I did make a sort of resolution ten years ago never to marry. I saw in
other families, where they lived best, you will be pleased to mark that,
queernesses I could not away with. Then liked well enough to live single
for the sake of my brother's family; and for one child in it more than
the rest. But that girl has turned us all off the hinges: and why should
I deny myself any comforts for them, as will not thank me for so doing, I
don't know.
So much for my motives as from self and family: but the dear Mrs. Howe
makes me go farther.
I have a very great fortune, I bless God for it, all of my own getting,
or most of it; you will be pleased to mark that; for I was the youngest
brother of three. You have also, God be thanked, a great estate, which
you have improved by your own frugality and wise management. Frugality,
let me stop to say, is one of the greatest virtues in this mortal life,
because it enables us to do justice to all, and puts it in our power to
benefit some by it, as we see they deserve.
You have but one child; and I am a bachelor, and have never a one--all
bachelors cannot say so: wherefore your daughter may be the better for
me, if she will keep up with my humour; which was never thought bad:
especially to my equals. Servants, indeed, I don't matter being angry
with, when I please; they are paid for bearing it, and too-too often
deserve it; as we have frequently taken notice of to one another. And,
moreover, if we keep not servants at distance, they will be familiar.
I always made it a rule to find fault, whether reasonable or not, that so
I might have no reason to find fault. Young women and servants in
general (as worthy Mr. Solmes observes) are better governed by fear than
love. But this my humour as to servants will not effect either you or
Miss, you know.
I will make very advantageous settlements; such as any common friend
shall judge to be so. But must have all in my own power, while I live:
because, you know, Madam, it is as creditable to the wife, as to the
husband, that it should be so.
I am not at fine words. We are not children; though it is hoped we may
have some; for I am a very healthy sound man. I bless God for it: and
never brought home from my voyages and travels a worser constitution than
I took out with me. I was none of those, I will assure you. But this I
will undertake, that, if you are the survivor, you shall be at the least
ten thousand pounds the better for me. What, in the contrary case, I
shall be the better for you, I leave to you, as you shall think my
kindness to you shall deserve.
But one thing, Madam, I shall be glad of, that Miss Howe might not live
with us then--[she need not know I write thus]--but go home to Mr.
Hickman, as she is upon the point of marriage, I hear: and if she behaves
dutifully, as she should do, to us both, she shall be the better; for I
said so before.
You shall manage all things, both mine and your own; for I know but
little of land-matters. All my opposition to you shall be out of love,
when I think you take too much upon you for your health.
It will be very pretty for you, I should think, to have a man of
experience, in a long winter's evening, to sit down by you, and tell you
stories of foreign parts, and the customs of the nations he has consorted
with. And I have fine curiosities of the Indian growth, such as ladies
love, and some that even my niece Clary, when she was good, never saw.
These, one by one, as you are kind to me, (which I make no question of,
because I shall be kind to you,) shall be all yours. Prettier
entertainment by much, than sitting with a too smartish daughter,
sometimes out of humour; and thwarting, and vexing, as daughters will,
(when women-grown especially, as I have heard you often observe;) and
thinking their parents old, without paying them the reverence due to
years; when, as in your case, I make no sort of doubt, they are young
enough to wipe their noses. You understand me, Madam.
As for me myself, it will be very happy, and I am delighted with the
thinking of it, to have, after a pleasant ride, or so, a lady of like
experience with myself to come home to, and but one interest betwixt us:
to reckon up our comings-in together; and what this day and this week has
produced--O how this will increase love!--most mightily will it increase
it!--and I believe I shall never love you enough, or be able to show you
all my love.
I hope, Madam, there need not be such maiden niceties and hangings-off,
as I may call them, between us, (for hanging-off sake,) as that you will
deny me a line or two to this proposal, written down, although you would
not answer me so readily when I spoke to you; your daughter being, I
suppose, hard by; for you looked round you, as if not willing to be
overheard. So I resolved to write: that my writing may stand as upon
record for my upright meaning; being none of your Lovelaces; you will
mark that, Madam; but a downright, true, honest, faithful Englishman. So
hope you will not disdain to write a line or two to this my proposal: and
I shall look upon it as a great honour, I will assure you, and be proud
thereof. What can I say more?--for you are your own mistress, as I am my
own master: and you shall always be your own mistress, be pleased to mark
that; for so a lady of your prudence and experience ought to be.
This is a long letter. But the subject requires it; because I would not
write twice where once would do. So would explain my sense and meaning
at one time.
I have had writing in my head two whole months very near; but hardly knew
how (being unpracticed in these matters) to begin to write. And now,
good lady, be favourable to
Your most humble lover,
and obedient servant,
ANT. HARLOWE.
***
Here's a letter of courtship, my dear!--and let me subjoin to it, that if
now, or hereafter, I should treat this hideous lover, who is so free with
me to my mother, with asperity, and you should be disgusted at it, I
shall think you don't give me that preference in your love which you have
in mine.
And now, which shall I first give you; the answer of my good mamma; or
the dialogue that passed between the widow mother, and the pert daughter,
upon her letting the latter know that she had a love-letter?
I think you shall have the dialogue. But let me promise one thing; that
if you think me too free, you must not let it run in your head that I am
writing of your uncle, or of my mother; but of a couple of old lovers, no
matter whom. Reverence is too apt to be forgotten by children, where the
reverends forget first what belongs to their own characters. A grave
remark, and therefore at your service, my dear.
Well then, suppose my mamma, (after twice coming into my closet to me,
and as often going out, with very meaning features, and lips ready to
burst open, but still closed, as if by compulsion, a speech going off in
a slight cough, that never went near the lungs,) grown more resolute the
third time of entrance, and sitting down by me, thus begin:
Mother. I have a very serious matter to talk with you upon, Nancy, when
you are disposed to attend to matters within ourselves, and not let
matters without ourselves wholly engross you.
A good selve-ish speech!--But I thought that friendship, gratitude, and
humanity, were matters that ought to be deemed of the most intimate
concern to us. But not to dwell upon words.
Daughter. I am now disposed to attend to every thing my mamma is
disposed to say to me.
M. Why then, child--why then, my dear--[and the good lady's face looked
so plump, so smooth, and so shining!]--I see you are all attention,
Nancy!--But don't be surprised!--don't be uneasy!--But I have--I have--
Where is it?--[and yet it lay next her heart, never another near it--so
no difficulty to have found it]--I have a letter, my dear!--[And out from
her bosom it came: but she still held it in her hand]--I have a letter,
child.--It is--it is--it is from--from a gentleman, I assure you!--
[lifting up her head, and smiling.]
There is no delight to a daughter, thought I, in such surprises as seem
to be collecting. I will deprive my mother of the satisfaction of making
a gradual discovery.