_A Matron_ (_to her friend, as they approach the natives at work_).
Everything seems for sale here, my dear. _Just_ the place to get a
nice wedding-present for dear EMILY. I want to give her
_something_ Indian, as she will be going out there so soon. What
are they doing in here? oh, glass-blowing!... See, JANE,
this one is making glass bangles.... Well, no, EMILY would
think it _rather_ shabby if I gave her a pair of those. I might get
one apiece for Cook and PHOEBE--servants are always so
grateful for any little attention of that sort--though I shouldn't
like to encourage a taste for finery; well, it will do very well when
we come back.... Perhaps one of those brass dinner-gongs--there's a
large one, I see, marked seven-and-sixpence--but I'd rather give her
something _quieter_--something she'd value for its _own_ sake.... Now
one of those chased silver bowls--twenty-five-and-nine-pence? Well,
it seems a little----and though I was always very fond of her mother,
EMILY was never----I must _think_ over it.... She might like a
set of beetle-wing mats--only they're not likely to entertain much....
How would one of these embroidered tablecloths--eh? oh, I'm sure I've
seen them much cheaper at LIBERTY'S; and besides----(_After
a prolonged inspection of various articles at various stalls._) After
all, I shall be going to Tunbridge Wells next week. I think I'll wait.
I might see something there I liked _better_, you know!
[Illustration: "Stands smiling feebly"]
_A Wife_ (_to her husband, who is examining the stock of a native
shoemaker with interest_). No, CHARLES. I put up with a _great
deal_ for the sake of your society of an evening; but if you imagine I
am going to have you sitting opposite me with your feet in a pair of
slippers separated into two horrid toes, you make a great mistake! Put
the dreadful things down and come away.
_Mr. McPairtan_ (_from the North, to his small nephew_). Eh,
ROBBIE, my man, I'm thinking your mither wouldna' just
approve o' my takkin' ye to sic a perfairmance as yon Burrmese
dancing-women.... Nay, nay, laddie, there's deceitfulness eneugh in
the naitural man withoot needing to lairn ony mair o't fro' these
puir juggling Indian bodies wi' their snake-chairmin' an' sic godless
doins!... Ride on the elephant? Havers! Ye can do that fine in the
Zooloagical Gairdens.... 'Twould be just sinful extrawvagance in me to
be throwing away guid siller wi' so mony bonny sichts to be seen for
naething.
_Mr. Gourmay_ (_who is dying for his dinner, to his pretty cousins, who
cannot be got past the Indian craftsmen_). Yes, yes, very interesting,
and all that; but we can see it just as well if we come back _later_,
you know.
_His Cousin Belle._ But they may have stopped by then. I _must_ just
see him finish the pattern; it's too _fascinating!_
_Mr. Gourm._ I--er--don't want to _hurry_ you, you know, only, you see,
if we don't look sharp, we shan't be in time to secure an outside table
at the Restaurant. Much jollier dining in the open air.
_His Cousin Imogen._ Oh, it's too hot to _think_ of food. I'm not in
the _least_ hungry--are _you_, Belle?
_Belle._ No; I'd ever so much rather see the Burmese dancers and the
Indian conjurors. I don't want to waste the best part of the evening
over dinner; we might have some of that nice Indian tea and a piece of
cake by-and-by, perhaps, if there's time.
[_Speechless delight of_ Mr. GOURMAY.
_Energetic Leader_ (_to his party, who are faint, but pursuing_). No,
there's nothing particular to see here. I tell you what _my_ plan is.
We'll go and do the Kinetoscopes and the Phonographs, have a look at
the Great Wheel, and some shots at the Rifle Range, cross over and
take a turn on the Switchback, finish up with a cold-meat supper at
SPIERS AND POND'S, and a stroll round the band-stand, and, by
the time we've done, we shall have got a very fair idea of what India's
_like!_
_First Relative_ (_to Second_). What's become of Aunt JOANNA?
I thought she was going on one of the elephants.
_Second Relative._ She would have it none of 'em looked strong enough
for her. And what _do_ you think she goes and does next? Tries to
bargain with a black man to take her for a turn on one o' them little
bullock-carts! I really hadn't the patience to stop and see what come
of it.
_Miss Rashleigh_ (_by the Burmese Cheroot Stall, audibly, to her
companion_). Just look at this girl, my dear, with a great cigar in
her mouth! Fancy their being New Women in Burmah! And such a _hideous_
creature, too!
_Her Companion._ Take care, my dear, she'll hear you. I expect she
understands English.
_Miss Rashleigh_ (_with ready tact and resourcefulness_). Then let's
tell her how pretty she is!