_House of Commons, Monday, July 7._--Cabinet Council on Saturday;
House begins to think it's time Ministers made up their minds what
they're going to do with business of Session. But OLD MORALITY returns
customary answer. Ministry still carefully considering question.
Meantime he has nothing to say.
"Except in respect of sex and age, O.M. reminds me." said ALBEBT
ROLLIT, "of scene in play recently put on stage by BEERBOHM TREE--_A
Man's Shadow_ it was called. Daresay you remember, TOBY; there's a
murder witnessed through window by wife and little daughter.
They think it's their man that did the deed; but 'twas the other
fellow--the Shadow, don't you know. There is police inquiry; mother
and daughter cross-examined; believe the murderer is the husband and
father; saw him do it with their own eyes; but of course not going
to peach; little girl pressed to tell all she knows; makes answer in
voice that thrills Gallery, and makes mothers in the Pit weep, 'I have
seen nothing, I have heard nothing.' Never see OLD MORALITY come to
the table, as he is now accustomed nightly to do, and protest he has
no statement to make, than I think of the little TERRY in this Scene,
and her wailing, piteous cry, 'I have seen nothing, I have heard
nothing.' Quite time he had, though. If Ministers can't make up their
minds, what's the House to do? Begin to think if things don't mend
soon, I shall have a better record of business done to show at end of
Session than the Ministry. Bankruptcy Bill will make three Measures to
me this Session."
[Illustration: "THE SHADOWLESS MAN."
(_Latest Irish Edition of the Old German Romance_.)
[In the course of the Debate last Monday week, Mr. DILLON said, "I was
never shadowed."]]
Irish Constabulary Vote on; Prince ARTHUR lounging on Treasury Bench;
prepares to receive Irishry; engagement opens a little flat, with
speech from JOHN ELLIS, oration from O'PICTON, and feeble flagellation
from FLYNN. Then Prince ARTHUR suddenly, unexpectedly, dashes in.
Empty benches fill up; stagnant pool stirred to profoundest depths:
ARTHUR professes to be tolerant of Irish Members, but declares himself
abhorrent of connivance of Right Hon. Gentleman above Gangway. Talks
at Mr. G., who begins visibly to bristle before our very eyes as
he sits attentive on Front Bench. ARTHUR in fine fighting trim;
Ministerial bark may be labouring in troubled waters; a suddenly
gathered storm, coming from all quarters, has surrounded, and
threatens to whelm it; MATTHEWS may be sinking under adversity; the
Postmen may pull down RAIKES; GOSCHEN is gone; OLD MORALITY'S cheerful
nature is being soured; there is talk of Dissolution, and death. But
if this is Prince ARTHUR'S last time of defending his rule in Ireland,
it shall not be done in half-hearted way. Come storm, come wrack, at
least he'll die with harness on his back.
The accused becomes the accuser. Called upon to defend himself, he
turns, and makes a slashing attack on his pursuers, carrying the
war into their camp. Scorning the Captains and Men-at-arms, he goes
straight for Mr. G., and in an instant swords clash across the table,
and shields are dinted. Nothing more delightful than to hear Mr. G.
complaining, as he rose, and took his coat off, that Prince ARTHUR
had "dragged him into the controversy." On the whole, he bore the
infliction pretty well, and went for ARTHUR neck and crop. _Business
done_.--Irish Votes in Supply.
_Tuesday_.--"I have seen nothing; I have heard nothing." Pathetic
refrain of OLD MORALITY murmured again to-night: Members wanted to
know about various things; but in OLD MORALITY'S mind, fate of the
Tithes Bill, intentions of Government touching proposed new Standing
Order, and allocation of money originally intended for Publicans, all
a blank. "We are still considering," says he.
"A most considerate Government," says WILFRID LAWSON. "Might save time
and trouble if they had at table an automatic machine; Members wanting
to know how business is to be arranged, what Bills to be dropped, and
which gone forward with, could go up to table, drop a penny in the
slot, and out would come the answer--'I have seen nothing; I have
heard nothing.'"
Seems that HANBURY has exceptional means of obtaining information.
OLD MORALITY has privately shown him Military Report with respect to
Heligoland. A confidential communication, something of the kind the
MARKISS carried on with the population of Heligoland. But HANBURY
straightway goes and tells all about it in a letter to one of his
Constituents; letter gets into papers. SUMMERS reads it out to House.
Eagerly thirsting after knowledge on military matters, SUMMERS wants
also to see the text of Report. Why should HANBURY have it all to
himself? Quartermaster-General SUMMERS would like opportunity of
studying it, and forming opinion as to accuracy of the naval and
military men who have drawn up plan. Will OLD MORALITY favour him
by placing him on an equality of confidence with HANBURY? No, OLD
MORALITY will not. Howl of indignant despair from Radicals. Never
heard of this Report before; but that HANBURY should see it, and
thereby be enabled to assure his constituents, even by nods and winks,
that it was all right about Heligoland, was more than they could put
up with. O'PICTON sat morose at the corner seat below the Gangway.
Who was HANBURY, that he should have the advantage of studying these
military documents when the grand-nephew of PICTON of Waterloo was
left out in the cold, his martial instincts unsatisfied, his knowledge
of strategical points of the British Empire unsatiated?
Another instance this of the misfortune that pursues the Government.
Little did OLD MORALITY think, when in moment of weakness he showed
this important document to HANBURY, what a hornet's nest it would
bring about his unoffending head.
_Business done_.--Irish Constabulary Vote passed.
_Thursday_.--At last OLD MORALITY has heard something and seen
something. Heard how things went on to-day in Committee on Procedure.
Worse and worse. Prince ARTHUR made curious blunder for one so alert:
introduced into draft Report admission of principle that Lords might,
an they pleased, refuse to consider in current Session, any Bill
coming up to them from Commons. HARCOURT saw his opportunity; used
it with irresistible skill and force. Committee adjourned in almost
comatose state.
This is what OLD MORALITY has heard from JOKIM, who begins to think
that, after all, life is a serious thing. What he sees is, that it
is impossible to further delay decision about business. Accordingly
announces complete surrender. All, all are gone, the old familiar
faces--Land Purchase Bill, Tithe Bill, and even this later project
of the new Standing Order. "What, all our pretty chicks?" cry the
agonised Ministerialists.
"Yes," said OLD MORALITY, mingling his tears with theirs, "our duty to
our QUEEN and Country demands this sacrifice. But," he added, bracing
up, significantly eyeing Mr. G., and speaking in dear solemn tones,
"we reserve to ourselves absolute freedom of action on a future
occasion." Opposition shouted with laughter, whilst OLD MORALITY stood
and stared, and wondered what was amusing them now. New Session is,
according to present intentions, to open in November. Will the Land
Purchase Bill be taken first? Mr. G. wants to know.
"Sir," said OLD MORALITY, "I have indicated the views of the
Government as to the Land Purchase Bill, according as those views
are held at the present time." (Cheers from the Ministerialists.)
Encouraged by this applause, and, happy thought striking him, went on:
"But it is impossible for the Government to say what circumstances may
occur to qualify those views."
Once more Opposition break into storm of laughter; OLD MORALITY again
regards them with dubious questioning gaze.
"Curious thing, TOBY," he said to me afterwards, "those fellows
opposite always laugh when I drop in my most diplomatic sentences.
It's very well for MACHIAVELLI that he didn't live in these times,
and lead House of Commons instead of the Government of the Florentine
Republic. He would never have opened his mouth without those Radicals
and Irishmen going off into a fit of laughter."
_Business done_.--Announcement that business _won't_ be done.
_Friday_.--Still harping on Irish Votes. Want to dock Prince ARTHUR'S
salary. SWIFT MACNEILL brought down model of battering-ram used at
Falcarragh; holds it up; shows it in working order; Committee much
interested; inclined to encourage this sort of thing; pleasant
interlude in monotony of denunciation of Prince ARTHUR and all his
works; no knowing what developments may not be in store; the other
night had magic-lantern performance just off Terrace; that all very
well on fine night; but when it's raining must keep indoors and
battering-ram suitable for indoor exhibition.
HAVELOCK wanted to borrow it, says he would like to show SCHWANN how
it works; but MACNEILL couldn't spare it till Irish Votes through.
New turn given to Debate by plaintive declaration from JOHN DILLON
that he has "never been shadowed." "A difficult lot to deal with,"
says ARTHUR, gazing curiously at the Shadowless Man. "If they are
shadowed, they protest; if they're not, they repine."
_Business done_.--Irish Votes in Committee.
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