MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
TUESDAY, MAY 9.
I am a very unhappy man. This lady is said to be one of the sweetest-
tempered creatures in the world: and so I thought her. But to me she is
one of the most perverse. I never was supposed to be an ill-natured
mortal neither. How can it be? I imagined, for a long while, that we
were born to make each other happy: but quite the contrary; we really
seem to be sent to plague each other.
I will write a comedy, I think: I have a title already; and that's half
the work. The Quarrelsome Lovers. 'Twill do. There's something new and
striking in it. Yet, more or less, all lovers quarrel. Old Terence has
taken notice of that; and observes upon it, That lovers falling out
occasions lovers falling in; and a better understanding of course. 'Tis
natural that it should be so. But with us, we fall out so often, without
falling in once; and a second quarrel so generally happens before a first
is made up; that it is hard to guess what event our loves will be
attended with. But perseverance is my glory, and patience my handmaid,
when I have in view an object worthy of my attempts. What is there in an
easy conquest? Hudibras questions well,
------What mad lover ever dy'd
To gain a soft and easy bride?
Or, for a lady tender-hearted,
In purling streams, or hemp, departed?
But I will lead to the occasion of this preamble.
I had been out. On my return, meeting Dorcas on the stairs--Your lady in
her chamber, Dorcas? In the dining-room, sir: and if ever you hope for
an opportunity to come at a letter, it must be now. For at her feet I
saw one lie, which, as may be seen by its open fold, she had been
reading, with a little parcel of others she is now busied with--all
pulled out of her pocket, as I believe: so, Sir, you'll know where to
find them another time.
I was ready to leap for joy, and instantly resolved to bring forward an
expedient which I had held in petto; and entering the dining-room with an
air of transport, I boldly clasped my arms about her, as she sat; she
huddling up her papers in her handkerchief all the time; the dropped
paper unseen. O my dearest life, a lucky expedient have Mr. Mennell and
I hit upon just now. In order to hasten Mrs. Fretchville to quit the
house, I have agreed, if you approve of it, to entertain her cook, her
housemaid, and two men-servants, (about whom she was very solicitous,)
till you are provided to your mind. And, that no accommodations may be
wanted, I have consented to take the household linen at an appraisement.
I am to pay down five hundred pounds, and the remainder as soon as the
bills can be looked up, and the amount of them adjusted. Thus will you
have a charming house entirely ready to receive you. Some of the ladies
of my family will soon be with you: they will not permit you long to
suspend my happy day. And that nothing may be wanting to gratify your
utmost punctilio, I will till then consent to stay here at Mrs.
Sinclair's while you reside at your new house; and leave the rest to your
own generosity. O my beloved creature, will not this be agreeable to
you? I am sure it will--it must--and clasping her closer to me, I gave
her a more fervent kiss than ever I had dared to give her before. I
permitted not my ardour to overcome my discretion, however; for I took
care to set my foot upon the letter, and scraped it farther from her, as
it were behind her chair.
She was in a passion at the liberty I took. Bowing low, I begged her
pardon; and stooping still lower, in the same motion took up the letter,
and whipt it into my bosom.
Pox on me for a puppy, a fool, a blockhead, a clumsy varlet, a mere Jack
Belford!--I thought myself a much cleverer fellow than I am!--Why could I
not have been followed in by Dorcas, who might have taken it up, while I
addressed her lady?
For here, the letter being unfolded, I could not put it in my bosom
without alarming her ears, as my sudden motion did her eyes--Up she flew
in a moment: Traitor! Judas! her eyes flashing lightning, and a
perturbation in her eager countenance, so charming!--What have you taken
up?--and then, what for both my ears I durst not have done to her, she
made no scruple to seize the stolen letter, though in my bosom.
What was to be done on so palpable a detection?--I clasped her hand,
which had hold of the ravished paper, between mine: O my beloved
creature! said I, can you think I have not some curiosity? Is it
possible you can be thus for ever employed; and I, loving narrative
letter-writing above every other species of writing, and admiring your
talent that way, should not (thus upon the dawn of my happiness, as I
presume to hope) burn with a desire to be admitted into so sweet a
correspondence?
Let go my hand!--stamping with her pretty foot; How dare you, Sir!--At
this rate, I see--too plainly I see--And more she could not say: but,
gasping, was ready to faint with passion and affright; the devil a bit
of her accustomed gentleness to be seen in her charming face, or to be
heard in her musical voice.
Having gone thus far, loth, very loth, was I to lose my prize--once more
I got hold of the rumpled-up letter!--Impudent man! were her words:
stamping again. For God's sake, then it was. I let go my prize, lest
she should faint away: but had the pleasure first to find my hand within
both hers, she trying to open my reluctant fingers. How near was my
heart at that moment to my hand, throbbing to my fingers' ends, to be
thus familiarly, although angrily, treated by the charmer of my soul!
When she had got it in her possession, she flew to the door. I threw
myself in her way, shut it, and, in the humblest manner, besought her to
forgive me. And yet do you think the Harlowe-hearted charmer
(notwithstanding the agreeable annunciation I came in with) would forgive
me?--No, truly; but pushing me rudely from the door, as if I had been
nothing, [yet do I love to try, so innocently to try, her strength too!]
she gained that force through passion, which I had lost through fear, out
she shot to her own apartment; [thank my stars she could fly no farther!]
and as soon as she entered it, in a passion still, she double-locked and
double-bolted herself in. This my comfort, on reflection, that, upon a
greater offence, it cannot be worse.
I retreated to my own apartment, with my heart full: and, my man Will not
being near me, gave myself a plaguy knock on the forehead with my double
fist.
And now is my charmer shut up from me: refusing to see me, refusing her
meals. She resolves not to see me; that's more:--never again, if she can
help it; and in the mind she is in--I hope she has said.
The dear creatures, whenever they quarrel with their humble servants,
should always remember this saving clause, that they may not be forsworn.
But thinkest thou that I will not make it the subject of one of my first
plots to inform myself of the reason why all this commotion was necessary
on so slight an occasion as this would have been, were not the letters that
pass between these ladies of a treasonable nature?