I have not been able to avoid a short debate with Mr. Lovelace. I had
ordered a coach to the door. When I had noticed that it was come, I went
out of my chamber to go to it; but met him dressed on the stairs head,
with a book in his hand, but without his hat and sword. He asked, with
an air very solemn yet respectful, if I were going abroad. I told him I
was. He desired leave to attend me, if I were going to church. I
refused him. And then he complained heavily of my treatment of him; and
declared that he would not live such another week as the past, for the
world.
I owned to him very frankly, that I had made an application to my
friends; and that I was resolved to keep myself to myself till I knew the
issue of it.
He coloured, and seemed surprised. But checking himself in something he
was going to say, he pleaded my danger from Singleton, and again desired
to attend me.
And then he told me, that Mrs. Fretchville had desired to continue a
fortnight longer in the house. She found, said he, that I was unable to
determine about entering upon it; and now who knows when such a vapourish
creature will come to a resolution? This, Madam, has been an unhappy
week; for had I not stood upon such bad terms with you, you might have
been new mistress of that house; and probably had my cousin Montague, if
not Lady Betty, actually with you.
And so, Sir, taking all you say for granted, your cousin Montague cannot
come to Mrs. Sinclair's? What, pray, is her objection to Mrs.
Sinclair's? Is this house fit for me to live in a month or two, and not
fit for any of your relations for a few days?--And Mrs. Fretchville has
taken more time too!--Then, pushing by him, I hurried down stairs.
He called to Dorcas to bring him his sword and hat; and following me down
into the passage, placed himself between me and the door; and again
desired leave to attend me.
Mrs. Sinclair came out at that instant, and asked me, if I did not choose
a dish of chocolate?
I wish, Mrs. Sinclair, said I, you would take this man in with you to
your chocolate. I don't know whether I am at liberty to stir out without
his leave or not.
Then turning to him, I asked, if he kept me there his prisoner?
Dorcas just then bringing him his sword and hat, he opened the street-
door, and taking my reluctant hand, led me, in a very obsequious manner,
to the coach. People passing by, stopped, stared, and whispered--But he
is so graceful in his person and dress, that he generally takes every
eye.
I was uneasy to be so gazed at; and he stepped in after me, and the
coachman drove to St. Paul's.
He was very full of assiduities all the way; while I was as reserved as
possible: and when I returned, dined, as I had done the greatest part of
the week, by myself.
He told me, upon my resolving to do so, that although he would continue
his passive observance till I knew the issue of my application, yet I
must expect, that then I should not rest one moment till I had fixed his
happy day: for that his very soul was fretted with my slights,
resentments, and delays.
A wretch! when can I say, to my infinite regret, on a double account,
that all he complains of is owing to himself!
O that I may have good tidings from my uncle!
Adieu, my dearest friend--This shall lie ready for an exchange (as I hope
for one to-morrow from you) that will decide, as I may say, the destiny
of
Your
CLARISSA HARLOWE.