The world, and his own family, had always been inclined to love Louis
Neville, and had advanced no farther than the inclination. There were
exceptions.
Archie Allaire, who hated him, discussing him floridly once with Querida
at the Thumb-tack Club in the presence of a dozen others, characterised
him as "one of those passively selfish snobs whose virtues are all
negative and whose modesty is the mental complacency of an underdone
capon."
He was sharply rebuked by Ogilvy, Annan, and Burleson; skilfully by
Querida--so adroitly indeed that his amiable and smiling apology for the
absent painter produced a curiously depressing effect upon Ogilvy and
Annan, and even left John Burleson dully uncomfortable, although Allaire
had been apparently well drubbed.
"All the same," said Allaire with a sneer to Querida after the others
had departed, "Neville is really a most frightful snob. Like a busy
bacillus surrounded by a glass tube full of prepared culture, he exists
in his own intellectual exudations perfectly oblivious to the miseries
and joys of the world around him. He hasn't time for anybody except
himself."
Querida laughed: "What has Neville done to you, my friend?"
"To me?" repeated Allaire with a shrug. "Oh, nothing. It isn't that....
All the same when I had my exhibition at the Monson Galleries I went to
him and said, 'See here, Neville, I've got some Shoe-trust and
Button-trust women to pour tea for me. Now you know a lot of fashionable
people and I want my tea-pourers to see them, and I want the papers to
say that they've been to a private view of my exhibition.'
"He gave me one of those absent-treatment stares and said he'd tell all
the really interesting people he knew; and the damnedest lot of scrubby,
dowdy, down-at-the-heels tatterdemalions presented his card at my
private view that you ever saw outside an artist's rathskeller, a lower
Fifth Avenue reception, or a varnishing day! By God, I can go to the
bread-line and get that sort of lookers myself--and I don't care whether
his bunch came from Tenth Street Colonial stock or the Washington Square
nobility or the landed gentry of Chelsea or from the purlieus of the
Bronx, which is where they apparently belong! I can get that kind
myself. I wanted automobiles and broughams and clothes, and I got one
sea-going taxi, and the dirty end of the stick! And to cap the climax he
strolled in himself with a girl whose face is familiar to everybody who
looks at bath tubs in the back of the magazines--Valerie West! And I
want to tell you I couldn't look my Shoe-trust tea-pourers in the face;
and they're so mad that I haven't got an order out of them since."
Querida laughed till the tears stood in his big, velvety, almond-shaped
eyes.
"Why didn't you come to me?" he said.
"Tell you the truth, Querida, I would have if I'd known then that you
were painting portraits of half of upper Fifth Avenue. Besides," he
added, naïvely, "that was before I began to see you in the grand tier
at the opera every week."
"It was before I sat anywhere except in the gallery," said Querida with
a humorous shrug. "Until this winter I knew nobody, either. And very
often I washed my own handkerchiefs and dried them on the window pane. I
had only fame for my laundress and notoriety for my butcher."
"Hey?" said Allaire, a trifle out of countenance.
"It is very true. It cost me so much to paint and frame my pictures that
the prices they brought scarcely paid for models and materials." He
added, pleasantly: "I have dined more often on a box of crackers and a
jar of olives than at a table set with silver and spread with linen." He
laughed without affectation or bitterness:
"It has been a long road, Allaire--from a stable-loft studio to--" he
shrugged--"the 'Van Rypens' grand tier box, for example."
"How in God's name did you do it?" inquired Allaire, awed to the
momentary obliteration of envy.
"I--painted," said Querida, smiling.
"Sure. I know that. I suppose it was the hellish row made over your
canvases last winter that did the trick."
Querida's eyes were partly closed as though in retrospection. "Also," he
said, softly, "I painted a very fashionable woman--for nothing--and to
her entire satisfaction."
"That's the _real_ thing, isn't it?"
"I'm afraid so.... Make two or three unlovely and unlovable old ladies
lovely and lovable--on canvas--for nothing. Then society will let you
slap its powdered and painted face--yes--permit you--other
liberties--if only you will paint it and sign your canvases and ask them
a wicked price for what you give them and--for what they yield to you."
Allaire's ruddy face grew ruddier; he grinned and passed a muscular hand
over his thick, handsome, fox-tinted hair.
"I wish I could get next," he said with a hard glance at Querida. "I'd
sting 'em."
"I would be very glad to introduce you to anybody I know," observed the
other.
"Do you mean that?"
"Why not. A man who has waited as I have for opportunity understands
what others feel who are still waiting."
"That's damn square of you, Querida."
"Oh, no, not square; just natural. The public table is big enough for
everybody."
Allaire thought a moment, slowly caressing his foxy hair.
"After all," he said with a nervous snicker, "you needn't be afraid of
anybody. Nobody can paint like you.... But I'd like to get a look in,
Querida. I've got to make a little money in one way or another--" he
added impudently--"and if I can't paint well enough to sting them,
there's always the chance of marrying one of 'em."
Querida laughed: "Any man can always marry any woman. There's no trick
in getting any _wife_ you want."
"Sure," grinned Allaire; "a wife is a cinch; it's the front row that
keeps good men guessing." He glanced at Querida, his gray-green eyes
brimming with an imprudent malice he could not even now deny
himself--"Also the backs of the magazines keep one guessing," he added,
carelessly; "and I've the patience of a tom-cat, myself."
Querida's beautifully pencilled eyebrows were raised interrogatively.
"Oh, I'll admit that the little West girl kept me sitting on back fences
until some other fellow threw a bottle at me," said Allaire with a
disagreeable laugh. He had come as near as he dared to taunting Querida
and, afraid at the last moment, had turned the edge of it on himself.
Querida lighted a cigarette and blew a whiff of smoke toward the
ceiling.
"I've an idea," he said, lazily, "that somebody is trying to marry her."
"Forget it," observed Allaire in contempt. "She wouldn't stand for the
sort who marry her kind. She'll land hard on her neck one of these days,
and the one best bet will be some long-faced Botticelli with heavenly
principles and the moral stability of a tumbler pigeon. Then there'll be
hell to pay; but _he_ will get over it and she'll get aboard the
toboggan. That's the way it ends, Querida."
Querida sipped his coffee and glanced out of the club window. From the
window he could see the roof of the studio building where Neville lived.
And he wondered how far Valerie was from that building at the present
moment, wondered, and sipped his coffee.
He was a man whose career had been builded upon perseverance. He had
begun life by slaying every doubt. And his had been a bitter life; but
he had suffered smilingly; the sordid struggle along the edges of
starvation had hardened nothing of his heart.
Sensitive, sympathetic, ardent, proud, and ambitious with the quiet
certainty of a man predestined, he had a woman's capacity for patience,
for suffering, and for concealment, but not for mercy. And he cared
passionately for love as he did for beauty--had succumbed to both in
spirit oftener than in the caprice of some inconsequential amourette.
But never, until he came to know Valerie West, had a living woman meant
anything vital to his happiness. Yet, what she aroused in him was that
part of his nature to which he himself was a stranger--a restless,
sensuous side which her very isolation and exposure to danger seemed to
excite the more until desire to control her, to drive others away, to
subdue, master, mould her, make her his own, obsessed him. And he had
tried it and failed; and had drawn aside, fiercely, still watching and
determined.
Some day he meant to marry properly. He had never doubted his ability to
do so even in the sordid days. But there was no hurry, and life was
young, and so was Valerie West--young enough, beautiful enough to bridge
the years with him until his ultimate destiny awaited him.
And all was going well again with him until that New-year's night; and
matters had gone ill with him since then--so ill that he could not put
the thought of it from him, and her beauty haunted him--and the
expression of Neville's eyes!--
But he remained silent, quiet, alert, watching and waiting with all his
capacity for enduring. And he had now something else to watch--something
that his sensitive intuition had divined in a single unfinished canvas
of Neville's.
So far there had been but one man supreme in the new world as a great
painter of sunlight and of women. There could not be two. And he already
felt the approach of a shadow menacing the glory of his
sunlight--already stood alert and fixedly observant of a young man who
had painted something disquieting into an unfinished canvas.
That man and the young girl whom he had painted to the astonishment and
inward disturbance of José Querida, were having no easy time in that new
world which they had created for themselves.
Embarked upon an enterprise in the management of which they were neither
in accord nor ever seemed likely to be, they had, so far, weathered the
storms of misunderstandings and the stress of prejudice. Blindly
confident in Love, they were certain, so far, that it was Love itself
that they worshipped no matter what rites and ceremonies each one
observed in its adoration. Yet each was always attempting to convert the
other to the true faith; and there were days of trouble and of tears and
of telephones.
Neville presented a frightfully complex problem to Valerie West.
His even-tempered indifference to others--an indifference which had
always characterised him--had left only a wider and deeper void now
filling with his passion for her.
They were passing through a maze of cross-purposes; his ardent and
exacting intolerance of any creed and opinion save his own was ever
forcing her toward a more formal and literal appreciation of what he
was determined must become a genuine and formal engagement--which
attitude on his part naturally produced clash after clash between them.
That he entertained so confidently the conviction of her ultimate
surrender to convention, at moments vexed her to the verge of anger. At
times, too, his disposition to interfere with her liberty tried her
patience. Again and again she explained to him the unalterable
fundamentals of their pact. These were, first of all, her refusal to
alienate him from his family and his own world; second, her right to her
own individuality and freedom to support herself without interference or
unrequested assistance from him; third, absolute independence of him in
material matters and the perfect liberty of managing her own little
financial affairs without a hint of dependence on him either before or
after the great change.
That she posed only in costume now did not satisfy him. He did not wish
her to pose at all; and they discussed various other theatres for her
business activity. But she very patiently explained to him that she
found, in posing for interesting people, much of the intellectual
pleasure that he and other men found in painting; that the life and the
environment, and the people she met, made her happy; and that she could
not expect to meet cultivated people in any other way.
"I _don't_ want to learn stenography and take dictation in a stuffy
office, dear," she pleaded. "I _don't_ want to sit all day in a library
where people whisper about books. I don't want to teach in a public
school or read novels to invalids, or learn how to be a trained nurse
and place thermometers in people's mouths. I like children pretty well
but I don't want to be a governess and teach other people's children; I
want to be taught myself; I want to learn--I'm a sort of a child, too,
dear; and it's the familiarity with wiser people and brighter people and
pleasant surroundings that has made me as happy as I am--given me what I
never had as a child. You don't understand, but I'm having my childhood
now--nursery, kindergarten, parties, boarding-school, finishing school,
début--all concentrated into this happy year of being among gay, clever,
animated people."
"Yet you will not let me take you into a world which is still
pleasanter--"
And the eternal discussion immediately became inevitable, tiring both
with its earnestness and its utter absence of a common ground. Because
in him apparently remained every vital germ of convention and of
generations of training in every precept of formality; and in her--for
with Valerie West adolescence had arrived late--that mystery had been
responsible for far-reaching disturbances consequent on the starved
years of self-imprisonment, of exaltations suppressed, of fears and
doubts and vague desires and dreams ineffable possessing the silence of
a lonely soul.
And so, essentially solitary, inevitably lonely, out of her own young
heart and an untrained mind she was evolving a code of responsibility to
herself and to the world.
Her ethics and her morals were becoming what wide, desultory, and
unrestrained reading was making them; her passion for happiness and for
truth, her restless intelligence, were prematurely forming her
character. There was no one in authority to tell her--check, guide, or
direct her in the revolt from dogmatism, pedantry, sophistry and
conventionalism. And by this path youthful intelligence inevitably
passes, incredulous of snare and pitfall where lie the bones of many a
savant under magic blossoms nourished by creeds long dead.
"To bring no sorrow to any one, Louis--that is the way I am trying to
live," she said, seriously.
"You are bringing it to me."
"If that is so--then I had better depart as I came and leave you in
peace."
"It's too late."
"Perhaps it is not. Shall we try it?"
"Could _you_ recover?"
"I don't know. I am willing to try for your sake."
"Do you _want_ to?" he asked, almost angrily.
"I am not thinking of myself, Louis."
"I _want_ you to. I don't want you _not_ to think about yourself all the
time."
She made a hopeless gesture, opening her arms and turning her palms
outward:
"Kelly Neville! _What_ do you suppose loving you means to me?"
"Don't you think of yourself at all when you love me?"
"Why--I suppose I do--in a way. I know I'm fortunate, happy--I--" She
glanced up shyly--"I am glad that I am--loved--"
"You darling!"
She let him take her into his arms, suffered his caress, looking at him
in silence out of eyes as dark and clear and beautiful as brown pools in
a forest.
"You're just a bad, spoiled, perverse little kid, aren't you?" he said,
rumpling her hair.
"You say so."
"Breaking my heart because you won't marry me."
"No, breaking my own because you don't really love me enough, yet."
"I love you too much--"
"That is literary bosh, Louis."
"Good God! Can't you ever understand that I'm respectable enough to want
you for my wife?"
"You mean that you want me for what I do not wish to be. And you decline
to love me unless I turn into a selfish, dependent, conventional
nonentity, which you adore because respectable. Is that what you mean?"
"I want the laws of civilisation to safeguard you," he persisted
patiently.
"I need no more protection than you need. I am not a baby. I am not
afraid. Are you?"
"That is not the question--"
"Yes it is, dear. I stand in no fear. Why do you wish to force me to do
what I believe would be a wrong to you? Can't you respect my
disreputable convictions?"
"They are theories--not convictions--"
"Oh, Kelly, I'm so tired of hearing you say that!"
"I should think you would be, you little imp of perversity!"
"I am.... And I wonder how I can love you just as much, as though you
were kind and reasonable and--and minded your own business, dear."
"Isn't it my business to tell the girl to whom I'm engaged what I
believe to be right?"
"Yes; and it's her business to tell _you_" she said, smiling; and put
her arms higher so that they slipped around his neck for a moment, then
were quickly withdrawn.
"What a thoroughly obstinate boy you are!" she exclaimed. "We're wasting
such lots of time in argument when it's all so very simple. Your soul is
your own to develop; mine is mine. _Noli, me tangere_!"
But he was not to be pacified; and presently she went away to pour their
tea, and he followed and sat down in an armchair near the fire, brooding
gaze fixed on the coals.
They had tea in hostile silence; he lighted a cigarette, but presently
flung it into the fire without smoking.
She said: "You know, Louis, if this is really going to be an unhappiness
to you, instead of a happiness beyond words, we had better end it now."
She added, with an irrepressible laugh, partly nervous, "Your happiness
seems to be beyond words already. Your silence is very eloquent.... I
think I'll take my doll and go home."
She rose, stood still a moment looking at him where he sat, head bent,
staring into the coals; then a swift tenderness filled her eyes; her
sensitive lips quivered; and she came swiftly to him and took his head
into her arms.
"Dear," she whispered, "I only want to do the best for you. Let me try
in my own way. It's all for you--everything I do or think or wish or
hope is for you. Even I myself was made merely for you."
Sideways on the arm of his chair, she stooped down, laying her cheek
against his, drawing his face closer.
"I am so hopelessly in love with you," she murmured; "if I make
mistakes, forgive me; remember only that it is because I love you enough
to die for you very willingly."
He drew her down into his arms. She was never quick to respond to the
deeper emotions in him, but her cheeks and throat were flushed now, and,
as his embrace enclosed her, she responded with a sudden flash of blind
passion--a moment's impulsive self-surrender to his lips and arms--and
drew away from him dazed, trembling, shielding her face with one arm.
All that the swift contact was awakening in him turned on her fiercely
now; in his arms again she swayed, breathless, covering her face with
desperate hands, striving to comprehend, to steady her senses, to reason
while pulses and heart beat wildly and every vein ran fire.
"No--" she stammered--"this is--is wrong--wrong! Louis, I beg you, to
remember what I am to you.... Don't kiss me again--I ask you not to--I
pray that you won't.... We are--I am--engaged to you, dear.... Oh--it is
wrong--wrong, now!--all wrong between us!"
"Valerie," he stammered, "you care nothing for any law--nor do I--now--"
"I _do_! You don't understand me! Let me go. Louis--you don't love me
enough.... This--this is madness--wickedness!--you can't love me! You
don't--you can't!"
"I do love you, Valerie--"
"No--no--or you would let me go!--or you would not kiss me again--"
She freed herself, breathless, crimson with shame and anger, avoiding
his eyes, and slipped out of his embrace to her knees, sank down on the
rug at his feet, and laid her head against the chair, breathing fast,
both small hands pressed to her breast.
For a few minutes he let her lie so; then, stooping over her, white
lipped, trembling:
"What can you expect if we sow the wind?"
She began to cry, softly: "You don't understand--you never have
understood!"
"I understand this: that I am ready to take you in your way, now. I
cannot live without you, and I won't. I care no longer how I take you,
or when, or where, as long as I can have you for mine, to keep for ever,
to love, to watch over, to worship.... Dear--will you speak to me?"
She shook her head, desolately, where it lay now against his knees, amid
its tumbled hair.
Then he asked again for her forgiveness--almost fiercely, for passion
still swayed him with every word. He told her he loved her, adored her,
could not endure life without her; that he was only too happy to take
her on any terms she offered.
"Louis," she said in a voice made very small and low by the crossed arms
muffling her face, "I am wondering whether you will ever know what love
is."
"Have I not proved that I love you?"
"I--don't know what it is you have proved.... We were engaged to each
other--and--and--"
"I thought you cared nothing for such conventions!"
She began to cry again, silently.
"Valerie--darling--"
"No--you don't understand," she sobbed.
"Understand what, dearest--dearest--
"That I thought our love was its own protection--and mine."
He made no answer.
She knelt there silent for a little while, then put her hand up
appealingly for his handkerchief.
"I have been very happy in loving you," she faltered; "I have promised
you all there is of myself. And you have already had my best self. The
rest--whatever it is--whatever happens to me--I have promised--so that
there will be nothing of this girl called Valerie West which is not all
yours--all, all--every thought, Louis, every pulse-beat--mind, soul,
body.... But no future day had been set; I had thought of none as yet.
Still--since I knew I was to be to you what I am to be, I have been very
busy preparing for it--mind, soul, my little earthly possessions, my
personal affairs in their small routine.... No bride in your world, busy
with her trousseau, has been a happier dreamer than have I, Louis. You
don't know how true I have tried to be to myself, and to the truth as I
understand it--as true as I have been to you in thought and deed....
And, somehow, what threatened--a moment since--frightens me, humiliates
me--"
She lifted her head and looked up at him with dimmed eyes:
"You were untrue to yourself, Louis--to your own idea of truth. And you
were untrue to me. And for the first time I look at you, ashamed and
shamed."
"Yes," he said, very white.
"Why did you offer our love such an insult?" she asked.
He made no answer.
"Was it because, in your heart, you hold a girl lightly who promised to
give herself to you for your own sake, renouncing the marriage vows?"
"No! Good God--"
"Then--is it because you do not yet love me enough? For I shall not give
myself to you until you do."
He hung his head.
"I think that is it," she said, sorrowfully.
"No. I'm no good," he said. "And that's the truth, Valerie." A dark
flush stained his face and he turned it away, sitting there in silence,
his tense clasp tightening on the arms of the chair. Then he said, still
not meeting her eyes:
"Whatever your beliefs are you practice them; you are true to your
convictions, loyal to yourself. I am only a miserable, rotten specimen
of man who is true to nothing--not even to himself. I'm not worth your
trouble, Valerie."
"Louis!"
"Well, what am I?" he demanded in fierce disgust. "I have told you that
I believe in the conventions--and I violate every one of them. I'm a
spectacle for gods and men!" His face was stern with self-disgust: he
forced himself to meet her gaze, wincing under it; but he went on:
"I know well enough that I deserve your contempt; I've acquired plenty
of self-contempt already. But I _do_ love you, God knows how or in what
manner, but I love you, cur that I am--and I respect you--oh, more that
you understand, Valerie. And if I ask your mercy on such a man as I am,
it is not because I deserve it."
"My mercy, Louis?"
She rose to her knees and laid both hands on his shoulders.
"You _are_ only a man, dear--with all the lovable faults and sins and
contradictions of one. But there is no real depravity in you any more
than there is in me. Only--I think you are a little more selfish than I
am--you lose self-command--" she blushed--"but that is because you are
only a man after all.... I think, perhaps, that a girl's love is
different in many ways. Dear, my love for you is perfectly honest. You
believe it, don't you? If for one moment I thought it was otherwise, I'd
never let you see me again. If I thought for one moment that anything
spiritual was to be gained for us by denying that love to you or to
myself--or by living out life alone without you, I have the courage to
do it. Do you doubt it?"
"No," he said.
She sighed, and her gaze passed from his and became remote for a moment,
then:
"I want to live my life with you," she said, wistfully; "I want to be to
you all that the woman you love could possibly be. But to me, the giving
of myself to you is to be, in my heart, a ceremony more solemn than any
in the world--and it is to be a rite at which my soul shall serve on its
knees, Louis."
"Dearest--dearest," he breathed, "I know--I understand--I ask your
pardon. And I worship you."
Then a swift, smiling change passed over her face; and, her hands still
resting on his shoulders, kneeling there before him, she bent forward
and kissed him on the forehead.
"Pax," she said. "You are forgiven. Love me enough, Louis. And when I
am quite sure you do, then--then--you may ask me, and I will answer
you."
"I love you now, enough."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Then--ask," she said, faintly.
His lips moved in a voiceless question, she could not hear him, but she
understood.
"In a year, I think," she answered, forcing her eyes to meet his, but
the delicate rose colour was playing over her cheeks and throat.
"As long as that?"
"That is not long. Besides, perhaps you won't learn to love me enough
even by that time. Do you think you will? If you really think
so--perhaps in June--"
She watched him as he pressed her hands together and kissed them;
laughed a little, shyly, as she suddenly divined a new tenderness and
respect in his eyes--something matching the vague exaltation of her own
romantic dreams.
"I will wait all my life if you wish it," he said.
"Do you mean it?"
"You know I do, now."
She considered him, smiling. "If you truly do feel that
way--perhaps--perhaps it might really be in June--or in July--"
"You _said_ June."
"Listen to the decree of the great god Kelly! He says it must be in
June, and he shakes his thunderbolts and frowns."
"June! Say so, Valerie,"
"_You_ have said so."
"But there's no use in _my_ saying so if--"
"Oh, dear!" she exclaimed, "the great god totters on his pedestal and
the oracle falters and I see the mere man looking very humbly around the
corner of the shrine at me, whispering, 'June, if you please, dear
lady!'"
"Yes," he said, "that's what you see and hear. Now answer me, dear."
"And what am I to say?"
"June, please."
"June--please," she repeated, demurely.
"You darling!... What day?"
"Oh, that's too early to decide--"
"Please, dear!"
"No; I don't want to decide--"
"Dearest!"
"What?"
"Won't you answer me?"
"If you make me answer now, I'll be tempted to fix the first of April."
"All right, fix it."
"It's All Fool's day, you know," she threatened. "Probably it is
peculiarly suitable for us.... Very well, then, I'll say it."
She was laughing when he caught her hands and looked at her, grave,
unsmiling. Suddenly her eyes filled with tears and her lip trembled.
"Forgive me, I meant no mockery," she whispered. "I had already fixed
the first day of June for--for the great change in our lives. Are you
content?"
"Yes." And before she knew what he was doing a brilliant flashed along
her ring finger and clung sparkling to it; and she stared at the gold
circlet and the gem flashing in the firelight.
There were tears in her eyes when she kissed it, looking at him while
her soft lips rested on the jewel.
Neither spoke for a moment; then, still looking at him, she drew the
ring from her finger, touched it again with her lips, and laid it gently
in his hand.
"No, dear," she said.
He did not urge her; but she knew he still believed that she would come
to think as he thought; and the knowledge edged her lips with tremulous
humour. But her eyes were very sweet and tender as she watched him lay
away the ring as though it and he were serenely biding their time.
"Such a funny boy," she said, "and such a dear one. He will never, never
grow up, will he?"
"Such an idiot, you mean," he said, drawing her into the big chair
beside him.
"Yes, I mean that, too," she said, impudently, nose in the air.
"Because, if I were you, Louis, I wouldn't waste any more energy in
worrying about a girl who is perfectly able to take care of herself, but
transfer it to a boy who apparently is not."
"How do you mean?"
"I mean about your painting. Dear, you've got it into that obstinate
head of yours that there's something lacking in your pictures, and there
isn't."
"Oh, Valerie! You know there is!"
"No, no, no! There isn't anything lacking in them. They're all of you,
Louis--every bit of you--as far as you have lived."
"What!"
"Certainly. As far as you have lived. Now live a little more, and let
more things come into your life. You can't paint what isn't in you; and
there's nothing in you except what you get out of life."
She laid her soft cheek against his.
"Get a little real love out of life, Louis; a little _real_ love. Then
surely, surely your canvases can not disguise that you know what life
means to us all. Love nobly; and the world will not doubt that love is
noble; love mercifully; and the world will understand mercy. For I
believe that what you are must show in your work, dear.
"Until now the world has seen in your work only the cold splendour, or
dreamy glamour, or the untroubled sweetness and brilliancy of
passionless romance. I love your work. It is happiness to look at it; it
thrills, bewitches, enthralls!... Dear, forgive me if in it I have not
yet found a deeper inspiration.... And that inspiration, to be there,
must be first in you, my darling--born of a wider interest in your
fellow men, a little tenderness for friends--a more generous experience
and more real sympathy with humanity--and perhaps you may think it out
of place for me to say it--but--a deeper, truer, spiritual conviction.
"Do you think it strange of me to have such convictions? I can't escape
them. Those who are merciful, those who are kind, to me are Christ-like.
Nothing else matters. But to be kind is to be first of all interested in
the happiness of others. And you care nothing for people. You _must_
care, Louis!
"And, somehow, you who are, at heart, good and kind and merciful, have
not really awakened real love in many of those about you. For one thing
your work has absorbed you. But if, at the same time, you could pay a
little more attention to human beings--"
"Valerie!" he said in astonishment, "I have plenty of friends. Do you
mean to say I care nothing for them?"
"How much _do_ you care, Louis?"
"Why, I--" He fell silent, troubled gaze searching hers.
She smiled: "Take Sam, for example. The boy adores you. He's a rotten
painter, I know--and you don't even pretend to an interest in what he
does because you are too honest to praise it. But, Louis, he's a lovable
fellow--and he does the best that's in him. You needn't pretend to care
for what he does--but if you could show that you do care for and respect
the effort--"
"I do, Valerie--when I think about it!"
"Then think about it; and let Sam know that you think about his efforts
and himself. And do the same for Harry Annan. He's a worse painter than
Sam--but do you think he doesn't know it? Don't you realise what a lot
of heartache the monkey-shines of those two boys conceal?"
"I am fond of them," he said, slowly. "I like people, even if I don't
show it--"
"Ah, Louis! Louis! That is the world's incurable hurt--the silence that
replies to its perplexity--the wistful appeal that remains
unanswered.... And many, many vex God with the desolation of their
endless importunities and complaints when a look, a word, a touch from a
human being would relieve them of the heaviest of all burdens--a sad
heart's solitude."
He put his arm around her, impulsively:
"You little angel," he said, tenderly.
"No--only a human girl who has learned what solitude can mean."
"I shall make you forget the past," he said.
"No, dear--for that might make me less kind." She put her lips against
his cheek, thoughtfully: "And--I think--that you are going to need all
the tenderness in me--some day, Louis--as I need all of yours.... We
shall have much to learn--after the great change.... And much to endure.
And I think we will need all the kindness that we can give each
other--and all that the world can spare us."