FROM A GIRL'S HEART
Rose stood looking over the wide expanse of the river to the opposite
shore, wondering a little. Down there, miles and miles below, were the
English settlements. The men, as traders, came to Quebec now and then.
Were the English women like the French? Were there young girls among
them? She was beginning to experience a peculiar loneliness, a want of
companionship, that no one about her could satisfy.
"Madame Destournier wishes to see you," exclaimed Pani, who had been
sent on the errand.
She went slowly to miladi's room, and entering it wished her
good-morning, with a dainty courtesy.
"You will be needed for a matter in hand," began miladi, "about which I
desire to say a few words before the gentlemen come. It would have been
settled yesterday, but you were not to be found. Where were you?"
Miladi asked it carelessly, so intent on the matter in hand that she did
not remark the color that flew up to the fair brow.
"Out on the river," she answered briefly.
"It is not proper for you to go alone. I have told you of this before.
You are a young woman, and with so many men roaming about, it is too
bold and unsafe, as well."
"I am never in any danger."
"You do not know. But then it is not proper."
Rose made no reply to that. For some time miladi had not seemed to care
where she went. And she often did have Pani with her.
There was a rather awkward silence. Rose was meditating an escape. Then
miladi began, in so severe a tone that every nerve within her quivered.
"Yes, you were needed yesterday afternoon. M. Boulle came in and laid
before me a grave matter. You two seem to have wandered about in a
manner that would have scandalized a more civilized place, but there
appear to be no restrictions in this wilderness of savages. I have not
been able to watch over you as I should, and Wanamee does not
understand. Out of all this freedom, so unusual to a French maid, has
come a proposal of marriage, and this morning you are to be betrothed."
"I? But I have not consented, Madame. I told M. Boulle yesterday that I
could not marry him, that I did not want to marry any one."
"You will consider. Remember you are a foundling, with no name of
ancestry, no parents, that a man might refer to with pride when children
grow up about the family altar. It is not a thing to be quite satisfied
with, Mademoiselle, or proud of," and there was a sting in her tone.
"This man loves you so well that he is willing to overlook it and offer
you honorable marriage, which but few men would do. We have accepted him
for you. He returns to Tadoussac to-day, but the marriage day will be
settled and though you cannot have what I would wish, we will do our
best."
The girl's face had changed from scarlet to deathly whiteness. Something
inside of her seemed to spring into a flame of knowledge, of womanhood,
and burn up grandly. That subtle chemistry that works in the girl's
soul, and transforms it, sometimes slowly, was in her case like the
sudden bursting of a bud into flowering. She was her own. She had said
this before; in a way, she had always felt it; but now it was graven
with a point of steel.
"Madame," she began, in a tone she vainly strove to render steady, "only
yesterday I told M. Boulle I could not take the love he proffered me,
and make any return. And then I felt on a certain equality. I understand
better now. I am nameless, a rose of the wilderness, a foundling, as you
said. So I will marry no man who may be ashamed of me before his
children. Thank M. Boulle for the honor, and tell him----"
The door opened, Destournier recalled one of the few plays he had seen
in Paris, with a tragedienne who had won a king's heart, and it seemed
almost as if this girl might step into fame, so proud and full of power
was she, standing there. Miladi had not been willing to wait for a
conference. But the result would have been the same.
Both men looked at her in surprise, and were speechless for a moment.
Then M. Destournier, recovering, reached out and took the girl's slim,
nerveless hand.
"Rose," he said, "M. Boulle has done us all the honor to ask your hand
in marriage. If you can accept him you will have our heartiest wishes
for your happiness; if you feel that you cannot, if no affection draws
you to him, then do not give him a cold, loveless heart in return. Make
your own choice; there is no one to compel you, no one to insist."
"I thank you, M. Boulle, for the honor." She held her head up very
straight; it seemed as if she had grown since yesterday. Her eyes were
fearless in their high light, the delicious curves of her lips seemed
set as if they had been carved, instead of rosy flesh. "It is more than
the usual honor, I believe. I am a nameless foundling, and have been
handed about from one to another, and they were not the kind in whom one
could take pride. Therefore, I shall not bestow myself on any man, and
no one has any right to take advantage of his generosity. If I loved
you, I should do the same thing. How much more resolute I should be when
I do not love you, and would wed you simply for the sake of sheltering
myself under your name. I am sorry any one has considered this possible,
since it is not."
Boulle took a step forward and grasped her hand, as he poured out a
torrent of ardent love. Miladi looked on, amazed. Was the girl made of
stone, or was her heart elsewhere? She made no appeal to M. Destournier,
indeed her face was turned a trifle from him.
"You pain me," she said wearily, yet with a tender pity. "I can say no
more."
"But I will wait," he pleaded.
"My answer would always be the same."
"Rose!" miladi exclaimed.
"Madame Destournier, I thank you also for your kindness to a foundling,
and you, also," turning to M. Destournier, "for home and shelter, and
many other things. I feel now that since I have disappointed you I
cannot avail myself of your generosity any longer. I can find another
home----"
She turned swiftly as a ray of light, and disappeared.
"Have you no control over her?" cried Madame angrily, "that she defies
you to your face. It shows the blood that runs in her veins, wayward,
ungrateful thing that no honor can raise, no generosity touch. She has
the heart of a stone. M. Boulle, you have made a fortunate escape."
"But I love her, Madame. And I thought her noble in her refusal, but I
would have taken her to my heart, no matter what she was. And I do not
quite despair. I may find some link that will rehabilitate her. She must
have come from a fine race. There is no peasant blood there."
"Perhaps honorable peasant blood may be cleaner than a king's bastard,"
returned miladi scornfully.
"You have my most fervent sympathy," and M. Destournier wrung the
lover's hand. "But it would be ill work marrying a woman who did not
care for you. Perhaps another year"--should he give him hope? It was
such an honest, earnest face, and he would have been brave to set at
naught family tradition.
They went down the winding stair together. Rose was nowhere to be seen.
"Oh, you will watch over her?" M. Boulle cried, with a lover's
desperation.
"Do not fear. She has been like a child to me. No harm shall come to
her."
Miladi in her transport of rage tore the handkerchief she held in her
hand to shreds, and stamped her foot on the floor.
"She shall never come in this house again, the deceitful, ungrateful
wretch. And he shall not care for her, or befriend her in any way. She
must love him, and it is no child's love, either. Why, I have been blind
and silly all this last year."
Rose had flown out of the house, across the gardens and the settlement
to the woods, where she had spent so many delightful hours. She threw
herself down on the moss and the fragrant pine needles, and gave way to
a fit of weeping that seemed to rend both soul and body. Was she an
outcast? Oh, it could not be that M. Destournier would forsake her. But
she could ask nothing from him, and miladi would never see her again.
Why could she not have loved M. Boulle? Did it take so much love to be a
man's wife? to be held in his arms and kissed, to live with him day by
day--and she shuddered at the thought.
But she was young, and the flood of tears subsided. She sat up, leaning
against a stout pine. Then she rose and peered about. Was it true that
M. Boulle was to go away? What if he came and found her again?
She crawled out cautiously, and looked up at the sun. It had passed the
meridian. She was hungry, so she searched about and found some berries,
but she longed for something more substantial. For the first time
solitude seemed to pall upon her. She felt as if everything had been
swept away.
Toward night she crept down to the settlement. Several of the Indian
women would take her in, she knew. There was Noko sitting just outside
her tent; she would not accept a cabin of logs or stone. She was making
a cape of gulls' feathers, that she might sell to some of the traders,
who often took curious Indian finery home with their furs. Her three
sons were trappers. One had a wife and three children that the poor
mother provided for, and when her brave came home, she was devoted to
him, grateful for a pleasant word. What curious ideas these aborigines
had of wedded love!
"Noko, will you take me in for the night, and give me some supper?" she
asked, as she threw herself down beside the Indian woman, who, at
forty, looked at least sixty, and though she had the face of her tribe,
it was marked by a grave sort of pleasantness, and not the severity that
generally characterized middle life.
"Has the Sieur gone to Tadoussac?"
"Not that I know of. But I have offended miladi. And your wigwam is
always so clean, and there are no children."
The woman shook her head with a sort of remonstrance.
"You will have them of your own some day. When they are little, you will
care for them. They will be no trouble. When they are older, you will be
proud of them, and rejoice in their bravery. Then they go away, and
forget."
She began to put up her work. "Are you in earnest?" she asked. "Do you
need shelter?"
"Oh, the Gaudrions would take me in, but there is such a crowd, I am for
a little quiet and solitude to-night."
"Thou shalt have it. The Sieur has been good to me. But it is hardly
wise to quarrel with one's home."
"There was no quarrel. Miladi wanted me to do something that I could
not. And you know I have no real claim upon them, Noko, I belong to
Quebec, not to any person."
She gave a little laugh that sounded almost shrill. There was not so
much joy in belonging only to one's self.
"To Quebec, yes."
"Now let me kindle the fire. See how handy I can be. And to-morrow I can
help you with that beautiful cape. I suppose the great ladies in Paris
feel very grand in some of these things. I heard the Governor say that a
great deal of money was paid for a deerskin dress by some one at court.
It was worked beautifully, and as soft as velvet."
Rose busied herself in her eager, graceful fashion. Noko broiled some
deer steak on the coals, and had a stew made of various things, with
fish for the foundation. Rose was not very partial to this, but the
steak and the cakes made of rye and corn, and well browned, tasted good
to the hungry girl. There was a tea made of herbs, which had a
delightful fragrance.
Afterward they sat in the doorway, and one and another came to give Noko
a bit of gossip. Rose crept off to bed presently. How fragrant the fresh
balsam of fir was, and the tired girl soon fell asleep.
M. Destournier had been quite engrossed with a few forgotten things that
had to go to Tadoussac. Then the vessel pushed off and he turned to the
storehouse. Presently a load would go to France. Though he was
mechanically busy, his thoughts turned to Rose. She must have another
home. He had wondered more than once how it had come to pass that miladi
had lost so many of her charms, yet grown so much more exacting. He had
awakened to the fact that he had never been a rapturous lover. He paid
Eustache Boulle all honor that he had proved so manly and brave, yet in
his secret heart he felt glad that Rose had not loved him. Why, he could
not tell, except that she was too young. And he wondered how much miladi
had loved Laurent Giffard. How much was she capable of loving? And the
sweet angel-like Helene, who had willingly crossed the ocean and exiled
herself from the life she loved to these uncongenial surroundings. They
were that for a woman.
When business was through with, he made his way down to M. Hebert's.
Though the man had been bred an apothecary, and had a wider education
than many in a higher round, he was making an excellent and enthusiastic
farmer. Madame Hebert had brought some of the old-world knowledge and
frugality with her, and put them in practice, bringing up her daughters
to habits of industry, while the son was equally well trained by the
father.
M. Hebert was busy with his young fruit trees. Every year he sent for
some hardy kind, and had quite a variety. He was a colonist, which so
few of the emigrants were.
After a walk about the garden, they went in to see Madame Hebert and
Therese, who was making lace. Then M. Destournier preferred his request
that they would take Rose for a while. He did not hint at any
disagreement. Madame Destournier's health was precarious, and she had
little idea of what was necessary for a girl, having been
convent-trained herself. Now that Madame de Champlain had gone there
was no real companionship for Rose, who was surely outgrowing her
childish fancies.
"How would you like it, Therese?" asked her mother.
Therese was a solid dark-eyed, dark-haired, rather heavy-looking girl,
without the French vivacity and eagerness. Destournier smiled inwardly;
he could hardly fancy their being companions; yet in a way, each might
benefit the other.
"Why--if you approved. Though I am never lonely," raising her eyes to
the visitor.
"Rose is quite given to rambling about. She haunts the woods, she is
fond of canoeing, and I think she has quite a mind for study. I am sorry
there are so few opportunities. Our good fathers seem to frown on
everything but prayers."
"Prayers are good, but there must be work, as well," said Madame Hebert,
who had been brought up a Huguenot, and who thought conventual life a
great waste.
"I should like the change for her. It may not be for long, but it would
be a favor. And you need not feel that you must devote a great deal of
time and energy to her, but give her the shelter of a home, until
matters change a little," with a hopeful accent in his voice, and a
smile that had the same aspect.
"Madame Destournier is not well?" in a tone of inquiry.
"No. She should have gone to France with the Sieur and his wife, but it
was thought she had not the strength to stand the sea voyage. I feel
much troubled about her."
Madame Hebert was sympathetic, but she had never admired the wife as
much as she did the husband. She was too volatile in the early days, and
held her head quite too high.
It was arranged that Rose should be an inmate of the Hebert home for a
month or two. It was such a comfortable, cheerful-looking place. There
was a set of bookshelves, and no one beside the Governor owned more than
a prayer-book, which did little good, since they could hardly read in
their own language.
M. Ralph did not go at once to his wife, but stopped in the kitchen.
Mawha was brewing some herbs. Wanamee entered with a plate on which
there was some wheaten toast.
"She will not take it. She does nothing but fret for Monsieur, and say
dreadful things about _ma fille_"--then she stopped in a fright, seeing
her master.
"Where is Rose?" he asked.
"She has not been here all day. I sent Pani to look for her, but he has
not returned."
M. Destournier went to his wife's room. She was hysterical and
unreasonable.
"Promise me that such a miserable, deceitful thing as that girl is shall
never enter this house," she cried. "I cannot breathe the same air with
her. You must choose between us. If you keep to her, I shall know you
have no love for me. I will kill myself."
"Marguerite, calm yourself. Rose is not to remain here, but go to the
Heberts. So you will have quiet and nothing to do but recover your
health. And if you can get well enough, we will go to Montreal, as I
have to transact some business. The change will do you good."
"You will not take her?"
"No, no. Now let the girl alone. She is provided for, and you have the
two women at your service."
"She did nothing for me. And after roaming the woods and canoeing with
M. Boulle, she should have been glad to marry him, for decency's sake."
"We will let her quite alone," he exclaimed authoritatively. "Why did
you not eat some supper?"
"I couldn't. Oh, Ralph, be kind to me. Do not let that girl steal your
love from me. I was quite as pretty in youth, but the years are hard on
one. And I need your love more than ever. You are not tender and
caressing as Laurent was."
He bent over and kissed her, smoothed her tangled hair, and patted the
hot cheek.
"I have been busy all day, and have had no supper," he began, loosening
the hands about his neck.
She sobbed wildly. She had been so lonely all day. She missed M. Boulle
so much. He would have been a son to them.
He had to tear himself away. He did not take his supper, but rushed out
to make inquiries. Where had Rose gone? Was she wandering about the
woods? There had been wolves, stray Indians, and a dozen dangers. The
palisade gates were fastened. He asked at two or three of the cabins,
where he knew she was a favorite. And where was Pani?
Pani was asleep on a soft couch of moss, under a clump of great oak
trees. He had lain down, warm and tired, and his nap was good for ten or
twelve hours.
"I saw her by Noko's wigwam," said a woman, as she heard him inquiring.
Not even waiting to thank her, he rushed thither. Noko had the
reputation of being a sort of seer, though she seldom used her gift. She
sat on the stone beside her door, and a woman knelt before her, to whom
she was talking in a low monotonous tone. His step startled the
listener, and she sprang up.
"Whither did Rose go?" he asked peremptorily, seizing Noko's arm.
"She is here, Monsieur. She is in bed asleep. There is trouble and the
fair-haired woman hates her. You had better not try to make them agree.
And she has no love for the dark-haired suitor who is on the river,
dreaming of her. She is too young. Let her alone."
"I wanted to know that she was safe. I will see her in the morning. Keep
her until I come."
"Yes, Monsieur."
Madame Destournier had wept herself to sleep, and was breathing in
comparative tranquillity. Ralph sat down beside the bed. If Rose had
loved Eustache Boulle, the way would have been smooth as a summer sea.
Was he sorry, or mysteriously glad? Why should he be glad? he demanded
of himself.
Rose made no demur the next morning when M. Destournier told her of the
new arrangements, only stipulating that she should have her liberty, to
go and come as she pleased.
"Are you very angry because I could not take M. Boulle for a husband?"
she inquired timidly.
"Oh, no, no. It was your life, Mademoiselle, for sorrow or joy. You only
had the right to choose."
The bronze lashes quivered sensitively upon her cheeks, and a soft flush
seemed to tangle itself among them.
"Is it joy, M'sieu?" in a low tone.
"It ought to be."
"Then I shall wait until there comes a touch of joy greater than any I
have yet known. And I have had thrills of delight that have gone all
through my body, but they faded. The love for a husband should last
one's whole life."
"Yes, Mademoiselle. Why not?"
All the white tones of her skin flushed to rose, and crept even among
the tendrils of her hair and over her small ears. Had he ever remarked
how perfect they were before?
"_Ma fille_," he responded softly. "And you will be content until better
times."
"So long as I do not have to marry, yes."
"That is a good _fille_. I shall see you now and then. You will like M.
Hebert. He has plenty of books, and it will be a good practice to read
up French."
She nodded.
He took a second thought.
"You may as well go now, and I will see that all is fair sailing. Noko,
thanks for keeping Rose of Quebec where neither wolves nor marauders
could get at her."
They walked quietly along, she with her agile step, that gave graceful
turns to her figure. She was hardly a woman, and yet more than a child.
But she kept the sweet simplicity of the latter.
Madame Hebert gave her a pleasant welcome. Therese glanced up from her
lace work and nodded, hoping in a formal and quite ungirlish manner that
she would be happy with them. Rose sat down beside her, and looked at
the lace. There were pins stuck in a cushion and Therese threw her
thread over this one and that one. How queer it looked.
"But if you should go wrong?" she inquired.
"Here is the pattern. This is quite simple. I have one very intricate,
but handsome, like they make at home, Maman says. And one with beads. I
took the idea from an Indian woman. I have some finished work, too."
"I have done a little of that. Miladi, that is Madame Destournier, used
to do embroidery. At first she had such a store of pretty things. But
now they cost so much. Only there are always packs of furs to exchange."
M. Hebert came in, with a pleasant word for his guest. They were
extremely sorry that Madame was ill, but it gave them the pleasure of a
visit from Rose. M. Destournier said she was fond of reading; he had
some poets, and books on gardening, out of which he made poetry, smiling
with French gayety.
On the whole, Rose liked the exchange. For a few days it seemed rather
stiff, but there were so many new things, and M. Hebert liked a good
listener. She walked about the garden with him. There were some rare
flowers, of which he was very proud, and several he had found in the
woods. Then there was a bed of herbs, and he distilled remedies, as well
as some delightful perfumes. He soon grew quite fond of the pretty girl
who was so interested in his pursuits, and fond of hearing him read
aloud, and though his wife and children listened amiably, their thoughts
were more on their work. Industry was Madame Hebert's cardinal virtue,
and her daughter was a girl after her own heart.
But this fresh young creature to whom a marvellous world was being
opened, who watched with eager eyes, who smiled or was saddened, who was
sympathetic or indignant, who flushed or paled with the pain of tragedy,
how charming she was!
She often ran up to the old home for a word with Wanamee, who was glad
to see her. Miladi was neither better nor worse, some days so irritable
that nothing could please her.
"She would keep M. Destournier beside her all the time," said Wanamee,
"but a man has business. He is not meant for a nurse, and to yield to
every whim. She is not a happy woman, miladi, and one hardly knows how
much of her illness is imaginary. If she would only brighten up and go
out a little, I think she would be better."
Rose used her strongest efforts to induce Therese to take a ramble with
her. She did go to the woods occasionally, but she took her work along,
always.
"Why do you keep so closely to it?" Rose asked one day.
"Mam'selle, part is for my trousseau. Maman instructed me in the fashion
of her old home, where girls begin to fill up a chest, to be ready."
"Oh, Therese, have you a lover?"
"_Non._" Therese shook her head. "But I may have, some day. There will
be people, men sent over to settle New France. The King has promised."
"Did you see M. Boulle, when he was here?"
"Oh, yes. And a nice young man he is, too."
"I wish he had wanted to marry you. He is nice and good to look at. How
could one marry Pierre Gaudrion, with his low brow and fierce eyebrows
that meet over his nose, and his great hands, that seem made of lead, if
he lays them on you! Yet he is smart and ingenious."
"And they say now that he visits Anastase Fromont. She will make a good
wife."
Rose gave a little shiver. She could recall one time, the last, when
Pierre had laid his hand on both her shoulders and drawn her to him, and
she had wrenched herself away, every drop of blood within her rising up
in protest.
"Don't you dare to touch me again, or I will kill you," she had flung
out with blazing eyes.
Then for weeks he had never so much as looked at her.
"Yes," retrospectively. "Why do people take likes the wrong way? Now if
M. Boulle had----"
"It is said he was wild for love of you," interposed Therese.
"That made the trouble. Miladi liked him so much. Therese, there is some
kind of love we must have before you can put yourself in a man's hand,
and let him take you to his home, where you must remain while life
lasts. A whole long life, think of it! And if you wanted to get free the
priest would forbid it. There would be nothing but to throw yourself
into the river."
Therese looked with frightened eyes at the impetuous girl.
"There is God to obey and serve. And if He sends you a good husband--M.
Boulle was brother to our dear Sieur's wife. It would have been an
excellent marriage."
"If it hadst only been thou!" Rose's short-lived passion was over, and
she was smiling.
"But you see, Mam'selle, they are strong Catholics. I follow my mother's
faith, and we do not believe telling beads and saying prayers is all of
the true service to the Lord. So it would never have done."
Rose was minded to laugh at the grave, satisfied tone, and the placid
face.
"I am not a good Catholic, either. I do not go to confession. I do not
tell lies nor steal, and though I get in tempers, it is because people
try me and insist that I should do what I know it would be wrong for me
to do. I did not want any husband, and I said so."
"But all girls hope to marry some time. I should like to have as good a
husband as my mother has, and be as happy with him."
"He is delightful," admitted Rose. "But your mother loved him."
"He was chosen for her, and there was no good reason why she should not
accept him. Yes, they have been very happy. But in France girls do not
have a voice, and when the husband is chosen, they set themselves about
making every act and thought of theirs agreeable."
"But if he was--unworthy?"
"Few parents would choose an unworthy lover, I think. They have the good
of their children at heart."
Eustache Boulle had not been unworthy. He would have married her,
nameless. Her heart turned suddenly tender toward him. She was learning
that in the greater world there was a certain pride of birth, an honor
in being well-born. She was better satisfied that she had not accepted
Eustache. What if the Sieur had been opposed to it and Madame de
Champlain frowned upon her?
And then the Sieur returned, but he came alone. The house in the Rue St.
Germain l'Auxerrois, with Madame Boulle, was more attractive than the
roughness of a half-civilized country. Even then Helene plead for
permission to become a lay sister in a convent, which would have meant a
separation, but he would not agree to this. Ten years after his death
she entered the Ursuline Convent, and some years later founded one in
the town of Meaux, endowing it with most of her fortune. And though the
next summer Eustache renewed his suit, he met with a firm refusal, and
found the influence of his brother-in-law was against him.
Rose had been brave enough to lay the matter before him.
"Little one," he said, in the most fatherly tone--"if thou dost not love
a man enough to give him thy whole soul, except what belongs to God, to
desire to spend thy life with him, to honor and serve him with the best
thou hast, then do not marry him. It is a bitter thing for a man to go
hungry for love, when a woman has promised to hold the cup of joy to his
lips."
Eustache then returned to France, and after a period of study and
preparation, took holy orders, as a Friar.