"I think you were in worse shape than your ship. You must have had it
under control almost to the end, though how you stayed conscious with
space fever is beyond me."
"Space fever? So that's it. I remember getting sick and light-headed and
just before I passed out I flipped out of subspace and the automatic
finder, of course, took the ship to the nearest planet. I must have
landed by reflex action. I sure don't remember anything about it."
"Well," the man laughed, "I _have_ seen better landings, but not when
the pilot had a temperature of one-o-five. Anyway, you're safe now.
Welcome to Elysia."
There it was again. Safe! Safe! Tee raised up, then fell back weakly.
"Is anything wrong?" asked the little man, alarmed.
"N ... nothing, I just ... nothing!"
The man was looking at him questioningly.
"Elysia," mused Tee. "I seem to remember an old old myth brought from
the original Earth." He waved toward the sylvan setting, outside.
The little man smiled. "Yes, the old settlers named our planet well." He
caught himself. "Oh, I'm sorry; I'm Dr. Chensi. This is my home."
Tee smiled. "Well at least you'll have to admit I showed good judgment
crashing next to a doctor's house." Then more seriously, "Thanks, doc,
thanks for everything."
"My degrees aren't in medicine," replied Dr. Chensi. "I'm afraid I had
little to do with your recovery. My daughter's the one who nursed you.
Oh, here she is now." He raised his voice. "Come in, Lara."
Since Dr. Chensi was using the only chair she sat down on the edge of
the bed.
"Here," said the doctor, teasingly, "what kind of nurse are you, mussing
up your patient's bed?"
She pouted prettily. "He's _my_ patient." Then looking down at Tee with
a smile, "You'll be up and around in no time now."
"_Time!_" cried Tee, raising up. "_What's the date? I've got to know!_"
"You've been delirious for two weeks," answered the doctor. "Another two
weeks of convalescence and you ought to be as good as new."
"But two weeks, I can't--"
"Can't leave before then anyway," replied the doctor calmly. "I knew
you'd want your ship repaired so I had it hauled to the port. Won't be
ready for two more weeks. So you might as well relax."
Tee bit his lip, and clenched his fists to keep from trembling. It was a
moment before he could trust himself to speak without a quaver in his
voice. "Nothing else I can do, I guess. Thanks, anyway. And by the way,
there's enough credits in the ship's safe to pay for the repairs, I'm
sure."
"I think we should start the patient walking tomorrow," said Lara, in a
mock-professional voice. She punched the ends of Tee's pillow. "Now
you'd better get some sleep. You're still very weak, you know."
* * * * *
The days that followed were like an idyll for Tee. With Lara he wandered
through the parklike wooded groves. They sat near shaded pools and ate
wild berries while she told him stories of the founding of Elysia. They
held hands and ran exuberantly across the grassy meadows, and waded like
children in the clear brooks.
A thousand times, a word, an endearing term, sprang to his lips, and
each time the fear clamped his tongue in a vise of steel. A thousand
times he wanted to touch her, feel the silkiness of her hair, the warmth
of her lips, but each time the fear and uncertainty stood between them
like twin specters of doom, pointing and saying, "Fool! Why torture
yourself?"
In the daytime when Lara was with him it wasn't so bad, but at night the
fear and uncertainty crowded to the fore and blanked out everything
else. It was then he prayed for the courage to kill himself, and
despised the weakness that made him draw back from the thought. If only
he could stop thinking. Make his mind a blank. But that was death, and
death was what he feared. How long ago was it when he'd first realized
that hope was an illusion, a false god that smiled and lied, and held
out vain promises only to prolong the torture?
Then one day the word came that his ship was repaired. As though the
word were a catalyst the terrible fear overwhelmed him, drowning out
every other thought, and he knew he had to leave. When he had no means
of leaving the planet he could partially close off his dread and wait
resignedly. But now that the ship was ready, every moment he remained
was an agony.
He led Lara to their favorite spot by a quiet pool. She looked radiant,
and smiled to herself, as though at a secret. He steeled himself and
finally blurted out, "Lara, I'm leaving tomorrow." He hesitated and bit
his lip. "And ... thanks for everything."
"Thanks?" She choked on the words.
"I'm sorry--" he trailed off, lamely.
"But ... but I thought--" She looked down.
He reached out and gently touched her cheek. "Can't you see I _want_ to
stay?" he pleaded.
"Then why? Why?" She was crying now.
"I ... I just can't. It's no good." He stood up.
She reached out and caught his hand. "Then take me with you. I've heard
you at night pacing in your room. I don't know what it is that drives
you on and on, but if space is what you want, let me go with you. I can
help you, darling. You'll see. And some day when you grow tired of
space, we can come back to Elysia." She was babbling now.
He pulled roughly away. "No! It's no good. I'm--If only I _could_
stay." He brushed her hair softly with his palm and as she reached out
toward him he turned and walked swiftly toward the house, pitying and
hating himself by turn, while Lara sat forlornly by the pool looking
after him.
He began to sweat before he reached the house and his knees began to
tremble so, he had to stop for a moment, to keep his balance.
Determinedly he started forward again and continued on past the house to
the highway that wound by half a kilometer away. There he hailed a
passing ground car and rode to the spaceport, where a few judiciously
distributed credits facilitated his immediate clearance. Before the ship
had even left the atmosphere he rammed in the subspace control.
* * * * *