"Then you mean that neither of you is coming to the concert?" said
Margery.
"Speaking for myself," said John, "the answer is in the
affirmative--or negative, just as you prefer. Any way, I'm not coming.
Your worthy brother must decide for himself."
"Our worthy brother-in-law has spoken for me, Margery," I said; "I
also regret my inability to assist at the revels."
"Then all I can say is I think you're a couple of pigs."
"Margery, Margery," said John, "really your language----I shall have
to write to the papers about you."
"That's the idea," I joined in. "'The Modern Flapper,' by
'Broad-minded but Shocked.' You'd better look out, Margery, or you'll
never marry. The papers are full of letters about people like you.
There's a beauty this morning. Half a minute; I'll read it to you."
"Don't trouble yourself, please," said Margery, curling her lip up
somewhere over her right eyebrow.
"No trouble at all, it's a pleasure," I said, turning over the pages.
"Ah! here we are. This is signed 'Disgusted Ex-Soldier.' Listen:--
"'SIR,--Speaking as one but recently returned to so-called
civilisation after the horrors of two years of war ["Conscript!" said
John], may I venture to give you my opinion of the Modern Girl ...'"
"That's you he means," said John.
"Pah!" said Margery.
"And bah! to you twice," said John.
"Shush, both of you," I said; "listen to 'Disgusted Ex-Soldier':--
"'What was it kept up our hearts and spirits during the terrible days
and nights in the trenches?'"
"The Rum Ration," cried John. "Hear, hear. Loud cries of 'Down with
Pussyfoot!'"
"Nothing of the sort," I said. "'It was the thought of the sweet
simple girls at home in England that nerved us during those frightful
days.'"
"Was it? So it was. Of course," said John feebly, "I forgot."
"'It was for them that we suffered as we did.'"
"Did we? I mean was it? So it was," said John, growing enthusiastic.
"Good old 'Ex-Soldier!' What's he say next?"
"'And when we return at last from the toil and stress of war [Grunts
of appreciation from John], what do we find?'"
"Pork and beans," said John.