AFTER THE PERFORMANCE, CONVERSATION COMMENCES.
"Your wife played charmingly, Mr. Frimmely."
Mr. Frimmely smiles, and tries to look as if the merit of her acting was
due entirely to his instruction.
_Madame Regniati._ I don't suppose you chose her dress for her.
_Mr. Orby Frimmely_ (_still as if he HAD done so, but allowed her the
credit of it_). No, no; Mrs. Frimmely has a great taste for theatricals.
_Miss Adelaide Cherton_ (_to Miss Medford_). Oh, I am sure we ought to
be so much obliged to you for playing.
_Miss Ada._ Oh, it was so good. I really wonder how you could manage to
accompany them as you did.
_Miss Medford_ (_quite unaffectedly_). I am so glad I was able to do it,
as I've only been accustomed to play to my brother's singing, that is
when he doesn't do it himself.
_The Signor_ (_delighted_). Oh, my Jo! I 'ave not laugh so much for a
long time.
_Milburd_ (_who has put on evening dress and joined us, is evidently
immensely pleased_.) No! (_Diffidently._) It seemed to go very well.
_Mrs. Frampton_ (_a middle-aged lady, coming up to him_). I really
_must_ congratulate you, Mr. Milburd. I'm a great play-goer, and I
haven't seen anything at any one of the London theatres equal to it. You
really ought to produce it in Town.
_Milburd_ (_foreseeing an extinguisher over Shakespeare_). Do you think
it good enough?
_Mrs. Frampton._ Good enough!--why--I was only saying to my
daughter--(Julia--Mr. Milburd (_introduction_))--wasn't I, Julia?
_Julia_ (_rather stupidly, but still exhibiting caution_). What, mamma?
_Mrs. Frampton._ Why about Mr. Milburd's capital little farce.
_Julia_ (_easily taking up her cue_). Oh, yes! (_ecstatically._) I was
_so_ delighted--and where _did_ you get that wonderful dress?
_Milburd_ (_carelessly_). Oh, I got it at the costumier's. I had it for
another part some time ago.
_Jovial Stout Gentleman_ (_refreshing himself, and seeing Captain
Byrton_). Hallo! Old Bouncer. By Jove! Capital, sir! Capital!
_Byrton_ (_much pleased_). Did you know me when I came on?
_Jovial Stout Person._ Know you? Ha! ha! (_Skilfully evading the
question, and pretending to quote._) "Rataplan, Ratalan!"--eh? Ha! ha!
[_They drink._
Mrs. Orby Frimmely appears, gentlemen and ladies crowd about her.
"Oh, charming! Such an admirable costume. You really must let me have a
sketch of it."
_Mr. Muntson_ (_an Elderly Beau, with a literary-club reputation_). My
dear Mrs. Frimmely, I've been saying to your husband, that the stage has
positively suffered a loss in your not being ... as they say ... on the
boards.
_Mrs. Orby Frimmely_ (_thinks that _his_ opinion, at all events, is
worth having, and says_) I'm so glad you liked it.
_Mr. Muntson_ (_sees that he has created a most favourable impression
and continues_). It was delightful. All the vivacity of the French
stage--of course you know the French stage well?--(_Mrs. Frimmely nods.
She has seen Schneider in "La Grande Duchesse," and takes in a French
illustrated paper_)--You have--you know the expression--_vous avez du
chic_. (_Mrs. Frimmely makes a little curtsey. Elderly Mr. Muntson
thinks that Mr. Frimmely is quite out of the race now that he has stept
in. He goes on._) We have no actresses now--and if you went on to the
stage it would simply be a triumph.
_Mrs. Frimmely_ (_gradually becoming convinced as to what _her_ vocation
in life certainly ought to be_). But this little part I played to-night
... it is nothing ... You can't judge from that.
_Muntson._ I can, perfectly. I have seen--let me see--I recollect Mrs.
Humby and ...
[_Here he begins to be tedious. Mrs. Frimmely wants to talk
about herself, not about other people. She welcomes Boodels._
_Boodels._ We have to thank you--most sincerely--for the great treat
you've given us.
_Mr. Muntson._ I've just been saying that it reminded me--
[_Begins an anecdote._
_Medford_ (_in a corner with Myself; he gives me his private opinion_).
The piece would never have gone down without the music.
_Myself_ (_rather pooh-poohing it all_). No ... of course not.
Having neither acted nor appeared in any way, except as representative
host to do the honours, which, I find, did themselves easily, I am a
little bitter. Nobody knew exactly who I was, nor seemed to take any
interest in me at all, except old Mrs. Frampton, who thought I was a
waiter, and asked me to order her carriage punctually.
_Medford._ Milburd is _so_ obstinate. You know at first he wouldn't
introduce those tunes.
_Myself._ (_Who want to go and talk to Ada Cherton._) Wouldn't he?
_Medford._ No. (_With the air of a genuine critic._) Milburd couldn't
touch Cox. Not his line at all. Between ourselves, Chilvern was best as
the Waiter.
_Myself_ (_decidedly_). Oh, a long way. (_This is because he was an
unimportant character comparatively. With very little to do, that little
he did as if it wasn't in a play at all, but merely a bit of fun with
the audience._)
_Cazell_ (_who is enthusiastic about theatricals after his performance
of Don Boxos,--comes up to Medford_). I say! I tell you what we ought to
do. We ought to get up a good big piece for all of us. (_He sees himself
in some particular character._)
_Medford._ Yes (_reflectively_), we might easily do--let me see--there's
the _Game of Speculation_.
_Myself._ Ah, yes! I remember. Charles Mathews played in it (_I add as a
hit at Medford_) admirably; and (_to crush him with a final blow_)
inimitably!
_Medford_ (_tolerantly_). Yes ... Charley (_he never met this excellent
comedian, of course; but this is Medford all over_) has got some good
"business" in the piece ... but (_diffidently_) I think I make some
points which would rather astonish him. For instance, when, &c. &c.
[_Here Medford begins telling us how he is far in advance of
every professional actor. Luckily the Signor comes up, and
changes the conversation. After a few minutes, Medford shows
the Signor his conjuring-trick of the shilling in the glass._
_The Signor_ (_entering the drawing-room_). O! my Jo! (_Everyone turns
expecting to hear some startling intelligence. Quite unaware of the
excitement he has caused, the Signor continues in his usual high
key--appealing to everyone._) O! have you seen de leet-tel shillings,
and (_smiling all over his face_) ze glass; eet ees so clev-ver
(_without a pause_), I nev-ver see so clev-ver ting-in my-life!
_Madame_ (_severely_). What _are_ you talking about, Mr. Regniati?
_The Signor._ O, my dear, eet ess Mees-ter-Med-for; he ees so clev-ver!
he put ze shillings in ze glass, an' zen he go avays.
_Milburd._ Do it, Medford.
_Medford_ (_his chance at last--modestly_). Oh, it's nothing. I dare say
most of you have seen it. I'll do it, with pleasure. Will anybody lend
me a shilling?
_The Signor_ (_delighted, exclaiming to everyone_). O, eet ees so
clev-ver! Dat leet-tel Medfor', he ees so clev-ver!
(_Dat leet-tel Med-for' is half a head, at least, taller than the
Signor._)
_Medford_ (_refusing a coin from Boodels_). No. I must ask the ladies.
Will any lady here, lend me a shilling?
_Enter our Butler._
_Our Butler._ Sir Thomas Bobyns's carriage.
_Lady Bobyns_ (_to Boodels. She ought to address _me_, as president, but
she doesn't_). We really must be going; we've got ten miles to drive,
you know; enjoyed themselves _so_ much, &c, &c.
[Illustration: LADY BOBYNS.]
General disturbance in consequence of Lady Bobyns being an uncommonly
fine woman, and not to be moved without a considerable amount of rustle.
The party now leaving, consists of Sir Thomas Bobyns, Lady Bobyns, and
Miss Bobyns. Milburd and Cazell are most assiduous in their attentions
to Miss Bobyns, in order that she may be '_quite warm_' before she
starts.
[Illustration: MISS BOBYNS.]
There is also a considerable amount of delay, in the hall, consequent
upon the ceremony of packing up Sir Thomas for his long journey--a
melancholy phrase--and Lady Bobyns' great fear lest her husband should
take cold.
Sir Thomas looks something between the diver at the Polytechnic in his
armour, an Esquimaux, an old Watchman, and a monk.
Here is the result.
[Illustration: SIR THOMAS.]
They have gone. But other carriages are waiting at the door, and there
is a general move. As the last person departs, we see Medford standing
at a table in the drawing-room, with a tumbler and a shilling.
[Illustration: MEDFORD'S SONG AND SENTIMENT.]