What is your Aim in Life?--To endeavour to be absent when my time comes.
What is your Motto?--Be virtuous, and you will be eccentric.
ANGLING CHEER
[Sidenote: _Izaak Walton_]
Let me tell you, Scholar, that Diogenes walked on a day, with his
friend, to see a country fair; where he saw ribbons, and
looking-glasses, and nut-crackers, and fiddles, and hobby-horses, and
many other gimcracks; and, having observed them, and all the other
finnimbruns that make a complete country-fair, he said to his friend,
"Lord, how many things are there in this world of which Diogenes hath no
need!" And truly it is so, or might be so, with very many who vex and
toil themselves to get what they have no need of. Can any man charge
God, that he hath not given him enough to make his life happy? No,
doubtless; for nature is content with a little. And yet you shall hardly
meet with a man that complains not of some want; though he, indeed,
wants nothing but his will; it may be, nothing but his will of his poor
neighbour, for not worshipping, or not flattering him: and thus, when we
might be happy and quiet, we create trouble to ourselves. I have heard
of a man that was angry with himself because he was no taller; and of a
woman that broke her looking-glass because it would not show her face to
be as young and handsome as her next neighbour's was. And I knew another
to whom God had given health and plenty; but a wife that nature had made
peevish, and her husband's riches had made purse-proud; and must,
because she was rich, and for no other virtue, sit in the highest pew in
the church; which being denied her, she engaged her husband into a
contention for it, and at last into a lawsuit with a dogged neighbour
who was as rich as he, and had a wife as peevish and purse-proud as the
other: and this lawsuit begot higher oppositions, and actionable words,
and more vexations and lawsuits; for you must remember that both were
rich, and must therefore have their wills. Well! this wilful,
purse-proud lawsuit lasted during the life of the first husband; after
which his wife vext and chid, and chid and vext, till she also chid and
vext herself into her grave: and so the wealth of these poor rich people
was curst into a punishment, because they wanted meek and thankful
hearts; for those only can make us happy. I knew a man that had health
and riches; and several houses, all beautiful, and ready furnished; and
would often trouble himself and family to be removing from one house to
another: and being asked by a friend why he removed so often from one
house to another, replied, "It was to find content in some one of them."
But his friend, knowing his temper, told him, "If he would find content
in any of his houses, he must leave himself behind him; for content will
never dwell but in a meek and quiet soul." And this may appear, if we
read and consider what our Saviour says in St. Matthew's Gospel; for He
there says: "Blessed be the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed be the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed be the
poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." And, "Blessed be
the meek, for they shall possess the earth." Not that the meek shall not
also obtain mercy, and see God, and be comforted, and at last come to
the kingdom of heaven: but in the meantime, he, and he only, possesses
the earth, as he goes towards that kingdom of heaven, by being humble
and cheerful, and content with what his good God has allotted him. He
has no turbulent, repining, vexatious thoughts that he deserves better;
nor is vext when he sees others possest of more honour or more riches
than his wise God has allotted for his share; but he possesses what he
has with a meek and contented quietness, such a quietness as makes his
very dreams pleasing, both to God and himself.
APPLES
[Sidenote: _Byron_]
When Newton saw an apple fall, he found
In that slight startle from his contemplation--
'Tis _said_ (for I'll not answer above ground
For any sage's creed or calculation)--
A mode of proving that the earth turn'd round
In a most natural whirl, call'd "gravitation";
And this is the sole mortal who could grapple,
Since Adam, with a fall, or with an apple.
A LITTLE MORAL ADVICE
[Sidenote: _Sydney Smith_]
It is surprising to see for what foolish causes men hang themselves. The
most silly repulse, the most trifling ruffle of temper, or derangement
of stomach, anything seems to justify an appeal to the razor or the
cord. I have a contempt for persons who destroy themselves. Live on, and
look evil in the face; walk up to it, and you will find it less than you
imagined, and often you will not find it at all; for it will recede as
you advance. Any fool may be a suicide. When you are in a melancholy
fit, first suspect the body, appeal to rhubarb and calomel, and send for
the apothecary; a little bit of gristle sticking in the wrong place, an
untimely consumption of custard, excessive gooseberries, often cover the
mind with clouds and bring on the most distressing views of human life.
I start up at two o'clock in the morning, after my first sleep, in an
agony of terror, and feel all the weight of life upon my soul. It is
impossible that I can bring up such a family of children; my sons and
daughters will be beggars! I shall live to see those whom I love exposed
to the scorn and contumely of the world!--But stop, thou child of
sorrow, and humble imitator of Job, and tell me on what you dined. Was
not there soup and salmon, and then a plate of beef, and then duck,
blanc-mange, cream cheese, diluted with beer, claret, champagne, hock,
tea, coffee, and noyeau? And after all this you talk of the _mind_ and
the evils of life! These kinds of cases do not need meditation, but
magnesia. Take short views of life. What am I to do in these times with
such a family of children? So I argued, and lived dejected and with
little hope; but the difficulty vanished as life went on. An uncle died,
and left me some money; an aunt died, and left me more; my daughter
married well; I had two or three appointments, and before life was half
over became a prosperous man. And so will you. Every one has uncles and
aunts who are mortal; friends start up out of the earth; time brings a
thousand chances in your favour; legacies fall from the clouds. Nothing
so absurd as to sit down and wring your hands because all the good which
may happen to you in twenty years has not taken place at this precise
moment.
The greatest happiness which can happen to any one is to cultivate a
love of reading. Study is often dull because it is improperly managed. I
make no apology for speaking of myself, for as I write anonymously
nobody knows who I am, and if I did not, very few would be the
wiser--but every man speaks more firmly when he speaks from his own
experience. I read four books at a time; some classical book perhaps on
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. The "History of France," we will
say, on the evenings of the same days. On Tuesday, Thursday, and
Saturday, Mosheim, or Lardner, and in the evening of those days,
Reynolds's Lectures or Burns's Travels. Then I have always a standing
book of poetry, and a novel to read when I am in the humour to read
nothing else. Then I translate some French into English one day, and
re-translate it the next; so that I have seven or eight pursuits going
on at the same time, and this produces the cheerfulness of diversity,
and avoids that gloom which proceeds from hanging a long while over a
single book. I do not recommend this as a receipt for becoming a learned
man, but for becoming a cheerful one.
Nothing contributes more certainly to the animal spirits than
benevolence. Servants and common people are always about you; make
moderate attempts to please everybody, and the effort will insensibly
lead you to a more happy state of mind. Pleasure is very reflective, and
if you give it you will feel it. The pleasure you give by kindness of
manner returns to you, and often with compound interest. The receipt for
cheerfulness is not to have one motive only in the day for living, but a
number of little motives; a man who, from the time he rises till
bedtime, conducts himself like a gentleman, who throws some little
condescension into his manner to superiors, and who is always contriving
to soften the distance between himself and the poor and ignorant, is
always improving his animal spirits, and adding to his happiness.
I recommend lights as a great improver of animal spirits. How is it
possible to be happy with two mould candles ill snuffed? You may be
virtuous, and wise, and good, but two candles will not do for animal
spirits. Every night the room in which I sit is lighted up like a town
after a great naval victory, and in this cereous galaxy, and with a
blazing fire, it is scarcely possible to be low-spirited; a thousand
pleasing images spring up in the mind, and I can see the little blue
demons scampering off like parish boys pursued by the beadle.
MRS. PARTINGTON
[Sidenote: _Sydney Smith_]
As for the possibility of the House of Lords preventing ere long a
reform of Parliament, I hold it to be the most absurd notion that ever
entered into human imagination. I do not mean to be disrespectful, but
the attempt of the Lords to stop the progress of Reform reminds me very
forcibly of the great storm of Sidmouth, and of the conduct of the
excellent Mrs. Partington on that occasion. In the winter of 1824 there
set in a great flood upon that town--the tide rose to an incredible
height, the waves rushed in upon the houses, and everything was
threatened with destruction. In the midst of this sublime and terrible
storm, Dame Partington, who lived upon the beach, was seen at the door
of her house with mop and pattens, trundling her mop, squeezing out the
sea-water, and vigorously pushing away the Atlantic Ocean. The Atlantic
was roused, Mrs. Partington's spirit was up; but I need not tell you
that the contest was unequal. The Atlantic Ocean beat Mrs. Partington.
She was excellent at a slop or a puddle, but she should not have meddled
with a tempest. Gentlemen, be at your ease--be quiet and steady--you
will beat--Mrs. Partington.
HOW MARK EDITED AN AGRICULTURAL PAPER
[Sidenote: _Mark Twain_]
I did not take the temporary editorship of an agricultural paper without
misgivings. Neither would a landsman take command of a ship without
misgivings. But I was in circumstances that made the salary an object.
The regular editor of the paper was going off for a holiday, and I
accepted the terms he offered, and took his place.
The sensation of being at work again was luxurious, and I wrought all
the week with unflagging pleasure. We went to press, and I waited a day
with some solicitude to see whether my effort was going to attract any
notice. As I left the office, toward sundown, a group of men and boys at
the foot of the stairs dispersed with one impulse, and gave me
passage-way, and I heard one or two of them say, "That's him!" I was
naturally pleased by this incident. The next morning I found a similar
group at the foot of the stairs, and scattering couples and individuals
standing here and there in the street, and over the way, watching me
with interest. The group separated and fell back as I approached, and I
heard a man say, "Look at his eye!" I pretended not to observe the
notice I was attracting, but secretly I was pleased with it, and was
purposing to write an account of it to my aunt. I went up the short
flight of stairs, and heard cheery voices and a ringing laugh as I drew
near the door, which I opened, and caught a glimpse of two young
rural-looking men, whose faces blanched and lengthened when they saw me,
and then they both plunged through the window with a great crash. I was
surprised.
In about half an hour an old gentleman, with a flowing beard and a fine
but rather austere face, entered, and sat down at my invitation. He
seemed to have something on his mind. He took off his hat and set it on
the floor, and got out of it a red silk handkerchief and a copy of our
paper.
He put the paper on his lap, and, while he polished his spectacles with
his handkerchief, he said, "Are you the new editor?"