THOUGH the portfolio was pushed aside and dust had gathered on the
table, except where her arm touched it, Amaryllis came daily, and often
twice a day, to her flowers to pray.
From the woods she brought the delicate primrose opening on the mossy
bank among the grey ash-stoles; the first tender green leaflet of
hawthorn coming before the swallow; the garden crocus from the grass of
the garden; the first green spikelet from the sward of the meadow; the
beautiful white wild violets gathered in the sunlit April morning while
the nightingale sang.
With these she came to pray each day, at the window-niche. After she had
sat awhile at the table that morning, thinking, she went and knelt at
the window with her face in her hands; the scent of the violets filled
her hair.
Her prayer was deeper than words and was not put in language, but came
rushing through her heart;--"That her dear mother might not suffer any
more, that the strain of ceaseless trouble might be removed from her
mind, that peace and rest might come to her in her old age. Let her step
become firm, and the nervousness depart, and her eyes shine like they
used to, so clear and bright, and do not let the grey hairs show more
than they do now, or increase in number. Let her smile and be happy and
talk cheerfully, and take an interest in the house and all the order of
household things, and also see and understand that her husband meant to
please her, even in such a little thing as splitting up useful wood for
the fire, that he intended to please her, and that she might not
misunderstand him any more. He intended to be kind in many ways, but
misfortune had blinded her, and she took things the wrong way. And give
her more change and friends to ask her out from home on visits, so that
she might be amused, and make them come to see her and pass the time in
contentment. Give her also enough money to buy good clothes so as to
look nice as she ought to do, and if possible a conveyance of some
kind--not a grand carriage, she did not wish for that--but a conveyance
to drive about now and then, because she was not so strong as she used
to be, and could not walk far. And let me, thought Amaryllis, let me be
able to give her a watch, for other people have watches, and my mother
has not got one, and it does seem so strange it should be so after all
the hard work she has done. Let me, too, get her some nice things to
eat, some fish and wine, for she cannot eat our plain bacon now every
day, she has not got an appetite, and her teeth too are bad, and I
should so like to give her a set of artificial teeth that her food might
do her more good. But what I really want is that she may be happy, and
be like my mother herself really is when she is herself. Give my father
money enough to pay his creditors, for I know that though he is so quiet
and says nothing, these debts are wearing him out, and I know he wishes
to pay them, and does not willingly keep them waiting. He is so patient,
and so good, and bears everything, I am sure no one was ever like him,
and it is so dreadful to see him work, work, work, every day from five
o'clock in the morning, and yet to be always worried with these debts
and people that will not let him have peace one single day. Do, please,
let him have less work to do, it makes me miserable to see him in the
rain, and he is not young now, and sometimes carrying such heavy things,
great pieces of timber and large trusses of hay, and making his back
ache digging. Surely it must soon be time for him to leave off working,
he has done such a lot, and I do not think he can see quite so well as
he used to, because he holds the paper so close to his eyes. Please let
him leave off working soon now and have some rest and change, and go
about with my mother, and when he is at home not have anything more to
do than his garden, because he is so fond of that; let him love the
flowers again as he used to, and plant some more, and have nothing
harder to do than to gather the fruit from the trees he has planted. And
let me get him some new books to read, because I know he is so fond of
books; he has not had a new book for so long. Let him go to London and
see people and things, and life, because I know he is full of ideas and
thoughts though he works and digs, and that is what would do him good.
Give him some money now at last, now he has worked all these years,
forty years on this farm, and ever so much work before that; do give him
some money at last. Do make my grandfather kinder to him and not so
harsh for the rent, let him give the place to my father now, for it can
be no use to him; let my father have it for his very own, and then I
think he would be happy after all, he does so like to improve things and
make them beautiful, and if it was his very own there is so much that he
could do. That would be nice work and work that he would enjoy doing,
and not just to get a few wretched shillings to pay other people. I am
sure he would never be cross then, and he would be so kind to my mother,
and kind and good to everybody. There is nobody like him, as you know,
in this place; they are not clever like him, and good to the labouring
men and their families like he is (and so is my mother too); they are so
rough, and so unkind and stupid; I do not mean anything against them,
but they are not like he is. And if you were to help him he would soon
help the poor people and give them food and more wages; you know how
good he is in his heart. And he would do it, not because other people
should praise him, but because he would like to do it; if he does not
go to church his heart is very true, and it is because he likes to be
true and genuine, and not make any false show. Do, please, help him, and
give him some money, and do, please, let him have this place for his
very own, for I do so fear lest those who set my grandfather against
him, should have a will made, so that my father should not have this
house and land as he ought to do, as the son. He has made it so
beautiful with trees, and brought the fresh spring water up to the
house, and done so many clever things, and his heart is here, and it is
home to him, and no other place could be like it. I think it would kill
him not to have it, and for me, I should be so--I cannot tell, I should
be so miserable if he did not, but I will not think of myself. There are
so many things I know he wants to do if only he was not so worried with
debts, and if he could feel it was his own land; he wants to plant a
copse, and to make a pond by the brook, and have trout in it, and to
build a wall by the rick-yard. Think how my dear father has worked all
these years, and do help him now, and give him some money, and this
place, and please do not let him grow any more grey than his hair is
now, and save his eyes, for he is so fond of things that are beautiful,
and please make my mother happy with him."
When Amaryllis rose from her knees her face was quite white, emotion had
taken away her colour, and tears were thick on her cheek. She sat a
little while by the table to recover herself, still thinking, and
remembered that again last night she had dreamed the same dream about
fire in the thatch. Somehow there seemed to be an alarm in the night,
and they ran out of doors and found the corner of the roof on fire, over
the window with the wire network instead of glass. It ran up from the
corner towards the chimney, where the roof was mossy by the ridge. There
was no flame, but a deep red seething heat, as if the straw burned
inwardly, and was glowing like molten metal. Each straw seemed to lie in
the furious heat, and a light to flicker up and down, as if it breathed
fire. The thatch was very thick there, she knew, and recollected it
quite well in her dream; Iden himself had laid on two thick coats in his
time, and it was heavy enough before then. He talked about the thatching
of it, because it was an argument with him that straw had a great power
of endurance, and was equal to slates for lasting. This thickness, she
saw, was the reason the fire did not blaze up quickly, and why,
fortunately, it was slow in moving up the roof. It had not yet eaten
through, so that there was no draught--once it got through, it would
burn fast--if only they could put it out before then all might yet be
saved. In the midst of her anxiety Iden came with the largest ladder in
the rickyard, and mounted up, carrying a bucket of water. She tried to
follow, holding on to the rungs of the ladder with one hand, and
dragging up a heavy bucket with the other--the strain and effort to get
up woke her.
This dream had happened to her so many times, and was so vivid and
circumstantial--the fire seemed to glow in the thatch--that at last she
began to dread lest it should come true. If it did not come true of the
house itself, perhaps it would of the family, and of their affairs;
perhaps it signified that the fire of debt, and poverty, and misfortune
would burn them, as it were, to the ground. She tried to think whether
in the dream they were getting the fire under before she woke, or
whether they could not master it; it seemed dubious.
She did not tell her mother of the dream, afraid lest it might excite
her again; nor could she tell Iden, who would have laughed at her.
Yet, though she knew it was but a dream, and dreams have ceased to come
true, she did not like it; she felt uncertain, as if some indefinable
danger was threatening round about. As she sat at the table she added to
her prayer the supplication that the dear old house might not be burned
down.
Soon afterwards she went down stairs, and on the lower flight paused, to
listen to voices--not those of her mother and Iden--creditors,
doubtless, come to cry aloud, "Pay me that thou owest!"--the very sum
and total of religion. Her heart beat quicker--the voices came again,
and she thought she recognized them, and that they were not those of
creditors. She entered the sitting-room, and found that two visitors,
from widely separated places, had arrived; one with a portmanteau, the
other with an old, many-coloured carpet-bag. They were Amadis Iden, from
Iden Court, over the Downs, the Court Idens, as they were called, and
Alere Flamma, from London; the Flammas were carpet-bag people.
Her father was making them very welcome, after his wont, and they were
talking of the house the Idens of yore had built in a lonely spot,
expressly in order that they might drink, drink, drink undisturbed by
their unreasonable wives.
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