_It is well along in the afternoon of the same busy day of rest.
Most unaccountably--until the JUDGE accounts for it later--the
terrace has been decked out with festoons and flowers since the
excitement of the morning. Japanese lanterns have been hung,
though it is not yet time to light them and though it is Sunday
in a pious household._
_Most incongruously and lugubriously, LUCY is pacing to and fro in
silent concern._
_THEODORE now comes out of the house, also looking harassed. Lucy
turns to him inquiringly. He shakes his head sadly._
LUCY
No word from Uncle Everett?
THEODORE
No word. He must have reached town long ago, unless he had tire
trouble.... It's a bad sign, Lucy, a bad sign. He would surely telephone
us.
LUCY
Oh, if he _only_ hadn't missed their train!
THEODORE
[_hopelessly_]
Uncle Everett is the only one who could have brought them to their
senses.
LUCY
It may not be too late. He took our fastest car, our best chauffeur.
THEODORE
Detectives are to watch all the steamers to-morrow. John telephoned at
once.
LUCY
But to-morrow will be too late! And, oh! when it all comes out in the
newspapers! The ghastly head-lines--"well-known scientist, beautiful
daughter of a prominent family!" Oh! What will people say?
[_JOHN, hurried and worried, rushes out shouting for LUCY._
JOHN
Any news? Any news? [_THEODORE and LUCY give him gestures of despair._]
Then it's too late. [_He, too, paces to and fro in fury. Then bracing
up._] Well, I found Rex, over at the Golf Club. Terribly cut up. But
listen; not a drink, not one!... Where's Jean? Got to see her at once.
THEODORE
Locked herself up in her room, John, crying her little heart out!
JOHN
Rex is a changed man, I tell you. We've got to patch it up, and we've
got to do it _quick_!
LUCY
But, John! When the Bakers hear about Helen ... Rex marry into our
family? Never! We're disgraced, John, disgraced!
JOHN
[_impatiently_]
But they're not _going_ to hear about Helen. No one knows, and no one
_will_. Helen has simply returned to Paris to complete her scientific
research. My press-agent--he's attending to all that.
THEODORE
But questions, gossip, rumor--it's bound to come out in time!
JOHN
In time; but meanwhile, if Jean marries Rex, the Bakers will _have_ to
stand for it. What's more, they'll make _other_ people stand for it.
Backed by the Bakers, no one will _dare_ turn us down.... Our position
in the world, my business relations with the old man--_everything hangs
on little Jean_ now. Tell her I've simply got to see her. [_LUCY
hesitates._] Hurry! Rex is coming over later. [_He catches sight of the
table, festoons, etc._] Heavens! What's all this tomfoolery?
LUCY
[_going_]
Uncle Everett's orders--he wouldn't stop to explain. He left word to
summon the whole family for dinner.
[_LUCY goes._
JOHN
[_shrilly_]
The whole family!... To-day of all days!
THEODORE
John! You must not, shall not, force Jean to marry this man.
JOHN
[_unappreciated_]
Haven't I done everything for my sisters? Can't they even _marry_ for
_me_?
THEODORE
The man she loves or none at all.
JOHN
That cub at the law school? No money to keep a wife, no prospects of
any. His father's a college professor.
THEODORE
[_shaking head sadly_]
"No love without marriage, no marriage without--money!" Ernest
Hamilton's words this morning, when we walked to church.
JOHN
[_watching house expectantly_]
Survival of the fittest, Theodore, survival of the fittest.
THEODORE
The fittest for what?--for making money! the only kind of fitness
encouraged to survive, to reproduce its species.
JOHN
If the ability to make money is not the test of fitness, what is?
THEODORE
Then you are more fit than a hundred Hamiltons, are you? And Rex? How
fit is he? Rex never made a cent in his life.
JOHN
He's got it, all the same.... See here! Haven't I enough to worry me
without your butting in? Jean's got to marry _some_body, _some_time,
hasn't she?
THEODORE
But not Rex, not if I can prevent it.
JOHN
But you can't--you have nothing to do with it ... except to perform the
ceremony and get a big, fat fee for it.
THEODORE
I--marry Jean and Rex? Never!
[_JEAN comes out. She is frightened and turns timidly to THEODORE
for protection._
JOHN
Jean, don't detain Theodore. He has an important business letter to
write. [_THEODORE turns to JOHN indignantly._] Your wife's sanatorium
bills--better settle up before they dun you again.
THEODORE
With your money?
[_Takes JOHN'S check out of pocket, about to tear it._
JOHN
[_catching THEODORE'S hand_]
For Mary's sake, for the children's--don't give way to selfish pride....
Want to kill your wife? Then take her out of the sanatorium. Want to
ruin your children? Then take them out of school!... Cash your check, I
tell you, and pay your debts!
[_THEODORE glances at JEAN, at check. A struggle. At bay, he
finally pockets check and dejectedly goes into the house._
JEAN
[_with a wet handkerchief in hand_]
Well? If I refuse to marry Rex?... Cut off my allowance or merely bully
me to death?
JOHN
[_kindly_]
Oh, come! You've filled your romantic little head full of novels. I
never force _any_body to do _any_thing. [_Suddenly breaks out._] My
heavens! what's the matter with all of you? I only want to give you and
Lucy and Helen and Theodore and the whole family the best of everything
in life! And what do I get for it? I'm a brutal husband, a bullying
brother, and a malefactor of wealth. Lord! I guess I have some rights,
even if I have got money!
JEAN
Rex has money, too. Should that give him the right to women? I, too,
have some rights--even though I _am_ a woman.
JOHN
Any woman who can't care enough for a Baker to marry him--Rex is the
sort who would do everything in the world for the woman he loves,
everything. All the Bakers are like that.
JEAN
But what would he do for the woman he no longer loves?
JOHN
He wasn't fool enough to tell you about that?
JEAN
About what?
JOHN
[_halting_]
Nothing--I thought--I tell you, Rex has reformed.
JEAN
You thought I meant his "past." I meant his future ... and my own.
JOHN
Well, if you expect to find a saint, you'll never get married at all.
JEAN
And if I never married at all?
JOHN
_Then_ what will you do?
JEAN
[_with a wail of despair_]
That's it--then what _should_ I do--what _could_ I do? Oh, it's so
unfair, so unfair to train girls only for this! What chance, what choice
have I? To live on the bounty of a disapproving brother or a man I do
not love! Oh, how I envy Helen! If I only had a chance, a decent chance!
JOHN
Any sensible girl would envy your chance. You'll never have another like
it. You'll never have another at all! Grab it, I tell you, grab it.
[_REX comes quietly, a determined look on his face, JOHN sees him._]
Now, think, before too late, think hard. Think what it means to be an
old maid.
[_And leaves them abruptly._
[_JEAN stands alone, looking very pretty in girlish distress. REX
gazes at her a moment and then with sudden passion he silently
rushes over, seizes her in his arms, kisses her furiously._
JEAN
[_indignant, struggles, frees herself, and rubs her cheek_]
Ugh! How could you!
REX
Because I love you!
JEAN
Love! It isn't even respect now.
REX
Has that fellow ever kissed you?
JEAN
I have begged you never to refer to him again.
REX
He has! He has held you in his arms. He has kissed your lips, your
cheeks, your eyes!
JEAN
How many women have you held in your arms? Have I ever tried to find
out?
REX
Ah! You don't deny it, you can't.
JEAN
I can! _He_ respects me. I don't deserve it, but he does.
REX
Thank heavens! Oh, you don't know how this has tormented me, little
Jean. The thought of any other man's coming near you--why, I couldn't
have felt the same toward you again, I just couldn't.
JEAN
[_bites her lips--then deliberately_]
Well, then ... other men have come near me ... other men have kissed me,
Rex.
REX
[_getting wild again_]
What! When? Where?
JEAN
[_laughing cynically_]
Oh, in conservatories in town, John's camp in the North Woods, motor
rides in the country--once or twice out here on this very terrace, when
I've felt sentimental in the moonlight.
REX
[_recoiling_]
Oh! Jean! I never supposed _you_ were that sort!
JEAN
[_with distaste_]
Oh, I don't make a habit of it! I'm not _that_ sort. But ... well, this
isn't all I could tell you about myself, Rex.
REX
Don't!... Oh, what do you mean--quick.
JEAN
Oh, I've merely been handled, not hurt. Slightly shop-worn but as good
as new.
REX
[_after a pause, quietly_]
Jean, what makes you say such horribly honest things to me?
JEAN
Yesterday I did you a great unkindness, Rex. I deserve to suffer for
it.... You don't suppose I enjoy talking this way about myself?
REX
I never heard a girl--a nice girl--talk like this before.
JEAN
Naturally not. Usually "nice" girls hide it. It's an instinct in
women--to keep up their value.... Often I've had thoughts and feelings
which "nice" girls of your artificial ideal are supposed never to have
at all. Perfectly natural, too, especially girls of my sort. We have so
little to occupy our minds, except men! To have a useful, absorbing
occupation--it rubs off the bloom, lowers our price in the market, you
see.
REX
Oh, stop!... If you're not going to marry me, say so, but----
JEAN
But I am!... I am not going to be a dependent old maid. [_REX,
bewildered, only gazes at her._] But, first, I want you to know exactly
what you're getting for your money. That seems only businesslike.
REX
[_recoils_]
Would you only marry me for that?
JEAN
I told you I loved another man. Do you want me?
REX
[_with jealousy returning_]
Do I want you! He shan't have you.
[_He comes close._
JEAN
Then take me.
REX
[_seizes her passionately_]
I'll make you love _me_! [_Kisses her triumphantly._] I'll bring a
different light into those cold eyes of yours. Wait until you're
married! Wait until you're awakened. I'll make you forget that man, all
other men. You are to be mine--all mine, all mine! [_During this embrace
JEAN is quite passive, holds up her cheek to be kissed, and when he
seeks her lips she shuts her eyes and gives him her lips. He suddenly
stops, chilled; holding her at arms length._] But I don't care to marry
an iceberg. Can't you love me a little? Haven't you any sentiment in
your cynical little soul ... you irresistible darling!
JEAN
In my soul? Yes! It's only my body I'm selling, you know.
[_Then deliberately--clearly without passion--throws her arms
about his neck, clinging close and kissing him repeatedly until
REX responds._
REX
Look out, here comes the parson.
[_THEODORE comes out of the house._
JEAN
Oh, Theodore! Rex and I have come to an understanding.... Will you
solemnize our blessed union?
THEODORE
Not unless you truly love each other. Marriage is sacred.
JEAN
[_rapidly_]
A large church wedding--that will make it sacred. A full choral
service--many expensive flowers--all the smartest people invited--that
always makes the union of two souls sacred.
THEODORE
Those who truly love--their friends should witness the solemn rite,
but----
JEAN
[_interrupts. To REX_]
And my wedding gown will be white satin with a point-lace veil caught up
with orange-blossoms and a diamond tiara--"the gift of the groom"--that
ought to make it solemn.
THEODORE
The white veil is the symbol of purity, Jean.
JEAN
[_rattling on wildly_]
Of purity, Rex, do you hear? Whenever you see a bride in the white
symbol of purity she is pure--that proves it. That makes it all so
beautiful! so sacred! so holy! holy! holy!
[_Hysterically turns and runs into the house as JOHN comes out._
THEODORE
[_following_]
Jean, you must not, you shall not--[_JOHN blocks THEODORE. REX runs in
after JEAN. To JOHN._] John, I warn you! I'll prevent this marriage.
I'll tell every clergyman in the diocese. I'll inform the bishop
himself. This marriage would be a sacrilege.
JOHN
You dare threaten me--after all I've done for you!
THEODORE
Your five thousand was a loan--not a bribe--every cent of it will be
returned.
JOHN
You can't return it. I wouldn't let you if you could. Come, it's all in
the family. [_THEODORE shakes his head._] You know that beautiful Gothic
chapel old man Baker is building on his estate? He likes you. I'll tell
him you're just the man he's looking for--safe and sane--no socialistic
tendencies.
THEODORE
Don't trouble yourself--he offered me the place this morning.
JOHN
You didn't refuse it!
THEODORE
I did--this morning. But since my last talk with you I've reconsidered,
I've telephoned my acceptance.
JOHN
[_genuinely glad_]
Bully! Great! Why, now you're fixed for life. "Only one kind of fitness
encouraged," eh?... Right always triumphs in the end. Never lose your
faith again, Theodore.
THEODORE
Right? That whited sepulchre! his mill hands dying like flies, his
private life a public scandal!
JOHN
[_with a cynical grin_]
Then why accept his tainted money?
THEODORE
[_from his soul_]
To keep my wife alive. To keep my children out of the streets. To keep
myself out of deeper debt to you. That's why I accept it--that's why
many a man sells his soul to the devil.... If I had only myself to
consider--why, to me a little thing like death would be a blessed
luxury. But I, why, John, I cannot afford--even to die. I must
compromise and live--live for those dependent on me.... Your five
thousand will be returned with interest, but your little sister will
not be married to a man she does not want.
JOHN
But Rex wants _her_ and money talks in this world, louder than the
Church. Refuse to marry Baker's son and how long will you keep Baker's
chapel?... Think it over, Theodore, think it over.
[_Suddenly the JUDGE in motor garments covered with dust comes out
panting, followed by LUCY calling._
LUCY
Uncle Everett! Uncle Everett!
JUDGE
John! Oh, John!
JOHN
Where is she!
THEODORE
You were too late!
JUDGE
Wait! Give me time to get my breath.
[_Fans himself with his cap and mops brow._
JOHN
My detective--didn't he meet their train?
[_JUDGE nods yes._
LUCY
But they saw him first?
[_JUDGE shakes head no._
THEODORE
Didn't he follow them?
[_JUDGE nods yes._
JOHN
Where'd they go? Where are they? Speak, man, speak!
JUDGE
[_raises cap and handkerchief_]
Now, just give me a chance and I'll tell the whole story.... The
detective was waiting at the station. He saw them step out of the
train. He followed them to the cab-stand. He watched them get into a
taxi--jumped into another himself--and away they went, pursued by the
detective and blissfully ignorant of his existence.... Even now they
don't know they were being watched--or else ... well, they might have
taken another course.
LUCY
Quick! Tell us the worst.
JUDGE
[_hesitates_]
Well ... they drove straight to Helen's apartment.
LUCY
And you were too late. I thought so.
JOHN
But my detective?
JUDGE
He followed and reported to me when I reached town.
LUCY
Reported what? Tell us all.
JUDGE
First he saw Ernest help Helen out of the taxi--very tenderly, like
this. Little they realized then how every detail was to be reported to
you now!
JOHN
Go on! Go on!
JUDGE
Then the detective saw Ernest deliberately----
LUCY
Yes, go on.
JUDGE
Deliberately lift his hat like this, say "good afternoon" just like
that, and drive on to his own apartment a mile away.
[_There is a sudden silence; the others waiting the JUDGE now sits
down._
LUCY
Oh, is that all?
THEODORE
Why, it's exactly as if they were engaged!
JUDGE
No, Theodore, not _exactly_ as if engaged.
JOHN
You're keeping something back from us! Speak!
JUDGE
[_gets up from chair_]
Must I tell you? It's rather delicate.... Well, he didn't even step into
the vestibule to kiss her good-by.
[_All look at each other._
JOHN
But where are they now? Quick!
LUCY
They met later! I knew it.
JUDGE
Yes, it's true. They are alone together at this very moment.
ALL
Where! Where?
JUDGE
[_pointing to house_]
There.
JOHN
What! What are they doing here?
JUDGE
[_resumes fanning_]
Discussing the marriage problem. [_General rejoicing and relief._] Sssh!
Not so loud, you might interrupt them.
JOHN
[_nodding knowingly_]
Cold feet! Knew he'd lose his job.
LUCY
The disgrace. She couldn't face it.
THEODORE
No, conscience. A deep religious nature.
[_They all think it over a moment, each sure of his own diagnosis._
JOHN
[_turning to JUDGE with amusement_]
So! Decided the soul-mate theory wouldn't work in practice, eh?
THEODORE _and_ LUCY
And they agree to marry?
JUDGE
[_stops fanning_]
Marry? My, no! Nothing like that. They think less of marriage than ever
now! Helen is using woman's sweet indirect influence on Ernest in there
at this moment!
[_All start toward the house impulsively, but on second thoughts
they all stop._
JOHN
Then how on earth did you get them back!
JUDGE
[_lighting cigar_]
Oh, perfectly simple, I promised Helen you'd apologize to Ernest;
promised Ernest you'd apologize to Helen. [_To LUCY._] Promised both
you'd arrange a nice little family party for 'em. They bear no grudge.
They're too happy.
LUCY
[_horrified. Indicates table_]
The family party--for _them_? Horrors!
JUDGE
[_tossing away match_]
Yes, here in your happy home. [_The others turn on the JUDGE
indignantly._] Well, don't jump on _me_. I tell you they positively
decline to elope until after they tell the whole damn family.
Considerate of them, I say. You don't deserve it, if you ask me.
JOHN
[_incredulous_]
Tell the whole ... see here, are they crazy? Are _you_ crazy? Do you
think _I'm_ crazy?
[_Impetuously turns toward the house, a man of action._
JUDGE
[_stopping JOHN_]
Wait!... You've already done your best to destroy your sister--but
you've utterly failed. They have done nothing wrong--_as yet_. Why, they
are the finest, truest, noblest pair of lovers I ever met! Now, aren't
they, Theodore?
THEODORE
I can't say that I call Helen's ideas of marriage "noble," exactly!
JUDGE
[_grandiloquent_]
She is willing to sacrifice even marriage for his career. Isn't that
noble? And he! willing to sacrifice even his career for marriage. Both
noble, if you ask me.
JOHN
[_loud_]
Noble tommy-rot!--a pair of pig-headed, highbrow fools! They don't have
to sacrifice anything for anybody. Can't they work together just as well
married as unmarried?
JUDGE
[_slyly_]
That's what I said to her, but you had already convinced her that it was
impractical. Work and marriage--"combine the two, and you'll fail at
both"--your own warning, John.
JOHN
[_angry_]
B'r'r--you think you're very funny, don't you! But that's my sister in
there, planning to be that fellow's mistress--right here in my own
house! Anything funny about that!
JUDGE
[_stepping aside_]
All right, go put a stop to it then! [_JOHN starts toward house._] It's
your own house--turn her out again. [_JOHN stops short._] What are you
going to do about it, John? [_JOHN has no answer._] Drive little Jean
into marriage with a man she does not love--she is an old-fashioned
girl. But your other sister--you can't make her marry even the man she
does love, unless she sees fit. She is the New Woman! Society can no
longer force females into wedlock--so it is forcing them out ... by the
thousands! Approve of it? Of course not. But what good will our
disapproval do? They will only laugh at you. The strike is on. Few of
the strikers will let you see it. Few of the strikers have Helen's
courage. But, believe it or not, the strike will spread. It cannot be
crushed by law or force. Unless society wakes up and reforms its rules
and regulations of marriage, marriage is doomed.... What are you going
to do about it? [_Silence._] I thought so--nothing. Call them bad women
and let it go at that. Blame it all on human nature, made by God, and
leave untouched our human institutions, made by man. You poor little
pessimists! human nature to-day is better than it ever was, but our most
important institution is worse--the most sacred relationship in life has
become a jest in the market-place.... You funny little cowards, you're
afraid of life, afraid of love, afraid of truth. You worship lies, and
call it God!
JOHN
[_interrupts_]
All right, all right--but we can't change marriage overnight just to
suit Helen. What are _you_ going to do about it?
JUDGE
There's just one thing to do. Will you back me up in everything I say?
JOHN
[_acknowledging his own defeat_]
Anything--everything.
JUDGE
Then tell Helen she doesn't have to marry, that, with the best
intentions, the Church has made a muddle of monogamy.
[Illustration: _From a photograph by White Studio._
JUDGE: You poor little pessimists! Human nature to-day is better
than it ever was, but our most important institution is worse--the
most sacred relationship in life has become a jest in the
market-place.]
THEODORE
Uncle Everett, I protest.
JUDGE
That we all admire their consecrated courage and advise their trying
this conscientious experiment.
JOHN
Not if I have anything to say about it!
JUDGE
But you haven't. Do please get that through your head.... Theodore,
they've talked enough, ask them to step out here and receive John's
blessing. [_Impatiently._] Go on--I'll fix John. [_THEODORE goes._] [_To
JOHN, who is about to burst forth._] Oh, see here, did you ever pull a
dog into the house against his will?... Let him alone and he'll follow
you in, wag his tail, and lick your hand.
JOHN
You mean, they'll come in, be respectable?
JUDGE
Admit that marriage has numerous drawbacks--and they'll see its
advantages. Deny it--and they'll see nothing but each other. Marriage
_is_ in a bad way, but it's the less of two evils. Marriage _must_
adjust itself to the New Woman--_but_ the New Woman must meanwhile
adjust herself to marriage. [_Briskly to LUCY._] Now, then, did you send
out that hurry call for the family this evening?
LUCY
Yes, they're on their way here now, but Uncle Everett, Doctor Hamilton
said, next week.
JUDGE
Yes, I know--it'll be a little surprise party for Helen.... Did you
order some music?
LUCY
Yes, the musicians are to be stationed in the library.
JUDGE
Excellent, excellent. [_Indicates tables and festoons._] All that junk
will help, too. A good Sunday supper this evening, Lucy; your best
champagne, John--gay spirits, family affection, warm approval, toasts to
the future. Why, all we'll have to do is--[_Breaks off._] Here they
come. Now follow my lead. They've done a lot of thinking since you saw
them last, but--make one misstep and it's all off.
LUCY
Be nice to her, John. It was just a girlish impulse.
[_JOHN opens arms to receive HELEN._
JOHN
My sister! All is forgiven.
HELEN
[_stops short, her lip curls_]
_You_ forgive _me_?
[_Before JOHN can reply, THEODORE and ERNEST follow, talking._
ERNEST
But I tell you he had a perfect right to put me off his property. The
thing I can't overlook--[_Sees JOHN and LUCY. Points finger at them
accusingly._] Theodore has told me what you thought.... Please don't
judge us by yourselves again--you licentious-minded married people!
[_He shrugs his shoulders with fastidious disgust and turns his
back upon them._
JOHN
[_gasping_]
Well, I'll be damned.
JUDGE
[_whispers_]
Stand for it--he's right.
THEODORE
But Ernest ... I'm bound to say when two people run away together----
ERNEST
Ah, Theodore! you, too? Are all married people alike? Did we want to
"run away" as you call it? Did we not ask for a week to think it over?
Did we not stipulate that in any case we must frankly face the family
first? But this person--what did he do? he ordered us off his property,
like trespassers! What could we do? Sit down in the road and wait a
week? Bah! we went home--you suspicious married people, you
hypocritical, unspeakable married people! [_JUDGE has difficulty in
restraining JOHN._] Why, I believe our good friend the Judge here is the
only decent-minded, properly married person on your property.
JOHN
[_bursting out_]
Decent-minded--why, he's div----
[_LUCY stops him._
JUDGE
[_steps in_]
Dev-oted to his wife. Lucy is jealous of what I'm doing for my wife.
[_Controls laughter._] Now come, we must all just let bygones be
bygones. We know your intentions are honorable, your courage admirable;
and for whatever was amiss in word, deed, or thought, we all humbly
apologize--don't we, John? [_JOHN bows uncomfortably._] Lucy? Theodore?
And now I want you all to tell Ernest and Helen what you told me--that
their arguments against marriage are unanswerable, their logic
unimpeachable, and we no longer have the slightest intention or desire
to get them divorced by matrimony. [_JOHN, THEODORE, and LUCY look
dubious. JUDGE crosses over and pinches them. HELEN and ERNEST are
utterly bewildered._] Why, we wouldn't let a little thing like marriage
come between them for the world, would we, John? would we, Lucy? would
we, Theodore?
JOHN
[_with an effort_]
I agree with Uncle Everett entirely.
JUDGE
And you, Theodore?
THEODORE
[_in a low voice_]
Perfectly.
JUDGE
And you, Lucy?
LUCY
[_with a nervous glance at JOHN_]
Absolutely.
JUDGE
[_to the lovers_]
There. You see?
[_ERNEST looks from one to the other in amazement._
HELEN
[_laughing_]
I don't believe a word of it!
JUDGE
Why not? why not?
HELEN
Very well, then invite the whole family here next Sunday!
JUDGE
They'll be here in an hour.
[_Points to tables._
HELEN _and_ ERNEST
[_recoiling_]
In an hour!
JUDGE
Yes, you are to begin your new life together this evening! Isn't it
lovely?
HELEN
[_gasping_]
But that's so sudden. Why, we--we aren't ready.
THEODORE
Just as ready as you'll ever be.
JUDGE
Ernest's vacation begins to-morrow--your honeymoon.
HELEN
But, don't you see----
LUCY
Those new Paris clothes John gave you--your trousseau.
ERNEST
Well, but----
JUDGE
And this family gathering this evening, your--in a manner of
speaking--wedding party. [_Waving aside all the lovers' objections._]
Now, it's all fixed, let's go and dress for the--as it were--ceremony.
ERNEST
[_blocks the way. Serious_]
Wait! Did I ever say I would not marry this woman?
[_All stop, turn, exchange glances._
JUDGE
[_apart_]
Ah! a broad-minded chap.
JOHN
[_with a wink at JUDGE_]
Ah! so you think you'd like to marry my sister after all?
ERNEST
Oh, you're an ass! What have I been doing for the past twenty-four
hours? Begging her to marry me. What have you been doing? Preventing it.
Why did I postpone sailing for a week? Why did I insist upon the family
party? [_Comes nearer to JOHN._] You're an idiot.
JUDGE
[_pinching JOHN_]
Stand for it, John. You've got to stand for it. Tell him you love him
like a brother ... in-law.
JOHN
[_controls himself_]
Well, I ... I--you have my consent, Doctor Hamilton, I'm sure.
ERNEST
_Your_ consent! What's that got to do with it? [_They all turn toward
HELEN. ERNEST steps between them._] Now wait!... This morning you tried
bullying. Did it work? This afternoon bluffing. Think _that_ will work?
[_Hand on HELEN'S shoulder._] You can't frighten her into marriage. I've
tried that myself. We've got to appeal to some higher motive than
self-interest or superstition with _this_ woman, racial motives,
unselfish motives. [_With force._] But don't talk to me about her being
"immoral." I won't stand for it. If you want her to marry, prove the
morality of marriage.
THEODORE
The "morality of marriage"! What next?
ERNEST
[_to THEODORE_]
That's what I said--the morality of _marriage_! This woman is not on
trial before you. Marriage is on trial before her, and thus far I'm
bound to say you've not made out a good case for it. But simply
_justify_ her marrying me, and--I give you my word--you can perform the
ceremony this very evening. No license is required in this State, you
know.
[_This creates a sensation._
JUDGE
Now, what could be fairer than that! [_To HELEN._] Do you agree to this?
HELEN
[_she nods_]
We agree in everything.
JUDGE
_Both_ broad-minded!
HELEN
[_quietly_]
I never said I did not believe in a legal wedding--[_others surprised_]
for those who can afford the luxury of children.... But for those who
have to take it out in working for other people's children all their
lives--a ceremony seems like a subterfuge. Without children I don't see
how any marriage is ever consummated--socially.
THEODORE
Ah, but this relationship--it's a sacred thing in itself.
HELEN
[_sincerely_]
I know it. I want to do right, Theodore, please believe that I do! But
the kind of marriage preached by the Church and practised by the
world--does that cherish the real sacredness of this relationship? Of
course, I can only judge from appearances, but so often marriage seems
to destroy the sacredness--yes, and also the usefulness--of this
relationship!
ERNEST
But, my dear girl----
HELEN
[_smiles_]
He thinks so, too. Only he has a quaint, mannish notion that he must
"protect me." [_To ERNEST, patting his arm._] Haven't you, dear!
[_Again she has raised the shield of flippancy._
JUDGE
What did I tell you, Theodore? The old marriage doesn't fit the New
Woman. A self-supporting girl like Helen objects to obeying a mere
man--like Ernest.
HELEN
[_patting the JUDGE'S arm affectionately, too_]
Uncle Everett, you know nothing about it! You think you understand the
new generation. The only generation you understand is the one which
clamored for "Woman's Rights." [_To ERNEST._] I obey you already--every
day of my life, do I not, dear? [_Looking up into his face._] You're my
"boss," aren't you, Ernest? [_To JUDGE._] But I do object to contracting
by law for what is better done by love.
JUDGE
[_laughs fondly_]
But suppose the promise to obey were left out?
HELEN
But the contract to love--[_To THEODORE._] that's so much worse, it
seems to me. Obedience is a mere matter of will, is it not? But when a
man promises to love until death----
THEODORE
Are you so cold, so scientific, so _unsexed_, that you cannot trust the
man you love?
HELEN
Why, Theodore, if I didn't trust him I'd _marry_ him! Contracts are not
for those who trust--they're for those who don't.
LUCY
[_takes HELEN apart_]
Now, I may be old-fashioned, Helen, but I'm a married woman, and I know
men. You never can tell, my dear, you never can tell.
HELEN
Do you think I'd live with a man who did not love me? Do you think I'd
live _on_ a man I did not love? [_LUCY blinks._] Why, what kind of a
woman should I be then! The name wife--would that change it? Calling it
holy--would that hallow it?... Every woman, married or not, knows the
truth about this! In her soul woman has always known. But until to-day
has never dared to tell.
ERNEST
[_approaching HELEN_]
Oh, come now--those vows--they aren't intended in a literal sense. Ask
Theodore. Why, no sane person means half of that gibberish. "With all my
worldly goods I thee endow"--millions of men have said it--how many ever
did it? How many clergymen ever expect them to!... It's all a polite
fiction in beautiful, sonorous English.
HELEN
The most sacred relationship in life! Ernest, shall you and I enter it
unadvisedly, lightly, and with LIES on our lips?... Simply because
others do?
ERNEST
[_a little impatient_]
But the whole world stands for this. And the world won't stand for that.
HELEN
Is that reverently, soberly, and in the fear of God? No, cynically,
selfishly, and in the fear of man. I don't want to be obstinate, I don't
like to set myself up as "holier than thou," but, Ernest, unless we
begin honestly, we'll end dishonestly. Somehow marriage seems wicked to
me.
JUDGE
[_nudging THEODORE_]
How do you like that?
THEODORE
John is right--they've gone mad.
ERNEST
All the same, you've got to marry me--you've simply _got_ to.
HELEN
You are mistaken. I do _not_ have to marry _any one_. I can support
myself.
ERNEST
Then I'm disappointed in you.
HELEN
And I in you.
ERNEST
I thought you were sensible.
HELEN
I thought you were honest.
ERNEST
Honest! You accuse me of dishonesty?
HELEN
You don't believe in "half of that gibberish." Yet you are willing to
work the Church for our own worldly advantage! You are willing to
prostitute the most sacred thing in life!... If that is not dishonest,
what is!
ERNEST
And you are the woman I love and want to marry! In all my life I was
never accused of dishonesty before.
HELEN
You never tried to marry before. No one is honest about marriage.
ERNEST
I never shall try again. I'm going to Paris to-morrow and I'm going
alone.
HELEN
Then do it. Don't threaten it so often--do it.
ERNEST
I shall. And I'll never come back.
HELEN
Nobody asked you to.
ERNEST
Helen--for the last time--just for my sake--marry me.
HELEN
For the last time--no! no! NO!! I won't be a hypocrite even for your
sake.
[_She turns away, he starts off, then stops, rushes over to her._
ERNEST
[_holds out arms_]
I can't. You know it. Without you I'm nothing.
HELEN
[_taking both his hands_]
Without you.... Oh, my dear, my dear.
ERNEST
Forgive me, forgive me.
HELEN
It was all my fault.
ERNEST
No, I was a brute. I'm not worthy of you.
HELEN
[_covering his lips with her hand_]
Sssh--I can't stand it--I was perfectly horrid to you. And you were
doing it all for my sake. [_Laughing and crying._] You dear old thing--I
knew it all the time.
[_They seem about to embrace._
JUDGE
[_shaking with laughter_]
Was there ever in the world anything like it!... Well, children, see
here. He's willing to lie for your sake. She's willing to die for your
sake. Now, why not just split the difference and have a civil ceremony
for _our_ sake.
THEODORE
No, they will marry for a better reason. Think of the _sin_ of it! [_To
HELEN._] Have you no sense of sin?
JUDGE
If not, think of the humor of it! Have you no sense of humor?
HELEN
[_still drying eyes and smiling to JUDGE_]
Not a scrap. Neither has Ernest. Have you, dear?
ERNEST
I _hope_ not--judging from those who always say they have.
THEODORE
[_solemnly_]
Helen, look at Ernest--Ernest look at Helen. [_The lovers do so._] Look
into each other's very souls!... You know, you _must_ know, that in the
eyes of God this thing would be a sin, a heinous sin.
[_The lovers gaze deep into each other's eyes in silence._
ERNEST
[_tremulous from the emotion he has just been through_]
The glory and the gladness I see in this woman's eyes a sin? Her trust
in me, my worship of her, our new-found belief in a future life, our
greater usefulness together in this--bah! don't talk to me about sin!
Such women cannot sin--they love.
JOHN
[_tired out_]
Oh, you can talk all night, but this is a practical world. How long
could you keep your job in the institute? Then how'll you live! Private
practice? No respectable home will let you inside the door.
ERNEST
I've seen the inside of respectable homes. I want no more. [_Taking from
his pocket a piece of paper._] This morning I came to ask for your
sister's hand in marriage. Your manners did not please me. So I cabled
over to Metchnikoff. [_Hands cablegram to JOHN._] His answer. Positions
await us both at the Pasteur Institute in Paris. That luxurious suite on
to-morrow's steamer still waits in my name.
THEODORE
Ernest! Stop! Think! This woman's soul is in your hands.
[_ERNEST seems to hesitate. HELEN crosses to him. JUDGE seizes
JOHN, whispers, and shoves him across._
JOHN
Doctor Hamilton! I apologize!... You're a man of the world. You know
what this means--she doesn't. She is in your power--for God's sake go to
Paris without her.
[_JOHN tries to lead HELEN away from ERNEST. She shudders at
JOHN'S masterful touch and clings to her lover._
ERNEST
And leave her here in _your_ power? Never again! You've forced her out
of her work--you'd force her into legalized prostitution, if you could,
like her innocent little sister. [_Snatches HELEN away from JOHN._] No,
married or not, she sails with me in the morning. That's final.
[_The lovers turn away together._
JUDGE
Where are you going?
HELEN
To ask Marie to pack my trunk.
ERNEST
To telephone for a motor.
JUDGE
But you won't start until after the family party?
ERNEST
Of course not.
[_In a sudden silence HELEN and ERNEST walk into the house,
leaving the family in despair._
JUDGE
[_after a long sigh, to JOHN_]
I knew you'd bungle it, I knew it--but there's still a chance, just one
more card to play.
[_The BUTLER comes out._
LUCY
Good heavens! Already?
BUTLER
Mr. and Mrs. Willoughby, Doctor and Mrs. Grey, and the Misses Grey.
LUCY
[_flurried_]
And we're not even dressed!
JUDGE
No matter. It's Sunday--many orthodox people ... why, Mr. Baker won't
even dine out on Sunday.
[_Enter the persons announced. Greetings._ "How warm it is for
September." ... "And how's the baby, Margaret?" _etc._
_JOHN and JUDGE apart are planning excitedly. JEAN and REX come
out, and finally HELEN, followed by ERNEST._
BUTLER
Dinner is served, ma'am.
[_The SECOND MAN touches button. Japanese lanterns glow, silver
shines, and all move toward the tables, a happy, united family._
LUCY
[_going-to-dinner manner as she leads the way_]
We can hardly go out formally because we're already out, you know. Aunt
Susan, will you sit over there on John's right? Doctor Hamilton by me?
Rex on the other side?
JOHN
Here, Helen. No, Jean, you are beside Rex, you know.
JUDGE
Until married, then you're separated.
LUCY
Cousin Charlie--that's it. [_All take their places._] Most extraordinary
weather for September, isn't it?
JUDGE
[_he slaps his cheek_]
Isn't it?
LUCY
[_shocked and hurt_]
That's the first mosquito I have ever known on our place.
JOHN
[_indignantly_]
We never have mosquitoes here. You must have been mistaken.
[_The servants are passing in and out of house with courses. The
BUTLER now brings a telegram to JUDGE._
JUDGE
From Julia! [_Tears it open eagerly, reads, and then shouts._] She's
coming back to me, she's coming back! Look at that, look at that!
[_Jumps up and shows telegram to JOHN. Then taking it around to
LUCY he sings to tune of "Merrily we roll along"_:
Aunt Julia is coming back
Coming back--coming back
Aunt Julia is coming back
Coming back from Reno.
HELEN
[_laughing_]
From Reno? That sounds like divorce, Uncle Everett.
JUDGE
Like divorce? Does that sound like divorce? [_Takes telegram from LUCY
and hands it to HELEN._] Read it aloud.
HELEN
[_reading_]
"Dear boy, I can't stand it, either. Come to me or I go to you."
JUDGE
[_sings during the reading_]
Coming back from Reno. [_Breaks off--to HELEN._] So you thought we
wanted a divorce, did you?
[Illustration: _From a photograph by White Studio._
JUDGE: We thought we believed in trial marriage. Nothing of the
sort--trial separation! What marriage put asunder divorce has
joined together.]
HELEN
I never dreamed of such a thing.
JUDGE
[_looks at her a moment, then in a burst_]
Well, _I_ did. The dream of my life--your Aunt Julia's, too. We thought
we believed in trial marriage, but we don't--we believe in trial
_separation_!
THEODORE
[_uncomfortably_]
They thought they didn't love each other, but they do, you see.
JUDGE
We don't, we don't, but we can't get along without each other ... got
the habit of having each other around and can't break it.... This
morning I telegraphed: "Are you doing this just for my sake?" She
replied, "Tutti-frutti." [_Sings._] Aunt Julia's coming back. Oh, I'm
too happy to eat. [_Singing, while others eat and drink_:
Coming back, coming back,
Aunt Julia is coming back
Coming back from Reno.
And I don't care who knows it. The more the better for marriage. The
truth--give me more truth, give me more--champagne. [_BUTLER fills glass
as JUDGE raises it._] Here's to your Aunt Julia, the best wife--I ever
had. [_All rise, drink, laugh, and sit down._] And I'll never, never get
another.... You know I thought maybe I might. Oh, Everett, Everett, you
sly dog, you old idiot you!
JOHN
[_arises, clearing throat, tapping on glasses for silence_]
And now, speaking of divorce, I have an engagement to announce. [_Some
laughter but all quiet down. He smiles at JEAN._] Of course, you can't
guess whose. Friends, it is my privilege to announce the engagement of
my good friend Rex Baker to my dear sister Jean. [_Gentle applause and
congratulations. Music begins._] And so I will now ask all to arise and
drink to the health and prosperity of my little sister and my
brother-in-law to be! And my best wish is that they will be as happy as
my better half and me. [_All cheer and drink health standing._] Speech,
Rex!
[_Some of them playfully try to put him on his feet._
REX
[_shaking his head and maintaining his seat_]
I can't make a speech. I'm too happy for words--See-what-I-mean?
HELEN
[_in a low, significant tone_]
Jean, aren't you going to say something?
JEAN
[_arises, all silent, she looks at LUCY, REX, JOHN_]
Words cannot describe my happiness, either.
[_She resumes her seat, and all gather round to congratulate JEAN
and REX._
JOHN
[_rapping for quiet_]
One moment, one moment. Another toast, another toast! [_Others quiet
down._] We have with us to-night one who, in honoring whom we honor
ourselves, one who with capital back of him would soon become the
greatest scientist in America! [_JUDGE leads applause_, "hear, hear!"
_etc. JOHN raises glass._] To the distinguished guest whom I am proud
to welcome to my humble board, to the noble humanitarian whom Mr. Baker
delights to honor, to the good friend whom we all admire and trust,
Doctor Ernest Hamilton!
[_All applaud and about to drink health, JUDGE jumps up._
JUDGE
And to his fair collaborator! the brave woman who at this modern
warrior's side daily risks her life for others, handling death and
disease in those mighty but unsung battles for the common weal!
[_Applause._] A New Woman? No, friends, look behind the stupid names the
mob would cast, like stones to destroy, look and you will see your true
conservative--willing to appear radical in order to conserve woman's
work in the world! willing to appear ridiculous to right ancient wrongs!
willing even to appear _wrong_--for those she loves! Ah, the same
old-fashioned woman we all adore, in a form so new we blindly fail to
understand her glorious advent before our very eyes! To Helen, the
gracious embodiment of all that is sweetest, noblest, and best in
womanhood--to Helen! Our lovely Helen!
JOHN
[_up again at once_]
Family approval, social esteem, and an honored career--all this is
theirs for the asking! To-day to me they have confessed their
love--to-night to you I now announce ... their engagement! Long life and
happiness to Helen and Ernest!
[_Great enthusiasm--even pounding on the table. ERNEST arises,
looking surprised. JOHN signalling to rest of family to join in._
THE FAMILY
[_glasses raised, drowning out ERNEST_]
Long life and happiness, long life and happiness!
ERNEST
[_raises hand_]
Wait! Before you drink this toast.... [_The glasses stop midway. Sudden
silence._] Your congratulations we appreciate, your kind wishes we
desire--but not on false pretences. We are not engaged to be married.
[_In the tense silence a shudder ripples the family joy._
REX
[_apart to JEAN_]
Gee! They had a scrap, too?
JOHN
[_up, nervously. ERNEST still standing_]
If I may interrupt.... He has financial reasons--I respect him for
it. But this very day the Baker Institute in recognition of Doctor
Hamilton's distinguished services to humanity has doubled his
salary--doubled it! It's all right now--it's all right.
REX
[_apart to JEAN_]
Four thousand, eh?... get a very decent touring car for that.
ERNEST
[_to all_]
That is very kind, but that is not the point. True, our mutual needs are
such that we cannot live nor work apart, but our convictions are such
that we cannot live and work _together_--in what you have the humor to
call "holy wedlock." Now, Helen, the motor is waiting.
[_Sensation. Gasps of amazement and horror. Some jump up from
table. A chair is upset. ERNEST holds HELEN'S wrap. General
movement and murmurs._
JOHN
[_barring way_]
You leave this house only over my dead body.
[_Others gather around lovers._
JUDGE
[_to all_]
Stand back!... Let him among you who has a purer ideal of love, a higher
conception of duty cast the first stone.
[_All stop. Silenced._
THEODORE
But this man and this woman would destroy marriage!
JUDGE
[_standing beside lovers_]
No! Such as they will not destroy marriage--they will save it! They
restore the vital substance while we preserve the empty shell.
Everything they have said, everything they have done, proves it. The
promise to love--they could not help it--they took it--I heard them. The
instinct for secrecy--they felt it--we all do--but straightway they told
the next of kin. [_Points to JOHN._] Even when insulted and driven forth
from the tribe, they indignantly refused to be driven into each other's
arms until you of the same blood could hear them plight their troth!
Believe in marriage? Why, there never was, there never will be a more
perfect tribute to true marriage than from this fearless pair you now
accuse of seeking to destroy it! [_JOHN tries to interrupt, but the
JUDGE waves him down._] They have been not only honorable but
old-fashioned, save in the one orthodox detail of accepting the
authority constituted by society for its protection and for _theirs_.
[_To HELEN and ERNEST._] But now, I'm sure, before starting on their
wedding journey--another old-fashioned convention they believe in--that,
just to please us if not themselves, they will consent to be united in
the bonds of holy wedlock by Cousin Theodore who stands ready and
waiting with prayer-book in hand.
[_Family subsides. Everybody happy. THEODORE steps up, opens
prayer-book._
THEODORE
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God----"
HELEN
[_suddenly loud and clear_]
Theodore! are you going to marry Rex and Jean?
JOHN
[_impatiently_]
Of course, of course, Mr. Baker's chaplain.
ERNEST
[_recoiling_]
Theodore! You! Are you going to stand up and tell the world that God has
joined those two together--GOD?
[_THEODORE looks at JOHN but does not deny it and says nothing._
HELEN
Then you will be blaspheming love--and God who made it. No, you shall
not marry us.
ERNEST
[_agreeing with HELEN_]
Some things are too sacred to be profaned.
THEODORE
[_overwhelmed_]
Profaned?... By the Church?
JOHN
Your love too sacred for the Church? The Church has a name for such
love! The world a name for such women!
ERNEST
[_about to strike JOHN, then shrugs_]
A rotten world! A kept Church! Come, let's get away from it all! Come!
[_HELEN offers her hand in farewell to LUCY, but JOHN shields
her from HELEN'S touch, then to JEAN. REX shields JEAN from
contamination, but JEAN weeps._
JUDGE
[_barring the way. To ERNEST_]
Stop! You cannot! The very tie that binds you to this woman binds you to
us and to the whole world with hooks of steel! [_The lovers are still
going, JUDGE ascends steps, facing them._] For the last time! before too
late! ERNEST! You _know_ that in the eyes of God you _are_ taking this
woman to be your wife.
ERNEST
In the eyes of _God_, I _do_ take Helen to be my wife--but----
JUDGE
You, Helen! Speak, woman, speak!
HELEN
I take Ernest to be my husband in the eyes of God, but----
JUDGE
[_raises his hand augustly and in a voice of authority_]
Then, since you, Ernest, and you, Helen, have made this solemn
declaration before God and in the presence of witnesses, I, by the
authority vested in me by the laws of this State do now pronounce you
man and wife!
[_MR. and MRS. HAMILTON look at each other bewildered. Meanwhile
the silence has been pierced, first by a little hysterical scream
from JEAN, then the others all wake up and crowd about the happy
pair, congratulating them. The women who had snubbed HELEN before
cover her with kisses, for now she is fit for their embraces._
JOHN
[_to THEODORE_]
Saved! Saved! Respectable at last, thank God. [_Raising his glass and
hammering for attention._] Here's to the bride and groom.
[_ALL cheer, raise glasses, and drink._
ERNEST
[_when the noise dies down. As the others kiss HELEN_]
A moment ago you were a bad woman. Now [_to all_] behold! she is a good
woman. Marriage is wonderful.
[_JOHN and LUCY run to JUDGE and shake hands._
JUDGE
[_to JOHN and LUCY, his wife_]
Yes, Respectability has triumphed this time, but let Society take
warning and beware! beware! beware!
CURTAIN
* * * * *
BY JESSE LYNCH WILLIAMS
PRINCETON STORIES (1895).
THE ADVENTURES OF A FRESHMAN (1899).
THE STOLEN STORY, AND OTHER NEWSPAPER STORIES (1899).
NEW YORK SKETCHES (1902).
THE DAY-DREAMER (1906). Being a novelization of the four-act
comedy, "The Stolen Story."
THE GIRL AND THE GAME, AND OTHER COLLEGE STORIES (1908).
THE MARRIED LIFE OF THE FREDERIC CARROLLS (1910).
REMATING TIME (1916).
WHY MARRY? (1918). New edition of "And So They Were Married."
CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS