(_By Cunnin Toil_.)
No. VI.--THE UMBROSA BURGLARY.
During one of my short summer holidays I happened to be spending a few
days at the delightful riverside residence of my friend JAMES
SILVER, the extent of whose hospitality is only to be measured by
the excellence of the fare that he sets before his guests, or by the
varied amusements that he provides for them. The beauties of Umbrosa
(for that is the attractive name of his house) are known to all those
who during the summer months pass up (or down) the winding reaches of
the Upper Thames. It was there that I witnessed a series of startling
events which threw the whole county into a temporary turmoil. Had it
not been for the unparalleled coolness and sagacity of PICKLOCK
HOLES the results might have been fraught with disaster to many
distinguished families, but the acumen of HOLES saved the situation
and the family-plate, and restored the peace of mind of one of the
best fellows in the world.
The party at Umbrosa consisted of the various members of the SILVER
family, including, besides Mr. and Mrs. SILVER, three high-spirited
and unmarried youths and two charming girls. PICKLOCK HOLES was of
course one of the guests. In fact, it had long since come to be an
understood thing that wherever I went HOLES should accompany me in the
character of a professional detective on the lookout for business;
and JAMES SILVER though he may have at first resented the calm
unmuscularity of my marvellous friend's immovable face would have been
the last man in the world to spoil any chance of sport or excitement
by refraining from offering a cordial invitation to HOLES. The
party was completed by PETER BOWMAN, a lad of eighteen, who to
an extraordinary capacity for mischief, added an imperturbable
cheerfulness of manner. He was generally known as Shock-headed PETER,
in allusion to the brush-like appearance of his delicate auburn hair,
but his intimate friends sometimes addressed him as VENUS, a nickname
which he thoroughly deserved by the almost classic irregularity of his
Saxon features.
[Illustration: "Propelled by an athletic young fellow."]
We were all sitting, I remember, on the riverbank, watching the
countless craft go past, and enjoying that pleasant industrious
indolence which is one of the chief charms of life on the Thames. A
punt had just skimmed by, propelled by an athletic young fellow in
boating costume. Suddenly HOLES spoke.
"It is strange," he said, "that the man should be still at large."
"What man? Where? How?" we all exclaimed breathlessly.
"The young puntsman," said HOLES, with an almost aggravating coolness.
"He is a bigamist, and has murdered his great aunt."
"It cannot be," said Mr. SILVER, with evident distress. "I know the
lad well, and a better fellow never breathed."
"I speak the truth," said HOLES, unemotionally. "The induction is
perfect. He is wearing a red tie. That tie was not always red. It
was, therefore, stained by something. Blood is red. It was, therefore,
stained by blood. Now it is well known that the blood of great aunts
is of a lighter shade, and the colour of that tie has a lighter shade.
The blood that stained it was, therefore, the blood of his great aunt.
As for the bigamy, you will have noticed that as he passed he blew
two rings of cigarette-smoke, and they both floated in the air _at the
same time_. A ring is a symbol of matrimony. Two rings together mean
bigamy. He is, therefore, a bigamist."
For a moment we were silent, struck with horror at this dreadful, this
convincing revelation of criminal infamy. Then I broke out:
"HOLES," I said, "you deserve the thanks of the whole community. You
will of course communicate with the police."
"No," said HOLES, "they are fools, and I do not care to mix myself up
with them. Besides, I have other fish to fry."
Saying this, he led me to a secluded part of the grounds, and
whispered in my ear.
"Not a word of what I am about to tell you. There will be a burglary
here to-night."
"But, HOLES," I said, startled in spite of myself at the calm
omniscience of my friend, "had we not better do something; arm the
servants, warn the police, bolt the doors and bar the windows, and
sit up with blunderbusses--anything would be better than this state of
dreadful expectancy. May I not tell Mr. SILVER?"
"POTSON, you are amiable, but you will never learn my methods." And
with that enigmatic reply I had to be content in the meantime.
The evening had passed as pleasantly as evenings at Umbrosa always
pass. There had been music; the Umbrosa choir, composed of members of
the family and guests, had performed in the drawing-room, and PETER
had drawn tears from the eyes of every one by his touching
rendering of the well-known songs of "_The Dutiful Son_" and "_The
Cartridge-bearer_." Shortly afterwards, the ladies retired to bed,
and the gentlemen, after the customary interval in the smoking-room,
followed. We were in high good-humour, and had made many plans for the
morrow. Only HOLES seemed pre-occupied. Once I heard him muttering
to himself, "It's bound to come off properly; never failed yet. They
wired to say they'd be here by the late train. Well, let them come. I
shall be ready for them." I did not venture at the time to ask him the
meaning of these mysterious words.
I had been sleeping for about an hour, when I was suddenly awakened
with a start. In the passage outside I heard the voices of the
youngest SILVER boy and of PETER.
"PETER, old chap," said JOHNNY SILVER, "I believe there's burglars in
the house. Isn't it a lark?"
"Ripping," said PETER. "Have you told your people?"
"Oh, it's no use waking the governor and the mater; we'll do the job
ourselves. I told the girls, and they've all locked themselves in and
got under their beds, so they're safe. Are you ready?"
"Yes."
"Come on then."
With that they went along the passage and down the stairs. My mind was
made up, and my trousers and boots were on in less time than it takes
to tell it. I went to HOLES'S room and entered. He was lying on his
bed, fully awake, dressed in his best detective suit, with his fingers
meditatively extended, and touching one another.
"They're here," I said.
"Who?"
"The burglars."
"As I thought," said HOLES, selecting his best basket-hilted
life-preserver from a heap in the middle of the room. "Follow me
silently."
I did so. No sooner had we reached the landing, however, than the
silence was broken by a series of blood-curdling screams.
"Good Heavens!" was all I could say.
"Hush," said HOLES. I obeyed him. The screams subsided, and I heard
the voices of my two young friends, evidently in great triumph.
"Lie still, you brute," said PETER, "or I'll punch your blooming head.
Give the rope another twist, JOHNNY. That's it. Now you cut and tell
your governor and old HOLES that we've nabbed the beggar."
By this time the household was thoroughly roused. Agitated females
and inquisitive males streamed downstairs. Lights were lit, and a
remarkable sight met our eyes. In the middle of the drawing-room lay
an undersized burglar, securely bound, with PETER sitting on his head.
"JOHNNY and I collared the beggar," said PETER, "and bowled him over.
Thanks, I think I could do a ginger-beer."
The man was of course tried and convicted, and HOLES, who had
explained how he had been certain that the burglary was contemplated
and had taken his measures accordingly, received the thanks of the
County Council.
"That fellow," said the great detective to me, "was the best and
cleverest of my tame team of country-house burglars. Through him and
his associates I have fostered and foiled more thefts than I care to
count. Those infernal boys nearly spoilt everything. POTSON, take my
advice, never attempt a master-stroke in a house full of boys. They
can't understand scientific induction. Had they not interfered I
should have caught the fellow myself. He had wired to tell me where I
should find him."
* * * * *
PRECEPT AND PRACTICE.--It's not sufficiently recognised that a Bishop
is bound to side with the masters, as by the terms of his contract he
engages to be "no striker."
* * * * *
"HOW TO MAKE ENGLAND SOBER."--"It can't be done," says the Bishop of
CHESTER, "_sans Jayne_."
* * * * *
A STRIKING HEADLINE (_all rights reserved_).--Loch Out in
Matabeleland!
* * * * *
A JINGO PARADOX.--We pot the natives to preserve ourselves.
* * * * *