_March 21, 1902._[1]
You are right. The separation from sister has been a great grief to us,
we have been together so long, and so intimately. People were not wrong
when they said that we three had grown to be one in thought and in
feeling. We cannot realize that sister has really left us; the idea that
she has gone away never to return is unbearable. We try to imagine that
she is only away on a visit, and will be back some day.
We miss our Kleintje very much. But happiness will not stand still; this
will not be the only hard parting, we know that; many others await us in
the future.
It is wise from time to time,
When a tender strong bond
Binds and caresses the poor heart,
To tear it asunder with our own hands,
says De Genestet. But it is easier said than done. Do you not find it
so? We receive encouraging letters from little sister. She is happy and
pleased with her surroundings. That makes us so thankful, her happiness
is our happiness. And now I shall try and tell you something of her
wedding.
A native marriage entails a heavy burden upon the family of the bride.
Days and weeks beforehand, the preparations for the solemnity are begun.
Sister's wedding was celebrated very quietly on account of a death in
the family. One of our cousins, who was a sister of the bridegroom, died
shortly before the marriage. Poor creature. She was still such a young
thing, and she left little children behind her. You must know that
Kleintje is married to her own cousin. His mother is father's sister. He
was here with us long ago, but then she was only a schoolgirl and no one
thought of an engagement; though it has happened that children have been
affianced and married, and later, when both were full grown, the
marriage would be celebrated over again.
The acquaintance of sister and her husband was renewed when the Governor
General was at Samarang. It is not customary among us for young girls
ever to leave the house until they follow a strange bridegroom; but as I
have already told you, we have broken with many traditions, and can do
what others cannot, on account of the unusual freedom of our bringing
up; and now we are working to break tradition still further.
No Javanese girl must be seen before her marriage; she must remain in
the background, usually in her own chamber; and in December we were at
Semarang with sister, and she went openly into the shops to buy some
things which she wanted.
A Javanese girl receives no good wishes upon her engagement; the subject
is not mentioned before her; still less does she mention it herself. She
acts just as though she knew nothing of it. I should like to have read
the hearts of our fellow countrywomen when they heard sister speak
openly and freely of her coming marriage.
A day or two before the wedding, we commemorated our dead. That is our
custom: in the midst of joy we always invoke the memory of our dead.
There was a sacrificial meal, during which their blessing was asked for
the offspring of the coming nuptials.
This takes place in the bride's family. My brother-in-law and his family
came on the day before the wedding. The first thing that a European
bridegroom would do on arriving at the home of his bride, would be to go
to her. But among us that would be out of the question. The bridegroom
must not see his bride until the knot is tied. Even his family must not
see her.
On the day before the wedding, the bride was bathed in a bath of
flowers, and after that she was taken in hand by the toekang paès, a
woman whose business is the dressing of brides. The bride takes her seat
on a cloth that is especially prepared for the occasion, it consists of
katoentjes[1] and zijdjes, enough for a kabaja, joined together. This is
the property of the toekang paès. At her side are placed sweetmeats
besides sirrih, pinang nuts, bananas, a jug of water, uncooked rice, a
roasted hen, a live hen, and a burning night candle. Incense is burned,
and the toekang paès cuts the fine hair from the bride's neck and face;
the hair on the forehead is cut, too; even the hair over the ears. And
the eyebrows are shaved off with a razor. One can always tell a newly
married woman, by the shorn hair across the forehead and ears and by the
shaved eyebrows.
At about one o'clock in the day, the toilet of the bride begins. The
forehead is covered with soft salve, even to the ears, and the face is
whitened, while the hair is dressed in the form of a cap, and ornamented
with flowers.
On the headdress are seven jewels, fastened upon spirals, which are
constantly waving up and down.
A gold embroidered kain,[2] and a kabaja of silver gauze, with the usual
jewelled ornaments, such as brooches, necklaces, bracelets, earrings,
and sleeve-buttons, completed her toilet.
In Java, young girls must not wear flowers in the hair; only married
women may do that; one often sees very old women going around with
flowers in their hair.
The evening before the wedding is called widodarenni; widodari means
angel, heavenly being. On the last evening of her maidenhood, the girl
on the threshold of matrimony is compared to such a heavenly being, and
the evening is celebrated.
You must have seen the photographs of Javanese wood-work at Mevrouw
Rooseboom's, and you may remember the picture of an article of furniture
with three doors in front. That is called a kwade, and it is used at
weddings.
A handsome carved kwade covered with gold figures on a purple ground,
was in the great hall at the back of the Kaboepaten. All tables, chairs,
and benches were removed from that apartment and the floors were covered
with a great alcatief.
On both sides of the kwade, which was draped and ornamented with
flowers, stood two large copper vases, filled with young cocoanut leaves
and flowers. These vases are called kembang majang, and must not be
broken at a wedding.
At about half-past seven in the evening, when all of the women guests
had assembled in the kwade-hall and were ranged on the ground in two
rows, one on each side of the kwade, sister came in, led by the hand of
our married sister and our sister-in-law, and followed by a woman who
carried her sirrihdoos[4] and kwispeldoor.[5] Sister sat down in the
middle of the room, near her family and the most prominent guests. The
sirrihdoos and the kwispeldoor were placed next to her only as a matter
of form, for Kleintje eats no sirrih; behind her, a little girl waved a
koelte.
Sister sat with crossed legs before the gold shining kwade, motionless
as an image of Buddha, between the gravely dressed, solemn-looking wives
of the native dignitaries, equal in rank to her husband. Tea and cakes
were served, every one took a cup of tea and several kinds of small
pastries. The bride and the most distinguished guests each had an
individual tea-service, and a tray of pastries. It was as though a whole
carpet of pastries were spread out before the guests, here and there
broken by sirrihdoozen and kwispeldoors of gold and tortoiseshell, of
wood, or of silver. The company was composed entirely of married women.
We unmarried ones were not there.
You have certainly heard that among the Javanese it is a great
misfortune for a woman to remain unmarried. It is a disgrace as well.
Not so long ago, in enlightened Europe it was looked upon in the same
way; is not that true? So we must not think ill of the foolish
uncivilized Indians.
If the bridegroom has a mother, on this evening she must be at the feast
of her daughter-in-law-to-be.
Our masculine guests ate with father in the pendopo, while the
bridegroom stayed at home in his lodgings.
Sister was so glad when, at half-past nine, the ceremonial was over, so
far as she was concerned. She walked decorously and sedately from the
hall, through the throng of women sitting around; but as soon as she was
out of sight, and safe in our room all the formality was gone. She was
again our little sister, our dear happy Kleintje, and no Buddha image.
That evening was sacred to the Prophet. In the mosque there was a great
slamatan (sacrificial meal, celebrated with prayers); the blessing of
heaven was asked upon the approaching marriage.
At that meal, only men were present, our women guests, even the Regents'
wives who had come to sister's wedding, ate at home with us.
Early the next morning, there was a stir in the kaboepaten. It looked
quite gay, with its decorations of greens and flags. Outside on the
highway, there was bustle and noise. The tricolour waved merrily among
the rustling young cocoanut trees that bordered the road which led to
the house of the bridegroom. In the green covered pasehuisen, two little
houses on the aloen-aloen before the kaboepaten, the gamelan played
lustily.
We were on the back gallery, where stood baskets of kanangas, tjempakas,
and melaties. Women's hands were arranging the flowers into garlands, or
suspending them on little swings, or tearing the blossoms from the
leaves, so that they could be strewn in the way of the bridal pair
wherever they might go. The kaboepaten was filled with gamelan music and
the perfume of flowers. Busy people walked to and fro. In our room, the
toilet of the bride was begun. Her forehead had been painted dark
before; now it was decorated with little golden figures.
Sister lay down during the operation. Behind the figures there were two
borders fastened to the hair--a dark one behind the gold; into this,
jewelled knobs were stuck. With other brides the border-work is made of
their own hair; but for sister we had a false piece set in, because the
elaborate process is painful, and the poor child had just recovered from
a fever.
Above the border-work came a golden diadem, and her hair at the back of
the head was dressed like a half-moon and filled with flowers; from
that, a veil of melati with a border of flowers fell, and reached to her
shoulders. Her head was again surmounted by the seven jewels glittering
on their spirals. Behind these, there was a jewelled flower, from which
hung six chains of real flowers, suspended behind the ears, over the
breast, and down to the waist. These chains, which were about as thick
as one's fingers, were made of white flowers linked together with little
bands of gold and ending in a round knob which was stuck full of melati
flowers.
Her wajang costume was décolleté in front, so that neck, face, and arms
were entirely uncovered. All that was visible of sister except the face,
which was whitened, was covered with a fragrant salve. She wore a gold
embroidered kain, over which there was a drapery of gold woven silk; the
whole was held up by a sash of yellow with long hanging ends of red silk
pointed with figures of gold. A dark green sash, growing lighter till it
was pale green in the centre, was bound around the upper part of her
body. Little glints of gold showed delightfully through this. Her arms
and shoulders were left entirely free. The yellow girdle around her
waist was called mendologiri. Sister wore one of gold, three fingers
broad and ornamented with jewels; garlands of flowers, with hanging
ends, were fastened to it, reaching from behind one hip to the other.
Around her neck, she wore a collar, with three wing-shaped ornaments
hanging down over her breast and almost to her waist. There were
bracelets on her wrists and on the upper part of her arms, shaped like
serpents with upraised tails and heads; golden chains dangled from
these.
It was between three and four o'clock in the afternoon. In the kwade
hall the wives of the native nobles assembled in gala attire. From the
kwade to the pendopo there was a carpet of flowers, over which the
bridal pair must walk. The bride was led forward by her sisters and took
her place before the kwade. The lights were already lighted in the
pendopo; the regents stood assembled in official costume, and there were
a few European acquaintances who were anxious to see sister for the last
time as a maiden. In the aloen-aloen, and all outside the kaboepaten, it
was dark with people; only the road which was decorated with flags and
green leaves remained free.
A streak of yellow could be seen in the distance; it drew nearer, till
there appeared a train of open gold-striped parasols (pajoengs), under
which the native officials walk on great occasions.
It was the retinue which preceded the bridegroom, who, with the other
regents, was in an open carriage, which was covered with a glittering
golden parasol. Gamelan music sounded from the pasebans and the
kaboepaten, to greet the approaching procession.
It reached the kaboepaten and halted at the door of the pendopo. The
whole company squatted down; the bridegroom got out of the carriage, and
was led forward by two unmarried regents. They went into the pendopo,
and all three knelt down in the middle of the room to do homage to
father and the other regents. The two regents moved back, still on their
knees, and left the bridegroom alone in the middle of the pendopo. The
chiefs formed a circle around him, within which there was a smaller
circle of priests. Father sat at the head of the regents, and the High
Priest who was to perform the ceremony next to the bridegroom. Father
announced to those present the reason for the calling of this assembly,
and said that he now sought the assistance of the High Priest to bind
his daughter in marriage to the bridegroom.
From the crowd of people in the pendopo there arose a mystic buzzing
noise. They were praying.
I was so sorry that I could not be near enough to hear. A teacher who is
a friend of ours, sister Roekmini, and I were the only women in the
pendopo, which was filled with men.
But we were very glad to be allowed there at all, and to have that much
freedom granted us. It would not have been seemly for us to appear among
a crowd of men during the celebration of a marriage ceremony. It was a
pity, as we should have been glad to hear the betrothal formulas. We
could only see that during the betrothal service the Priest held fast to
the hand of the bridegroom, who had to respond after him. The solemnity
lasted a quarter of an hour at most; but we did not have a watch with
minutes, so we could not tell exactly. It was impressive and still in
the pendopo: not a sound could be heard save the mystic droning of the
priests.
There was a stir among the crowd of men, and the priests rose from their
knees. The ceremony was over.
The regents stood up; two of them lifted up the bridegroom, and now they
started off over the carpet of flowers, followed by the most prominent
regents. Back in the kwade hall, the bride was raised up by her sisters,
and, supported by them, she too started down the road of flowers,
followed by Mamma and all the women guests. As the bride and bridegroom
came within a few steps of each other, those who were leading them fell
back, and the bridal pair gave, each to the other, a rolled up
sirrih-leaf filled with flowers. They took a few steps nearer, and then
both knelt down and with them the whole company.
The bridegroom sat; on her knees, the bride moved nearer to him and made
a sembah, both hands held together and brought down under the nose; that
is our mark of reverence. Then she kissed his right knee. Again the
bride made a sembah. The bridegroom rose and raised his wife, and hand
in hand the young pair walked over the carpet of flowers to the kwade,
followed by the whole company except the regents, who turned back to the
pendopo.
Bride and bridegroom sat before the kwade like two images of Buddha; the
family and the lady guests thronged around them. Behind the bridal pair
sat two little girls wafting their koeltes to and fro.
In most cases, husband and wife see each other for the first time at
this ceremony. At the stroke of half-past seven the regents came back,
and formed a half-circle on the ground around the bridal pair; the women
of their families formed the other half of the circle.
The bride and bridegroom saluted the older relatives with the foot-kiss.
The bride first raised herself on her knees and shuffled forward toward
Mamma; she made a sembah and kissed Mamma's knee, to beg her mother's
blessing on her marriage. From Mamma, sister went to the aunts, sisters,
and cousins--to all those who were older than she--and went through with
the same ceremony. Then she went to Father and kissed his knee, in order
to receive his blessing; from him she went to her father-in-law; after
that to her uncles and cousins. When she had finished kissing the feet
of all and had returned again to her place, the bridegroom began the
foot-kiss journey. He followed the example of his wife. When he had
completed this ceremony, the regents went out, and tea and pastry were
served as on the evening before.
At half-past eight bride and bridegroom departed. Hand in hand they left
the hall. Usually they must go out on their knees; but as both of them
had just recovered from illness, they were allowed to walk.
In other families the bridegroom must creep up the steps instead of
walking, on coming to the house of his parents-in-law, before he pays
his respects to the ladies of the family; that is the perfection of good
manners.
The bridegroom went to the bridal chamber, and sister to our room, where
we dressed her for the reception to Europeans.
Her bridal toilet, which had been the work of a whole day, was undone in
five minutes. Only the headdress and the decorations on her forehead
were left unchanged. We young girls ought not to have dressed her alone,
but we did it just the same. We thought that it was entirely too stupid
for us not to be allowed to touch sister in her bridal toilet. Sister
now put on a kain of silk interwoven with gold, and a kabaja of
ivory-coloured satin with silver embroidery. She wore another jewelled
collar; the jewelled flowers in her hair and the diadem were taken off.
In their stead she wore a golden crown from which hung a veil. On her
head jewelled flowers on spirals were fastened. So veiled and crowned,
it was as though she had stepped from a page of the "Thousand and One
Nights." Sister looked like one of the fairy princesses. The costume was
very becoming to her. What a pity that she could not have been
photographed in it!
The bridegroom appeared in his official dress. Again the bridal pair sat
before the kwade. At eight o'clock, they went arm in arm to the front
gallery, where two gilded settees stood ready for them before a
background of palms.
They received the good wishes of the European ladies and gentlemen,
standing.
It was called a reception, but at the sound of the music, the
dance-crazy feet turned toward the empty pendopo; bride and bridegroom
both took a few turns around the pendopo.
It is not customary for young girls to appear at a wedding, but it would
have been foolish for us to remain away from sister's feast.
It was not yet twelve o'clock, when the Resident, who was among the
guests, toasted the young pair; his speech was answered by Father. Soon
after the European guests took their leave, all but the Resident and a
few others, among them a lady who is an intimate friend of ours. They
remained for the native part of the feast.
After the departure of the European guests, the native nobles, who had
absented themselves from the pendopo during the reception, came in and
formed a half-circle, before which the bridegroom must give a proof of
his proficiency in dancing.
The regents as well as the other chiefs had meanwhile dressed in more
informal costume.
The gamelan played; a dancing-girl entered and began to dance. The Patih
of Japara brought, on his knees, a silver waiter to the bridegroom, on
which there was a silken cloth. When the bridegroom had taken the cloth,
the Patih fell back.
Soft gamelan tones again sounded; it was a prelude, an invitation to the
hero of the day to open the feast. The bridegroom rose and went to the
middle of the pendopo; he fastened the silken cloth around him and named
his favourite air to the gamelan players. The gongs chimed; it was
immediately struck up.
I shall not attempt to describe the dance; my pen is inadequate. I shall
only say that it was a joy to the eyes to follow the agile dancer in his
graceful movements as he kept time to the beautiful gamelan music.
Behind him danced the dancing-girl, also singing. The circle of native
dignitaries accompanied the music by singing and beating their hands
together. Toward the end of the dance the Resident went forward with two
glasses of champagne. The gong sounded, and both dancers fell upon their
knees. With a sembah the bridegroom accepted a glass from the Resident.
He drank it and the Resident emptied his at the same time amid joyful
gamelan tones and sounds of general mirth.
A servant took the empty glasses, and the Resident fell back. The
bridegroom stood up and again began to dance. Now his father-in-law
brought him a health[6] to drink; dancing, they advanced to meet each
other, and at the sound of the gong, the young man knelt down to receive
the wine-glass from the hand of the older one.
After a health had been brought to him by all the regents present, he
left them and went back to sit by the side of his wife. Soon after that
the bridal pair left the assembly; the European guests went home, but
the feast was kept up till early in the morning. The European gentlemen
had danced too, and our Assistant Resident acquitted himself
excellently.
Mamma, our friend, sister Roekmini, and I stayed till the last European
guest had gone.
The next day there was quiet in the house. In the afternoon the last
ceremony took place. That is the first visit of the bridal pair to the
parents of the groom. It is called in Javanese ngoendoh mantoe, which,
literally translated, means "daughter-in-law plucking!" The
daughter-in-law is compared to a flower which her husband's parents will
pluck.
For this occasion both bride and groom should again put on their bridal
costume; but that would have been much too wearisome, so the groom was
dressed as usual and sister wore a kain interwoven with gold, and a silk
kabaja; her hair was dressed in the form of a cap, and on her head was a
small sheath in the shape of a cross, which was filled with flowers, and
over the whole was a network of melati blossoms, and again the jewelled
spirals waved to and fro above her head.
The bridal pair went in a procession, followed by the native chiefs on
foot, to the house where the father of the bridegroom lodged.
Days and weeks after the wedding the newly married pair are still called
bride and bridegroom. The bride is a bride until she becomes a mother.
There are women, mothers, who all their lives are called nganten, short
for penganten, which means bride and also bridegroom.
The day after the ceremony was spent in receiving visits from both
Europeans and natives.
Five days later there was again a feast in the kaboepaten; the first
return of the holy day which had opened the wedding ceremonies was
celebrated.
The young couple left a week after the wedding; they were feted
everywhere by various family connections with whom they stopped on their
journey home. At Tegal the marriage was celebrated all over again; they
remained there a week, and finally they reached their own home at
Pemalang.
There, you have a description of a Javanese wedding in high circles.
Sister's marriage was called only a quiet affair, and yet it entailed
all that ceremony. What must a wedding be that is celebrated in a gala
way?
We were dead tired after the wedding.
The Javanese give presents at a marriage; things to wear, such as kains,
stomachers, headdresses, silk for kabajas, cloth for jackets; and also
things to eat, such as rice, eggs, chickens, or a buffalo. These are
merely meant as marks of good-will.
Kardinah also received a splendid bull from an uncle. This had to be
placed on exhibition with the other presents!
When a buffalo is killed at the time of a wedding--and usually more than
one is needed for the feast meals--a bamboo vessel filled with sirrih,
little cakes, pinang nuts, and pieces of meat must be mixed with the
running blood of the slaughtered buffalo. These vessels, covered with
flowers, are laid at all of the cross-roads, bridges, and wells on the
estate, as an offering to the spirits who dwell there. If these bridge,
road, and water spirits, are not propitiated, they will be offended at
the festivities, and misfortune will come of it. That is the belief of
the people. Its origin I do not know.
A friend of ours says rightly that the Javanese are a people who are
filled with legends and superstitions. Who shall lead the people out of
the dusky realm of fairy tales into the light of work and reality? And
then, when superstition is cast off, we do not want the poetry to be
trampled under foot.
But of what good is my prattling? Let me rather ask you if you have been
interested in this epistle, and if you will now forgive me for my long
silence?
There is so much that is lovable in my people, such charm in their
simple naïve beliefs. It may sound strange, but it is, nevertheless, a
fact, that you Europeans have taught me to love my own land and people.
Instead of estranging us from our native land, our European education
has brought us nearer to it; has opened our hearts to its beauties, and
also to the needs of our people and to their weaknesses.
Do not let me tire you any longer with the scribbling of a silly
Javanese girl; I have written enough.
(Postscript)
In some places it is the custom when the bridal pair meet for the first
time for the bride to wash the groom's feet as a token of submission
before she gives him the knee-kiss. Whenever a widower marries a young
girl, or a widow a young man, the giving of the sirrih at the wedding is
omitted. The one who has already been married hands the other, who
carries a watering-can, a piece of burning wood, the contents of the can
are poured upon the fire, which naturally goes out; whereupon the
charred wood is thrown away and the watering-can broken into pieces.
The symbolism of this I do not have to explain. It is plain enough. You
should have seen sister as she sat there before the kwade. She ought to
have been photographed, or, better still, painted, because that would
have shown the colouring.
She stepped so calmly and sedately down the carpet of flowers;
everywhere there were flowers and the perfume of incense; yes, truly,
she was much like a Bodhisatwa! (incarnation of Buddha).
I cannot hear the gamelan or smell the perfume of flowers and incense,
without seeing her image before my eyes.
The people picked up the flowers over which sister had walked and kept
them; they bring good luck, it is said, and to young daughters, a
husband!
[1] To Mevrouw de Booij-Boissevain.
[2] Pieces of cotton and silk.
[3] A scarf or shawl draped to form part of the costume.
[4 The box to hold the sirrih paste.
[5] A spitting-box; for it is necessary to spit after chewing sirrih.
These boxes are often of gold or tortoiseshell, and beautifully
ornamented. They are placed by a Javanese lady on all formal as well as
informal occasions.
[6] "heildronk" in the orig. Dutch--"toast" would be appropriate here.
(M.D.)