TRAVERLIN IN STILE.--GRAND RECEPSHUNS AND BABY KISSIN
MATTYNAYS.--MISTAKEN FOR HIS AXERDENSY.--A DEDLEY STATE.
6 p. m., Troy, N. Y.
Mr. Diry:
You will notis by the above address, that you and me are away from home
to-nite, and I spose you orter have sum xplenashun of our doins. Well,
wen I got down to the offis this mornin, Mr. Gilley told me to go rite
home and put on my Sunday cloes, and be reddy to start for Troy on the
leven clock trane, cos we was goin to opin up the campane there, and he
wanted me to carry his sachell, wot had a demmy-John in. Wen I got
back, Gilley was orful busy with a old pall-bearer of the Demmercratick
corpse, from Shodack, fixin the rate per caperta wot was to be bid for
votes.
Wen we got to the depot, Vanderbuilt had had one of his spells, and had
been sendin the publick to Haydies, so he wuldn't let the trane wate ten
minnits for a guvmentel candy date. Mr. Gilley was in an orful way bout
gettin left, cos he had to be at Troy to-nite, and there warnt no other
trane wot would get us there, so he pade a feerful big pile of munney
for a speshell. President Arthur, and a lot of other Republercan dudes
was goin to start for Bufflo on a fishin xcurshun at 1 o'clock, so our
train got under way rite off, and every other trane on the rode was
sidetracked to let us get past.
There was a norful crowd at every sta-shun, wot had cum from miles
round, to see us distingushed cityzens. We stopped at Yungkurs to water.
The town has got a orful apropriate name, judgin by the way the mothers
brot ther yung curs for us to kiss. I dont care nothin for baby's
enyway, but I had to submit to a lot of slobberin for the sake of
inflooensin votes, for my Candydate. At Fishkill we stopped for
refreshments, and was waited on by a brass band and the Mayor and more
baby's. Mr. Gilley spoke a few wurds and thanked the crowd for their
curtesies, and named a few babies. Jest as we was steemin outer the
depot, he dropt his red bandanner handkerchef; you'd dide to see them
yung gals tumbel over each other and scrambel for it. Before they got
it, it was tore all up, in little bits, and most every gal wot got a
peece, unbuttoned there jerseys, and stowed it way in there bussums.
Fishkill, like Yungcurs, has got a purty good name, cos it emits a
perfume, very surgestive of cleenin fish, wot was fresh wen Preserdent
Buckannon was inaugerated.
Mr. Gilley was feelin orful proud of his recepshuns, all long the line,
& it warnt till we got to Albany that he found out that the peepel took
him for Preserdent Arthur. Then he got orful indignant, & made the air
of the cur smell like condensed sulfur gas, the way he swared. He sez
his xperience of unkindnesses has been purty big in his lifetime, but
that the peepel of New York State shuld take him for his Axerdensy was
the gol durndest unkindest cut of all, and he'd be struck by litenin,
with a asse's jaw, if he didn't make the furst barber he seen shave
them leg-a-mutton sidebords clene off, cos they was bringin his bald hed
inter disgrace. Wen we got to Troy we was met by the Centril Committee,
and druv round to all the salloons, so as we'd see all the sites, &
set em up for the crowd. I heer the band pleyin “See the conqrin hearo
comes.” I guess the populace is waitin for me, so I'll have to stop
ritin now.