by me, Lily. Will you?"
His sister's face reddened: "Louis," she said, "I am married; I have
children, friends, a certain position to maintain. You are unmarried,
careless of conventions, uninterested in the kind of life that I and my
friends have led, and will always lead. The life, the society, the
formalities, the conventional observances are all part of our lives, and
make for our happiness and self-respect; but they mean absolutely
nothing to you. And you propose to invade our respectable and
inoffensive seclusion with a conspicuous wife who has been a notorious
professional model; and you demand of your family that they receive her
as one of them! Louis, I ask you, is this fair to us?"
He said very gravely: "You have met Valerie West. Do you really believe
that either the dignity or the morals of the family circle would suffer
by her introduction to it?"
"I know nothing about her morals!" said his sister, excitedly.
"Then why condemn them?"
"I did not; I merely reminded you that she is a celebrated professional
model."
"It is not necessary to remind me. My mother knows it and will stand by
her. Will you do less for your own brother?"
"Louis! You are cruel, selfish, utterly heartless--"
"I am trying to think of everybody in the family who is concerned; but,
when a man's in love he can't help thinking a little of the woman he
loves--especially if nobody else does." He turned his head and looked
out of the window. Stars were shining faintly in a luminous sky. His
face seemed to have grown old and gray and haggard:
"I don't know what to do," he said, as though speaking to himself;--"I
don't know where to turn. She would marry me if you'd let her; she will
never marry me if my family is unkind to her--"
"What _will_ she do, then?" asked Lily, coolly.
For a moment he let her words pass, then, turned around. The expression
of his sister's brightly curious eyes perplexed him.
"What do you mean?" he asked, disturbed.
"What I say, Louis. I asked you what Miss West means to do if she does
not marry you? Discontinue her indiscreet intimacy with you?"
"Why should she?"
Lily said, sharply: "I would not have to put that question to a modest
girl."
"I have to put it to _you_!" he retorted, beginning to lose his
self-command. "Why should Valerie West discontinue her friendship with
me because my family's stupid attitude toward her makes it impossible
for a generous and proud girl to marry me?"
Lily, pale, infuriated, leaned forward in her chair.
"Because," she retorted violently, "if that intimacy continues much
longer a stupid world and your stupid family will believe that the girl
is your mistress! But in that event, thank God, the infamy will rest
where it belongs--not on us!"
A cold rage paralysed his speech; she saw its ghastly reflection on his
white and haggard face--saw him quiver under the shock; rose
involuntarily, terrified at the lengths to which passion had scourged
her:
"Louis," she faltered--"I--I didn't mean that!--I was beside myself;
forgive me, please! Don't look like that; you are frightening me--"
She caught his arm as he passed her, clung to it, pallid, fearful,
imploring,--"W-what are you going to do, Louis! Don't go, dear, please.
I'm sorry, I'm very, very humble. Won't you speak to me? I said too
much; I was wrong;--I--I will try to be different--try to reconcile
myself to--to what--you--wish--"
He looked down at her where she hung to him, tearful face lifted to his:
"I didn't know women could feel that way about another woman," he said,
in a dull voice. "There's no use--no use--"
"But--but I love you dearly, Louis! I couldn't endure it to have
anything come between us--disrupt the family--"
"Nothing will, Lily.... I must go now."
"Don't you believe I love you?"
He drew a deep, unconscious breath.
"I suppose so. Different people express love differently. There's no use
in asking you to be different--"
She said, piteously: "I'm trying. Don't you see I'm trying? Give me
time, Louis! Make allowances. You can't utterly change people in a few
hours."
He gazed at her intently for a moment.
"You mean that you are trying to be fair to--her?"
"I--if you call it that;--yes! But a family can not adapt itself,
instantaneously, to such a cataclysm as threatens--I mean--I mean--oh,
Louis! Try to understand us and sympathise a little with us!"
His arms closed around her shoulders:
"Little sister, we both have the family temper--and beneath it, the
family instinct for cohesion. If we are also selfish it is not
individual but family selfishness. It is the family which has always
said to the world, '_Noli me tangere_!' while we, individually, are
really inclined to be kinder, more sympathetic, more curious about the
neighbours outside our gate. Let it be so now. Once inside the family,
what can harm Valerie?"
"Dearest, dearest brother," she murmured, "you talk like a foolish man.
Women understand better. And if it is a part of your program that this
girl is to be accepted by an old-fashioned society, now almost obsolete,
but in which this family is merely a single superannuated unit, that
program can never be carried out."
"I think you are mistaken," he said.
"I know I am not. It is inevitable that if you marry this girl she will
be more or less ignored, isolated, humiliated, overlooked outside our
own little family circle. Even in that limited mob which the newspapers
call New York Society--in that modern, wealthy, hard-witted,
over-jewelled, self-sufficient league which is yet too eternally
uncertain of its own status to assume any authority or any
responsibility for a stranger without credentials,--it would not be
possible to make Valerie West acceptable in the slightest sense of the
word. Because she is too well known; her beauty is celebrated; she has
become famous. Her only chance there--or with us--would have been in her
absolute anonymity. Then lies _might_ have done the rest. But lying is
now useless in regard to her."
"Perfectly," he said. "She would not permit it."
In his vacant gaze there was something changed--a fixedness born of a
slow and hopeless enlightenment.
"If that is the case, there is no chance," he said thoughtfully. "I had
not considered that aspect."
"I had."
He shook his head slightly, gazing through the window at the starry
lustre overhead.
"I wouldn't care," he said, "if she would only marry me. If she'd do
that I'd never bother anybody--nor embarrass the family--"
"Louis!"
"I mean make any social demands on you.... And, as for the world--" He
slowly shook his head again: "We could make our own friends and our own
way--if she would only consent to do it. But she never will."
"Do you mean to say she will not marry you if you ask her?" began Lily
incredulously.
"Absolutely."
"Why?"
"For your sakes--yours, and mother's, and father's--and for mine."
There was a long silence, then Lily said unsteadily:
"There--there seems to be a certain--nobility--about her.... It is a
pity--a tragedy--that she is what she is!"
"It is a tragedy that the world is what it is," he said. "Good night."
* * * * *
His father sent for him in the morning; Louis found him reading the
_Tribune_ in his room and sipping a bowl of hot milk and toast.
[Illustration: "'What have you been saying to your mother?' he asked."]
"What have you been saying to your mother?" he asked, looking up through
his gold-rimmed spectacles and munching toast.
"Has she not told you, father?"
"Yes, she has.... I think you had better make a trip around the world."
"That would not alter matters."
"I differ with you," observed his father, leisurely employing his
napkin.
"There is no use considering it," said his son patiently.
"Then what do you propose to do?"
"There is nothing to do."
"By that somewhat indefinite expression I suppose that you intend to
pursue a waiting policy?"
"A waiting policy?" His son laughed, mirthlessly. "What am I to wait
for? If you all were kind to Valerie West she might, perhaps, consent to
marry me. But it seems that even our own family circle has not
sufficient authority to protect her from our friends' neglect and
humiliation....
"She warned me that it would be so, long ago. I did not believe it; I
could not comprehend it. But, somehow, Lily has made me believe it. And
so have you. I guess it must be true. And if that's all I have to offer
my wife, it's not enough to compensate her for her loss of freedom and
happiness and self-respect among those who really care for her."
"Do you give me to understand that you renounce all intentions of
marrying this girl?" asked his father, breaking more toast into his bowl
of milk.
"Yes," said his son, listlessly.
"Thank God!" said his father; "come here, my son."
They shook hands; the son's lifeless arm fell to his side and he stood
looking at the floor in silence. The father took a spoonful of hot milk
with satisfaction, and, after the younger man had left the room, he
resumed his newspaper. He was particularly interested in the "Sunshine
Column," which dispensed sweetness and light under a poetic caption too
beautiful to be true in a coldly humorous world.
* * * * *
That afternoon Gordon Collis said abruptly to Neville:
"You look like the devil, Louis."
"Do I?"
"You certainly do." And, in a lower voice: "I guess I've heard what's
the matter. Don't worry. It's a thing about which nobody ever ought to
give anybody any advice--so I'll give you some. Marry whoever you damn
please. It'll be all the same after that oak I planted this morning is
half grown."
"Gordon," he said, surprised, "I didn't suppose _you_ were liberal."
"Liberal! Why, man alive! Do you think a fellow can live out of doors as
I have lived, and see germs sprout, and see mountain ranges decay, and
sit on a few glaciers, and swing a pick into a mother-lode--and _not_ be
liberal? Do you suppose ten-cent laws bother me when I'm up against the
blind laws that made the law-makers?--laws that made life itself before
Christ lived to conform to them?... I married where I loved. It chanced
that my marriage with your sister didn't clash with the sanctified order
of things in Manhattan town. But if your sister had been the maid who
dresses her, and I had loved her, I'd have married her all the same and
have gone about the pleasures and duties of procreation and conservation
exactly as I go about 'em now.... I wonder how much the Almighty was
thinking about Tenth Street when the first pair of anthropoids mated?
_Nobilitas sola est atque unica virtus_. If you love each other--_Noli
pugnare duobus._ ... And I'm going into the woods to look for ginseng.
Want to come?"
Neville went. Cameron and Stephanie, equipped with buckskin gloves, a
fox terrier, and digging apparatus, joined them just where the slender
meadow brook entered the woods.
"There are mosquitoes here!" exclaimed Cameron wrathfully. "All day and
every day I'm being stung down town, and I'm not going to stand for it
here!"
Stephanie let him aid her to the top of a fallen log, glancing back once
or twice toward Neville, who was sauntering forward among the trees,
pretending to look for ginseng.
"Do you notice how Louis has changed?" she said, keeping her balance on
the log. "I cannot bear to see him so thin and colourless."
Cameron now entertained a lively suspicion how matters stood, and knew
that Stephanie also suspected; but he only said, carelessly: "It's
probably dissipation. You know what a terrible pace he's been going from
the cradle onward."
She smiled quietly. "Yes, I know, Sandy. And I know, too, that you are
the only man who has been able to keep up that devilish pace with him."
"I've led a horrible life," muttered Cameron darkly.
Stephanie laughed; he gave her his hand as she stood balanced on the big
log; she laid her fingers in his confidently, looked into his honest
face, still laughing, then sprang lightly to the ground.
"What a really good man you are!" she said tormentingly.
"Oh, heaven! If you call me that I'm really done for!"
"Done for?" she exclaimed in surprise. "How?"
"Done for as far as you are concerned."
"I? Why how, and with what am I concerned, Sandy? I don't understand
you."
But he only turned red and muttered to himself and strolled about with
his hands in his pockets, kicking the dead leaves as though he expected
to find something astonishing under them. And Stephanie glanced at him
sideways once or twice, thoughtfully, curiously, but questioned him no
further.
Gordon Collis pottered about in a neighbouring thicket; the fox terrier
was chasing chipmunks. As for Neville he had already sauntered out of
sight among the trees.
Stephanie, seated on a dry and mossy stump, preoccupied with her own
ruminations, looked up absently as Cameron came up to her bearing floral
offerings.
"Thank you, Sandy," she said, as he handed her a cluster of wild
blossoms. Then, fastening them to her waist, she glanced up
mischieviously:
"How funny you are! You look and act like a little boy at a party
presenting his first offering to the eternal feminine."
"It's my first offering," he said coolly.
"Oh, Sandy! With _your_ devilish record!"
"Do you know," he said, "that I'm thirty-two years old? And that you are
twenty-two? And that since you were twelve and I was twenty odd I've
been in love with you?"
She looked at him in blank dismay for a moment, then forced a laugh:
"Of course I know it, Sandy. It's the kind of love a girl cares most
about--"
"It's really love," said Cameron, un-smiling--"the kind I'm afraid she
doesn't care very much about."
[Illustration: "'If you'll place a lump of sugar on my nose, and say
"when," I'll perform.'"]
She hesitated, then met his gaze with a distressed smile:
"You don't really mean that, Sandy--"
"I've meant it for ten years.... But it doesn't matter--"
"Sandy!... It _does_ matter--if--"
"No, it doesn't.... Come on and kick these leaves about and we'll make a
million dollars in ginseng!"
But she remained seated, mute, her gaze a sorrowful interrogation which
at length he could not pretend to ignore:
"Stephanie child, don't worry. I'm not worrying. I'm glad I told you....
Now just let me go on as I've always gone--"
"How _can_ we?"
"Easily. Shut your eyes, breathe deeply, lifting both arms and lowering
them while counting ten in German--"
"Sandy, don't be so foolish at--such a time."
"Such a time? What time is it?" pretending to consult his watch with
great anxiety. Then a quick smile of relief spread over his features:
"It's all right, Stephanie; it's my hour to be foolish. If you'll place
a lump of sugar on my nose, and say 'when,' I'll perform."
There was no answering smile on her face.
"It's curious," she said, "how a girl can make a muddle of life without
even trying."
"But just think what you might have done if you'd tried! You've much to
be thankful for," he said gravely.
She raised her eyes, considering him:
"I wonder," she said, under her breath.
"Sure thing, Stephanie. You might have done worse; you might have
married me. Throw away those flowers--there's a good girl--and forget
what they meant."
Slowly, deliberately, blossom by blossom she drew them from her girdle
and laid them on the moss beside her.
"There's one left," he said cheerfully. "Raus mit it!"
But she made no motion to detach it; appeared to be unconscious of it
and of him as she turned her face and looked silently toward the place
where Neville had disappeared.
An hour or two later, when Gordon was ready to return to the house, he
shouted for Neville. Cameron also lifted up his voice in a series of
prolonged howls.
But Neville was far beyond earshot, and still walking through woods and
valleys and pleasant meadows in the general direction of the Estwich
hills.
Somewhere there amid that soft rolling expanse of green was the woman
who would never marry him. And it was now, at last, he decided that he
would never take her on any other terms even though they were her own
terms; that he must give her up to chance again as innocent as chance
had given her into his brief keeping. No, she would never accept his
terms and face the world with him as his wife. And so he must give her
up. For he believed that, in him, the instinct of moral law had been too
carefully developed ever to be deliberately ignored; he still believed
marriage to be not only a rational social procedure, not only a human
compromise and a divine convention, but the only possible sanctuary
where love might dwell, and remain, and permanently endure inviolate.