Man In Society is like a flower,
Blown in its native bed. 'Tis there alone
His faculties expanded in full bloom
Shine out, there only reach their proper use.
--COWPER.
The primal duties shine aloft like stars;
The charities that soothe, and heal, and bless,
Are scatter'd at the feet of man like flowers.
--WORDSWORTH.
1. MEMBERSHIP IN SOCIETY.--Many fail to get hold of the idea that they
are members of society. They seem to suppose that the social machinery
of the world is self-operating. They cast their first ballot with an
emotion of pride perhaps, but are sure to pay their first tax with
a groan. They see political organizations in active existence; the
parish, and the church, and other important bodies that embrace in
some form of society all men, are successfully operated; and yet these
young men have no part or lot in the matter. They do not think of
giving a day's time to society.
2. BEGIN EARLY.--One of the first things a young man should do is to
see that he is acting his part in society. The earlier this is begun
the better. I think that the opponents of secret societies in colleges
have failed to estimate the benefit which it must be to every
member to be obliged to contribute to the support of his particular
organization, and to assume personal care and responsibility as a
member. If these societies have a tendency to teach the lessons of
which I speak, they are a blessed thing.
3. DO YOUR PART.--Do your part, and be a man among men. Assume your
portion of social responsibility, and see that you discharge it well.
If you do not do this, then you are mean, and society has the right
to despise you just as much as it chooses to do so. You are, to use a
word more emphatic than agreeable, a sneak, and have not a claim upon
your neighbors for a single polite word.
4. A WHINING COMPLAINER.--Society, as it is called, is far more apt
to pay its dues to the individual than the individual to society. Have
you, young man, who are at home whining over the fact that you
cannot get into society, done anything to give you a claim to social
recognition? Are you able to make any return for social recognition
and social privileges? Do you know anything? What kind of coin do you
propose to pay in the discharge of the obligation which comes upon you
with social recognition? In other words, as a return for what you wish
to have society do for you, what can you do for society? This is a
very important question--more important to you than to society. The
question is, whether you will be a member of society by right, or
by courtesy. If you have so mean a spirit as to be content to be a
beneficiary of society--to receive favors and to confer none--you have
no business in the society to which you aspire. You are an exacting,
conceited fellow.
5. WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR?--Are you a good beau, and are you willing to
make yourself useful in waiting on the ladies on all occasions? Have
you a good set of teeth, which you are willing to show whenever
the wit of the company gets off a good thing? Are you a true,
straightforward, manly fellow, with whose healthful and uncorrupted
nature it is good for society to come in contact? In short, do you
possess anything of any social value? If you do, and are willing
to impart it, society will yield itself to your touch. If you
have nothing, then society, as such, owes you nothing. Christian
philanthropy may put its arm around you, as a lonely young man, about
to spoil for want of something, but it is very sad and humiliating
for a young man to be brought to that. There are people who devote
themselves to nursing young men, and doing them good. If they invite
you to tea, go by all means, and try your hand. If in the course of
the evening, you can prove to them that your society is desirable, you
have won a point. Don't be patronized.
6. THE MORBID CONDITION.--Young men, you are apt to get into a morbid
state of mind, which declines them to social intercourse. They
become devoted to business with such exclusiveness, that all social
intercourse is irksome. They go out to tea as if they were going
to jail, and drag themselves to a party as to an execution. This
disposition is thoroughly morbid, and to be overcome by going where
you are invited, always, and with a sacrifice of feeling.
7. THE COMMON BLUNDER.--Don't shrink from contact with anything but
bad morals. Men who affect your unhealthy minds with antipathy, will
prove themselves very frequently to be your best friends and most
delightful companions. Because a man seems uncongenial to you, who
are squeamish and foolish, you have no right to shun him. We become
charitable by knowing men. We learn to love those whom we have
despised by rubbing against them. Do you not remember some instance of
meeting a man or woman whom you had never previously known or cared
to know--an individual, perhaps, against whom you have entertained
the strongest prejudices--but to whom you became bound by a lifelong
friendship through the influence of a three days' intercourse? Yet,
if you had not thus met, you would have carried through life the idea
that it would be impossible for you to give your fellowship to such an
individual.
8. THE FOOLISHNESS OF MAN.--God has introduced into human character
infinite variety, and for you to say that you do not love and will not
associate with a man because he is unlike you, is not only foolish but
wrong. You are to remember that in the precise manner and decree in
which a man differs from you, do you differ from him; and that from
his standpoint you are naturally as repulsive to him, as he, from
your standpoint, is to you. So, leave all this talk of congeniality to
silly girls and transcendental dreamers.
9. DO BUSINESS IN YOUR WAY AND BE HONEST.--Do your business in your
own way, and concede to every man the privilege which you claim for
yourself. The more you mix with men, the less you will be disposed to
quarrel, and the more charitable and liberal will you become. The fact
that you do not understand a man, is quite as likely to be your fault
as his. There are a good many chances in favor of the conclusion that,
if you fail to like an individual whose acquaintance you make it is
through your own ignorance and illiberality. So I say, meet every man
honestly; seek to know him; and you will find that in those points
in which he differs from you rests his power to instruct you, enlarge
you, and do you good. Keep your heart open for everybody, and be sure
that you shall have your reward. You shall find a jewel under the most
uncouth exterior; and associated with homeliest manners and oddest
ways and ugliest faces, you will find rare virtues, fragrant little
humanities, and inspiring heroisms.
10. WITHOUT SOCIETY, WITHOUT INFLUENCE.--Again: you can have no
influence unless you are social. An unsocial man is as devoid of
influence as an ice-peak is of verdure. It is through social contact
and absolute social value alone that you can accomplish any great
social good. It is through the invisible lines which you are able to
attach to the minds with which you are brought into association alone
that you can tow society, with its deeply freighted interests, to the
great haven of your hope.
11. THE REVENGE OF SOCIETY.--The revenge which society takes upon
the man who isolates himself, is as terrible as it is inevitable. The
pride which sits alone will have the privilege of sitting alone in its
sublime disgust till it drops into the grave. The world sweeps by the
man, carelessly, remorselessly, contemptuously. He has no hold upon
society, because he is no part of it.
12. THE CONCLUSION OF THE WHOLE MATTER.--You cannot move men until you
are one of them. They will not follow you until they have heard your
voice, shaken your hand, and fully learned your principles and your
sympathies. It makes no difference how much you know, or how much you
are capable of doing. You may pile accomplishment upon acquisition
mountain high; but if you fail to be a social man, demonstrating to
society that your lot is with the rest, a little child with a song in
its mouth, and a kiss for all and a pair of innocent hands to lay upon
the knees, shall lead more hearts and change the direction of more
lives than you.
[Illustration: GATHERING ORANGES IN THE SUNNY SOUTH.]
* * * * *