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DETERMINED to have a good long gaze at what I was told was to be a
reglar stunning Lord Mayor's Show, such as they has in sum of the low
countrys of Urope on werry high occasions, I got a old friend of mine,
who's a reglar tribble Bob Major of a bell ringer at a Citty Church, to
git me a ticket for a lovely seat in his boarded Church Yard, oppersite
Newgate, and near the Hold Bayley, so there was plenty to cheer us hup
afore the Show cum, and plenty to emuse us. Of course the best fun of
all was to watch the poore chaps in the crowd below us a being scrowged
and shoved and pushed about, while we sat in our bootiful crimson seats
just like so many hemenent swells in the theatre, a looking down on the
common fellers beneath 'em.
I don't think, upon the hole, if I had my choice, that I woud choose to
be a Perliceman on Lord Mare's Day. Ony to think of the diffrence
betwixt them and hus! They begins hurly, we begins late; they is,
aperiently, on their poor feet all day long, we merely spends a hour or
two in the hevening on them useful xtremes; they has to snatch a bit of
quite plane food and drink anyhows and anywheres, while we--but no! I
draws a whale over the thrilling contrast; there's sum things as is best
left to the emadgination, speshally such things as them things. And when
at length they seeks their tired homes, what has they to console 'em for
their long day's pushing and scrowging? Nothink! What have we, for our
day of ministering to the luxyourious wants of the helegant and refined?
Sumthink, but how much, depends upon suckemstances over which
unfortnitly we haven't not no control. And I thinks that upon the hole,
the libberality of mankind is not a increesing helement, more's the
pitty!
What a percession it was when at full length it came at last! It begun
with the flags and the principle officers of no less than 8 City
Washupfool Companies. And which of the Officers was it as first fixt my
gaze, and held it firmly? Need I say it was the Beedles in their butiful
Clokes of office. There was a quiet dignerty, not to say a degree of
subblimmity in their demeener, as quite affected me, and I at once
confess, amost arowsed my henvy. Wat a termination to my great career!
But keep quiet my throbbing buzzom, and pass on. Of the four bootiful
Cars drawn by 6 strong horses, I gives my wote without no hezitation to
the Epping Forest one. It was xactly like life, specially the gents a
pretending to carry partridges on their fistes, which was all probbubly
washed off by the rain.
The late Lord Mare was in werry good time, and passed by amid our
shouts, looking jest as good-tempered as he did last year, when he was
our Rising Son of power. At last came the Ero of the day in his grand
old Coach of State, and then came one of the principle ewents of the
journey, for the Carridge and all its six horses was stopt, and about
harf-a-dozzen most respectabel looking gents, all of whom I was told was
Churchwardens and OWERSEERS of the werry hiest quality, all drest in
their werry best close, and wearing butiful reel gold Badgers, went bang
up to the State Coach and sed something werry kind to the Lord
MARE, and gave him something for hisself, at which he seemed werry
much pleased, and said sumthink werry nice in reply, and then we all
cheered so artily that the 6 horses got impashent and insisted on going
on. So on they went, and I seed 'em no more.
There was a good deal of grumbling about the rain, and it suttenly
_did_ rain. I did try to pass it off as a mere passing shower, but
that didn't do after about two hours of it. Sum of the wet higneramusses
wanted to make out as it was all the Lord MARE's fault. Well, I
wasn't a-going for to stand that gross injustice while I was comfortably
a setting in my rheumantic churchyard, so I boldly said as how as all
the derangements for the weather was always left to the Hed Waiter, and
that after giving my whole mind to the subject, I had decided that, of
the two, rain and peace and quietness was far more better than sunshine
and row, at which they all larfed, but it put a stop to all the
grumbling, so I reckoned that was one to me.
Perhaps the most saddest specktacle as was seen by any one pare of eyes
on that orful wet day, was the poor gennelmen of the Lord Mare's
ousehold a picking their dellicate way through the middle of the muddy
road with their butiful wands of office, and striving in wain to keep
their lovely pink silk stockings from being soiled by the wulger mud.
What their feelings must have been how few can no, specially when they
found theirselves the sport of the ribbald jester. I didn't think as the
frantic efforts of the hundereds of children to sing "_Rool Britannier_"
was werry much helped by the accumpanyment of the passing Band playing
werry lowdly, "_All Werry Fine and Large_;" but then, in coarse, tastes
differ.
The Bankwet was werry much as usual; that is to say, about the werry
grandest thing in the world; but I cannot report the speeches, coz we
was all on us all turned out of the All directly as they begun, more's
the pitty, but I was priviliged to hear some of the shouting and
hollering.
I'm not quite sure whether it's right even of Committee Gentlemen to
make fun of one of the werry sacredest of human hinstitootions, wiz.,
the nessessery refreshment of the xhausted body, and yet I heard one on
'em say to a reel fine tall Cabbinet Minister, who arsked him the werry
nateral question, whether they had their dinner afore or after the
gestes? "Both, and a little snack after breakfast, and a quite lite
supper when it was all over." Praps the xaggeration wasn't werry great,
but still there was xaggeration, and xaggeration is the Waiter's cuss!
It rained as I went to my reserwed place in the frendly church-yard, it
rained as I went to the Bankwetting All, and it rained as I sort my
nupshal couch at about one o'clock, Hay. Hem., and it recalled to fond
memory the words of the Royal Hanthem, "Long to rain over us!"