A REAL UNCROWNED KING.--At a meeting of the Town Commissioners
of Kinsale, a report of the proceedings discloses a conversation of a
truly remarkable kind--
"The Chairman thought that if they paid Mr. PUNCH his
quarter's salary up to the 1st February they would be dealing very
fairly with him, especially as they had appointed his son as his
successor.... Messrs. KIELY and P. S. O'CONNOR
contended that as Mr. PUNCH was never dismissed by them, and
the non-performance of his duties was through no fault of his own, he
was entitled to some remuneration."
We should think he was, indeed! _Some_ remuneration, quotha? Does
not the mere fact that he bears a name honoured and revered in every
corner of the globe entitle him to a pension on the very highest
scale known to the L. G. B.? Not, we need hardly say, an "old age"
pension. Perpetual youth is the prerogative of all PUNCHES.
And they "have appointed his son as his successor." Well, of course!
How can a PUNCH do anything but succeed? He would be a rum
PUNCH if he didn't! Greetings to our distant kinsman of
Kinsale!
* * * * *
[Illustration: MAKING ALLOWANCES.
_The Little Minister._ "HOW WELL YOU'RE LOOKING, MAC-CULLUM!"
_The Big Farmer._ "WEEL--I'M WEEL IN PAIRTS. BUT I'M OWER MUCKLE TO
BE WEEL ALL OWER AT AIN TIME!"]
* * * * *
ONE MAN, ONE TOPPER!--In the _Glasgow Herald_ somebody writes
as follows:--
"It is surely time Mr. DUNCAN saw to his bus-drivers' hats!
Such a miscellaneous collection of seedy hats, I think, could not be
found elsewhere; they are a positive disgrace to the city."
The writer ought to have signed himself "MACBETH;" the
"unguarded DUNCAN," whoever he may be, must be on his guard,
or passengers will strike for better hats. All bus-drivers and
conductors should wear silk hats, to typify the habitual softness of
their address. Why not put them into livery at once? The company that
did that would probably attract no end of custom. No revolution like
it, since the abolition of the box-seat! Uniform charges and uniformed
conductors should be the future rule of the road.
* * * * *
"NOT KILT, BUT SPACHELESS."--At Clonakilty Sessions the other
day, the following evidence was given:--
"PATRICK FEEN was examined, and stated he resided at
Dunnycove, parish of Ardfield.... Gave defendant's brother a blow of
his open hand and knocked him down for fun, and out of friendship.
(_Laughter._)"
What a good-natured, open-handed friend Mr. PATRICK FEEN must
be! JOHN HEGARTY, the person assaulted, corroborated the
account, and added,--
"When he was knocked down, he stopped there. (_Laughter._)"
In fact, he "held the field," and "remained in possession of the
ground." Who will now say that the old humour is dying out in Erin?
* * * * *
OF DR. TRISTRAM (SHANDY) IN THE INCONSISTORY COURT.--"O
TRISTRAM! TRISTRAM! TRISTRAM!" * * "And pray which way is this
affair of TRISTRAM at length settled by these learned men?"
_"Toby" to Yorick._
* * * * *
What a nice dish for lunch would be what we find mentioned in the
Racing Order of the Day, _i.e._ "_Plate of 150 sous_." Excellent! To be
washed down with a draught of Guineas stout!
* * * * *