Tommy Brown has already been in disgrace, although it is only a
fortnight since he wrote the famous patriotic essay which determined Mr.
Smith, his Form-master, to go to the Front. You see, Miss Price, who is
deputising for Mr. Smith, does not like lizards, and has an especial
aversion to white rats, whereas Tommy is very fond of these and other
dumb animals.
So Tommy was reported to the Headmaster. At first the Headmaster thought
that the application of "somewhat severe measures, my boy," would meet
the case; but whoever heard of caning a curly-headed boy with blue eyes
and an ink-stain on both lips? The interview took place in the
Headmaster's study. To the question, "What do you mean, Sir, by bringing
lizards and white rats to school?" Tommy said, "Yes, Sir," and then,
after thinking for fully three seconds, he said he had a ferret at home,
and did the Headmaster know how to hold a ferret so that it couldn't
bite you?
It seems that ferrets, if they once get hold of your thumb, never let
go--_not never_--and that you have to force their jaws open with a
penholder; also ferrets exhibit a marked preference for thumbs. All this
information Tommy conveyed without drawing a breath. The Headmaster
said, "Quite so, my boy, quite so. But don't you know it is extremely
reprehensible conduct to bring animals to school in your pocket?" Well,
you see, that is how Tommy's mother talks to him, so he knew what to do,
and, looking up into the Headmaster's face with that wistful look of
his, he imparted the deep secret that he had a tortoise.
Tortoises, the Headmaster learnt, had a way of getting lost among the
cabbages, but, if you wanted to prevent them from straying, all you had
to do was to turn them over on their backs and put a piece of brown
paper over them for their feet to play with. Also they were stuck fast
in their shells, because Tommy had tried. A boy had told Tommy that
tortoises laid eggs, but although Tommy had showed his tortoise a hen's
egg and then put the tortoise in a nice new nest the tortoise had taken
no step in the matter.
However, Tommy promised never to bring any more animals to school and to
express his sorrow to Miss Price. And he was richer by sixpence when the
interview closed.
At parting, Tommy offered to lend the Headmaster his tortoise for a
week, and told him that, if he stood for a whole hour on its back, it
wouldn't hurt it, because Tommy had trained it; also it never crawled
out of your pocket.
Tommy apologised to Miss Price for bringing the white rats to
school--they weren't white rats really, not to look at; they were rather
piebald through constant association with ink. Also he brought an apple
and showed her how, by holding it a certain way whilst eating it, she
would miss the bad part. In further sign of amity he showed her his
knife, and especially that instrument in it which was used for removing
stones from horses' hoofs. Not that Tommy had removed many stones from
horses' hoofs, not very many, but if you had a tooth that was loose it
was very helpful. Miss Price gave him a new threepenny bit, and Tommy
tried hard to please her in arithmetic by reducing inches to pounds,
shillings and pence.
With nine-pence in his pocket Tommy felt uneasy. It was a question
between a lop-eared rabbit and a mouth-organ. A lop-eared rabbit, that
is to say a proper one, cost two shillings; for nine-pence it was
probable that you could only get a rabbit which would lop with one ear.
Besides, a lop-eared rabbit meant a hutch, and he had already used the
cover of his mother's sewing-machine for the piebald rats.
On the other hand, you could get a mouth-organ with a bell on it for
nine-pence; he knew.
It was a splendid instrument!
Tommy took it to bed with him and put it under his pillow, and when his
mother came to see that he was all right at night his hand was clutched
round it as he slept content.
The next day Tommy gave an organ recital in the playground before a
large and enthusiastic audience. For a marble he would let you blow it
while he held it. For two marbles you could hold it yourself.
One boy paid the two marbles, and noticed the words "Made in Germany" in
small letters on the under side. The silence that followed the
announcement of this discovery was broken only by the sound of Jones
minor biting an apple. All eyes were on Tommy Brown. For the fraction of
a second he hesitated, and in that fraction Brook tertius giggled.
Tommy seized the mouth-organ with a determination that was almost
ferocious; he threw it on the ground, stamped on it with his heel again
and again, and finally took and pitched it into a neighbouring garden.
He then fell upon Brook tertius and punched him until he howled.
Before Tommy Brown could go to sleep that night his mother had to sit by
his bed-side and hold his hand; he never released her hand until he was
fast asleep. How like his father (the V.C.) he looked! She wondered what
made him toss so in his sleep and what had become of his mouth-organ
with the bell on it.
* * * * *
Illustration: HOW TO BRING UP A HUN. THE TEUTONIC SUBSTITUTE FOR MILK.
* * * * *
"FRENCH PRESIDENT AT THE FONT."
_Leicester Daily Mercury._
Where he received his baptism of fire?
* * * * *
"German infantry on the morning of the 5th ventured an assault and
were repulsed by blithering fire."--_Pioneer._
Some of their Professors should be able to do good work in the
blithering line.
* * * * *
"Reuter's agency learns that according to an official telegram
received in London Turkish vessels have entered the open port of
Odessa and bombarded Russian ships.