_31st January, 1901._[1]
I turn my face pensively to the far away, staring into the blue light,
as though I expected to find there an answer to the tumultuous questions
of my soul. My eyes follow the clouds as they journey through the vast
heavens till they disappear behind the waving green leaves of the
cocoanut trees. I see the glistening leaves painted with the gold of the
sun, and suddenly the thought comes, "Ask them why does the sun shine?
What sends his rays? O my sun, my golden sun! I shall strive to live so
that I may be worthy to be shone upon, and tended and warmed by your
light."
Do not be distressed dear, if things do not go as I would have them. My
life shall not have been in vain: there is always something to be done.
I will have it so! Those who seek God do not live in vain--and whosoever
seeketh after God will find happiness, truth and peace of soul--and
these are to be found at Modjowarno[2] as well. Who knows? perhaps there
sooner than somewhere else. Never be discouraged; never be dismayed! We
are only thankful that in any event a beginning has been made, that the
foundations of our freedom and independence are being built.
[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.
[2] In the Residency of Soerabaja. The most important as well as the
oldest mission station in Java. It includes schools and hospitals. A
medical missionary at Modjowarno had offered to train Kartini as a
mid-wife, if her plan of going to Holland should fail.