MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE
FRIDAY, APRIL 28.
Mr. Lovelace is returned already. My brother's projects were his
pretence. I could not but look upon this short absence as an evasion of
his promise; especially as he had taken such precautions with the people
below; and as he knew that I proposed to keep close within-doors. I
cannot bear to be dealt meanly with; and angrily insisted that he should
directly set out for Berkshire, in order to engage his cousin, as he had
promised.
O my dearest life, said he, why will you banish me from your presence? I
cannot leave you for so long a time as you seem to expect I should. I
have been hovering about town ever since I left you. Edgware was the
farthest place I went to, and there I was not able to stay two hours, for
fear, at this crisis, any thing should happen. Who can account for the
workings of an apprehensive mind, when all that is dear and valuable to
it is at stake? You may spare yourself the trouble of writing to any of
your friends, till the solemnity has passed that shall entitle me to give
weight to your application. When they know we are married, your
brother's plots will be at an end; and your father and mother, and
uncles, must be reconciled to you. Why then should you hesitate a moment
to confirm my happiness? Why, once more, would you banish me from you?
Why will you not give the man who has brought you into difficulties, and
who so honourably wishes to extricate you from them, the happiness of
doing so?
He was silent. My voice failed to second the inclination I had to say
something not wholly discouraging to a point so warmly pressed.
I'll tell you, my angel, resumed he, what I propose to do, if you approve
of it. I will instantly go out to view some of the handsome new squares
or fine streets round them, and make a report to you of any suitable
house I find to be let. I will take such a one as you shall choose, and
set up an equipage befitting our condition. You shall direct the whole.
And on some early day, either before, or after we fix, [it must be at
your own choice], be pleased to make me the happiest of men. And then
will every thing be in a desirable train. You shall receive in your own
house (if it can be so soon furnished as I wish) the compliments of all
my relations. Charlotte shall visit you in the interim: and if it take
up time, you shall choose whom you will honour with your company, first,
second, or third, in the summer months; and on your return you shall find
all that was wanting in your new habitation supplied, and pleasures in a
constant round shall attend us. O my angel, take me to you, instead of
banishing me from you, and make me your's for ever.
You see, my dear, that here was no day pressed for. I was not uneasy
about that, and the sooner recovered myself, as there was not. But,
however, I gave him no reason to upbraid me for refusing his offer of
going in search of a house.
He is accordingly gone out for this purpose. But I find that he intends
to take up his lodging here tonight; and if to-night, no doubt on other
nights, while he is in town. As the doors and windows of my apartment
have good fastenings; as he has not, in all this time, given me cause for
apprehension; as he has the pretence of my brother's schemes to plead; as
the people below are very courteous and obliging, Miss Horton especially,
who seems to have taken a great liking to me, and to be of a gentler
temper and manners than Miss Martin; and as we are now in a tolerable
way; I imagine it would look particular to them all, and bring me into a
debate with a man, who (let him be set upon what he will) has always a
great deal to say for himself, if I were to insist upon his promise: on
all these accounts, I think, I will take no notice of his lodging here,
if he don't.--Let me know, my dear, your thoughts of every thing.
You may believe I gave him back his bank note the moment I saw him.