A CHANGE.
The strongest heart will sometimes betray that it is overtaxed through
the pressure of a sorrow which appears trivial contrasted with the
stupendous burdens it has borne unflinchingly; the firmest spirit is
sometimes crushed at last, by the weight of a moral "feather" that
breaks the back of endurance. Madeleine's courage proved insufficient to
encounter calmly this new trial. She could not see that poor, wretched,
brain-shattered sufferer, that proud man bowed to the dust, clinging to
her with such a strange, perplexed, yet steady grasp, and know that she
could no longer tend, amuse, and soothe him! Her composure was forsaking
her, and she could only hurriedly whisper to Maurice,--
"I will pack your father's clothes; make him comprehend that we have no
alternative; reconcile him if you can. Since he must go, it had better
be at once; the countess is no doubt anxiously expecting him."
She passed into the count's room, gathered together all his wearing
apparel, and knelt down beside his trunk. Her heart swelled as though
it would burst; she bowed her head upon the trunk she was about to open,
and sobbed aloud!
Madeleine's tears were not like Bertha's,--mere summer rain which sprang
to her eyes with every passing emotion, and fell in sun-broken showers
that freshened and brightened her own spirit. Madeleine seldom wept, and
when the tears came, they sprang up from the very depth of her true
heart, in a hot, bitter current which was less like the bubbling of a
fountain than the lava bursting from a volcano. It is ever thus with
powerful, yet self-controlled natures, and Madeleine's equanimity in the
midst of trials which would have prostrated others, was not a lack of
keen, quick sensibility, but an evidence of the supremacy she had gained
by discipline over her passions.
Madeleine wept and wept, forgetting the work before her, the time that
was passing, the necessity for action! All the tears that she might have
shed during the last few weeks, if it were her nature to weep as most
women weep, now rushed forth in one passionate torrent. She did not hear
a step approaching; she was hardly conscious of the encircling arm that
raised her from the ground, nor was she startled by the voice that
said,--
"Madeleine! my own Madeleine! Is it you sobbing thus?"
"I feel _this!_ O Maurice, I feel _this!_ My aunt has never had power to
make me feel so much since that day in the little _châlet_ when my eyes
were opened,--when she cast me off, and I stood alone in the world."
"Ah Madeleine, dearest and best beloved, if you had only loved me
then,--if I could only have taught you to love me,--you would not have
stood alone! I should have battled against every sorrow that could come
near you; or, at least, have borne it with you. O Madeleine, why could
you not love me?"
For one instant Madeleine was tempted to throw herself in his arms and
confess all. The high resolves of years of self-denial were on the verge
of being broken in one weak moment; but the very peril, the very
temptation calmed her suddenly. She brushed away her tears, and, gently
withdrawing the hand Maurice held, said, in broken accents,--
"I have caused you too much pain in other days, Maurice. I should not
have added more by allowing you to witness my weakness. Help me to be
strong; for you see I have sore need of help."
"All that I can offer, Madeleine, you reject," said Maurice,
reproachfully. "My heart and life are yours, and you fling them from
you."
"Maurice, my cousin, my best friend, spare me! I have no right to listen
to this language."
"But the right to hear it from the lips of another," retorted Maurice
bitterly.
"Be generous, Maurice. For pity's sake, do not speak on that subject."
There was so much anguish depicted in Madeleine's face that Maurice was
conscience-stricken by the conviction that his rashly selfish words had
caused her additional pain.
"This is a poor return, Madeleine, for all the good you have done my
father,--all the good you have done me,--you have done us all. You see
what a selfish brute I am! My very love for you, which should shield you
from all suffering, has, through that fatal selfishness, added to your
sorrow. Can you pardon me?"
"When you wrong me, Maurice, I will; but that day has yet to come. Leave
me for a few moments, and I will complete what I have to do here and
join you."
Maurice complied, but slowly and reluctantly, and looking back as he
left the room.
Madeleine wept no more; she bathed her face and smoothed her disordered
hair, and then collected all the articles scattered about, placed them
carefully in the trunk, shut it and locked it, looked about to see that
nothing was forgotten, ordered her carriage, and with a composed mien
entered the little boudoir.
Maurice must have used some potent argument with his father which
reconciled him to his change of habitation, or made him comprehend that
resistance was useless, for when Robert announced that the carriage was
at the door, and Madeleine brought the count's coat to exchange for his
dressing-gown, he allowed her to assist him, only repeating the term of
affection so often on his lips.
The count was ready, and Madeleine signed to Maurice not to linger. He
gave his arm to his father, and they passed through the entry. Madeleine
preceded them; she opened the street door herself; father and son passed
out, but without bidding her adieu. The steps of the carriage were let
down; just as Maurice was assisting his father to ascend them, the count
drew back with native politeness and said,--
"Madeleine first."
Madeleine was still standing in the doorway ready to wave her
handkerchief as the carriage drove off.
"Come, Madeleine, come! come! We are waiting for you!" cried the count.
Maurice expostulated in vain; his father insisted that Madeleine should
go with them.
"Only get into the carriage, my dear father, while I speak with her."
"Get in before a lady? No--no! We are not backwoodsmen,--are we? Come,
Madeleine, come!"
Madeleine saw that argument would not avail with the count; his mind was
not sufficiently clear; it only had glimpses of reason which allowed him
to comprehend by fits and starts.
Ever quick of decision, she said cheerfully, "Yes, in one moment," and
withdrew; but before Maurice had divined her intention, returned,
wearing her bonnet and shawl, and sprang into the carriage.
"Drive into the country," was Madeleine's order to the coachman.
Maurice looked at her with inquiring surprise.
"Dr. Bayard said a drive would do your father good. We can first take a
short drive, then return, and go to the hotel."
Count Tristan looked happy. The motion of the carriage was agreeable to
him, and the fresh air revived him; he gazed eagerly out of the window
as though the commonest objects had caught the charm of novelty. His
pleasure was of brief duration; for when they had driven about a mile,
prudence suggested to Madeleine that it would be well to return before
the patient became fatigued. She pulled the check-cord, and herself gave
the order, "To Brown's hotel."
Count Tristan paid no attention to the command. The hotel was quickly
reached; the carriage stopped; Maurice descended and handed out his
father.
"Let me hear good news of you," said Madeleine to Count Tristan,
encouragingly, and kept her seat.
Leaning heavily on his son's arm, the count mounted the hotel steps, but
he did not comprehend Madeleine's words as an adieu, and turned to speak
to her, thinking she was beside him. The coachman was closing the
carriage-door preparatory to driving away.
"Madeleine! Madeleine!" cried out the count, stretching his hand
imploringly toward her. "Madeleine, come! come!"
Madeleine perceived that Maurice was remonstrating with his father, and
trying to lead him on, but that the count would not move, and still
cried out, "Come! come!" in a voice of piteous entreaty.
Curious strangers began to collect; Madeleine knew that if the scene
continued even a few moments, a crowd would gather, and all manner of
inquiries be made of her coachman, the hotel-keepers, the servants. She
leaped out of the carriage, hastened to the count's side, and said,--
"I will go upstairs with you; the assistance of Maurice may not be
sufficient; lean on my arm also."
And Count Tristan did lean upon her, for his limbs were too feeble to
ascend a long flight without difficulty.
The door of the countess's _salon_ was but a few paces from the top of
the stair. Madeleine paused, took the count's hand affectionately in
hers, and pressed it several times to her lips, saying,--
"Now I must bid you adieu. It would not be agreeable to the countess to
see me. She would think my coming with you impertinent. You will not
force me to bear the pain of seeing her displeasure? Bid me adieu and
let me go!"
The count, easily swayed by her persuasive voice, and inspired with a
vague dread of his mother's anger, kissed her forehead, and did not
remonstrate, but stood still and watched her gliding swiftly down the
stairs.
Maurice had whispered to her, "I will be with you as soon as possible,
Madeleine. Be brave, for my sake!"
The countess had only betrayed her anxious expectancy by changing her
usual seat to one where she could watch the door, and by looking up
eagerly every time it opened. When, at last, Maurice entered, supporting
Count Tristan, there was a gleam of mingled joy and triumph in his
mother's eye. It was doubtful whether the triumph of having compelled
obedience to her commands, and of having wrested her son from Madeleine,
did not surpass the joy she experienced in beholding that son once
again.
From her greeting, a stranger would hardly have imagined that when she
saw him last his life was in imminent peril, and that she had rushed
from his presence overcome by grief and mortification. She now received
him as though she had cheated herself into the belief that she was doing
the honors in her ancestral château, and that his brief absence had no
graver origin than some ordinary pleasure party.
"Welcome, my son, welcome!" said she, kissing him on either cheek. "We
have missed you greatly; you are thrice welcome for this brief
separation."
Count Tristan returned her salutation, but looked strangely
uncomfortable, as though the atmosphere oppressed and chilled him.
"Dear cousin Tristan, I am so glad to see you better; you will soon be
quite well again," said Bertha, embracing him far more warmly than his
mother had done.
The countess made no allusion to his illness; she preferred wholly to
forget the past.
Maurice led his father to an arm-chair, and asked Bertha to bring a
pillow. Under Madeleine's tuition Maurice had become quite expert in
promoting an invalid's comfort, and yet he now failed to arrange the
pillow satisfactorily. Perhaps his father's chair was not easy, or the
one to which he was accustomed was more commodious, or Maurice was more
clumsy than usual; for though Bertha also lent her aid, the count kept
repeating, fretfully,--
"It's not right,--it does not support my shoulders! You can't do it!
Leave it alone! Leave it alone!"
They desisted, and sat down beside him.
The countess had no faculty of starting conversation, and Bertha's merry
tongue had of late lost its volubility; she had so often irritated her
aunt by her remarks that she had become afraid to speak. Maurice was too
sad to be otherwise than taciturn. Thus the reunited little family sat
in solemn silence. Count Tristan looked around him drearily for a while,
and then having for a moment lost recollection of what had just taken
place, exclaimed disconsolately,--
"Where is Madeleine?"
These unfortunate words roused the countess. She rose up as loftily as
in her proudest, most unchastened days, and approaching him, asked, in a
rebuking voice,--
"For _whom_ do you inquire, my son? Am I to understand that a mother's
presence is not all-sufficient for her own child? Is not hers the place
by his side? If that place has been, for a season, usurped, should he
not rejoice that she to whom it legitimately belongs occupies it once
more?"
The count looked awed, and did not attempt to reply. Maurice perceived
that he must exert himself to shield his father from as much discomfort
as could be warded off, and inquired, without directly addressing either
the countess or Bertha,--
"Is my father's room prepared for him? But I suppose that it is. His
drive must have fatigued him, and I think he would like to retire."
The countess disclaimed any knowledge of the state of the apartment,
signifying that she was not in the habit of occupying herself with
matters of this nature. Bertha was equally ignorant, but said she would
go and see. Maurice prevented her by going himself.
The room looked as though it had not been entered since the day when he
had packed up his father's clothes to move them to Madeleine's, and that
was more than a fortnight ago. There was some delay in getting a
chambermaid; servants are always busy, yet never to be had in an
American hotel; after several ineffectual attempts, he obtained the
services of an Irish girl; and he induced Adolphine to lend her aid,
that the room might be aired, swept, and put in order more rapidly.
Adolphine was rather a hinderance to the bustling Irish help, for a
Parisian lady's-maid knows one especial business, and knows nothing
else, however simple; she is an instrument that plays but one tune, and
she boasts of her _speciality_ as a virtue. In something more than an
hour Adolphine announced that the apartment of _M. le Comte_ was in
readiness.
Count Tristan was very willing to retire, and after Maurice had played
the valet without assistance, his father seemed disposed to sleep, and
Maurice closed the blinds and sat down quietly until he perceived that
the invalid had fallen into a deep slumber. Henceforth he was to watch
beside him, when watching was needed, alone! Those blessed nights,
shorter and sweeter than the happiest dreams, when he had sat in the
pale light, with that beautiful face beaming opposite to him,--that soft
voice sounding melodiously in his ears,--they were gone, never to
return!
At that very moment Madeleine herself was haunted by the same
reflections. When she drove home alone, and reëntered her house, how
desolate and dreary it appeared! How empty and lonely seemed those
apartments so lately occupied by the ones nearest of kin and dearest to
her heart! She wandered through the rooms, up and down, up and down,
with restless feet, pondering upon the singular events of the last few
weeks; she had not before had leisure to dwell upon them. Was it indeed
true that her roof had sheltered Count Tristan de Gramont?--Count
Tristan de Gramont, whose persecutions in other days, had driven her
from his own roof, and whose hatred had embittered and blighted her
life? And had he learned to depend upon her? to love her? To talk to
her, even when his mind wandered, of _gratitude_, as though that emotion
was ever uppermost in her presence? And Maurice, her dear
cousin,--Maurice, the beloved of her soul, who must never know that he
was all in all to her,--had he been her guest for more than two weeks?
And had she been permitted the joy of promoting his comfort in a
thousand little, unnoted, womanly ways? Had he sat at her table? Had
they watched together, night and day, by his father's bed?--talking
through the night hours, unwearied when the morning broke, unwilling to
welcome the first rays of the sun, because their sweet, inexhaustible
converse came to an end? Had they shared the happiness of ameliorating
Count Tristan's melancholy state, and seeing him daily improve? And now
it was all over: she must resume her old course of life, her temporarily
laid aside labors! To muse too long upon departed happiness would unfit
her for those. Even the sad joy of recollection was denied her.
She sent for Mrs. Lawkins and directed everything to be restored to its
usual order. The draperies in the entry were to be taken down;--no, let
them remain; Madeleine had been accustomed to see that portion of the
house divided from the rest; let them stay. In passing through the
drawing-room she noticed Maurice's trunk, which he had not thought of
packing. Though it gave her many a pang, because she was forced to
realize more keenly that he was surely gone, it was also with a sense of
pleasure that she collected together the articles belonging to him and
packed them carefully. Hers was a nature peculiarly susceptible to the
pure delight of serving, aiding, sparing trouble to those whom she
loved. The meanest household drudgery, the severest labor, the most
prosaic making and mending, would have gained a charm and been idealized
into pleasures, if they contributed to the well-being of those dear to
her; but, when performed for the one more precious than all others, they
became positive joys.
She left Mrs. Lawkins busied in the arrangement of the apartments, and
went upstairs to the workroom, which she had not entered for nearly
three weeks. She had not seen any of her _employées_, except Ruth, and
Mademoiselle Victorine, since they all had learned her rank. Her
unexpected appearance created a great commotion. No one but Ruth had
expected to behold her in that apartment again. The women all rose
respectfully; but an unwonted restraint checked the expression of
gratification which her presence ever imparted. Madeleine smilingly bade
them to be seated; then passed around the table and spoke to every
needle-woman in turn, inquiring after the personal health of each, or
asking questions about her family,--for she knew the histories of all;
and then learning particulars concerning the work that had been done,
and the work in hand.
The obsequiousness of Mademoiselle Victorine was perfectly overwhelming,
yet she experienced no little disappointment. She had made up her mind
that since Mademoiselle Melanie was known to be Mademoiselle de Gramont,
she would never again be able to appear among her workwomen, even to
superintend their labors, and a large portion of the resigned power must
be delegated to the accomplished forewoman. Ruth Thornton, Madeleine's
favorite, as Victorine considered her, was in the way; but what were a
French woman's wits worth if they could not devise some method of
removing a dangerous rival?
Madeleine lingered long enough to be _au courant_ to the present state
of affairs, and she found that the business of the establishment had so
much increased during her seclusion, that every day, a host of orders
had to be declined. This overwhelming influx of patronage was partially
attributable to the reports circulated concerning Mademoiselle Melanie's
romantic history, and also to the strong desire of the public (a
democratic public) to secure the honor of procuring habiliments from the
establishment of a dress-maker whose father was a duke.
Madeleine had taken a seat near Ruth, and was listening to Mademoiselle
Victorine's _histories_ and suggestions, when Robert made known that
Monsieur Maurice de Gramont begged to see Mademoiselle Melanie.
Maurice had left his father as soon as he slept; he was impatient to
return to Madeleine. He was tortured by the remembrance of her burst of
grief, and her bitter words. The forced composure by which they were
succeeded could not hide from him the deep wound she had received.
Though the period which had elapsed since his father was conducted from
Madeleine's house was so brief, the rooms, grown familiar to Maurice,
already wore a different aspect; he actually felt hurt that Madeleine
could have made the change thus rapidly. Men are so unreasonable!
Maurice resembled his sex in that particular. Then, too, he found his
trunk packed, and he knew by whose hand that duty had been performed.
Doubtless, he was grateful? Not in the least! It seemed to him that
Madeleine was in too much haste to remove the last vestige of his
sojourn near her. When she entered the drawing-room he was standing
contemplating the neatly filled trunk, and was cruel enough to say,--
"You used your _old magic_ to make ready for us, Madeleine, and you
have used it again to efface all our footprints here. I can hardly
persuade myself that I occupied this room."
Madeleine felt the implied reproach; but without answering the unmerited
rebuke, she asked, "Is your father doing well?"
"He is sleeping at this moment; but it is very evident that he is going
to have a sorrowful time; he will miss you so much; and my grandmother
is as cold and hard as though her illness had petrified her more
completely than ever."
That was another observation to which Madeleine could find no reply.
Without essaying to make an appropriate answer, she said, "It will never
do to let the whole burden of nursing your father devolve on you,
Maurice; you will be broken down. May I plan for you? You need an
experienced _garde malade_. It would be difficult, at short notice, to
procure any so reliable, and so well versed in the duties of a nurse as
Mrs. Lawkins. Then, too, your father is accustomed to see her near him;
and a familiar face will be more welcome than a stranger's. Do you think
it would be wrong to engage her without your grandmother's knowing that
she had been in my employment?"
"I have no scruples on that head," returned Maurice; "but there are
others which I cannot readily get over. She is your house-keeper, and I
have heard you say she was very valuable to you. I know that it is
exceedingly difficult to obtain good domestics in this country; you
cannot replace her at once. How can you spare her?"
"Easily,--easily; do not talk of that. I will speak to her and she will
go to you to-morrow morning. Meantime, I advise you to inform the
countess that a nurse is coming. One charge more: your father is so much
better that instead of wearing yourself out by sitting up with him, it
would be wiser to have a sofa, upon which you could take rest, placed
beside his bed. M. de Bois will gladly take his turn in watching, but
after a few nights, I think Count Tristan will need no one but Mrs.
Lawkins."
"Ah, Madeleine"--
Madeleine interrupted him. "One word about the delicacies which you
cannot readily procure in a hotel, and which it would deprive me of a
great happiness if I could not send. As the countess is now up, and
might see and recognize Robert, I will order him to deliver the salver
to the waiter who attends upon your rooms. Would it not be advisable to
say a few words to this man to prevent any inadvertent remark in the
presence of your grandmother?"
"Well thought of. How do you keep your wits so thoroughly about you,
Madeleine? How do you manage to remember everything that should be
remembered, and at the right moment?"
"If I do,--though I am not disposed to admit that such is the case,--it
is simply through the habit of taking the trouble to _think at all_, to
reflect quietly upon what would be best, what is most needed,--a very
simple process."
"And, like a great many other simple but important processes, rare just
because it _is so simple_," remarked Maurice, with great justice.
During this conversation Maurice and Madeleine had been standing where
she found him on entering the room; but he had not resolution to tear
himself quickly away, and said,--
"Let me sit a little while in your boudoir, and talk to you, Madeleine.
_I_ have not been able to reconcile myself so quickly to my own change
of abode as you seem to have done to our departure from yours."
Was it not surprising that such a noble-minded man as Maurice could make
an observation so ungracious, so ungenerous, and one which in his heart
he knew was so unjust, to the woman he loved? Yet it would be difficult
to find a lover who is incapable of doing the same. Why is it that men,
even the best, are at times stirred by an irresistible prompting,
themselves, to wound the being whom they would shield from all harm
dealt by others with chivalric devotion? Let a woman commit the
slightest action that can, by ingenious torturing, be interpreted into a
moment's want of consideration for the feelings of her lover, and all
his admiration, his tenderness, his reverence, will not prevent his
being cruel enough to stab her with some passing word that strikes as
sharply as a dagger.
"You think me a true philosopher, then?" replied Madeleine, gravely. But
she added, in a lower and less firm tone, while a soft humility filled
her mild eyes, "Do you think _I am reconciled_, Maurice?"
"Do you not think I am a heartless, senseless brute to have grieved you?
Do not look so sorrowful! You make me hate myself! Ah, you did well not
to trust your happiness to my keeping; I was not a fit guardian."
It was far harder for Madeleine to hear him say _that_ than to listen to
an undeserved reproach; but she led the way to her boudoir without
replying, and for the next hour Maurice sat beside her, and they
conversed without any jarring note breaking the harmony of their
communion.