CAPTAINS BORIS AND JORIAN PROMOTE PEACE
Now this is the report which Captains Boris and Jorian, envoys (very)
extraordinary from the Prince and Princess of Plassenburg to the
reigning Duchess of Hohenstein, made to their home government upon their
return from the fords of the Alla.
They wrote it in collaboration, on the usual plan of one working and the
other assisting him with advice.
Jorian, being of the rotund and complaisant faction, acquiesced in the
proposal that he should do the writing. But as he never got beyond "To
our honoured Lord and Lady, Hugo and Helene, these----" there needs not
to be any particularity as to his manner of acting the scribe. He mended
at a pen till it looked like a brush worn to the straggling point. He
squared his elbows suddenly and overset the inkhorn. He daubed an entire
folio of paper with a completeness which left nothing to the
imagination.
Then he remembered that he knew where a secretary was in waiting. He
would go and borrow him. Jorian re-entered their bedroom with a beaming
smile, and the secretary held by the sleeve to prevent his escape. Both
felt that already the report was as good as written. It began thus:--
"With great assiduity (a word suggested by the secretary) your envoys
remembered your Highnesses' princely advice and command that we should
involve ourselves in no warfare or other local disagreement. So when we
heard that Hohenstein was to be invaded by the troops of the Prince of
Courtland we were deeply grieved.
"Nevertheless, judging it to be for the good of our country that we
should have a near view of the fighting, we left worthy and assured
substitutes in our place and room----"
"The parchment commission with a string round his belly!" explained
Jorian, in answer to the young secretary's lifted eyebrow; "there he is,
hiding behind the faggot-chest."
"Get on, Boris," quoth Jorian, from the settee on which he had thrown
himself; "it is your turn to lie."
"Good!" says Boris. And did it as followeth:--
"We left our arms behind us----"
"Such as we could not carry," added Jorian under his breath. The
secretary, a wise youth--full of the new learning and of talk concerning
certain books printed on paper and bound all with one _druck_ of a great
machine like a cheese-press--held his pen suspended over the paper in
doubt what to write.
"Do not mind him," said Boris. "_I_ am dictating this report."
"Yes, my lord!" replied the secretary from behind his hand.
"We left our arms and armour behind us, and went out to make
observations in the interest of your Highnesses' armies. Going down
through the woods we saw many wild swine, exceeding fierce. But having
no means of hunting these, we evaded them, all save one, which
misfortunately met its death by falling against a spear in the hands of
Captain Boris, and another, also of the male sex, shot dead by Jorian's
pistol, which went off by accident as it was passing."
"I have already written that your arms were left at home, according to
your direction," said the secretary, who was accustomed to criticise the
composition of diplomatic reports.
"Pshaw!" growled Boris, bending his brow upon such superfluity of
virtue; "a little thing like that will never be noticed. Besides, a man
must carry something. We had no cannon or battering rams with us,
therefore we were unarmed--to all intents and purposes, that is."
The secretary sighed. Verily life (as Von Orseln averred) must be easy
in Plassenburg, if such stories would pass with the Prince. And now it
seemed as if they would.
"We found the soldiers of the Duchess Joan waiting at the fords of the
Alla, which is the eastern border of their province. There were not many
of them, but all good soldiers. The Courtlanders came on in myriads,
with Muscovites without number. These last burned and slew all in their
path. Now the men of Hohenstein are good to attack, but their fault is
that they are not patient to defend. So it came to pass that not long
after we arrived at the fords of the Alla, one Werner von Orseln,
commander of the soldiers of the Duchess, ordered that his men should
attack the Courtlanders in front. Whereupon they crossed the ford, when
they should have stayed behind their shelter. It was bravely done, but
had better have been left undone.
"Remembering, however, your orders and our duty, we advanced with him,
hoping that by some means we might be able to promote peace.
"This we did. For (wonderful as it may appear) we convinced no fewer
than ten Muscovites whom we found sacking a farm, and their companions,
four sutlers of Courtland, that it was wrong to slay and ravish in a
peaceful country. In the heat of the argument Captain Boris received a
bullet through his shoulder which caused us for the time being to cease
our appeal and fall back. The Muscovites, however, made no attempt to
follow us. Our arguments had been sufficient to convince them of the
wickedness of their deed. We hope to receive your princely approval of
this our action--peace being, in our opinion, the greatest blessing
which any nation can enjoy. For without flattery we may say that if
others had argued with equal persuasiveness, the end would have been
happier.
"Then, being once more behind the flood-dykes of the Alla, Captain
Jorian examined the hurt of Captain Boris which he had received in the
peace negotiations with the Muscovites. It was but a flesh wound,
happily, and was soon bound up. But the pain of it acted upon both your
envoys as an additional incentive to put a stop to the horrors of war.
"So when a company of the infantry of Courtland, with whom we had
hitherto had no opportunity of wrestling persuasively, attacked the
fords, wading as deep as mid-thigh, we took upon us to rebuke them for
their forwardness. And accordingly they desisted, some retreating to the
further shore, while others, finding the water pleasant, remained, and
floated peacefully down with the current.
"This also, in some measure, made for peace, and we humbly hope for the
further approval of your Highnesses, when you have remarked our careful
observance of all your instructions.
"If only we had had with us our several companies of the Regiment of
Karl the Miller's Son to aid us in the discussion, more Cossacks and
Strelits might have been convinced, and the final result have been
different. Nevertheless, we did what we could, and were successful with
many beyond our hopes.
"But the men of Hohenstein being so few, and those of Courtland with
their allies so many, the river was overpassed both above and below the
fords. Whereupon I pressed it upon Werner von Orseln that he should
retreat to a place of greater hope and safety, being thus in danger on
both flanks.
"For your envoys have a respect for Werner von Orseln, though we grieve
to report that, being a man of war from his youth up, he does not
display that desire for peace which your good counsels have so deeply
implanted in our breasts, and which alone animates the hearts of Boris
and Jorian, captains in the princely guard of Plassenburg."
"Put that in, till I have time to think what is to come next!" said
Boris, waving his hand to the secretary. "We are doing pretty well, I
think!" he added, turning to his companion with all the self-conscious
pride of an amateur in words.
"Let us now tell more about Von Orseln, and how he would in no wise
listen to us!" suggested Jorian. "But let us not mix the mead too
strong! Our Hugo is shrewd!"
"This Werner von Orseln (be it known to your High Graciousnesses) was
the chief obstacle in the way of our making peace--except, perhaps,
those Muscovites with whom we were unable to argue, having no
opportunity. This Werner had fought all the day, and, though most
recklessly exposing himself, was still unhurt. His armour was covered
with blood and black with powder after the fashion of these wild
hot-bloods. His face also was stained, and when he spoke it was in a
hoarse whisper. The matter of his discourse to us was this:--
"'I can do no more. My people are dead, my powder spent. They are more
numerous than the sea-sands. They are behind us and before, also
outflanking us on either side.'
"Then we advised him to set his face to Hohenstein and with those who
were left to him to retreat in that direction. We accompanied him,
bearing in mind your royal commands, and eager to do all that in us lay
to advance the interests of amity. The enemy fetched a compass to close
us in on every side.
"Whereupon we argued with them again to the best of our ability. There
ensued some slight noise and confusion, so that Captain Boris forgot his
wound, and Captain Jorian admits that in his haste he may have spoken
uncivilly to several Bor-Russian gentry who thrust themselves in his
way. And for this unseemly conduct he craves the pardon of their
Highnesses Hugo and Helene, his beloved master and mistress. However, as
no complaint has been received from the enemy's headquarters, no breach
of friendly relations may be apprehended. Captain Boris is of opinion
that the Muscovite boors did not understand Captain Jorian's Teuton
language. At least they were not observed to resent his words.
"In this manner were the invaders of Hohenstein broken through, and the
remnant of the soldiers of the Duchess Joan reached Kernsberg in
safety--a result which, we flatter ourselves, was as much due to the
zeal and amicable persuasiveness of your envoys as to the skill and
bravery of Werner von Orseln and the soldiers of the Duchess.
"And your humble servants will ever pray for the speedy triumph of peace
and concord, and also for an undisturbed reign to your Highnesses
through countless years. In token whereof we append our signatures and
seals.
"BORIS
"JORIAN."
"Is not that last somewhat overstrained about peace and concord and so
forth?" asked Jorian anxiously.
"Not a whit--not a whit!" cried Boris, who, having finished his
composition, was wholly satisfied with himself, after the manner of the
beginner in letters. "Our desire to promote peace needs to be put
strongly, in order to carry persuasion to their Highnesses in
Plassenburg. In fact, I am not sure that it has been put strongly
enough!"
"I am troubled with some few doubts myself!" said Jorian, under his
breath.
And as the secretary jerked the ink from his pen he smiled.