"I am your best friend in the world. I have been thinking, and
thinking, and have arrived at the conclusion that the best thing for
us to do is to part for a time. I do not blame anybody but myself, but
I cannot help it. I have no moral right to live with you as long as my
mind is constantly occupied with somebody else. I have struggled hard
to keep out the thoughts of him, but it is of no avail."
The phlegmatic ticking of the cheap alarm clock was singing a solemn
accompaniment to the impressive stillness of the surroundings. Boris,
gazing at the corner of the room with a faint, stolid smile, was
almost trembling. Tanya's face was burning with excitement. She went
on:--
"I repeat, I have only myself to blame, and I am doing my best to
struggle out of this state of mind. But while it lasts, my false, my
dishonest position in this house aggravates things. I wish to be
alone, for a while, at least. Then, under new conditions, I hope I
shall soon get over it. For the sake of everything that is good, do
not attempt to persuade me to stay. It is all thought out and decided.
Nor do you need offer to support me. I have no right to it, and will
not accept it under any circumstances. I can work and earn my own
living. I am prepared to bear the cross. Besides, shall I be the only
Russian college woman to work in an American factory? Above all, do
not let anybody know anything--the person to whom I have referred not
excluded, _of course_. I am sure he does not suspect anything. Do not
let him surmise the cause of it all, if you do not wish to see my
corpse. We can invent some explanation."