LADY RUM-DI-DOODLE-DUM’S
CHILDREN
[Illustration: John and Mary leaned forward and saw in the glass
hundreds of lovely colors. (Page 126.)]
LADY
RUM-DI-DOODLE-DUM’S
CHILDREN
BY
S. B. DINKELSPIEL
_Which is Dedicated to My Mother, Your Mother,
and Lady Rum-Di-Doodle-Dum, Who is the
Mother of all the Bald-Headed, Pug-Nosed Little
Baby Creatures in the World, and to the Child-Person
for whom Lady Rum-Di-Doodle-Dum
winked one evening when I asked her to do so._
[Illustration]
New York
Desmond FitzGerald, Inc.
Copyright, 1914, by
DESMOND FITZGERALD, INC.
PREFACE
(TO BE READ)
The Dictionary says that a Preface is something spoken before. Usually
it gives the author an opportunity to talk about himself. Some authors
talk very much, especially about themselves, in their Preface. Mr.
George Bernard Shaw writes more Preface than Book, and Théophile
Gautier simply uses the Book as an excuse for the Preface. But you do
not need to worry, as you will not read either of them for a very long
time.
My Preface is going to be different. It is about something that comes
at the end and not the beginning; furthermore, I am not going to talk
about myself.
Of course you do not know what in the world I am driving at; I will
come at once to the point. I had all but finished the stories of Lady
Rumdidoodledum’s children when I received the following letter. I have
a pretty good idea that “L. H. D.” is no other than the Child-Person
for whom Lady Rumdidoodledum winked.
“MR. S. B. DINKELSPIEL,
“DEAR SIR,----
“I have the honor to inform you that Mrs. Sherman is the mother of a
lovely new baby daughter, born this evening. She is to be christened
‘Margaret,’ but will be known to her friends (of whom I trust you
will be among the number) as ‘Midge.’ Liza and Martha Mary are
delighted over the new arrival--the boys have not yet seen the little
lady.
“Hoping that she will prove as welcome to you as to the rest of her
very devoted family, I am, sir,
“Your very obedient servant and humble collaborator,
L. H. D.”
The Planet Venus.
A day or so later, a thick envelope came through the mail for me.
“Is it,” said I to myself, “another of my stories rejected by a
heartless editor?”
It was not! It was the story of “Midge,” written by “L. H. D.,” and it
came just in time, for I had been having a miserable hour seeking a
last chapter for the book, and here one fell--I might say--out of the
sunny sky.
S. B. DINKELSPIEL.
San Francisco, California.
CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGE
I. IN WHICH WE MEET FLIP, ALTHOUGH HE WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE A SECRET 1
II. IN WHICH PETER SPILLS THE DEW OUT OF HIS POCKET AND IT
CAUSES A GREAT DEAL OF BOTHER, BUT MR. SMITH, WHO IS
THE KING OF FAIRIES, PUTS AN END TO THE TROUBLE 10
III. IN WHICH WE BEGIN TO REALIZE HOW CONVENIENT IT IS TO
HAVE A PERSON LIKE FLIP ABOUT THE PLACE, ESPECIALLY
WHEN THERE IS NOTHING MUCH TO DO; ALSO WE HEAR OF
MR. MORIARITY AND THE FAIRY WHO DID NOT HAVE A RED
CHIN BEARD AND A BALD HEAD 19
IV. IN WHICH MARTHA MARY INVADES THE CASTLE, AND FATHER
PROVES THAT HE CAN DO OTHER THINGS BESIDES WRITING
BUSINESS IN BIG BOOKS. ALSO SOMEONE ARRIVES 28
V. IN WHICH FLIP TELLS MY FAVORITE STORY, AND IF YOU DO
NOT LIKE IT VERY MUCH, FLIP KNOWS SOMEONE WHO WILL 40
VI. IN WHICH EDWARD LEE AND WALTER GO ON THE WARPATH
BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, AND ON
ACCOUNT OF THEM JOHN AND MARTHA MARY MISS HEARING
THE MELODRAMA 49
VII. IN WHICH LIZA GOES UNDER THE SIDEBOARD; WALTER AND
EDWARD LEE FIX THE CAT, AND FLIP PROVES THAT THE
CITY FOGS ARE NICE 67
VIII. IN WHICH MARTHA MARY HAS A WONDERFUL DAY AND LEARNS
THE LOVELIEST OF SECRETS AND FLIP’S ASPIRATIONS
ARE EXPLAINED 76
IX. IN WHICH IS TOLD THE STORY OF ALFRED OF THE LOW COUNTRY,
AND JANICE, WHO LOVED THE QUEEN’S PAGE 85
X. IN WHICH JANE STAYS LONGER THAN SHE HAD EXPECTED TO AND
WE ENTERTAIN HER. AS USUAL, FLIP TELLS A STORY 99
XI. IN WHICH WALTER DOES NOT WANT NINE EIGHTS TO BE
SEVENTY-TWO; AND MARTHA MARY FEELS SO BADLY FOR HIM
THAT SHE GOES TO SEEK ADVENTURE. SHE FINDS IT 110
XII. IN WHICH ANOTHER JOHN AND ANOTHER MARY WANDER FURTHER
FROM HOME THAN THEY EVER HAVE BEEN BEFORE, AND FIND
A MARVELOUS BALL OF GLASS, IN WHICH ONE SEES THE
STRANGEST THINGS 120
XIII. IN WHICH FLIP USES NEEDLESSLY LONG WORDS, BUT, TO WIN
OUR GOOD-WILL AGAIN, HE TELLS A REAL OLD-FASHIONED
FAIRY TALE 133
XIV. IN WHICH WINFRED IS GIVEN THE MOST WONDERFUL WISH IN
THE WORLD, AND I ADVISE YOU ALL TO READ IT AND LEARN
WHAT IT IS, SO THAT IF, SOME DAY WHEN YOU ARE LEAST
EXPECTING IT, A FAIRY COMES AND OFFERS YOU A WISH,
YOU WILL KNOW FOR WHAT TO ASK 155
XV. IN WHICH, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME, I DO NOT
TALK AT ALL, BUT AM WELL CONTENT TO SIT QUIETLY BY
AND LISTEN TO THE LOVELY NEWS THAT L. H. D., WHO, YOU
WILL REMEMBER, I TOLD YOU ABOUT IN THE PREFACE,
HAS BROUGHT 167
CHAPTER I
IN WHICH WE MEET FLIP, ALTHOUGH HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET
Down on the edge of the Poppy Field there is a very large, wide lake;
the largest lake you have ever seen. Of course there are deeper lakes
across the mountains where you have never been, but Poppy Lake is quite
deep enough. When you turn your back and lean down and look between
your legs so that everything is upside-down, it looks still larger;
almost as big as the sky and just as blue. Right on the shore, tied to
a willow tree, is a wonderful green boat with two oars when you wish to
go exploring alone, and four if you intend to take a crew with you.
John usually went alone, because crews never know their place and
want to be Captain if they are men, or always talk about fairies and
husbands and silly trifles if they are women. There is of course only
one woman and she is Martha Mary; you see, Liza is only three years
old and can’t really be called a woman. The fact is, John prefers
traveling with Liza to any of the others. She respects John very much
and will not mind anyone else--not even Nurse Huggins. John is quite a
famous traveler; there have been times when he would sit at the helm
of his good ship and Liza would sit on the deck on her legs and fold
her arms and watch the Captain with very large, grey eyes. Then John
would cough and bow to her and say in a voice almost as loud as Butcher
Levy’s:
“Where does your Ladyship desire to sail to-day?”
Liza would say, “Yes,” which is not an answer at all.
Then John would pick up the oars and row with all his might, just as
though the ship were not tied to the willow tree. Right into the ocean
they would go. Sometimes they could travel almost as far as England
before Nurse Huggins called them to come to tea. Nurse Huggins always
called just as they were about to get somewhere.
Martha Mary thought it silly for John to play with Liza so much; you
see, John was at least twelve and Martha Mary was ten, so they were
much more fitted for each other than John and Liza. So Martha Mary
would come down to the Lake and call to John and he would put his hands
to his ears and shout:
“I can’t hear you. I’m miles and miles away.”
Then Martha Mary would stamp her foot, and go away to find Edward Lee
Sherman, who was seven years old and her youngest brother, and Walter,
who was eight and almost Edward’s twin. You see, the Sherman family
was quite a large one; first, there was John and then Martha Mary;
then Walter and Edward Lee, and then Liza. But that wasn’t all. Nurse
Huggins was a very important member of the family, and there was Agnes,
the cook, and Dawson, the gardener, and Mother Dear, who looked almost
like a girl herself, sometimes, and Father, who was terribly old and
had brown whiskers and the softest grey eyes, just like Liza’s. And I
almost forgot Hermit. He was the huge St. Bernard and next to Mother
Dear, the most important member of the household. No one knew just how
old Hermit was. But Captain John was quite sure that the very first
thing he heard when he opened his eyes in this world was Hermit’s
welcoming bark. That was twelve years ago, and twelve is old for a dog.
And--there was one other. He was supposed to be a secret, but I never
could keep a secret and, as long as I have told about Hermit and Hermit
found him, I might as well tell. He was Flip. That wasn’t his real
name, but Liza could not say Philip, so she called him Flip. And after
a while everyone else did, too. This is the way we found him. You see,
Hermit did not come home for dinner one night and everyone was very
much frightened. They went all over the poppy field calling him, but he
didn’t come. It grew so late that the stars came out, so Mother Dear
put Liza and Edward Lee to bed. She was very quiet and not at all smily
when she tucked them in, because she was worried about Hermit. For
hours and hours John and Father and Gardener Dawson hunted with yellow
lanterns; they called and whistled, but Hermit did not come. So they
went to bed, and Father said:
“Leave the old boy alone. He is sure to come back.”
Father always did know everything!
The first thing next morning, all the family hurried out to the garden,
but there was no Hermit. Father went East and John went West and all
the others scattered in different directions, leaving Liza all alone to
take care of Mother Dear. But Mother Dear was not at all good company;
she wouldn’t crawl on the floor and she wouldn’t smile, so Liza slipped
away, very unhappy. She took her Nigger Doll, Samuel, and walked way,
way off, down into the Lily Place where the frogs live. And right
there, perfectly happy and grinning, was Hermit--all muddy and with his
tongue hanging out as though he had been running and was out of breath.
Next to him, sprawled out on the grass, with one foot stuck up in the
air and a cap on his toe, was a man and he was talking to Hermit. Liza
did not pay any attention to him; she just jumped on Hermit’s back and
rubbed her face in his neck. The man was very much surprised. He sat
up, brushed the dirt off of his trousers, and said:
“Good morning.”
Liza laughed at him and pulled Hermit’s tail.
“I said ‘Good morning,’” said the man. “Can’t you talk?”
That sort of frightened Liza, so she jumped up and ran off to find
John, with Hermit bounding after her. Just then John came through the
trees, followed by Edward Lee and Walter and Martha Mary. They hugged
Hermit to show how glad they were to see him, and then Liza took them
to the new man.
“Hullo!” he said. “Are you the whole family?”
“We are the Shermans,” said John.
“Yes,” said Edward Lee, “and we wish you would go away so that we could
play.”
“Edward Lee!” Martha Mary whispered. “You mustn’t be impolite.”
The man laughed. “Please,” said he, “may I play, too?”
“You are too old,” said Walter.
“No, I’m not.”
John did not mean to have any unfairness. “How old are you?” he asked.
The man held his fingers to his lips. “It’s a secret. Folks say I’m
twenty-three,” he said. “But they really don’t know. The fact is I’m
only twelve.”
“Swear it and hope to die?” demanded John.
“I swear.”
“And hope to die?”
“Do I have to?”
“No,” said Martha Mary. “If you want to be twelve, we will let you.
Please, what can you play?”
“Everything.”
“That is lovely,” said Martha Mary. “We’ll play ‘Robinhood.’”
“And I’ll be Robinhood,” said John.
“And I’ll be Little John,” said Walter.
“I’m Little John,” said Edward Lee.
“You’re not. I am.”
“All right,” said Edward Lee. “Then I don’t want to play.”
The man frowned. “See here,” he said. “You can’t both be Little John.
Suppose we play something else. Suppose I tell you a story.”
“Do you know any?” Martha Mary asked.
“Dozens of them.”
“How nice! I think I shall like you. What is your name?”
“Philip.”
“Flip,” said Liza, and that is how he got his name.
* * * * *
Meanwhile Mother Dear had joined Father. They hunted high and low
for Hermit and for the children, too, for by this time Mother was
growing really and truly frightened. All of a sudden they heard Edward
Lee laughing. To the Lily Place they ran, and there--through the
trees--guess what they saw! There was Flip leaning against a fat old
oak tree, with one leg up in the air and his cap on his toe. Liza was
sitting on the knee of the leg that wasn’t up in the air, while Martha
Mary was lying on the ground on her stomach, weaving buttercups. John
and Walter were sitting up in the tree; Edward Lee was on Hermit’s
back, and Flip was telling his story. So Mother Dear sat down very
quietly and pulled Father after her. She leaned against his shoulder
and closed her eyes, while Father smoothed her hair. And they listened
to the story, too, and this was it: