There was great commotion in the kitchen of a large seaside hotel not
many miles from Long Branch. A commotion in fact, that struck dismay to
the heart of the proprietor, who, upon visiting the store-room near by,
was caught and detained, an invisible listener to the uproar.
"I 'clar ter gracious!" screamed the fat, colored cook, "I aint a-gwine
ter stan' it no longer! Po' white trash a-layin' up in bed all mornin,'
an' den it's eggs! Eggs biled, eggs scrabbled, an' homilies (omelettes)
tell yer can't res' nohow! I'se mazin' tired of it all, I tell yer! I'se
gwine ter quit--I is!"
"You'se gwine ter quit--you is! I speck! I'm done heerd dat talk eber
day dis month," jeered cook number two. "Ef you quits you kin jest bet
yer bottom dollar I aint a-gwine to stay. Got more'n I kin do now--I is."
"An' what yer reckon dis chile's goin' ter do den?" pertly chimed in the
mulatto kitchen maid. "I'm got all de runnin' roun' ter do, an' yer kin
jist bet I don't have no easy time. Quit as quick as yer please--all
of yer--I'll go 'long wid de crowd!" and with a toss of her woolly
bangs, she dumped a pan of potato peelings out at the door.
"Dry up! dry up!" broke in the head waiter, appearing on the scene in
true autocrat fashion. He boasted of "right smart book learnin'," and
was a recognised power in the land. "You don't have no trouble at all to
what I do. It's run here, there and everywhere, all in a minute, with a
dozen blockheads to look after. And it's precious few tips I get here,
I promise you! I never see as stingy a lot o' people in all my born
days. Say! you there, Jim! fetch that tray along! What are you gapin'
at, nigger?"
"Don't you nigger me, you black dude!" retorted the darkey, and as
he spoke a smart chambermaid pranced along, flirting back at another
waiter, and ran plump against the boy, tray and all. Down went the
dishes with a clatter which brought a bevy of waiters and maids on the
scene, while the laundress rushed in, all dripping with soapsuds. This
so irritated the head waiter that he seized a teacup and threw it at
the unlucky tray man. Then followed a fusillade of broken crockery and
promiscuous dodging of giggling maids and explosive men-servants.
The fat cook interposed a threatening, hissing tea-kettle to stop the
war, and the perplexed housekeeper appeared among the belligerents as
the overwhelmed proprietor beat a hasty retreat. Stealing unperceived
along the corridors, an idea struck him. This state of things was simply
dreadful; something must be done. He quickly decided. He despatched his
little son to the rooms and all about the premises to request the guests
to assemble to an affair of state in the imposing chamber known as the
main parlor. His wife was an invalid, and the poor man was beside
himself in his perplexity.
With wondering, smiling faces they came--a pleasing array of city
boarders--ease and comfort written upon every face.
His audience assembled, the distressed gentleman proceeded to pour forth
his grievances. He asked what he should do in such a dilemma. His help
had been engaged from the swarms of colored persons who infest the
stations and public resorts along the coast. They had given trouble ever
since the hotel was opened. They complained and annoyed him first about
one thing, then about another, till he was well on to the verge of
lunacy.
"Now, ladies and gentlemen," he pathetically continued, "if I try to
soothe and satisfy, and raise wages and make promises, what guarantee
have I that the same thing will not occur to-morrow, and next day, and
next week? I engaged them fairly and squarely, and have held strictly
to my contract. They are so spoiled and unmanageable that there is no
satisfaction in their service. Even now, while I am talking they are no
doubt still in an uproar. Why, it is a wholesale mutiny. Something must
be done at once. I have come to you for advice. If, as I say, they could
be persuaded to remain, I cannot promise you any comfort. If I discharge
the whole crew, it will be a day, perhaps two days, before I can supply
their places; for I shall have to go to New York for white help. Can you
solve the problem?"
For a moment there was silence. Then Miss May Delano, a handsome,
wealthy city girl, said, with a challenging glance all around: "I'll
wait upon the table for my part, if somebody will get me something to
serve!"
This was received with an outburst, and instantly all was chatter and
confusion as they caught up the spirit of the thing.
"I'll fill the orders as fast as you can take them," boasted a Wall St.
exquisite, who would have unbent his dignity to any degree to please the
bewitching heiress.
"I'll help anywhere--wherever I'm needed," exclaimed another city belle.
"And I!" came in chorus. "We'll be chambermaids," said a party who had
just donned bathing suits of blue flannel.
"All right! Get to work!" commanded the crowd. "You have on just the
dress for the business."
"Well, Mrs. Ingalls," smilingly encouraged a plump matron, "I suppose
we might do as good cooking here as we have done at home in times of
emergency. Shall we try?"
"I'm agreeable," laughed the lady. "That is, if we can manage the
range."
"Oh, leave that to me," said her husband. "I guess I've handled ranges
before." Which caused more merriment, since that gentleman's business
was in the hardware line.
Fresh came another bevy of rosy faces, whose owners declared that they
had been to a cooking school and knew all about it.
"Nothing like practical demonstration," bantered the young men.
"Hurrah!" cried one Hamilton, the pet of the house. "Give me the girl
who can don a white apron, roll up her sleeves, and plunge her pretty
arms into the flour barrel! That's what I'm looking for!" and he
cleverly balanced a chair on his chin, amid a clamor of repartee and
good-natured defiance.
"Go in, the whole ship's crew!" fervently urged a family man. "It will
be the best fun of the season."
"All right!" promptly agreed the ladies. "We are ready. Now, hurry up
and get on your porter's apron in time for the next wagon of trunks.
Pray, call us when you are about to shoulder one!" which turned the
laugh on the muscular member of the group.
"I think I'd rather be parlor maid," sweetly chimed in a little blonde
beauty, with fluffy bangs.
"Suits you to a T," was the gallant response from the younger men.
"And I'll have to stand guard to keep you from flirting," put in an
adorer.
"Pot calling the kettle black!" was the saucy fling from a chorus of
school-girls who were enjoying their first seaside vacation.
"Now, grandma," exclaimed the parlor maid to a beautiful old lady with
silver hair, "you shall have a big chair right in the middle of the
dining hall, and be manager-in-chief."
Meanwhile the landlord had been overcome.
"Ladies," he now managed to articulate, and certainly he meant it, "I
don't know what to say; I don't know how to thank you. But I know what
I'll do; I'll turn away the last one of those quarrelsome blacks; root
and branch they shall go. I'm tired of living in bedlam. I shall go down
at once and start them; then I'll telegraph to New York and take the
first train out. Rest assured I shall be back to your relief as soon as
possible."
The proprietor had made himself heard in the confusion, and as he left
the parlor hearty cheers followed him, when immediately the groups of
talkers broke out again into plans and promises.
"Organize! Organize!" thundered a big man who had been jostled from his
morning paper. "There can be no success without system."
"Hear! Hear!" roared the fun-loving fellows. "Down with the crowd to the
lower regions! Come on with your constitution and by-laws! Hold fast to
law and order! Give us liberty, or death--pumpkin pies and lily-white
hands! Hurrah! On to the kitchen!"
With mock circumspection they were forcing couples to pair off; but
the level-headed matrons soon arranged matters more to the purpose.
The various branches of work were assigned to willing hands that only
awaited the signal for action.
Great was the consternation of the mutineers when the "boss" appeared
in the dismantled kitchen and ordered them all off the premises. In vain
they protested, laying the blame on first one and then another. Their
day of grace was ended and no quarter shown. Wilfully and from sheer
love of bickering, they had offended all sense of justice and propriety,
and in unbroken ranks they must go.
When the fiat had irretrievably gone forth, they showed again the claws
and the cloven foot. The "cook-lady" said she "didn't hafter work
nohow;" she reckoned she could "git along." The maids and the waiters
took the cue and were equally independent. But though paid their wages
in full, they were discharged without "a recommend"; and this, in the
height of the season, was no small privation.
"Teach them a lesson!" muttered the proprietor with satisfaction.
"Serves them right! I'm rather glad of the row."
Cheerily the guests fell to work in their several departments, and if
more than one match for life was not made among the young people, it
was from no lack of genuine admiration in their new roles. The lads
and lassies were happy and rosy and busy at their self-appointed tasks.
The white-coated waiters were dubbed "No. 47," "No. 50," and so on, and
right nobly they served the well-spread tables, which lacked nothing,
not even the boon of contentment, which so helps digestion.
The flushed matrons behind big kitchen aprons, with diamonds locked away
in the hotel safe, took turns to perfection. Many guests took their
ease, and were mere lookers-on at the frolic; but a right goodly company
put their shoulders to the wheel.
When the new corps of "help" were installed, they found the hotel clean
and tidy from attic to cellar, and everything in its proper place.
The episode was one to be remembered by the malcontents, who had had a
severe lesson; by the host, who had seen a genuinely good side of human
nature; and the ladies who had so nobly stepped into the breach, learned
during their brief period of servitude to be more patient and
considerate to those who serve.