Produced by Marilynda Fraser-Cunliffe, Jana Srna and the
Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
(This file was made using scans of public domain works in
the International Children's Digital Library.)
[ Transcriber's Note:
Inconsistent hyphenation and spacing of abbreviations have been
retained as in the original. Corrections of spelling and punctuation
are listed at the end of this file.
]
HAPPY-THOUGHT
HALL.
BY
F. C. BURNAND,
AUTHOR OF "HAPPY THOUGHTS," "MORE HAPPY THOUGHTS,"
"OUT OF TOWN," &c.
[Illustration]
ILLUSTRATED BY THE AUTHOR
BOSTON:
ROBERTS BROTHERS.
1872.
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER I.
THE IDEA--ADVICE--TITLE--PLAN--ON PAPER--SUGGESTION--COST--BOODELS
--OLD FRIENDS--JENKYNS SOAMES--DESIGNS--STAIRCASES--BAYS--
OBJECTIONS--ORDER OF ARCHITECTURE--STABLES--PRICE--GIVEN UP--
CAZELL'S IDEA 1
CHAPTER II.
NOTIONS--GUIDE WANTED--BLACKMEER--CHILVERN--HIS ELEMENT--VIEWS--
OBSERVATIONS--DISCUSSIONS--FISHING--TROUT--SHROPSHIRE--THE LAKE--
THE SOLITARY CASTLE--HERMITS--GAMES--DIFFERENCES--AT THE HOUSE 13
CHAPTER III.
WITHIN--THE HOUSEKEEPER--WINDOWS--INFORMATION--THE ORIEL--VIEW--
FLOOR--MILBURD'S INQUIRY--TYPICAL DEVELOPMENT--MATERIAL--AN EXAMPLE
--CRONE--POOR--MEDITATIONS--THE FRESCO--TAPESTRY--ARMOUR--MICE--
RATS--THE GHOST 19
CHAPTER IV.
ALONE--THE SECRET DOOR--UNSOCIABILITY--THE PICTURE--GRIM THOUGHTS--
ONE CHEERFUL IDEA--MELON--HIDING--CRUEL JOKES--SPIRAL--ANGLES--
ASSASSINS--WHITE LADY--A COMFORT--NERVES--THE DOOR--A GROWL--SNIFFS
--A FOLLOWER--REASONING--SAD THOUGHTS--OUT AT LAST 24
CHAPTER V.
ON THE ROOF--DOWN AGAIN--FURTHER INSPECTION--VARIETY--ELIZABETHAN--
NORMAN--COLOUR--RAYS--FILTERED--CUI BONO?--SUGGESTION--PLAY IN
STORE--THE STABLES--PREVIOUS TENANTS--GOOD INTENTIONS--NAME 31
CHAPTER VI.
CHOOSING A PARTY.
ROOMS--DECISION--ODD MEN--RETURN--ARRANGEMENTS--THEORIES--
OBJECTIONS--PROPOSITIONS--ELECTIONS--THE LADIES--WHO'S HOST?--
GUESTS--HOSTESS--MORE PROPOSALS--GRANDMOTHERS--AUNTS--HALF-SISTERS
--SISTERHOOD PROPOSED--GRAND IDEA--CHAPERONS--TERMS--IDEAL--A
PROFESSION--A DEFECT--OR ADVANTAGE--ADDITIONAL ATTRACTIONS--OLD MAN
--DULNESS--THEATRICAL--PLANS--THE PRESIDENT--EXPLANATION--IDEA 36
CHAPTER VII.
THE NEW ORDER.
A BROTHERHOOD--SIMPLICITY--A DIFFICULTY MET--ILLUSTRATIONS--
PROCEEDINGS--INTERVIEW--QUESTION--ANSWER--MODELS--PETITS FRERES--
TERMS--RULES AND REGULATIONS--THE SCHEME DISMISSED--THE LIST
SETTLED 44
CHAPTER VIII.
A MORNING DISCUSSION.
ON DEAFNESS--ESCAPES--BUTTONHOLED--A DISCUSSION--MORNING LOST--RAGE
--DESPAIR 53
CHAPTER IX.
A WET DAY.
RAIN--THE MEDFORDS--CONVERSATION--A PROPOSAL--ACCEPTED--THE TRICK--
THE LECTURE 60
CHAPTER X.
OUT OF AN ALBUM--ON LOSS OF PATIENCE--MRS. FRIMMELY'S SUGGESTION--A
DAY-DANCE 71
CHAPTER XI.
A NIGHT SURPRISE 78
CHAPTER XII.
OUR LIBRARY--BUSTS--DISTINGUISHED CHARACTERS--MELANCHOLY--GUESSES--
SOAMES--MRS. BOODELS AGAIN--MILBURD--HIS JOKE--A NUISANCE 80
CHAPTER XIII.
MUSIC--MEDFORD--MILBURD'S SONG--CONSEQUENCE--OPINIONS--NOTE--
COMPLIMENTS--EPIGRAM--THE DAMP FIREWORK 84
CHAPTER XIV.
OUR POSTAL ARRANGEMENTS 88
CHAPTER XV.
MRS. BOODELS--BOODELS--HIS GRANDMOTHER'S OBSERVATION--HER FATE
SEALED--THE COMEDY--HER DEPOSITION--NEW PROPOSAL--AWKWARD--
MILBURD'S RELATION--INVITATION--THE DINNER HOUR--RECOMMENDATION--
DECISION 91
CHAPTER XVI.
FRESH ARRIVALS--DESCRIPTION--A HISTORY 95
CHAPTER XVII.
SUNDAY--SUNDAY REASONS--A CHAMBER DIALOGUE 108
CHAPTER XVIII.
MORE SUNDAY THOUGHTS--IN MY ROOM--A TELEGRAM--IMPOSSIBILITIES--
INTERRUPTION 116
CHAPTER XIX.
THE PROSAIC GENTLEMAN.
A WALK WITH SIGNOR REGNIATI 120
CHAPTER XX.
A SUNDAY CONVERSATION 123
CHAPTER XXI.
COMMENCEMENT OF MY SAYINGS FOR SUNDAYS 130
CHAPTER XXII.
THE PROGRAMME--THE FARCE 136
CHAPTER XXIII.
AFTER THE PERFORMANCE, CONVERSATION COMMENCES 181
CHAPTER XXIV.
CHILVERN'S BALLAD--THE MORAL 191
CHAPTER XXV.
IN AND OUT--BEFORE THE FIRE--MEDITATIONS--SURPRISES--HAPPY THOUGHTS
--AWAKENINGS--SLUMBERS--BELL-PULLS--BOOTS--VALET--DIFFICULTIES--
MRS. REGNIATI--WHAT'S ON THE TAPIS?--MATCH-MAKING--CUPID 198
CHAPTER XXVI.
AT DINNER--WEIGHT--WATCHING--JOKES--PROTEST--AWKWARD SITUATION--AN
ANNOUNCEMENT--INQUIRY--ARRIVAL--PRACTICAL JOKES 206
CHAPTER XXVII.
FIFTH WEEK--DIFFICULTIES--HINTS--BOODELS' SECRET--ARRIVAL OF JIMMY
LAYDER--A CHANGE--PRACTICAL JOKES--PLAYING THE FOOL--DRESSING UP--
MORE JOKES--CHEMICAL LECTURE--EXPERIMENTS--RESULTS--OPEN WINDOWS--
COLDS--DEPARTURES--SMALL BY DEGREES--BEAUTIFULLY LESS--THE SHILLING
AND THE TUMBLER--BOODELS' LAST--TWO'S COMPANY--CONCLUSION 209
HAPPY THOUGHT HALL.
CHAPTER I.
THE IDEA--ADVICE--TITLE--PLAN--ON PAPER--SUGGESTION--COST--BOODELS--
OLD FRIENDS--JENKYNS SOAMES--DESIGNS--STAIRCASES--BAYS--OBJECTIONS--
ORDER OF ARCHITECTURE--STABLES--PRICE--GIVEN UP--CAZELL'S IDEA.
_Happy Thought._--To get a country house for the winter. To fill it with
friends. To have one wing for bachelors. Another wing for maidens with
_chaperons_. To have the _Nave_, as it were, of the house, for the
married people.
"I'll tell you what you ought to do," says Cazell to me. "You ought to
build a nice little snuggery in the country."
I object to the cost.
"Cost? Bah! that's nothing. You can always get a Building Society," says
he, enthusiastically, "to advance you _any_ sum."
I ask how these Building Societies proceed.
[Illustration: CAZELL.]
"Simply enough," says Cazell, who invariably knows everything about
anything, only if you act on his information and go wrong, he generally
denies warmly afterwards that "he ever said such a thing." "Simply
enough," he continues. "You go to the Society, you give 'em some
security,--any security will do, and you could get _that_ easily
enough." I nod cheerfully, more to encourage him to proceed, than from
any feeling of certainty as to the means of obtaining the security.
Then, having, satisfactorily to himself, disposed of this difficulty, he
continues:--"Well, your security in this case would be your title-deeds
of the house and land."
_Happy Thought._--Title-deeds.
"Then," he goes on, as if he'd been accustomed to do this sort of thing
every day, "you say how much you want. Then they ask you" (it's becoming
quite dramatic), "where's your house? You say .... wherever it is, you
know." Cazell puts it in this way, as impressing upon me that before the
Building Society I _must_ tell the truth and not pretend to them that my
house is in Bedfordshire, for example, when it isn't. "Well," he
resumes, "then they ask you what sort of a house do you intend to build?
Then, you lay your plan before them."
_Happy Thought._--The Plan of my House.
"They examine it, that is, their architect does ... they inquire about
the land ... and then they decide, whether they'll buy it for you, or
not."
("_Not_" I should think, but I don't say so.)
"Then," he goes on. "You make the purchase, and hand over the
title-deeds. Pay them a rent and a per-centage every year until the
whole is paid off, when it becomes yours."
"In fact," I put it, bluffly, to him, "I can build a house without
having any money; I mean, by getting the money from the Building
Society?"
"Precisely. Any day."
I hesitate. It really is--if Cazell is correct--much better than hiring
a house ... or taking lodgings. And what does Cazell think the cost will
be?
"Well," says he, "put it at L2,000, the outside." I reflect that the
inside, too, will be a considerable expense. "A good, strong house. Why,
I knew a fellow build one for L1,500. Just what you want. Then, there's
the ground--say at another two. And there you are. Four thousand
altogether. Well, you'd pay 'em a mere rent for that, and so much tacked
on, which would, each time, reduce the principal. And when you pay your
last year of rent and interest, it ought to have come down to a
five-pound note."
This is admirable. What a glorious society is the Building Society ...
_if_ Cazell is only right.
I will draw out plans at once.
Will he come down with me, somewhere, and choose the land?
"Certainly. Why not try Kent?" he asks. I have no objection to Kent.
"But," I suggest, "wouldn't it be better, first, to settle the sort of
thing wanted?"
_Happy Thought._--Put it down on paper.
A billiard-room, _absolute necessity_.
Stables. _Do._
"Bath-room," adds Milburd, to whom, on his accidentally looking in, we
appeal for assistance.
[Illustration: MILBURD.]
_Happy Thought._--"While I _am_ about it" (as Milburd says), "why not a
Turkish bath?" In the house. Excellent!
What after this?
Milburd suggests smoking-room, and library. Yes. That's all.
Not _all_: Milburd thinks that a Racquet Court wouldn't be bad, and
_while I am about it_, it would be scarcely any more expense, to have a
Tennis Court; and, by the way, a positive saving to utilise the outside
walls of both, for Fives.
_Query._ Won't this cost too much?
"The question is," says Boodels (he has been recently improving his own
house), "What is your limit?"
"No, I argue, let's see what an imaginary house will cost, and then
_I'll have so much of it as I want_. Say," I put it, "a house is to cost
two thousand----"
"Can't be done for the money," says Boodels, positively.
This is rather damping, but, on consideration, it's just what Boodels
_would_ say in anybody's case, except his own.
[Illustration: BOODELS OF BOODELS.]
I pass over his opinion and continue.
"For argument's sake, let's say the house costs four thousand----" (This
I feel sounds very pleasant, but what will the Building Society say, and
how about the security? These, however, are details for subsequent
consideration. One thing at a time: and these extras rather hamper one's
ideas. So I say L4,000, and leave it at that.)
"More," says Boodels, "but you _might_ do it for that."
I repeat "For argument's sake." Formula admitted.
Well then, I suppose it to cost four thousand, I can only spend two
thousand. Very good, I'll only have, as it were, two thousand pounds'
worth of house.
"Half a house, in fact," says Milburd.
This is not the way to put it, but I am, I feel, right, somehow.
I appeal to my friend Jenkyns Soames, who is writing a book on
Scientific Economy.
He replies that mine is correct, in theory, if taken from a certain
point of view. We admit that this is a sensible way of putting it. And
are, generally, satisfied.
"There's one thing I _must_ have," I remember, aloud, as I sit down to
draw a first plan, "my Study."
[Illustration:
A. Billiard Room.
B. Tennis Court.
C. Racquet Court.
D. Library.
E. Study.
F. Dining Room.
_a a a_ &c. all bay windows and lights high up, according to room.
_d d d_ &c., doors.]
On this plan every room is _en suite_.
"How about your staircases," says Boodels, "and your kitchen, eh?"
I observe that this is only a commencement. That my object is to
remember everything gradually, and so omit nothing.
_Happy Thought._--Only one floor and one flight of stairs.
[Illustration]
Here I find the library has been forgotten.
Add on the library in dots; like a railway map.
"How do you get there from the study?" asks Milburd.
"Why, by doors, through the dining-room."
"Awkward," suggests Boodels.
"No; I don't think so."
"How do you light your study?" asks Cazell.
"Eh?..... Ah!..."
_Happy Thought._--From above.
"Then," says Milburd, as if there was an end of the whole thing, "you
lose a bed-room by that, and another over the billiard-room."
True.
_Happy Thought._--Bring study more forward and light it by big window in
front. (I do so in dots.)
Milburd says: "Throw out a bay."
This is his invariable resource.
I throw out a bay-window (also in dots) and then we survey it carefully.
_Happy Thought._--To have an In-door Amusement Hall for Wet Weather.
"Will your Amusement hall be _the_ Hall?"
"Well ... Yes."
"Then the front door will be ...?"
I indicate in dots the front door, and the drive.
"Precisely," says Boodels, "and just as you're in the middle of a game
of something, up comes a party to call; you can't say you're not at
home, and the servants can't open the door while the ball, or whatever
it is, is flying about."
True ... Then ... bring it more forward. Or make a new plan.
[Illustration]
"Then the bath-room's forgotten," says Milburd. Add it in dots to tennis
court.
Then over every room there'll be a bed-room and dressing-room. So
that'll be a good house.
"What style?" asks Cazell.
"Elizabethan, decidedly," I reply. They think not.
"Gothic's useful," says Boodels.
"Italian's better," observes Milburd.
"Something between the two," suggests Cazell.
Twelve rooms below, twelve above. Stables outside, added subsequently.
_Happy Thought._--Submit this to Chilvern, my architectural friend.
I say, Estimate it roughly.
He does it, after a day or so.
_Rough Estimate._ About L8,000.
"That," I say, a little staggered, "is rather _over_ the mark than under
it, eh?"
[Illustration: CHILVERN.]
"_Over?_ No," he replies, "_Under._ I mean, of course, to have
everything done well, thoroughly well. Of course," says he, "there are
men who will run you up a house in a few weeks and charge you about
L4,000. But what's the result? Why you're always repairing, and it costs
you, in the end, double what you'd have paid for having it thoroughly
well done at first."
I ask how long the building would take? Chilvern is of opinion that it
would be six months at the least.
Then I say I'll give it up. I wanted it for Christmas.
Then the notion of the party must be abandoned.
_Happy Thought._--An abandoned party! Dreadful character.
Boodels says he's sorry for that, as he can't go into his own house just
now, it being under repair.
Cazell suddenly exclaims, "I tell you what we ought to do!" We listen.
He goes on. "We ought to take a house for the Winter Season, the lot of
us together, and then ask our own friends."
Boodels observes, that, if we agree to this, he will supply some
servants, as _his_ are doing nothing. Chilvern can tell us where there's
a place to be let. Just what we want, about an hour's train from town.
Queer old mansion, a bit out of trim, he tells us, in fact he was going
to have had the job of restoring it, only the people suddenly left; but
he'd put that to rights. Would we go and look at it?
Carried nem. con.