feet, and making the accustomed use of his pocket-handkerchief, we will
take advantage of his delay to state, briefly, that Miss Sidebottom,
beside being sole proprietress of the cottage-like mansion aforesaid,
claimed also among her chattels sundry shares in bank, and certain notes
of hand, yielding her sufficient income, without calculating the value of
her personal charms, to make her hand and heart two very desirable items
of furniture in a bachelor's apartments. Her household consisted of
herself, and a nephew and niece, christened Dick and Belinda, orphan
children of a deceased brother. Dick was a wild, rattling scape-grace, as
ever robbed hen-roost or melon-patch; Belinda was nothing, particularly,
except a little, quiet, blue-eyed girl, the pride of her aunt, and a
pattern of propriety to all little girls. That Miss Sidebottom was kind
and motherly to the two orphans, there is no question; but it was rumored
that in consideration thereof she enjoyed a comfortable legacy. It is only
necessary to premise, farther, that Miss Sidebottom had been younger by
some two-score years than she was that night; that she was one of Mr.
Hardesty's best customers; and that after long worshipping her across the
counter, he had suddenly determined to declare his passion with all the
eloquence he possessed; which was not inconsiderable, as many can bear
witness.
Mr. Hardesty knocks and is admitted to the hall. Another door is opened,
and there, in the snuggest corner, and by the snuggest fire conceivable,
sits Miss Sidebottom. The opposite end of the hearth is decorated by
Belinda, while a cat is sleeping on the rug between them. It was a picture
of quiet happiness that touched Mr. Hardesty's heart; and advancing into
the room, he bows with all the elegance of a Beau Brummel.
Miss Sidebottom turned her eyes upon the new-comer, and as they fell on
the familiar and smiling countenance of the grocer, she sprang to her
feet, and exclaimed: 'Why, Mr. Hardesty! I am so glad to see you! Let me
have your cloak and cap, Sir. Come, be seated; draw near the fire.'
Mr. Hardesty kept bowing all this time with as much nobility as was
displayed by the famous stick that was too crooked to lie still; and after
grasping Belinda's hand very affectionately, he seated himself, and drew
near the fire.
'Dear me! what a night!' said Miss Sidebottom; 'ain't it cold out, Mr.
Hardesty?'
Mr. Hardesty replied by shivering palpably, and said he had seen colder,
and he had seen warmer, but it would do. Having said thus much, he
produced his snuff-box, which he extended to the ladies, and then helped
himself.
'I am truly glad, Miss Peggy,' continued Tom. 'to see you situated so
comfortably--I am.' And he smiled tenderly and shifted his chair; but in
doing so, he infringed on the cat's tail, and the animal, as cats are wont
to do, squalled vehemently. Mr. Hardesty bounded from his seat.
'Dear me!' exclaimed Miss Sidebotton, 'don't do that!'
'Positively, Madam,' said Tom, 'I am very sorry, indeed--I am!'
'Poor thing!' said Belinda, taking the injured quadruped in her arms;
'poor thing!--did he hurt its tail?'
''Deed, Madam,' said Mr. Hardesty, stroking the animal's back, 'I wouldn't
have done that for forty ordinary cats. I may say, Madam, speaking
metaphorically, that your cat is of the short-horn Durham stock, and
wasn't made to be trod on.'
'Lor', Sir,' replied Miss Sidebottom, adjusting her cap, 'cats is cats,
and cattle is cattle--that's my sentiments; but as I was going to say, Mr.
Hardesty, I was telling Mrs. Jenkins to-night, not an hour ago, that I
felt a kind of nervous kind of feeling that somebody was coming; and sure
enough, here comes you. You see, Mrs. Jenkins was here to take tea with me
to-night, and beside the baby, why her little Jack and Sally and Bill and
Susan _would_ come, because, they said, pap wasn't at home, and they would
starve if they staid there. And here, sure enough, come they did, before
Mrs. Jenkins had fairly pulled off her bonnet; and stay they would, though
she boxed 'em well; but they didn't mind that, and I told her Christmas
come but once a year, and as it turned out, the poor things _were_ hungry,
in yearnest. And you never see children eat so; I do believe they hadn't
had a good meal for a fortnight. Well, we hadn't got fairly seated after
supper, when rap! rap! at the door, and there was Jake Crow had come for
Mrs. Jenkins; for Jenkins had got into a drunken row, and had his head cut
with a stick. And you never hearn sich a fuss; and Mrs. Jenkins and the
little brats went home crying all the way; and here me and Belinda have
been by ourselves ever since. But poor Mrs. Jenkins! I wonder men will get
drunk and leave their wives and children to starve. _You_ never get drunk,
Mr. Hardesty, do you?'
'Drunk! Madam, drunk!' said Mr. Hardesty, placing his hand over his heart,
and shaking his head emphatically. 'No, Madam; I only get what you may
call intoxicated, and not with liquor neither; and I feel it coming on me
now--I do indeed!'
'Well, well!' replies Mrs. Sidebottom, holding up her hands in utter
astonishment, 'I never heard tell of the like of that before. P'raps its
the cold, Mr. Hardesty.'
'No, Madam,' persisted the old gentleman; 'it's the heat.'
'Dear me! Mr. Hardesty; then I'll open the door.' And Miss Peggy started
to her feet.
'No, my dear Madam, don't, if you please. It ain't this here fire in the
hearth, but,' striking his breast passionately, 'it's _here_, Madam.'
'That's just where Mrs. Jenkins is affected sometimes, and she says
Madeira's the best thing for it; and she has drank nearly all that last
quart I got of you, Mr. Hardesty, and I don't see as she gets any better.'
'Madeira, indeed!' said old Tom, scornfully. 'Madeira, madam, instead of
squenching, would only add fuel to the flame that is consuming me. There
_are_ men as takes to the bottle for it when they despair; but bless your
soul!' he continued, dropping his voice to a whisper, 'I haven't
despaired.'
At this eloquent appeal, Mrs. Sidebottom looked at the fire and said
nothing, until an audible snore from Belinda, who had fallen asleep in her
chair, aroused her.
'Bless me!' exclaimed Miss Peggy, bouncing to her feet; 'look at the child
there! Belinda dear, wake up. Poor dear thing! you had better go up stairs
to bed.' And rubbing her eyes, the child took up a lighted candle, bowed
politely to Mr. Hardesty, and disappeared behind the stair-door.
Miss Sidebottom resumed her seat and looked again at the fire, and Mr.
Hardesty looked at Miss Sidebottom. Presently, that amiable lady turned
her gaze, lighted as it was by an equivocal smile, full upon Tom. In the
space of about fifteen seconds, after trying in vain to interpret that
smile to his own satisfaction, Mr. Hardesty quailed, while his heart
commenced vibrating against his ribs, as though it would burst their
feeble barrier, and take refuge in his waistcoat-pocket. Miss Sidebottom,
however, showed no such symptoms of alarm, and her courage rose as Tom's
fell. By the way, composure in such delicate epochs is like see-sawing;
one ascends as the other descends, until perchance the weaker party fails
to recover his equilibrium, and tumbles off the fence. Diffident young
courtiers should remember this.
Mr. Hardesty was bewildered beyond endurance. How could a man speak more
plainly? And yet he would try once more.
'Let me tell you, my dear Miss Sidebottom, once for all, I'm----'
There was a noise of some one opening the front door, and as Mr. Hardesty
turned his head, Dick entered the room.
'Why, Dicky, where have you been this cold night?' asked his aunt.
Dicky replied that he had been snow-balling, of which there were
sufficient marks on his person. His countenance was flushed and heated,
and he proceeded to say that he was tired, and wanted to go to bed.
At this Mr. Hardesty rose deliberately from his seat, saying it was time
to go.
'But, Mr. Hardesty,' urged Miss Peggy, 'it's cold and snowing; stay all
night there with Dicky,' pointing to a comfortable bed in one corner. 'I
know you are delicate, and it's snowing hard. I'll go and see. Here
Dicky,' and she left the room followed by Dick. Mr. Hardesty looked around
at the comfortable quarters offered him, and determined to remain.
Scarcely had he come to this decision, when the affectionate aunt and
nephew returned, the former telling him not to think of going out on such
a night, and the latter assuring him it was snowing 'like sixty.'
'I'll stay, Madam, and thank'ee too,' said Mr. Hardesty, re-seating
himself. Miss Peggy bade her guest a very good night, and, threatening to
catch him for a Christmas gift next morning, disappeared up the stairs and
locked the door after her. Tom watched her retreating figure until she
disappeared, and then addressed himself to the boy.
'Been snow-balling to-night, eh, Dicky? Fine sport, Dicky; fine sport.'
'I should say it was, Sir, when your side toes the mark and don't run,'
said Dick, placing his damp shoes on the hearth. 'Them shoes'll never run
away with _my_ feet in 'em, certain.'
'Well, Dicky,' continued Mr. Hardesty, stirring the fire, 'you're a brave
boy.'
'Yes, Sir,' said Dick, 'braver than you think for. Catch me napping when
there's work to do, and I am to get a pie for it in the bargain, will
you?' The bare suggestion amused Dick, and as he divested himself of his
damp clothes, he laughed heartily.
'That's just what I was saying, Dicky, and was going on to add, that
snow-balling and such like ain't for me now, but the time was when none
was better at them than I.'
'P'raps not,' said Dick, 'but as I'm rather tired, and don't mind the
cold, I'll get in and warm the bed, and you can come along when you like;'
and the light-hearted boy sprang into his nest, and in less than five
minutes was snoring audibly.
Mr. Hardesty stirred the fire, and as the myriad sparks flew up the
chimney, he wished he had just so many dollars; he would give them all if
_she_ would but love him. Growing weary of this delusive sport, he looked
at his watch, compared it with Miss Sidebottom's yankee clock, and finding
his own time-piece was just five minutes the faster, concluded that both
were wrong just two minutes and a half, and he would split the difference.
He might be mistaken, but if he was he would consult the town clock
to-morrow.
Mr. Hardesty resumed the poker and stirred the fire until its bright blaze
threw a broad glare over the chamber; and out of the glowing coals he
built strange towers and castles, and saw them change by turns into ashes,
and grow dim like his own recent dreams of love. This being a melancholy
contemplation, he lent his ear to a solitary cricket that was cheerily
singing its household song, though the winds were wild without. Presently
the cricket ceased its chirrup, and Mr. Hardesty growing tired of sitting,
yawned, stretched himself, and walked to the window.
Outside, the ground was covered with a wild waste of snow, and the heavy
flakes were still falling. Suddenly it occurred to him that somebody might
accidentally pass that way and recognize him; so he let fall the curtain
and walked across the room. Here, lifting his eyes from the floor, a
looking-glass stared him in the face, and he started back. He turned again
and walked to the bed-side where Dick was sleeping. The boy, he thought,
might one day be his nephew, and he revolved in his mind a thousand
schemes for advancing him in the world and making him a clever fellow.
Mr. Hardesty left the bed-side and looked up at the ceiling. Beyond that,
he thought, was the adored Miss Sidebottom. What a narrow space sundered
them! He walked to the fire-place and looked on the mantel for a book. He
selected an old copy of Burns, and opened at the pathetic ballad of 'John
Anderson.' Mr. Hardesty sat down and read it once aloud. Then he read it
to himself over and over again, until he had gotten it by heart. And then
by degrees the room swam dizzily before him, the fire glowed like a pale
meteor, his eyes closed heavily, the open book fell from his hand, and Mr.
Hardesty was asleep.
He slept and dreamed. Smiles like those of sleeping infancy stole over his
venerable features. In one short moment he was the happiest man alive; his
love had been crowned with success; and putting forth his hand to grasp
the dear shadow, he lost his balance and fell from his chair.
Mr. Hardesty looked around him, wondering. He resumed his seat and rubbed
his eyes. The fire had almost gone out. The wick was long and dim. He
looked at the clock; it wanted just twenty minutes of midnight.
Mr. Hardesty snuffed the candle and commenced divesting himself of his
apparel; placed his boots beside Dicky's shoes on the hearth; threw his
upper garments on the back of a chair, and his nether ditto on the seat
thereof. But his extremities were cold, he thought, and placing a chair
bottom upward on the floor, he put his feet to the fire.
For some minutes Mr. Hardesty stared steadily at the ceiling, beyond which
Miss Sidebottom was sleeping in virgin security; and whether from the
magnetic effect of his constant gaze, or the slumbrous air that pervaded
the room, his eyelids soon closed, and he was again soundly asleep. The
candle burned dimly on; coal after coal was turned to ashes; at last both
went out, and still Mr. Hardesty slept.
Presently there was a stir in the bed occupied by Dick. The boy rose on
his pillow and looked cautiously around him. He called Mr. Hardesty, but
there was no answer. At this Dick put one leg out of bed, and then the
other, and stood firmly on the floor. Gliding cautiously over the carpet,
he stooped over the sleeper, whose deep breathing assured him that all was
safe. Then stepping softly to the chair on which Mr. Hardesty's clothes
were lying, he selected that gentleman's nether garment, then went to the
hearth and lifted the boots, and slipping on his own shoes, glided
cautiously out of the room with his booty. Returning in a few minutes he
again stooped over the sleeper, and then stole to bed, where, after
laughing immoderately yet quietly, he was soon as fast asleep as Mr.
Hardesty himself.
When Mr. Hardesty awoke he found himself still reclining on the back of
the chair. Not a little vexed with himself for lying there all night, he
rose to his feet, and looking around, found that Dick had risen before
him, and the bed was empty. 'Why didn't he wake me, I wonder?' said Mr.
Hardesty.
Mr. Hardesty walked to the window, lifted the curtain, and looked out. The
mists and clouds had cleared away, and left the sky all bright and blue.
The sun had just risen, and was shedding his early splendor on the myriad
snow-drops as brightly as if to atone for the darkness and gloom of
yesterday. It was a cheerful and beautiful view; but Mr. Hardesty heard
the sound of shuffling footsteps overhead; so he turned shivering from the
window to dress himself for the day. 'It'll never do to be caught in this
fix,' said Mr. Hardesty.
His first search was for his boots, but these had been taken out, as he
supposed, to be polished. He would put on his breeches and wait for his
boots. He cast his eye on the pile of clothes, but the breeches were not
there. Then he looked on the floor, and in all the corners of the room,
and then on the bed and under the bed--but in vain. 'What the d----l has
become of my breeches!' said Mr. Hardesty.
It occurred to him at length that by some mysterious power of locomotion
the garment had gotten into the drawer of a bureau that stood in one
corner. He pulled at this drawer most lustily, but it was locked, and Miss
Sidebottom had the key. To add to his discomfiture, he again heard the
sound of footsteps overhead. He had but a moment to spare, and looking
around for a place of retreat, his eye fell on a closet-door that opened
beneath the stairs. Putting on hastily the remnant of his apparel, he
presented altogether an appearance the like of which the writer has never
seen, and will not attempt to describe, and managed to effect his retreat
into the closet just as Miss Sidebottom and Belinda entered the room from
above.
Mr. Hardesty applied his eye to the key-hole, but saw nothing save the
form of either lady as it flitted from time to time across the limited
range of his vision. Presently a conversation began between the two, of
which, however, he could hear nothing except a confused murmur, and
occasionally a most uproarious fit of laughter. Before long the merry
tones of the elder lady were changed to those of anger. Miss Sidebottom
was evidently scolding one of the servants, and then came reiterated
sounds of castigation, interspersed with tongue-lashings, by far the most
terrible of the two. Mr. Hardesty resigned himself to his fate, and was
willing to endure a confinement that revealed to him the evil spirit that
reigned within a form of so much loveliness.
After a while came the indescribable sounds of breakfast; the rattling of
knives and forks, and cups and saucers, suggestive to Mr. Hardesty's mind
of coffee, hot biscuits, and butter. Presently the table was cleared away,
and he caught a glimpse through his key-hole of the two ladies, dressed in
their cloaks and bonnets. In a moment they departed, leaving Mr. Hardesty
sole proprietor.
Each moment of this time was one of intense agony to Mr. Hardesty. Exposed
to hunger and thirst, and cold and insult, what had he done to deserve
such misfortunes? And that was Christmas, too; what a merry day to all the
world without; and in what a contemptible plight was he! What would little
Master John think of his absence; and how much would be sold at his little
store before night? These reflections only enhanced the agony of his
imprisonment; so wrapping himself tightly in the folds of his cloak, he
crouched down in a corner of the closet, and soon fell fast asleep.
Mr. Hardesty slept on until night-fall. So soon as he realized his
situation, he determined to be a prisoner no longer, but to emerge from
his confinement, whatever might be the danger of an exposure. Fortunately
for him, the room was deserted. The ladies had not yet returned from their
visit. Mr. Hardesty approached the window and found it quite dark without.
He had little time left for deliberation, for he heard the sound of a key
turning in the street-door lock, and recognized the well-known voice of
Miss Sidebottom; so hoisting the window, he crawled rapidly through it,
and leaped on the ground.
Mr. Hardesty breathed once more like a freeman; and muttering deep
anathemas against the inhospitable house and all its inmates, he stole
quietly along, with his bootless feet buried at each step in the snow.
Leaving the more frequented streets, and worming his way through bypaths
and dark alleys; now turning a corner, under the direful apprehension of
meeting some acquaintance, and now darting this way or that to avoid a
random snow-ball, he pursued his painful way until he reached home, where
he knocked and was admitted by Master John.
The grocer bolted in, rushed into his counting-room, and throwing off his
cloak, stared wildly at the bewildered boy. 'What do you think of that,
John?' pointing to his denuded extremities. 'How does that become your old
master, Sir?'
Master John, frightened partly at the anomalous appearance of the grocer,
and partly at the sternness of his voice and manner, started back to the
remotest corner of the room, but said nothing.
'What's the matter now, you little fool?' said his master. 'Are you afraid
of old Tom Hardesty? If you are, you needn't be; nobody need be afraid of
such an old coward as I am--darned if they need!' And feeling that he was
growing melancholy, he determined to subdue the propensity, and to that
end commenced cutting the complicated figure entitled a pigeon-wing. This
exhilarating sport soon restored the grocer's good humor, and he laughed
heartily and made such a racket altogether, that the boy gradually
approached him to inquire what it all meant, how he had spent his
Christmas, what had become of his breeches, and all about it.
'Here, John,' said Mr. Hardesty, seating himself by the fire, 'sit here
and I'll tell you all about it. But what an old fool I am! Here's
twenty-four blessed hours gone, and the d----l a bit or a drop have I had
since last night at supper. Is this my house or not, John? for I've forgot
every thing except one, and wouldn't swear I ain't dreaming, and haven't
been all day.'
The boy gave him every assurance that he was at home.
'Well, John,' pursued the master, 'I think the last time I was here--it
may be a year, or it may be more--I'll be hanged if I know--but I rather
think there was a lot of prime cheese, and a few barrels of crackers. You
haven't sold 'em all, John?'
John smiled, and answered negatively.
'I rather think, too, there were several casks of best three-year-old
whiskey, prime lot; any of _that_ left, John?'
John pointed, in reply, to a row of casks in one corner that answered the
description.
'No! stop, Sir!' said Mr. Hardesty, soliloquizing; 'I think she said
Madeira was good for it. Yes, John, I'll take a little of the Madeira, if
you've any on hand.'
John opened a cupboard door, and producing a black quart-bottle, assured
Mr. Hardesty it was nearly full.
'That'll do, Sir,' said the grocer. 'Set the table; never mind the cloth.
Crackers and cheese and old Madeira, and 'away with melancholy.''
In a few minutes the table was spread according to directions, after which
Mr. Hardesty seated himself near it and did ample justice to the simple
fare.
'You see, John,' said the old gentleman, when his appetite was somewhat
assuaged, 'it's all on account of that old, ugly, and infernal Peggy
Sidebottom. Here's hoping she may--may never drown her sorrows in the
flowing bowl!'
The grocer drank this toast with infinite gusto and replenished his glass.
'Well, Sir, as I was about saying, I went there last night to spend an
hour in a little sociable chat, and was about taking leave----' At this
point the speaker was interrupted by several violent raps at the door.
'Who's that?' inquired Mr. Hardesty, draining his glass.
'It's me,' said a voice from without.
'What do you want?' said Mr. Hardesty.
'Nothin'; what do _you_ want?'
'Who the d----l are you?' said the grocer, in a voice of thunder.
'Dick!' replied the voice.
'Dick what?'
'Dick Sidebottom!'
'What do you want here?' said the grocer, rising and pacing the floor.
'John, where's my cow-hide? Clear yourself, you little rascal, or
I'll----'
'But I've got your breeches and your boots, Sir,' said Dick.
'Oh! you _have_, have you?'--and Mr. Hardesty threw aside the cow-hide,
and opened the door. Dick marched boldly in, deposited his plunder on a
chair, and then looked Mr. Hardesty full in the face with a glance of
perfect innocence. The owner of the recovered booty picked them up,
examined them closely to satisfy himself of their identity, and without
saying a word, put them on in their appropriate places. This done, he
surveyed himself with a smile of approbation, and felt that he was indeed
Mr. Hardesty once more. After helping Dick to a highly sweetened draught
from the contents of the black bottle, he begged of him a detailed account
of the affair of the lost boots and breeches. This Dick proceeded to give;
by telling, in his peculiar and highly figurative manner, how his aunt had
first suggested the feat to him; how he had risen while Mr. Hardesty was
asleep, secured the booty, and hid it in an adjoining hay-loft; how his
aunt had promised him a Christmas pie, and though often requested thereto,
had failed to comply; how she had inflicted personal chastisement on him
for some trivial offence; and how, on reflecting what a kind-hearted old
gentleman Mr. Hardesty was, and what a crabbed old thing Aunt Peggy was,
he had repented of his theft, and determined to make restitution at the
earliest opportunity; 'and there they are on you,' said Dick, in
conclusion, 'and that's all about it.'
Mr. Hardesty listened with due attention to this detail, and then sat for
some time in silence.
'And you can swear to all this in a court of justice, can you?'
'Certainly, Sir.'
'And you'll do it when called on?'
Dick bowed his head in assent.
'Good!' said Mr. Hardesty, grasping the boy's hand. 'Take a little more of
this,' he continued, filling Dick's glass. 'Your aunt shall suffer for
this yet, if there's any law or justice in the land.'
'Ain't there no law,' inquired Dick, pausing in his draught, 'for suing an
old lady for 'sault and batterhim?'
'No, Dicky, I fear not in your case; but if I get any damages, I'll give
you half.'
Dick drained the contents of his glass, and shaking hands most cordially
with Mr. Hardesty and Master John, bade them good night. It is scarcely
necessary to add, that the last surviving male heir of the Sidebottoms was
gloriously drunk in less than an hour, and made such a demonstration of
that fact to his sober and discreet aunt, that she caused his head to be
soused repeatedly in cold water, and then flogged him into sobriety.