1. MARRYING FOR WEALTH.--Those who marry for wealth often get what
they marry and nothing else; for rich girls besides being generally
destitute of both industry and economy, are generally extravagant
in their expenditures, and require servants enough to dissipate a
fortune. They generally have insatiable wants, yet feel that they
deserve to be indulged in everything, because they placed their
husbands under obligation to them by bringing them a dowry. And then
the mere idea of living on the money of a wife, and of being supported
by her, is enough to tantalize any man of an independent spirit.
2. SELF-SUPPORT.--What spirited husband would not prefer to support
both himself and wife, rather than submit to this perpetual bondage
of obligation. To live upon a father, or take a patrimony from him, is
quite bad enough; but to run in debt to a wife, and owe her a living,
is a little too aggravating for endurance, especially if there be not
perfect cordiality between the two, which cannot be the case in money
matches. Better live wifeless, or anything else, rather than marry for
money.
3. MONEY-SEEKERS.--Shame on sordid wife-seekers, or, rather,
money-seekers; for it is not a wife that they seek, but only filthy
lucre! They violate all their other faculties simply to gratify
miserly desire. Verily such "have their reward"!
4. THE PENITENT HOUR.--And to you, young ladies, let me say with great
emphasis, that those who court and marry you because you are rich,
will make you rue the day of your pecuniary espousals. They care not
for you, but only your money, and when they get that, will be liable
to neglect or abuse you, and probably squander it, leaving you
destitute and abandoning you to your fate.
6. INDUSTRY THE SIGN OF NOBILITY.--Marry a working, industrious young
lady, whose constitution is strong, flesh solid, and health unimpaired
by confinement, bad habits, or late hours. Give me a plain, home-spun
farmer's daughter, and you may have all the rich and fashionable
belles of our cities and villages.
6. WASP WAISTS.--Marrying small waists is attended with consequences
scarcely less disastrous than marrying rich and fashionable girls.
An amply developed chest is a sure indication of a naturally vigorous
constitution and a strong hold on life; while small waists indicate
small and feeble vital organs, a delicate constitution, sickly
offspring, and a short life. Beware of them, therefore, unless you
wish your heart broken by the early death of your wife and children.
[Illustration: UNTIL DEATH US DO PART.]
7. MARRYING TALKERS.--In marrying a wit or a talker merely, though
the brilliant scintillations of the former, or the garrulity of the
latter, may amuse or delight you for the time being, yet you will
derive no permanent satisfaction from these qualities, for there will
be no common bond of kindred feeling to assimilate your souls and hold
each spell-bound at the shrine of the other's intellectual or moral
excellence.
8. THE SECOND WIFE.--Many men, especially in choosing a second wife,
are governed by her own qualifications as a housekeeper mainly, and
marry industry and economy. Though these traits of character are
excellent, yet a good housekeeper may be far from being a good wife.
A good housekeeper, but a poor wife, may indeed prepare you a good
dinner, and keep her house and children neat and tidy, yet this is but
a part of the office of a wife; who, besides all her household duties,
has those of a far higher order to perform. She should soothe you with
her sympathies, divert your troubled mind, and make the whole family
happy by the gentleness of her manners, and the native goodness of her
heart. A husband should also likewise do his part.
9. DO NOT MARRY A MAN WITH A LOW, FLAT HEAD; for, however fascinating,
genteel, polite, tender, plausible or winning he may be, you will
repent the day of your espousal.
10. HEALTHY WIRES AND MOTHERS.--Let girls romp, and let them range
hill and dale in search of flowers, berries, or any other object of
amusement or attraction; let them bathe often, skip the rope, and take
a smart ride on horseback; often interspersing these amusements with
a turn of sweeping or washing, in order thereby to develop their vital
organs, and thus lay a substantial physical foundation for becoming
good wives and mothers. The wildest romps usually make the best wives,
while quiet, still, demure, sedate and sedentary girls are not worth
having.
11. SMALL STATURE.--In passing, I will just remark, that good size is
important in wives and mothers. A small stature is objectionable in a
woman, because little women usually have too much activity for their
strength, and, consequently, feeble constitutions; hence they die
young, and besides, being nervous, suffer extremely as mothers.
12. HARD TIMES AND MATRIMONY.--Many persons, particularly young men,
refuse to marry, especially "these hard time," because they cannot
support a wife in the style they wish. To this I reply, that a good
wife will care less for the style in which she is supported, than for
you. She will cheerfully conform to your necessities, and be happy
with you in a log-cabin. She will even help you support yourself.
To support a good wife, even if she have children, is really less
expensive than to board alone, besides being one of the surest means
of acquiring property.
13. MARRYING FOR A HOME.--Do not, however, marry for a home merely,
unless you wish to become even more destitute with one than without
one; for, it is on the same footing with "marrying for money." Marry a
man for his merit; and you take no chances.
14. MARRY TO PLEASE NO ONE BUT YOURSELF.--Marriage is a matter
exclusively your own; because you alone must abide its consequences.
No person, not even a parent, has the least right to interfere or
dictate in this matter. I never knew a marriage, made to please
another, to turn out any otherwise than most unhappily.
15. DO NOT MARRY TO PLEASE YOUR PARENTS. Parents can not love for
their children any more than they can eat or sleep, or breathe, or die
and go to heaven for them. They may give wholesome advice merely,
but should leave the entire decision to the unbiased judgment of the
parties themselves, who mainly are to experience the consequences of
their choice. Besides, such is human nature, that to oppose lovers, or
to speak against the person beloved, only increases their desire and
determination to marry.
16. RUN-AWAY MATCHES.--Many a run-away match would never have taken
place but for opposition or interference. Parents are mostly to be
blamed for these elopements. Their children marry partly out of
sprite and to be contrary. Their very natures tell them that
this interference is unjust--as it really is--and this excites
combativeness, firmness, and self-esteem, in combination with the
social faculties, to powerful and even blind resistance--which turmoil
of the faculties hastens the match. Let the affections of a daughter
be once slightly enlisted in your favor, and then let the "old folks"
start an opposition, and you may feel sure of your prize. If she did
not love you before, she will now, that you are persecuted.
17. DISINHERITANCE.--Never disinherit, or threaten to disinherit, a
child for marrying against your will. If you wish a daughter not to
marry a certain man, oppose her, and she will be sure to marry him; so
also in reference to a son.
18. PROPER TRAINING.--The secret is, however, all in a nutshell. Let
the father properly train his daughter, and she will bring her first
love-letter to him, and give him an opportunity to cherish a suitable
affection, and to nip an improper one in the germ, before it has time
to do any harm.
19. THE FATAL MISTAKES OF PARENTS.--_There is, however one way of
effectually preventing an improper match, and that is, not to allow
your children to associate with any whom you are unwilling they should
marry. How cruel as well at unjust to allow a daughter to associate
with a young man till the affections of both are riveted, and then
forbid her marrying him. Forbid all association, or consent cheerfully
to the marriage._
20. AN INTEMPERATE LOVER.--Do not flatter yourselves young women, that
you can wean even an occasional wine drinker from his cups by love and
persuasion. Ardent spirit at first, kindles up the fires of love into
the fierce flames of burning licentiousness, which burn out every
element of love and destroy every vestige of pure affection. It
over-excites the passions, and thereby finally destroys it,--producing
at first, unbridled libertinism, and then an utter barrenness of love;
besides reversing the other faculties of the drinker against his own
consort, and those of the wife against her drinking husband.
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