St. George’s-Day does not _supersede_ you; it is not called the
_King’s-birth-Day_; the almanac by ~K. b. d. k.~ denotes that you, the
_King’s-birth-Day_, are kept with all the honours due to your _August_
quality on _St. George’s-Day_. If it had not “pleased the course of
nature,” you would only have been distinguished as the first _Day_ after
the _Day_ whereon the almanac says “Dog-_Days end_”--a fine distinction!
“It looks a little oddly” you say that you should have been “discarded
not long after the dismission of a set of men and measures with whom
_you_ have nothing in common;” and you “hope,” that “no whisperer has
insinuated” that you are “whiggishly inclined.” Allow me to tell you,
Madam, that if the family of the _Days_ had not been “whiggishly
inclined” in the year 1688, you might still have been a “common _Day_.”
I know not how you incline now, and it is of very little consequence;
for all “parties” are busy in promoting the happiness of the
commonwealth, and I hope, in my lifetime at least, that no _Day_ will be
dishonoured by dissensions about trifles at home, or war upon any
pretence abroad. And now, Madam, after this indispensable notice of your
little flaunt, let me add, that the prorogation of parliament during
that season when “in the course of nature” you arrive, and the king’s
attention to the manufacturing and trading of the country, are obvious
reasons for keeping the _King’s-birth-Day_, in customary splendour on
the 23d _Day_ of April, instead of the 12th _Day_ of August. You are
honoured again in your own season at the palace; and your complaint
amounts to no more than this, that having received your honours in the
presence of a full court circle before you are entitled to them, they
are not all repeated to a semicircle:--how childish! Then, you talk
about the “ante-dating of births” and “Parish Registers” as if you were
the daughter of a parish clerk--remember _yourself_, Madam.
St. George’s-_Day_ has far more cause for vexation than you. The little
respect usually paid to _her_ celebration is eclipsed by the uproar of
yours. “The Tower and Park guns proclaim so many big thundering fibs
upon _her_ anniversary” for _you_; and _you_ call _her_, your elder
sister, a “naughty kept creature;” poor thing! How eloquent is her
silence compared with your loquacity! how dignified! yet _she_ has
_antiquity_ to boast of--the antiquity of many generations, while _you_
at the utmost, are only of sixty-three years standing; indeed, as the
KING’S-_birth_-_Day_, you are not halfway to your teens. A quarrel among
the _Days_ would be odious; this would be detestable. Happily the
_Day_-family is saved from this disgrace by the prudence of your more
experienced sister, who will no doubt decline provocation even under
your spiteful collocation of George of Leyden with George of
Cappadocia--she understands the taunt well enough; and can see through
the whimsical association of George-a-Green with George Dyer. The dead
George-a-Green no one can harm, and the living George Dyer is as
harmless. This is pitiful work, and if you were not the
_King’s-birth-Day_ you would be made to suffer for it. “However,” as my
friend Dyer would say, “let that pass:” he is a good creature, and
maintains his innocence spite of his union--with George-a-Green.
On the presentation of your petition I had some doubt whether I ought to
entertain such a petition for a moment; but on reconsideration I doubted
whether the justice of the case would not be better answered by dealing
with it in another way; and I give you the benefit of that doubt: the
petition is dismissed.