[Illustration: THE PARLIAMENTARY TRAIN.
_PORTER LAW._ "SOME OF THIS STUFF WILL HAVE TO BE LEFT FOR THE RELIEF
TRAIN--IF WE HAVE ONE."
_Mr. LLOYD GEORGE._ "THAT'S ALL RIGHT SO LONG AS YOU CAN CARRY MY
LITTLE LOT."]
_Monday, May 17th._--In theory the business of a Second Chamber is
to revise calmly and dispassionately the legislation which has been
scamped by the First. In practice what happens in our Parliament is
that the Peers, after killing time with academic debates for two
or three months, are suddenly called upon, whenever a Recess is in
contemplation, to pass three or four Bills through all their stages
in as many days. At the invitation of Lord CRAWFORD (Lord SALISBURY
perfunctorily protesting) they entered upon one of these legislative
spasms this afternoon, and within less than an hour gave a second
reading to two Bills, and a third reading to two others, besides
listening politely while Lord NEWTON (with him Lord LAMINGTON)
bewailed the sad fate of certain German "Templars" (a species of
Teutonic Quaker and quite harmless, we were told) who, having been
evicted from Palestine, are now threatened with compulsory deportation
to a Fatherland which they have no desire to visit. "Some hustlers,
your Peers," remarked a visitor fresh from Washington.
That distinguished seaman, Lieut.-Commander KENWORTHY, would never
think, I am sure, of speaking disrespectfully of the Equator, but
he has no compunction in abusing the Poles. He regards their recent
advance into the Ukraine as an unprovoked assault upon the poor
innocent Soviet Government, and is shocked to think that it should
have even the negative approval of His Majesty's Ministers. Mr. BONAR
LAW'S assurance that the military stores despatched to Poland from
this country were the Poles' own property, and that the fact that they
were embarked upon a vessel called the _Jolly George_ had no ulterior
significance, quite failed to convince him.
According to Sir ROBERT HORNE the price of a best quality worsted
suit, as made by a high-class tailor in this country, is approximately
sixteen to eighteen guineas, and is still rising, though he thinks it
should not be more than twenty guineas next winter. His remark that
quite good suits could be procured at much lower prices prompted Sir
F. HALL to call attention to the wares of a fellow-Member, upon which
Mr. WHITLEY who was occupying the Chair, observed, with a touch of
Mr. SPEAKER'S humour, that Question-time must not be used for
advertisement.
The approach of the holidays gave point to Mr. FORREST'S complaint of
the inefficiency of the present arrangements for conveying passengers'
baggage by rail. Mr. NEAL expressed a rather faint hope that the
system of "luggage in advance" might be reintroduced. There are signs,
however, that the Parliamentary train is already overloaded and that a
good deal of Ministerial _impedimenta_ will have to be left behind.
_Tuesday, May 18th._--Our ancestors, generous fellows, considered
British citizenship such a fine thing that they sought to extend its
benefits as widely as possible. Under the existing law the child of
British parents born in Canton and the child of Chinese parents born
in Stepney are equally entitled to boast "_Civis Britannicus sum_."
Lord STANHOPE, regarding this as an objectionable anomaly, brought
forward a Bill designed to restrict British nationality to persons of
British blood. But, though he did this with the object of enabling the
Government to fulfil one of their election pledges, "Britain for the
British," he received scant sympathy from the LORD CHANCELLOR, who
declared that, far from making for simplicity, the Bill would produce
a state of things "partly overlapping and partly contradictory."
Although close upon a hundred Generals have been demobilised since
the Armistice, there is no immediate danger of this interesting
race disappearing altogether. Twenty-six of the finest specimens are
specially maintained at the War Office, at the comparatively trifling
cost of sixty-two thousand pounds a year.
Viscount CURZON has many times both on sea and land shown himself the
possessor of a fine nerve, but never more so than this afternoon, when
he contrasted the activity of the police in apprehending infringers
of the Motor-Car Acts with their alleged failure to capture really
dangerous criminals. Mr. SHORTT gave the figures of the motor-car
prosecutions, and resisted the temptation to point out the extent to
which they had been swollen by the noble Lord's own delinquencies.
A listless House resumed the discussion of the Government of Ireland
Bill. Mr. FISHER declined to accept a proposal to include nine
counties, instead of six, in the Northern Parliament, the view of the
Government being that they must cut their legislative Ulster according
to their Protestant cloth. Mr. CLYNES announced the intention of the
Labour Party to wash their hands of the Bill, which he regarded as a
sheer waste of time. Undeterred by the prospect of this calamity the
House passed Clause I. by a majority of 152.
_Wednesday, May 19th._--Mr. BOTTOMLEY obtained leave to introduce
a Bill to create a Public Defender, in spite of an attempt by
Lieut.-Commander KENWORTHY to strangle the bantling at its birth. He
did not succeed in making clear his objection to the measure, and it
is thought that he may have confused it with Sir ROBERT HORNE'S Bill
to regulate the Supply of Gas.
When the Committee-stage of the Home Rule Bill was resumed the subject
of debate was the Irish Council, the pivot on which all hopes of unity
are centred. Exactly fifty Members were present to listen to this
epoch-marking discussion, carried on entirely by a few English
enthusiasts and the Members from Ulster. They differed profoundly on
most of the details of the Council's constitution, but were unanimous
in expressing the belief that nothing much mattered since it would
never work. Lord WINTERTON indeed prophesied that if it is composed,
as seems probable, of a solid _bloc_ of Sinn Feiners from the South
and another of Unionists from the North there would be a free fight at
every meeting. In that case it may become a popular body after all.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Keeper at the Zoo (exhausted with efforts to catch
refractory ibex)._ "WELL, THEY CAN 'AVE THEIR FANCY MAPPIN TERRISSES.
A CAGE FOR ME EVERY TIME."]
* * * * *
Commercial Candour.
"Dry Old Chickens, 50s. to L4 4s. per doz."
_Local Paper._
* * * * *
Our Musical Athletes.
"Double action Gothic Harp (by Erard), suitable for a lady in
perfect condition."
_Provincial Paper._
* * * * *
For Domestic Interiors.
"For the Blood, Stomach, and Liver, there is nothing to
compare with CORK LINOS. 800 rolls to choose from"
_Provincial Paper._
Buttered rolls, we trust.
* * * * *