Sir,
I am a poor wronged _Day_. I appeal to you as the general patron of the
family of the _Days_. The candour with which you attended to the
expostulations of a poor relative of ours--a sort of cousin thrice
removed[250]--encourages me to hope that you will listen to the
complaint of a _Day_ of rather more consequence. I am the _Day_, Sir,
upon which it pleased the course of nature that your gracious Sovereign
should be born. As such, before his Accession, I was always observed and
honoured. But since that happy event, in which naturally none had a
greater interest than myself, a flaw has been discovered in my title. My
lustre has been eclipsed, and--to use the words of one of your own
poets,--
“I fade into the light of common _day_.”
It seems, that about that time, an Impostor crept into Court, who has
the effrontery to usurp my honours, and to style herself the
_King’s-birth-Day_, upon some shallow pretence that, being _St.
George’s-Day_, she must needs be _King-George’s-Day_ also.
_All-Saints-Day_ we have heard of, and _All-Souls-Day_ we are willing to
admit; but does it follow that this foolish _Twenty-third of April_ must
be _All-George’s-Day_, and enjoy a monopoly of the whole name from
George of Cappadocia to George of Leyden, and from George-a-Green down
to George Dyer?
It looks a little oddly that I was discarded not long after the
dismission of a set of men and measures, with whom I have nothing in
common. I hope no whisperer has insinuated into the ears of Royalty, as
if I were any thing Whiggishly inclined, when, in my heart, I abhor all
these kind of Revolutions, by which I am sure to be the greatest
sufferer.
I wonder my shameless Rival can have the face to let the Tower and Park
Guns proclaim so many big thundering fibs as they do, upon her
Anniversary--making your Sovereign too to be older than he is, by an
hundred and odd _days_, which is no great compliment one would think.
Consider if this precedent for ante-dating of Births should become
general, what confusion it must make in Parish Registers; what crowds of
young heirs we should have coming of age before they are one-and-twenty,
with numberless similar grievances. If these chops and changes are
suffered, we shall have _Lord-Mayor’s-Day_ eating her custard
unauthentically in May, and _Guy Faux_ preposterously blazing twice
over in the Dog-_days_.
I humbly submit, that it is not within the prerogatives of Royalty
itself, to be born twice over. We have read of the supposititious births
of Princes, but where are the evidences of this first Birth? why are not
the nurses in attendance, the midwife, &c. produced?--the silly story
has not so much as a Warming Pan to support it.
My legal advisers, to comfort me, tell me that I have the right on my
side; that I am the true Birth-_Day_, and the other _Day_ is only kept.
But what consolation is this to me, as long as this naughty-_kept
creature_ keeps me out of my dues and privileges?
Pray take my unfortunate case into your consideration, and see that I am
restored to my lawful Rejoicings, Firings, Bon-Firings, Illuminations,
&c.
And your Petitioner shall ever pray,
_Twelfth Day of August_
* * * * *