Another letter, my dear sister, and still from Norfolk. It was useless
to set out without the expected epistles to identify me, in case of
need; and they only arrived this morning. Then came the great and
important question of how, and by what manner, I was to proceed
to my journey's end. It was one which I gave no heed to till this
morning--an old habit of mine, by the way; for I fear my mind is
somewhat discursive, and rambles about important points, to amuse
itself on the outskirts of the question. No stage was to be had to the
point which I wished to reach--no steam-boat, because it is far
inland--no blessed post-horses, for those much enduring animals are
unknown in this country; and there were only two resources: what they
call here a buggy--that is to say, a rumbling, generally ill
conditioned vehicle, with either one or two half-starved nags, for the
hire of which one is charged the most extortionate price--or the
old-fashioned mode of locomotion on a horse's back. I determined upon
the latter resource; but upon going to a livery stable in the
neighbourhood of the inn, I saw a collection of animals so miserable
and forlorn, that I doubted much whether any one of them would reach
the end of the journey without falling to pieces. Moreover, my good
friend, the proprietor, made considerable difficulty as to hiring them
out for so long a journey, and gave me clearly to understand that he
should consider he was doing me a great favour if he acceded at all.
Not wishing to lay myself under an obligation to this very independent
gentleman, I walked away, determined to fall back upon the buggy, and
to get my new friend Mr. Wheatley, to undertake the negotiation for
me; for I somewhat feared that my temper, though I believe a tolerably
good one, might break down under similar discussions.
On going back to the inn, in order to send him a note, and finding my
worthy acquaintance, Zedekiah Jones, standing at the door, I inquired
of him, casually, if there were no other place than the one to which I
had been directed where I could hire a horse. He grinned, and shook
his head; but remarked, that I could buy plenty of very good horses if
I wanted one to purchase. He knew of two, he said, which had come into
town two days before, fresh and well-conditioned, and a capital match.
"But I only want one, my good friend," I replied.
"What horse carry your baggage, den, massa?" asked the man, with his
usual grin.
This was a new view of the case, which I had not thought of.
"But if I buy, or hire, two horses," I said, "who is to ride the
other, Master Zedekiah?"
"Old Zed ride t'other," answered the negro, chuckling as if he were
going into convulsions; "best groom you ever have. All my life with
horses till I break my leg, when that damn horse came down with me at
Richmond races. My gorry! I'd be glad to get upon a horse's back
again. Old Zed ride t'other, massa, and take care of both--and you
too."
And he exploded again right joyfully.
To shorten my story, there was something so amusing in the man's
merriment, and so straightforward and good-humoured in his way, that
if I had ever had any starch or stiffness in my nature, it would have
been all relaxed and melted out. Putting aside all question of oddity,
or absurdity, I said to myself--
"I will buy the horses, and I'll hire old Zed, if the landlady is
willing to part with him. Sterne hired La Fleur much after the same
fashion, and for the same qualities. We'll march off together seeking
adventures. I'll be Don Quixote, and he shall be Sancho Panza. Not a
windmill have I seen in the country as yet; but, doubtless, we shall
find something that will do quite as well."
The whole business was soon settled. The landlady was charitably glad
that old Zed had got a good place, for she said she employed the poor
creature more from charity than anything else; and, after ordering him
a decent suit of apparel, and buying two pairs of capacious saddle
bags, we proceeded to the stable where the horses were to be seen.
They were very handsome beasts, and seemed sound wind and limb; and
though the price was very high, I concluded the bargain for them
rapidly, which I imagine produced greater respect for my purse than
for my person; and thus, my dear girl, I shall set out to-morrow,
mounted and squired, though I have not yet got my lance or shield, nor
the helmet of Mambrino.
On my return to the inn, I found Mr. Wheatley waiting for me, and told
him what I had done.
"Bravo!" he said; "true Virginian style. But have you got a large pair
of plated spurs? otherwise you won't pass current. Never mind; I'll
supply you. I bought half a dozen pair when I first came to this
state, and they have served as my introduction to the best society
ever since. But let me give you a hint or two before you go. There are
a thousand chances to one that you may miss your way, unless your
friend Zed has a very general knowledge of the country. Do not,
however, let that trouble you. Wherever you see a house, and it is
convenient to stop, pull down the fence, and ride straight at it. You
will find a hearty welcome. The Virginians are the most hospitable
people upon earth, and their houses have the faculty of stretching to
an inconceivable extent. As for food, you will always find, if nothing
else, good ham, fried chickens, eggs, and butter; often a capital
bottle of wine; and though, in the towns, men may think they are
conferring a favour upon you by selling you the merest trifle in which
it is their business to deal, at an exorbitant price--in the country
they will think you are conferring a favour by taking whatever they
have to give for nothing. The fact is, this exaggerated tone of
indifference and independence in the store-keepers is only assumed as
a balm to their vanity, a little wounded at having to sell anything.
Every man of them fancies himself to be a member of the first families
in Virginia, and would fain have his horses and hounds, and his score
or two of negroes. Not having them, he is anxious to make himself
believe, and to persuade others, that he only buys and sells for his
own amusement, and does not care ninepence whether people take his
wares or not."
I believe there is a great deal of truth in this view of the subject.
Whether Mr. Wheatley has given me as correct a picture of the
Virginian country gentlemen or not, remains to be proved; at all
events his advice, in many respects, may be valuable, and he has added
to it three or four letters which I think may be found of service.
"The squire, the parson, the lawyer, and the inn-keeper," he said,
"are great people in their way. I know them all in the direction in
which you tell me you are bending your steps."
"But, perhaps," said I----
Before I could conclude, he interrupted me with his peculiar, short,
quick laugh--always broken off suddenly, as if it were cut through in
the middle, saying--
"I understand; you may not wish to have any trumpets blown before you.
You may like to go quietly about whatever business you have to do. I
saw that your carpet bag had no name on it, and therefore, of course,
I asked the captain who you were, whence you came, whither you were
going, and everything about you, in the true Yankee spirit. My dear
sir, there is no such thing as secresy in this country. Every man
knows everybody else's business much better than his own. It is a
great deal worse in the East, that is true; and I have known one of my
fellow-countrymen pursue a silent and reserved traveller through two
long days' journey--quite out of his way too--simply because he knew
he should never have a moment's peace for the rest of his life if he
did not find out all about him. At last, the unfortunate traveller was
obliged to open out and tell him the whole story--true or false I do
not know--merely to be quit of him. However, I will write the letters
for you, and you can deliver them or not, as you like; but mind, I
tell you fairly, you can't conceal yourself. In this part of the
country, the negroes do all the work in the way of inquisitiveness,
which we Yankees do with our own tongues. There is nothing ever hidden
from a negro; and the moment he or she knows it, every person of the
same colour knows it throughout the whole town, and from them it gets
to the masters and mistresses. If ever a young gentleman kisses a
young lady behind the door, you may be quite sure there is a black eye
looking through a chink; and then it is, 'Lors a marcy, Miss Jemima!
what do you tink? Massa John kiss Miss Jane behind de door.' Then Miss
Jemima runs to Aunty Sal, and exclaims, 'Lors a marcy!' too, and
Aunty Sal tells it to Mammy Kate, and Mammy Kate tells it to her
dearly-beloved nursling, Miss Betty, who sends it round through all
the kith and kin of the parties concerned. Do you see that black man
walking along, who has just been talking to your friend Zed? He knows
all about you at this present moment.
"Yes, I see him," answered I, "the man carrying the sucking pig, you
mean?"
"Pardon me; that is not a sucking pig," answered Mr. Wheatley; "that
is _helotice_, a possum--_anglice_, an opossum; no bad dish let me
tell you, and one of which the negroes are very fond. But this is not
the season for them. After the persimons are ripe, they get
exceedingly fat and tender."
"And what are persimons?" I asked.
"A sort of wild fruit," he answered, "in shape somewhat like a plum,
and in taste like an apricot, of which the opossum is exceedingly
fond. But suffer not yourself to be deceived by the wags up the
country; for the Virginians are exceedingly fond of practical jokes.
Now the persimon may look perfectly ripe and tempting to the eye; but
till it is touched by the frost, soot and vinegar are honey and
Falernian to it. Neither, if you have an abhorrence, as I have, of
middle-aged pigs, suffer yourself to be tempted to eat an animal they
call here a shoat--a name I am convinced they have invented to cover
the abomination they are offering you. However, give me pen and ink,
and I will write these letters for you. I would give you more good
advice, but every one must buy his own experience in some degree, and
the best council I can give you, as to all men in a strange country,
is, 'keep your eyes open, and do as you see others do.'"
I thought this very good advice; for what I might call the
technicalities of any society are soon learned, and the pedantries of
society are not worth learning. In Russia, every man, from the prince
to the peasant, eats with his knife. In England, to do so is almost a
social crime; and yet, where in reality is the misdemeanor? Nothing
can be really and essentially vulgar that is not disgusting or
offensive to others. The best-bred Turk eats with his fingers; but he
takes care to wash his hands before he begins and after he has ended.
Perhaps he is really more cleanly than the man who eats with a fork
when he does not know whether it has been washed or not.
However, my friend sat down and wrote the letters for me; and, in the
meantime, Master Zed came in already dressed in his new apparel. I had
not waited to see his choice of habiliments, but had restricted the
shopkeeper--storekeeper, I should have said, God bless the mark! there
are no shopkeepers here--to a certain amount; and unquestionably my
new man's appearance somewhat startled me. He had got on a
plum-coloured frock or tunic coat, with a velvet collar almost red; a
pair of Windsor gray--I might almost say light blue pantaloons; a
decidedly bright blue cravat; and a shirt-collar so high, so
prominent, so extensive in every direction, that I could not but fear
that the poor man's round ball of a head would some day disappear in
it, white wool and all. He seemed, however, perfectly satisfied with
the effect; and I could see him cast sundry glances at a tall
looking-glass between the windows, which reflected an image such as is
rarely seen upon this globe. True, if he were happy, I had no reason
to be discontented; and happy he evidently was, poor man, though I
fancy some shirts and stockings had been sacrificed, out of the amount
of his equipment, to the splendour of the coat, the cravat, and the
pantaloons. Not the least did he presume upon his finery; but, with a
most deferential air, inquired what time I should be ready to start on
the following morning, humbly suggesting that my horses' fore-feet
would be better if shoed and pared, especially at some parts of the
road not being of the best, and blacksmiths' shops being few and far
between, it would be wise to set out all right, with a nail or two and
a hammer in one of the saddlebags.
Zed's precautions seemed to be not amiss; and this indication of care
and forethought appeared a good augury; so I gave him some money to
buy what he wanted, and dismissed him.
"They are good creatures," said Mr. Wheatley, looking up from his
letter, "capable of strong affections and strong attachments; but
child-like, and requiring constant supervision and care. Now this very
man, who has been so thoughtful on a matter in regard to which right
notions have been drummed into him by long habit, would make the most
egregious, the most absurd, and sometimes the most distressing
blunders in regard to things out of his routine. There are two
propensities, however, of which the race is rarely ever free--to
pilfer and to lie. The pilfering is usually confined to petty
articles; and it would really seem as if they reasoned with themselves
upon the matter, judging that what they take will please and benefit
them more than the loss will pain or injure you. The lie, too, has its
bounds and restrictions; it is like the lie of a child, issuing from
fear or from the wish of giving pleasure or amusement."
"May not both habits," I said, "be naturally traced to the positions
in which they are established? Having no property themselves, not even
_in_ themselves, may not their pilfering be a just retribution upon
those who are depriving them of all? and may not the lie from fear, or
from the purpose of pleasing, be traced to an institution which
deprives them of that manly dignity which knows not fear and scorns
deception?"
Mr. Wheatley's short, quick laugh broke in upon me again. "I think
not," he said: "you must see more of them before you can judge. Then
perhaps you may be of opinion that the pilfering is a mere proclivity
of their vanity or their small appetites. What they take is generally
a bright-coloured ribbon, or a bit of lace, or a spoonful out of a pot
of sweatmeats, or a glass out of a brandy bottle. You can teach a dog
to abstain from taking anything till it is given to him; but you can't
teach them, do what you will. There is no race upon the face of the
earth who should more frequently repeat the prayer 'Lead us not into
temptation;' for there is no race so little capable of withstanding
it. Then as to the lying, it is mere childishness. First, they have
what your authors call a 'diabetes' of talk. Truth is a great deal too
limited for them; they must speak about something. And when the lie
proceeds from fear it is nine times out of ten, unreasonable fear:
they are afraid of being blamed--of not being thought quick and ready
at an answer, and consequently, when any question is asked them,
rather than seem ignorant, they fabricate a falsehood. If anything
very important were at stake, a thousand to one they would tell the
truth. But upon these matters you must satisfy yourself; for of all
the rusty, rickety, breakable commodities in this world, second-hand
opinions are the worst; and yet nine men out of ten supply themselves
at brokers' shops, when they could get them fresh and strong from the
manufactory."
Thus saving, he set to the letters again; and after they were
concluded, gave me a very cordial invitation to his house on my
return, and left me, adding, "If you stay long, perhaps we may meet
were you are going; for I have some business up there, which should
have been attended to a month ago, at the county capital city, which
rejoices in the name of Jerusalem, although. Got wot, it is less like
Jerusalem than Carthage. Has it never struck you, how magnificently
ridiculous the names of our towns are in this country? Mount Ida,
about as high as my hand--Rome, descended from its seven hills into
the midst of a swamp--Syracuse, a couple of hundred miles from the
sea--and Jerusalem in a ham-producing district, with nothing but swine
all around it, spite of Moses and all the prophets. In fact, the
United States have been like a father with too many children, so
hard up for Christian names as to be obliged to give them the most
un-Christian names he could get."
One more short laugh, and he was gone.
And now, my dear sister, to-morrow morning at six, I start upon my
journey to the interior; but do not let your timid little imagination
conjure up images of danger and difficulty, which, take my word for
it, have no foundation but in your fancy. Though of course, as society
here is not so regulated as in Great Britain, seeing that a couple of
centuries can never do for any country what ten centuries can do, the
people are perfectly civilized, I can assure you--quite tame, upon my
word. There are no longer any terrible Indians with tomahawks and
scalping-knives; nor even ferocious backwoodsmen (at least about this
part of the country) whose daily occupation is to gouge, or bore, or
shoot down their adversaries. They are, as far as I have seen or
heard, a good-humoured, jovial, kind-hearted race, somewhat hot and
peppery it is true; but preserving many of those qualities intact
which we, in our crowds and thoroughfares, have lost or impaired. In
short, they have more character about them: the stamp is not worn off
the shilling; but, above all, they are especially hospitable.
Doubt not, therefore, that that hospitality will be extended to so
engaging and agreeable a young gentleman as your affectionate brother.