Grandparents generally accept and enjoy the many roles into which they
have been cast. One of the many is that they are the grandparents of all
their grandchildren, not just of one whom they chose to be their favorite.
Favoritism invites disaster.
A young mother of two posed the following dilemma to an Internet
discussion group devoted to family relations and child behavior. I
altered the text slightly, primarily to protect the writer's privacy. She
wrote:
'Since the birth of our second child our family has received lots of warm
wishes. Yet, often, in offering congratulations, well wishers remarked
along the lines 'You must be happy to have a boy now.' This confused
our older child, a four-year-old girl.
'Of course, she is a much loved and cherished child and we could not
love her any more if she were a boy. And we are very happy to have our
new son, but would have loved a second daughter just as much. But the
casual remarks about having a son are secondary to my concern about
my parents' relationship with our children.
'My parents reside within easy driving distance and we are a close-knit
family. Rarely a week passes that we and my parents don't do
something together. They are my daughter's primary baby-sitters and
are very generous toward her.
'However, I am starting to see that there will be a difference, based solely
on gender, in my parents' treatment of both children. When my son was
barely a week old, my father said that he was looking forward to taking
him fishing. When I remarked that my daughter had a fishing pole and,
due to the age difference between her and her brother, would be a more
appropriate companion, still no invitation was forthcoming.
'When my father invited my husband fishing the following week, my
father grumbled at the suggestion that they take my daughter along.
'My son is now two and a half months old, and my father is looking
forward to participating with him in Little League, soccer, etc. Again,
both my husband and I chimed in that the same activities are also
available for girls. Silence.
'What really disturbs me is that after these rebuffs my daughter
sometimes quietly says to me, 'Mama, I am proud we both are girls.' I
don't know where she gets this from, but she'll often repeat it several
times and in more of a forlorn tone than an enthusiastic one.'