PEKUAH IS STILL REMEMBERED. THE PROGRESS OF SORROW.
NEKAYAH, seeing that nothing was omitted for the recovery of her
favourite, and having by her promise set her intention of retirement at a
distance, began imperceptibly to return to common cares and common
pleasures. She rejoiced without her own consent at the suspension of her
sorrows, and sometimes caught herself with indignation in the act of
turning away her mind from the remembrance of her whom yet she resolved
never to forget.
She then appointed a certain hour of the day for meditation on the merits
and fondness of Pekuah, and for some weeks retired constantly at the time
fixed, and returned with her eyes swollen and her countenance clouded.
By degrees she grew less scrupulous, and suffered any important and
pressing avocation to delay the tribute of daily tears. She then yielded
to less occasions, and sometimes forgot what she was indeed afraid to
remember, and at last wholly released herself from the duty of periodical
affliction.
Her real love of Pekuah was not yet diminished. A thousand occurrences
brought her back to memory, and a thousand wants, which nothing but the
confidence of friendship can supply, made her frequently regretted. She
therefore solicited Imlac never to desist from inquiry, and to leave no
art of intelligence untried, that at least she might have the comfort of
knowing that she did not suffer by negligence or sluggishness. “Yet
what,” said she, “is to be expected from our pursuit of happiness, when
we find the state of life to be such that happiness itself is the cause
of misery? Why should we endeavour to attain that of which the
possession cannot be secured? I shall henceforward fear to yield my
heart to excellence, however bright, or to fondness, however tender, lest
I should lose again what I have lost in Pekuah.”