Rank is very apt to attract and dazzle vulgar and feeble optics; and the
belief that such is its effect upon mankind generally, is unspeakably
gratifying to a vain and ignorant possessor of that rank. Of the truth
of one part of this observation, take as an illustration the case of
Tittlebat Titmouse; of the other, that of the Earl of Dreddlington. The
former's dinner engagement with the latter, his august and awful
kinsman, was an event of such magnitude as to absorb almost all his
faculties in the contemplation of it, and also occasion him great
anxiety in preparing for an effective appearance upon so signal an
occasion. Mr. Gammon had repeatedly, during the interval, instructed his
anxious pupil, if so he might be called, as to the manner in which he
ought to behave. He was--Heaven save the mark, poor Titmouse!--to assume
an air of mingled deference, self-possession, and firmness; not, on the
one hand, to be overawed by the greatness with which he would be brought
into contact, nor, on the other, unduly elated by a sense of his own
suddenly acquired importance. He was, on the contrary, to steer evenly
between the extremes of timorousness and temerity--to _aim_, at least,
at that happy mean, so grateful to those able to appreciate the effort,
and object, of those who had attained to it. Titmouse was to remember
that, great as was the Earl of Dreddlington, he was yet _but a
man_--related, too, by consanguinity, to him, the aforesaid Titmouse;
who might, moreover, before many years should have elapsed, become
himself Lord Drelincourt, and by consequence equally entitled, with the
present possessor of that resplendent rank, to the homage of mankind. At
the same time that the earl's advanced years gave him a natural claim to
the reverence of his young kinsman--(whom his Lordship was about to
introduce into the sublime regions of aristocracy, and also of political
society)--Titmouse might extract a few ingredients of consolation from
the reflection, that his income probably _exceeded_, by a third, that of
the Earl of Dreddlington. This is the sum of Mr. Gammon's _general_
instructions to his eager and excited pupil; but he also gave Titmouse
many minor hints and suggestions. He was to drink very little
wine--(whereat Titmouse demurred somewhat vehemently, and asked "How the
d--l he was to _get his steam_ up without it?")--and on no account to
call for beer or porter, to which plebeian beverages, indeed, he might
consider himself as having bid a long and last adieu;--to say
occasionally, only, "my Lord" and "your Lordship," in addressing the
earl--and "your Ladyship," in addressing Lady Cecilia;--and, above all,
never to appear in a hurry, but to do and say whatever he had to do and
say calmly; for that the nerves of aristocracy were very delicate, and
could not bear a bustle, or the slightest display of energy or feeling.
Then, as to his _dress_--Gammon, feeling himself treading on very
doubtful ground, intimated merely that the essence of true fashion was
_simplicity_--but here Titmouse grew fidgety, and his Mentor ceased.
During the night which ushered in the eventful day on which Titmouse
dined with the Earl of Dreddlington, our friend got but very little
sleep. Early in the morning he engaged a most respectable glass-coach
to convey him westward in the evening, in something like style; and
before noon, his anxieties were set at rest by the punctual arrival of
various articles of dress, decoration, and scent--for Titmouse had a
great idea of scents. As for his new watch and its brilliant gold
guard-chain--ambitious reader! you should have seen them! About
half-past four o'clock Titmouse retired to his bedroom, and resigned
himself into the hands of Mr. Twirl, the tip-top hairdresser from the
Strand, whose agreeable manipulations, and still more agreeable
small-talk, occupied upwards of an hour; Titmouse, from time to time,
giving the anxious operator abundant notice of the high quarter in which
his handiwork was likely soon to be scrutinized.
"Pray-a, can you tell me," quoth Titmouse, drawlingly, shortly after
Twirl had commenced his operations, "how long it will take me to get
from this infernal part of the town to Grosvenor Square? _Dem_ long way,
isn't it, Mr. What's-your-name?"
"Grosvenor Square, sir?" said Twirl, glibly, but with a perceptible dash
of deference in his tone; "why it _is_ as one might say a tolerable way
off, certainly; but you can't well miss your way _there_, sir, of all
places in town"----
"My coachman," interrupted Titmouse, with a fine air, "of course, had I
thought of it, _he_ must know, dem him, of course!"
"Oh! to be sure, sir. There's none but people of the most _highest_ rank
lives in that quarter, sir. Excuse me, sir, but I've a brother-in-law
that's valet to the Duke of Dunderwhistle there"----
"Indeed! How far off is that from Lord Dreddlington's?" inquired
Titmouse, carelessly.
"Lord Dreddlington's, sir?--Well, I never! Isn't it particular strange,
if that's where you're going, sir--it's next door to the Duke's--the
very next door, sir!"
"'Pon my life, is it indeed? How devilish odd!"
"Know the Earl of Dreddlington then, I presume, sir?"
"Ya-as, I should think so; he's my--my--relation, that's all; and
devilish near too!"
Mr. Twirl instantly conceived a kind of reverence for the gentleman upon
whom he was operating.
"Well, sir," he presently added in a still more respectful tone than
before, "p'r'aps you'll think it a liberty, sir; but, do you know, I've
several times had the honor of seeing his Lordship in the street at a
little distance--and there's a--a family likeness between you, sir--'pon
my word, sir. It struck me, directly I saw you, that you was like some
_nob_ I'd seen at the other end of the town." [Here Titmouse experienced
pleasurable sensations, similar to those said to be enjoyed by a cat
when you pass your hand down its glossy coat in the right direction.]
"Will you allow me, sir, to give your hair a good brushing, sir, before
I dress it? I always like to take the _greatest_ pains with the hair of
my quality customers!--Do you know, sir, that I had the honor of
dressing his Grace's hair for a whole fortnight together, once when my
brother-in-law was ill; and though p'r'aps I oughtn't to say it, his
Grace expressed the highest satisfaction at my exertions, sir."
"'Pon my life, and _I_ should say you were an uncommon good hand--I've
known lots worse, I assure you; men that would have spoiled the best
head of hair going, by Jove!"
"Sir, you're very kind. I assure you, sir, that to do justice to a
_gent's_ hair requires an uncommon deal of practice, and a sort of
_nat'ral_ talent for it besides. Lord, sir! how much depends on a gent's
hair, don't it? Of two coming into a room, it makes all the difference,
sir! Believe me, sir, it's no use being well-dressed, nay, nor
good-looking, if as how the hair a'n't done--what I call--_correct!_"
"By Jove, I really think you're nigh about the mark," said Titmouse;
and after a pause, during which Mr. Twirl had been brushing away at one
particular part of the head with some vehemence, "Well," he exclaimed
with a sigh, ceasing for a moment his vigorous exertions--"I'm _blest_
if I can manage it, do what I will!"
"Eh? What's that? What is it?" inquired Titmouse, a little alarmedly.
"Why, sir, it's what we gents, in our profession, calls a _feather_,
which is the most _hobstinatest_ thing in nature."
"What's a _feather_?" quoth Titmouse, rather faintly.
"You see, sir, 'tis when a small lot of hair on a gent's head _will_
stick up, do all we can to try and get it down; and (excuse me, sir,)
_you've_ got a regular rattler!" Titmouse put up his hand to feel, Twirl
guiding it to the fatal spot; there it was, just as Twirl had described
it.
"What's to be done?" murmured Titmouse.
"I'm afraid, sir, you don't use our OSTRICH GREASE and RHINOCEROS
MARROW, sir."
"Your _what_?" cried Titmouse, apprehensively, with a dismally distinct
recollection of the tragedy of the Cyanochaitanthropopoion, and the
Damascus Cream, and the Tetaragmenon Abracadabra; matters which he at
once mentioned to Mr. Twirl.
"Ah, it's not _my_ custom, sir," quoth Twirl, "to run down other gents'
inventions; but my real opinion is, that they're all an imposition--a
rank imposition, sir. I didn't like to say it, sir; but I soon saw there
had been somebody a-prac_ti_sing on your hair."
"What, is it _very_ plain?" cried Titmouse, with a kind of horror,
starting up and stepping to the glass.
"No, sir--not so _very_ plain; only _you've_ got, as I might say,
_accustomed_ to the sight of it; but when it's properly curled, and
puckered up, and frizzed about, it won't show--nor the feather neither,
sir; so, by your leave, here goes, sir;" and, after about a quarter of
an hour's more labor, he succeeded in parting it right down the middle
of the head, bringing it out into a bold curl towards each eyebrow, and
giving our friend quite a new and very fascinating appearance, even in
his own eyes. And as for the color--it really was not so very marked,
after all; a little purple-hued and mottled, to be sure, in parts, but
not to a degree to attract the eye of a casual observer. Twirl having
declared, at length, his labors completed--regarding Titmouse's head
with a look of proud satisfaction--Titmouse paid him half a crown, and
also ordered a pot of ostrich grease and of rhinoceros marrow, (the one
being _suet_, the other _lard_, differently scented and colored,) and
was soon left at liberty to proceed with the important duties of the
toilet. It took him a good while; but in the end he was supremely
successful. He wore black tights, (_i. e._ pantaloons fitting closely to
his legs, and tied round his ankles with black ribbons,) silk stockings,
and shoes with glittering silver buckles. His white neckerchief was tied
with great elegance, not a superfluous wrinkle being visible in it. His
shirt-front of lace, had two handsome diamond pins, connected together
by a little delicate gold chain, glistening in the midst of it. Then he
had a white waistcoat edge, next a crimson one, and lastly a glorious
sky-blue satin waistcoat, spangled all over with gold flowers
inwrought--and across it hung his new gold watch-guard, and his silver
guard for his eyeglass, producing an inconceivably fine effect. His coat
was of a light brown, of exquisite cut, fitting him as closely as if he
had been born in it, and with burnished brass buttons, of sugar-loaf
shape. 'Twas padded also with great judgment, and really took off more
of his round-shouldered awkwardness of figure than any coat he had ever
worn before. Then he had a fine white pocket-handkerchief, soaked in
lavender water; and immaculate white kid gloves. Thus habited, he stood
before his glass, bowing fifty different times, and adjusting his
expression to various elegant forms of address. He was particularly
struck with the combined effect of the two curls of his hair towards
each eye, and the hair underneath his chin curved upwards on each side
of his mouth in complete symmetry. I have ascertained from Mr. Titmouse
himself, that on this memorable occasion of his first introduction to
NOBILITY, every item of dress and decoration was entirely new; and when
at length his labors had been completed, he felt great composure of
mind, and a consciousness of the decisive effect which he must needs
produce upon those into whose presence he was so soon to be ushered. His
"carriage" was presently announced; and after keeping it standing for a
few minutes, (which he conceived to be usual with fine people,) he
gently placed his hat upon his head; drew on one glove, took his little
ebony cane in his hand; and, with a hurried inward prayer that he might
be equal to the occasion, stepped forth from his apartment and passed on
to the glass-coach. Such a brilliant little figure, I will take upon
myself to say, had never before issued, nor will perhaps ever again
issue, from the Cabbage-Stalk Hotel. The waiters whom he passed,
inclined towards him with instinctive reverence. He was _very_ fine, to
be sure; but who could, they justly thought, be dressed too finely that
had ten thousand a-year, and was gone to dine with a lord in Grosvenor
Square?
Titmouse was soon on his way towards that at once desired and dreaded
region. He gazed with a look of occasional pity and contempt, as he
passed along, at the plebeian pedestrians, and the lines of shops on
each side of the narrow streets, till increasing indications of superior
modes of existence presented themselves; and then he began to feel not a
little fidgety and nervous. The streets grew wider; the squares greater;
hackney-coaches (unsightly objects!) became fewer and fewer, giving
place to splendid vehicles--coaches, and chariots--with one, two, and
even three footmen, in elegant liveries, clustering behind, with long
canes, cockades, and shoulder-knots; crimson, blue, green, bear and
tiger skin hammercloths, with burnished coronets and crests upon them;
sleek coachmen with wigs and three-cornered hats, and horses that pawed
the ground with very pride; ladies within, glistening in satin, lace,
and jewels--their lords beside them, leaning back with countenances so
stern and haughty; oh, by all that was grand and tremendous! Titmouse
felt himself getting now within the very vortex of greatness and
fashion, and experienced a frequent fluttering and catching of the
breath, and a sense of indefinite distressing apprehension. He was,
however, now _in for it_--and there was no retreat. As he neared
Grosvenor Square, he heard, ever and anon, terrific thundering noises at
the doors opposite which these splendid vehicles had drawn up--as if the
impatient footmen were infuriated because the doors did not fly open of
themselves, at the sound of the approaching carriage-wheels. At length
he entered Grosvenor Square, that "pure empyrean" of earthly greatness.
Carriages rolled calmly and haughtily past him, others dashed
desperately in different directions. At each side of Lord Dreddlington's
house, were carriages setting down with tremendous uproar. Mr. Titmouse
felt his color going, and his heart began to beat much faster than
usual. 'Twas quite in vain that he "hemmed" two or three times, by way
of trying to reassure himself: he felt that his hour was come; and would
have been glad, at the moment, of any decent excuse for driving off home
again, and putting off the evil day a little longer. Opposite the
dreaded door had now drawn up Mr. Titmouse's glass-coach; and the decent
coachman--whose well-worn hat, and long, clean, but threadbare blue
coat, and ancient-looking top-boots, bespoke their wearer's
thriftiness--slowly alighting, threw the reins on his quiet horses'
backs, and gave a modest _rat-tat-tat-tat-tat_ at the door without
ringing.
"What name shall I give, sir?" said he, returning to his coach, and
letting down the loud clanking steps, with such a noise as seemed to
indicate his desire to show the solid metal structure of them!
"Titmouse--Mr. Titmouse;" replied our friend, hurriedly, as the lofty
door was thrown open by the corpulent porter; disclosing several footmen
in light blue liveries, with silver shoulder-knots, and powdered heads,
standing in the hall waiting for him.
"Mr. Titmouse!" exclaimed the coachman to the servants: then, having
returned to the coach--"When shall I come back for you, sir?" he
inquired of his flustered fare.
"D-- me, sir--don't bother _me_," faltered Titmouse, quitting the
vehicle with great trepidation: and the next moment he was in the hands
of the Philistines--the hall door was closed upon him. All his presence
of mind had evaporated; the excellent lessons given him by Mr. Gammon
had disappeared like breath from the surface of a mirror. Though Lord
Dreddlington's servants had never before seen in the house so strange an
object as poor little Titmouse, they were of far too highly polished
manners to appear to notice anything unusual. They silently motioned him
up-stairs with a bland courteous air, he carrying his little
agate-headed cane in one hand, and his new hat in the other. A
gentlemanly person in a full black dress suit, opened the drawing-room
door for him, with an elegant inclination, which Titmouse very
gracefully returned. A faint mist seemed to be in the drawing-room for a
second or two, during which Titmouse heard his name gently whispered by
the gentleman who had introduced him; quickly clearing away, however,
he beheld, at the upper end, but two figures, that of an old gentleman,
and a young lady--they were, in fact, the Earl of Dreddlington and Lady
Cecilia. Now--if truth must be told--that great man had not been a whit
behindhand, in the matter of dress, with the little creature now
trembling before him; being, in truth, full as anxious to make an
effective first appearance in the eyes of Mr. Titmouse, as he in those
of the Earl of Dreddlington. And each had, in his way, completely
succeeded. There was little or no substantial difference between them.
The Right Honorable the Earl of Dreddlington was an old experienced
fool, and Tittlebat Titmouse a young inexperienced one. They were the
same species of plant, but had grown in different soils. The one had
had to struggle through a neglected existence by the dusty, hard
road-side of life; the other had had all the advantage of hot-house
cultivation--its roots striking deep into, and thriving upon, the rich
manure of sycophancy and adulation!--We have seen how anxious was our
little friend to appear as became the occasion, before his great
kinsman; who in his turn had several times during the day exulted
secretly in the anticipation of the impression which must be produced
upon the mind of Titmouse by the sudden display, in the earl's person,
of the sublimest distinctions which society can bestow, short of
royalty. It had once or twice occurred to the earl, whether he could
find any fair excuse for appearing in his full general's uniform; but on
maturer reflection, governed by that simplicity and severity of taste
which ever distinguished him, he had abandoned that idea, and appeared
in a plain blue coat, white waistcoat, and black knee-breeches. But on
his left breast glittered one or two foreign orders, and across his
waistcoat was the broad red ribbon of the Bath. His hair was white and
fine; his cold blue eye and haughty lip gave him an expression of
severe dignity: and he stood erect as an arrow. Lady Cecilia reclined on
the sofa, with an air of languor and _ennui_ which had become habitual
to her; and was dressed in glistening white satin, with a necklace of
large and very beautiful pearls. The earl was standing in an attitude of
easy grace to receive his guest, as to whose personal appearance, by the
way, he was quite in the dark--Mr. Titmouse might be a great or a little
man, and forward or bashful; and require a corresponding demeanor and
address on the part of the earl. "Gracious Powers!" he involuntarily
exclaimed to himself, the instant his eye caught sight of Titmouse, who
approached slowly, making profound and formal obeisances. The earl stood
rooted to the spot which he had occupied when Titmouse entered. If his
servants had turned an ape into the drawing-room, his Lordship could
scarcely have felt or exhibited greater amazement than he now
experienced, for a moment. "Ah, Heavens!" thought he, "what a fool have
we here? what creature is this?" Then it flashed across his mind;--"May
this be THE FUTURE LORD DRELINCOURT?" He was on the point of recoiling
from his suddenly-discovered kinsman in dismay, (as for Lady Cecilia,
she gazed at him, through her glass, in silent horror, after a faint
exclamation, on his first becoming visible, of "Gracious! Papa!") when
his habitual self-command came to his assistance; and, advancing very
slowly a step or two towards Titmouse--who, after a hurried glance
around him, saw no place to deposit his hat and cane upon except the
floor, on which he accordingly dropped them--the earl extended his hand,
slightly compressed the tips of Titmouse's fingers, and bowed
courteously, but with infinite concern in his features.
"I am happy, Mr. Titmouse, to make your acquaintance," said the earl,
slowly--"Sir, I have the honor to present you to my daughter, the Lady
Cecilia." Titmouse, who by this time had got into a sort of cold
sweat--a condition from which the earl was really not _very_ far
removed--made a very profound and formal bow, (he had been taking
lessons from a posture-master to one of the theatres,) first to the
earl, and then to Lady Cecilia, who rose about two inches from the sofa,
with an almost audible sigh, and then sank again upon it, without
removing her eyes from the figure of Titmouse, who went on bowing, first
to the one and then to the other, till the earl had engaged him in
conversation.
"It gives me pleasure, sir, to see that you are punctual in your
engagements. I am so too, sir; and owe to it no small portion of any
success which I may have had in life. Punctuality, sir, in small
matters, leads to punctuality in great matters." This was said very
deliberately, and with a sort of freezing grandeur.
"Oh yes, my Lord! quite so, your Lordship," stammered Titmouse, suddenly
recollecting a part of Gammon's instructions; "to be sure--wouldn't have
been behind time, your Lordship, for a minute, my Lord; uncommon bad
manners, if it please your Lordship"----
"Will you be seated, sir?" interrupted the earl, dignifiedly motioning
him to a chair, and then sitting down beside him; after which his
Lordship seemed, for a second or two, to forget himself; staring in
silence at Titmouse, and then in consternation at Lady Cecilia. "I--I--"
said he, suddenly recollecting himself, "beg your par--sir, I mean--I
congratulate you upon--your recent success. Sir, it must have been
rather a surprise to you?"
"Oh yes, sir--my Lord, most uncommon, may it please your
Lordship--particular--but _right is right_--please your Lordship"----
["Oh Heavens! merciful Heavens! How horrid is all this! Am I awake or
only dreaming? 'Tis an idiot--and what's worse, a vulgar idiot! _And
this thing may become Lord Drelincourt!_" This was what was passing
through Lord Dreddlington's mind, while his troubled eye was fixed upon
Titmouse.]
"It is, indeed, Mr. Titmouse," replied his Lordship, "very true, sir;
what you say is correct. Quite so; exactly." His eye was fixed on
Titmouse, but his words were uttered, as it were, mechanically, and in a
musing manner. It flitted for a moment across his mind, whether he
should ring the bell, and order the servant to show out of the house the
fearful imp which had just been shown into it; but at that critical
moment he detected poor Titmouse's eye fixed with a kind of reverent
intensity upon his Lordship's glittering orders. 'Twas a lucky look,
that, for Titmouse, since it began to melt away the ice which was
beginning to incrust the little heart of his august relative. 'Twas
evident that the poor young man had not been accustomed to society,
thought the earl, with an approach towards the compassionate mood. He
was frightfully dressed, to be sure; and as for his speech, he was
manifestly overawed by the Presence in which he found himself; [that
thought melted a little more of the ice.] Yet, was it not evident that
he had _some_ latent power of appreciating real distinction, when he
beheld it? [his Lordship's little heart here lost _all_ the ice which
had begun so suddenly to collect round it.] And again;--he has actually
thrust out the intolerable Aubrey, and is now lawful owner of Yatton--of
TEN THOUSAND A-YEAR----
"Did you see the review, to-day, sir?" inquired the earl, rather
blandly--"His Majesty was there, sir, and seemed to enjoy the scene."
Titmouse, with a timid air, said that he had not seen it, as he had been
at a boatrace upon the river; and after a few more general
observations--"Will you permit me, sir? It is from A QUARTER requiring
the highest--a-hem!" said the earl, as a note was brought him, which he
immediately opened and read. Lady Cecilia, also, appearing to be
reading, Titmouse had a moment's breathing time and interval of relief.
What would he have given, he thought, for some other person, or several
persons, to come in and divide the attention--the intolerably oppressive
attention of the two august individuals then before him! He seized the
opportunity to cast a furtive glance around the room. It opened into a
second, which opened into a third: how spacious, each, and lofty! And
glittering glass chandeliers in each! What chimney and pier glasses!
What rich flowered satin curtains--they must have cost twelve or
fourteen shillings a-yard at least!--The carpets, of the finest
Brussels--and they felt like velvet to the feet;--then the brackets, of
marble and gold, with snowy statues and vases glistening upon each;
chairs so delicate, and gilded all over--he almost feared to sit down on
them. What would the Quirks and Tag-rags think of this! Faugh--only to
think for a moment of Alibi House and Satin Lodge!--Then there was the
Lady Cecilia--a lady of high rank! How rich her dress--and how haughtily
beautiful she looked as she reclined upon the sofa! [she was in fact
busy conning over the new opera, which was to come out the next
evening.] And the Earl of Dreddlington--there he was, reading,
doubtless, some letter from the king or one of the royal family--a man
of great rank--resplendent in his decorations--all just according to
what he had seen in pictures, and heard and read of--what must that red
ribbon have cost? Ay, indeed, poor Lord Dreddlington, it had cost you
the labor of half a life of steadfast sycophancy, of watchful
manœuvring, and desperate exertion! And at last, the minister tossed
it to you in a moment of disgust and despair--mortally perplexed by the
conflicting claims of two sulky dukes and a querulous old marquis, each
of whom threatened to withdraw his "_influence and support_," if his
_rival's_ claims were preferred! He had never seen any of such a
breadth.--It must have been manufactured on purpose for the earl! How
white were his hands! And he had an antique massive signet-ring on his
forefinger, and two glittering rings at least on each of his little
fingers--positively Titmouse at length began to regard him almost as a
god:--and yet the amazing thought occurred that this august being was
allied to him by the ties of relationship! Such were the thoughts and
reflections passing through the mind of Titmouse, during the time that
Lord Dreddlington was engaged in reading his letter--and afterwards
during the brief intervals which elapsed between the various
observations addressed to him by his Lordship.
The gentleman in black at length entered the room, and advancing slowly
and noiselessly towards the earl, said in a gentlemanlike manner,
"Dinner, my Lord;" and retired. Into what new scenes of splendid
embarrassment was this the signal for Mr. Titmouse's introduction?
thought our friend, and trembled.
"Mr. Titmouse, will you give your arm to the Lady Cecilia?" said the
earl, motioning him to the sofa. Up jumped Titmouse, and approached
hastily the recumbent beauty; who languidly arose, arranged her train
with one hand, and with the other, having drawn on her glove, just
barely touched the proffered arm of Titmouse, extended towards her at a
very acute angle, and at right angles with his own body--stammering,
"Honor to take your Ladyship--uncommon proud--this way, my Lady." Lady
Cecilia took no more notice of him than if he had been a dumb waiter;
walking beside him in silence--the earl following. To think that a
nobleman of high rank was walking _behind_ him!
Would to heaven, thought the embarrassed Titmouse, that he had two
fronts, one for the earl behind, and the other to be turned full towards
Lady Cecilia! The tall servants, powdered and in light blue liveries,
stood like a guard of honor around the dining-room door. That room was
extensive and lofty: what a solitary sort of state were they about to
dine in! Titmouse felt cold, though it was summer; and trembled as he
followed, rather than led, his haughty partner to her seat; and then was
motioned into his own by the earl, himself sitting down opposite an
antique silver soup tureen! A servant stood behind Lady Cecilia; another
behind Titmouse; and a third on the left of the earl; while on his
right, between his Lordship and the glistening sideboard, stood a portly
gentleman in black, with a bald head and--Titmouse thought--a somewhat
haughty countenance. Though Titmouse had touched nothing since
breakfast, he felt not the slightest inclination to eat, and would have
given the world to have dared to say as much, and be at once relieved
from a vast deal of anxiety. Is it indeed easy to conceive of a
fellow-creature in a state of more complete thraldom, at that moment,
than poor little Titmouse? A little animal under the suddenly exhausted
receiver of an air-pump, or a fish just plucked out of its own element,
and flung gasping and struggling upon the grass, may serve to assist
your conceptions of the position and sufferings of Mr. Titmouse. The
earl, who was on the look-out for it, observed his condition with secret
but complete satisfaction; here he beheld the legitimate effect of rank
and state upon the human mind. Titmouse got through the soup--of which
about half a dozen spoonfuls only were put into his plate--pretty
fairly. Anywhere else than at Lord Dreddlington's, Titmouse would have
thought it poor, thin, watery stuff, with a few green things chopped up
and swimming in it; but now he perceived that it had a sort of superior
flavor. How some red mullet, enclosed in paper, puzzled poor Titmouse,
is best known to himself.
"The Lady Cecilia will take wine with you, Mr. Titmouse, I dare say,
by-and-by," observed the earl, blandly; and in a moment's time, but with
perfect deliberation, the servants poured wine into the two glasses.
"Your Ladyship's health, my Lady"--faltered Titmouse. She slightly
bowed, and a faint smile glimmered at the corners of her mouth--but
unobserved by Titmouse.
"I think you said, Mr. Titmouse," quoth the earl, some time afterwards,
"that you had not yet taken possession of Yatton?"
"No, my Lord; but I go down the day after to-morrow--quite--if I may say
it, my Lord--quite in style"--answered Titmouse, with humble and
hesitating jocularity of manner.
"Ha, ha!"--exclaimed the earl, gently.
"Had you any acquaintance with the Aubreys, Mr. Titmouse?" inquired the
Lady Cecilia.
"No, my Lady--yes, your Ladyship, (I beg your Ladyship's pardon)--but,
now I think of it, I had a slight acquaintance with Miss Aubrey."
[Titmouse, Titmouse, you little wretch, how dare you say so?]
"She is considered pretty in the country, I believe," drawled Lady
Cecilia, languidly.
"Oh, most uncommon lovely!--_middling_, only middling, my Lady, I should
say"--added Titmouse, suddenly; having observed, as he fancied, rather a
displeased look in Lady Cecilia. He had begun his sentence with more
energy than he had yet shown in the house; he finished it hastily, and
colored as he spoke--feeling that he had, somehow or another, committed
himself.
"Do you form a new establishment at Yatton, sir?" inquired the earl, "or
take to any part of that of your predecessor?"
"I have not, please your Lordship, made up my mind yet exactly--should
like to know your Lordship's opinion."
"Why, sir, I should be governed by circumstances--by circumstances, sir;
when you get there, sir, you will be better able to judge of the course
you should pursue." Titmouse made an humble obeisance.
"Do you intend, Mr. Titmouse, to live in town, or in the country?"
inquired Lady Cecilia.
"A little of both, my Lady--but mostly in town; because, as your
Ladyship sees, the country is _devilish_ dull--'pon my life, my Lady--my
Lord--beg a thousand pardons," he suddenly added, bowing to both, and
blushing violently. Here he _had_ committed himself, and awfully; but
his august companions bowed to him very kindly, and he presently
recovered his self-possession.
"Are you fond of hunting, Mr. Titmouse?" inquired the earl.
"Why, my Lord, can't exactly say that I am--but your Lordship sees,
cases alter circumstances, and when I get down there among the country
gents, p'r'aps I may do as they do, my Lord."
"I presume, Mr. Titmouse, you have scarcely chosen a town residence
yet?" inquired Lady Cecilia.
"No, my Lady--not fixed it yet--was thinking of taking Mr. Aubrey's
house in Grosvenor Street, understanding it is to be sold;" then turning
towards the earl--"because, as your Lordship sees, I was thinking of
getting into _both_ the nests of the old birds, while both are warm"--he
added with a very faint smile.
"Exactly; yes--I see, sir--I understand you," replied Lord Dreddlington,
sipping his wine. His manner rather discomposed Titmouse, to whom it
then very naturally occurred that the earl might be warmly attached to
the Aubreys, and not relish their being spoken of so lightly; so
Titmouse hastily and anxiously added--"Your Lordship sees I was most
_particular_ sorry to make the Aubreys turn out. A most uncommon
respectable gent, Mr. Aubrey: I assure your Lordship I think so."
"I had not the honor of his acquaintance, sir," replied the earl,
coldly, and with exceeding stiffness, which flustered Titmouse not a
little; and a pause occurred in the conversation for nearly a minute.
Dinner had now considerably advanced, and Titmouse was beginning to grow
a _little_ familiar with the routine of matters. Remembering Gammon's
caution concerning the wine, and also observing how very little was
drunk by the earl and Lady Cecilia, Titmouse did the same; and during
the whole of dinner had scarcely four full glasses of wine.
"How long is it," inquired the earl, addressing his daughter, "since the
Aubreys took that house?" Lady Cecilia could not say. "Stay--now I
recollect--surely it was just before my appointment to the Household.
Yes; it was about that time, I now recollect. I am alluding, Mr.
Titmouse," continued the earl, addressing him in a very gracious manner,
"to an appointment under the Crown of some little distinction, which I
was solicited to accept at the personal instance of his Majesty, on the
occasion of our party coming into power--I mean that of Lord Steward of
the Household."
"Dear me, my Lord! Indeed! Only to think, your Lordship!" exclaimed
Titmouse, with such a profound deference in his manner as encouraged the
earl to proceed.
"That, sir, was an office of great importance, and I had some hesitation
in undertaking its responsibility. But, sir, when I had once committed
myself to my sovereign and my country, I resolved to give them my best
services. I had formed plans for effecting very extensive alterations,
sir, in that department of the public service, which I have no doubt
would have given great satisfaction to the country, as soon as the
nature of my intentions became generally understood; when faction, sir,
unfortunately prevailed, and we were compelled to relinquish office."
"Dear me, my Lord! How particular sorry I am to hear it, my Lord!"
exclaimed Titmouse, as he gazed at the baffled statesman with an
expression of respectful sympathy.
"Sir, it gives me sincere satisfaction," said the earl, after a pause,
"to hear that our political opinions agree"----
"Oh yes! my Lord, quite; _sure_ of that"----
"I assure you, sir, that some little acquaintance with the genius and
spirit of the British constitution has satisfied me that this country
can never be safely or advantageously governed except on sound Whig
principles."--He paused.
"Yes, my Lord; it's quite true, your Lordship"--interposed Titmouse,
reverentially.
"That, sir, is the only way I know of, by which aristocratic
institutions can be brought to bear effectively upon, to blend
harmoniously with the interests of the lower orders--_the people_, Mr.
Titmouse." Titmouse thought this wonderfully fine, and sat listening as
to an oracle of political wisdom. The earl, observing it, began to form
a much higher opinion of his little kinsman. "The unfortunate gentleman,
your predecessor at Yatton, sir, if he had but allowed himself to have
been guided by those who had mixed in public affairs before he was
born," said the earl, with great dignity----
"'Pon my word, my Lord, he was, I've heard, a d--d Tory!--Oh my Lady! my
Lord! humbly beg pardon," he added, turning pale; but the fatal word had
been uttered, and heard by both; and he felt as if he could have sunk
through the floor.
"Shall I have the honor of taking another glass of wine with you, sir?"
inquired the earl, rather gravely and severely, as if wishing Mr.
Titmouse fully to appreciate the fearful breach of etiquette of which he
had just been guilty, by swearing in such a presence. After they had
bowed to each other, a very awkward pause occurred, which was at length
broken by the considerate Lady Cecilia.
"Are you fond of the opera, Mr. Titmouse?"
"Very, my Lady--most particular," replied Titmouse, who had been there
once only.
"Do you prefer the opera, or the ballet? I mean the music or the
dancing?"
"Oh I understand your Ladyship. 'Pon my word, my Lady, I prefer them
both. The dancing is most uncommon superior; though I must say, my Lady,
the lady dancers there do most uncommonly--_rather_, I should say"--He
stopped abruptly; his face flushed, and he felt as if he had burst into
a perspiration. What the deuce was he about? It seemed as if some devil
within were urging him on, from time to time, to commit himself. Good
gracious! another word, and out would have come his opinion as to the
shocking indecency of the ballet!
"I understand you, sir; I quite agree with you," said Lady Cecilia,
calmly; "the ballet _does_ come on at a sad late hour; I often wish they
would now and then have the ballet first."
"'Pon my life, my Lady," quoth Titmouse, eagerly snatching at the plank
which had been thrown to him; "that _is_ what I meant--nothing else,
upon my soul, your Ladyship!"
"Do you intend taking a box there, Mr. Titmouse?" inquired her Ladyship,
with an appearance of interest in the expected answer.
"Why, your Ladyship, they say a box there is a _precious_ long
figure;--but in course, my Lady, when I've got to rights a little with
my property--your Ladyship understands--I shall do the correct thing."
Here a very long pause ensued. How dismally quiet and deliberate was
everything! The very servants, how noiselessly they waited! Everything
done just when it was wanted, yet no hurry, or bustle, or noise; and
they looked so composed--so much at their ease. He fancied that they had
scarce anything else to do than look at him, and watch all his
movements; which greatly embarrassed him, and he began to _hate_ them.
He tried hard to inspirit himself with a reflection upon his own
suddenly acquired and really great personal importance; absolute master
of Ten Thousand a-Year, a relation of the great man at whose table he
sat, and whose hired servants they were; but then his timorously raised
eye would light, for an instant, upon the splendid _insignia_ of the
earl; and he felt as oppressed as ever. What would he not have given for
a few minutes' interval, and sense of complete freedom and independence?
And were these to be his feelings ever hereafter? Was this the sort of
tremulous apprehension of offence, and embarrassment as to his every
move, to which he was to be doomed in high life? Oh that he had but been
_born_ to it, like the earl and the Lady Cecilia!
"Were you ever in the House of Lords, Mr. Titmouse?" inquired Lord
Dreddlington, suddenly, after casting about for some little time for a
topic on which he might converse with Titmouse.
"No, my Lord, never--should most uncommon like to see it, my
Lord"--replied Titmouse, eagerly.
"Certainly, it is an impressive spectacle, sir, and well worth seeing,"
said the earl, solemnly.
"I suppose, my Lord, your Lordship goes there every day?"
"Why, sir, I believe _I am_ pretty punctual in my attendance. I was
there to-day, sir, till the House rose. Sir, I am of opinion that
hereditary legislators--a practical anomaly in a free state like
this--but one which has innumerable unperceived advantages to recommend
it--Sir, our country expects at our hands, in discharge of so grave a
trust--in short, if we were not to be true to--we who are in a peculiar
sense the guardians of public liberty--if we were once to betray our
trust--Let me trouble you sir, for a little of that----," said the earl,
using some foreign word which Titmouse had never heard of before, and
looking towards a delicately constructed fabric, as of compressed snow,
which stood before Titmouse. A servant was in a twinkling beside him,
with his Lordship's plate. Ah me! that I should have to relate so sad an
event as presently occurred to Titmouse! He took a spoon; and, imagining
the glistening fabric before him to be as solid as it looked, brought to
bear upon it an adequate degree of force, even as if he had been going
to scoop out a piece of Stilton cheese--and inserting his spoon at the
summit of the snowy and deceitful structure, souse to the bottom went
spoon, hand, coat-cuff, and all, and a very dismal noise evidenced that
the dish on which the aforesaid spoon had descended, with so much
force--was no longer a dish. It was, in fact, broken in halves, and the
liquid from within, ran about on the cloth.... A cluster of servants was
quickly around him.... A mist came over his eyes; the color deserted his
cheek; and he had a strange feeling, as if verily the end of all things
was at hand.
"I beg you will think nothing of it--for it really signifies nothing at
all, Mr. Titmouse," said the earl, kindly, observing his agitation.
"Oh dear! oh my Lord--your Ladyship--what an _uncommon_ stupid ass!"
faltered Titmouse.
"Pray _don't_ distress yourself, Mr. Titmouse," said Lady Cecilia,
really feeling for his evident misery, "or you will distress _us_."
"I beg--humbly beg pardon--please your Lordship--your Ladyship. I'll
replace it with the best in London the very first thing in the morning."
Here the servant beside him, who was arranging the table-cloth, uttered
a faint sound of suppressed laughter, which disconcerted Titmouse still
more.
"Give yourself no concern--'tis only a _trifle_, Mr. Titmouse!--You
understand, ha, ha?" said the earl, kindly.
"But if your Lordship will only allow me--expense is no object. I know
the very best shop in Oxford Street."
"Suppose we take a glass of champagne together, Mr. Titmouse?" said the
earl, rather peremptorily; and Titmouse had sense enough to be aware
that he was to drop the subject. It was a good while before he recovered
even the little degree of self-possession which he had had since first
entering Lord Dreddlington's house. He had afterwards no very distinct
recollection of the manner in which he got through the rest of dinner,
but a general sense of his having been treated with the most kind and
delicate forbearance--no _fuss_ made. Suppose such an accident had
occurred at Satin Lodge, or even Alibi House!
Shortly after the servants had withdrawn, Lady Cecilia rose to retire.
Titmouse, seeing the earl approaching the bell, anticipated him in
ringing it, and then darted to the door with the speed of a lamplighter
to open it, as he did, just before a servant had raised his hand to it
on the outside. Then he stood within, and the servant without, each
bowing, and Lady Cecilia passed between them with stately step, her eyes
fixed upon the ground, and her lip compressed with the effort to check
her inclination to a smile--perhaps, even laughter. Titmouse was now
left alone with Lord Dreddlington; and, on resuming his seat, most
earnestly renewed his entreaties to be allowed to replace the dish
which he had broken, assuring Lord Dreddlington that "money was no
object at all." He was encountered, however, with so stern a negative by
his Lordship, that, with a hurried apology, he dropped the subject; but
the earl very good-naturedly added that he had perceived the _joke_
intended by Mr. Titmouse--which was certainly a very good one! This
would have set off poor Titmouse again; but a glance at the face of his
magnificent host sealed his lips.
"I have heard it said, Mr. Titmouse," presently commenced the earl,
"that you have been engaged in mercantile pursuits during the period of
your exclusion from the estates which you have just recovered. Is it so,
sir?"
"Ye-e-e-s--sir--my Lord"--replied Titmouse, hastily considering whether
or not he should altogether _sink the shop_; but he dared hardly venture
upon so very decisive a lie--"I was, please your Lordship, in one of the
greatest establishments in the mercery line in London--at the west end,
my Lord; most confidential, my Lord; management of everything; but,
somehow, my Lord, I never _took to it_--always felt a cut above it--your
Lordship understands?"
"Perfectly, sir; I can quite appreciate your feelings. But, sir, the
mercantile interests of this great country are not to be
overlooked!--Those who are concerned in them, are frequently respectable
persons."
"Begging pardon, my Lord--no, they a'n't--if your Lordship only knew
them as well as I do, my Lord. Most uncommon low people. Do anything to
turn a penny, my Lord; and often sell damaged goods for best."
"It is very possible, sir, that there may exist irregularities,
_eccentricities_, ha! ha! of that description; but upon the whole, sir,
I am disposed to think that there are many very decent persons engaged
in trade. I have had the happiness, sir, to assist in passing measures
that were calculated, by removing restrictions and protective duties, to
secure to this country the benefits of free and universal competition.
We have been proceeding, sir, for many years, on altogether a wrong
principle--that of protecting native industry and enterprise; but, not
to follow out this matter farther, I must remind you, sir, that your
acquaintance with the principles and leading details of mercantile
transactions--undoubtedly one of the mainsprings of the national
greatness--may hereafter be of use to you, sir."
"Yes, my Lord, 'pon my soul--when I'm furnishing my houses in town and
country, I mean to go to market myself--please your Lordship, I know a
trick or two of the trade, and can't be taken in, my Lord. For instance,
my Lord, there's Tag-rag--a-hem! hem!" he paused abruptly, and looked
somewhat confusedly at the earl.
"I did not mean _that_ exactly," said his Lordship, unable to resist a
smile. "Pray, fill your glass, Mr. Titmouse." He did so. "You are of
course aware that you have the absolute patronage of the borough of
Yatton, Mr. Titmouse?--It occurs to me, that as our political opinions
agree, and unless I am presumptuous, sir, in so thinking--I may be
regarded, in a political point of view, as the head of the family--you
understand me, I hope, Mr. Titmouse?"
"Exactly, my Lord--'pon my soul, it's all correct, my Lord."
"Well--then, sir, the family interests, Mr. Titmouse, must be looked
after"----
"Oh! in course, my Lord, only too happy--certainly, my Lord, we shall, I
hope, make a very _interesting_ family, if your Lordship so pleases--I
_can_ have no objection, my Lord!"
"It was a vile, a disgraceful trick, by which Ministers popped in their
own man for our borough, Mr. Titmouse."
[Lord Dreddlington alluded to the circumstance of a new writ having been
moved for, immediately on Mr. Aubrey's acceptance of the Chiltern
Hundreds, and, before the Opposition could be prepared for such a step,
sent down, without delay, to Yatton, and Sir Percival Pickering, Bart.,
of Luddington Court, an intimate friend of Mr. Aubrey's, and a keen
unflinching Tory, being returned as member, before the Titmouse
influence could be brought for even one moment into the field; the few
and willing electors of that ancient and loyal borough being only too
happy to have the opportunity of voting for a man whose principles they
approved--probably the last they would have of doing so.]
"Yes, my Lord--Sir What-d'ye-call-him _was_ a trifle too sharp for us,
in that business, wasn't he?"
"It has succeeded, sir, for the moment, but"--continued his Lordship, in
a very significant and stately manner--"it is quite possible that their
triumph may be of very short duration--Mr. Titmouse. Those who, like
myself, are at headquarters--let me see you fill your glass, Mr.
Titmouse.--I have the honor to congratulate you, sir, on the recovery of
your rights, and to wish you health and long life in the enjoyment of
them," quoth the earl, with an air of the loftiest urbanity.
"May it please your Lordship, your Lordship's most uncommon
polite"--commenced Titmouse, rising and standing while he spoke--for he
had had experience enough of society, to be aware that when a
gentleman's health is drunk on important occasions, it becomes him to
rise and acknowledge the compliment in such language as he can
command--"and am particularly proud--a--a--I beg to propose, my Lord,
your Lordship's very _superior_ good health, and many thanks." Then he
sat down; each poured out another glass of claret, and Titmouse drank
his off.
"It is extremely singular, sir," said the earl, musingly, after a
considerable pause, "the reverses in life that one hears of!"
[I cannot help pausing, for a moment, to suggest--what must have become
of the earl and his daughter, had they been placed in the situation of
the unfortunate Aubreys?]
"Yes, my Lord, your Lordship's quite true, 'pon my word!--Most uncommon
_ups_ and _downs!_ Lord, my Lord, only to fancy _me_, a few months ago,
trotting up and down Oxford Street with my yard mea"----He stopped
short, and colored violently.
"Well, sir," replied the earl, with an expression of bland and dignified
sympathy--"however humble might have been your circumstances, it is a
consolation to reflect that _the Fates ordained it_. Sir, there is
nothing dishonorable in being poor, when--you cannot help it! Reverses
of fortune, sir, have happened to some of the greatest characters in our
history. You remember Alfred, sir?" Titmouse bowed assentingly; but had
he been questioned, could have told, I suspect, as little about the
matter--as the earl himself.
"Allow me, sir, to ask whether you have come to any arrangement with
your late opponent concerning the back-rents?" inquired the earl, with a
great appearance of interest.
"No, my Lord, not yet; but my solicitors say they'll soon _have the
screw on_, please your Lordship--that's just what they say--their very
words."
"Indeed, sir!" replied the earl, gravely. "What is the sum to which they
say you are entitled, sir?"
"Sixty thousand pounds, my Lord, at least--quite set me up at starting,
my Lord--won't it?" replied Titmouse, with great glee; but the earl
shuddered involuntarily for a moment, and sipped his wine in silence.
"By the way, Mr. Titmouse," said he, after a considerable pause--"I
trust you will forgive me for suggesting whether it would not be a
prudent step for you to go to one of the universities, for at least a
twelvemonth."
"Humbly begging your Lordship's pardon, am not I too old? I've heard
they're all a pack of overgrown schoolboys there--and learn nothing but
a bit of some old languages that a'n't the least use now-a-days, seeing
it a'n't _spoke_ now, anywhere"--replied Titmouse--"Besides, I've talked
the thing over with Mr. Gammon, my Lord"----
"Mr. Gammon? Allow me, sir, to ask who that may be?"
"One of my solicitors, my Lord; a most remarkable clever man, and an
out-and-out lawyer, my Lord. It was he that found out all about my case,
my Lord. If your Lordship was only to see him for a moment, your
Lordship would say what a _remarkable_ clever man that is!"
"You will forgive my curiosity, sir--but it must have surely required
very ample means to have carried on so arduous a lawsuit as that which
has just terminated so successfully?"
"Oh yes, my Lord!--Quirk, Gammon, and Snap did all that; and, between me
and your Lordship, I suppose I shall have to come down a pretty long
figure, all on the _nail_, as your Lordship understands; but I mean them
to get it all out of that respectable gent, Mr. Aubrey!"--By quietly
pressing his questions, the earl got a good deal more from Titmouse than
he was aware of, concerning Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Snap; and in
doing so, conceived a special dislike for Gammon. The earl gave him some
pretty decisive hints about the necessity of being on his guard with
such people--and hoped that he would not commit himself to anything
important without consulting his Lordship, who would of course give him
the advantage of his experience in the affairs of the world, and open
his eyes to the designs of those whose only object was to make a prey of
him. Titmouse began to feel that here, at length, he had met with a
_real_ friend--one whose suggestions were worthy of being received with
the profoundest deference. Soon afterwards, he had the good fortune to
please the earl, beyond expression, by venturing timidly to express his
admiration of the splendid ribbon worn by his Lordship; who took the
opportunity of explaining that and the other marks of distinction he
wore, and others which he was entitled to wear, at great length and with
much minuteness--so that he at length caused Titmouse to believe that
he, Lord Dreddlington--the august head of the family--must have rendered
more signal service, somehow or other, to his country, and also done
more to win the admiration and gratitude of foreign countries, than most
men of former or present times. His Lordship might not, perhaps, have
intended it; but he went on till he had almost DEIFIED himself in the
estimation of his little listener!--One very natural question was
perpetually trembling on the tip of Titmouse's tongue; viz. how and when
he could get such things for _himself_.
"Well, Mr. Titmouse," at length observed the earl, after looking at his
watch--"shall we adjourn to the drawing-room? The fact is, sir, that
Lady Cecilia and I have an evening engagement at the Duchess of
Diamond's. I much regret being unable to take you with us, sir; but, as
it is, shall we rejoin the Lady Cecilia?" continued his Lordship,
rising. Up jumped Titmouse; and the earl and he were soon in the
drawing-room; where, besides the Lady Cecilia, sat another lady, to whom
he was not introduced in any way. This was Miss Macspleuchan, a distant
connection of the earl's late countess--a very poor relation, who had
entered the house of the Earl of Dreddlington, in order to eat the
bitter, bitter bread of dependence. Poor soul! you might tell, by a
glance at her, that she had not thriven upon it. She was about thirty,
and so thin! She was dressed in plain white muslin; and there was a
manifest constraint and timidity about her motions, and a depression in
her countenance; whose lineaments showed that if she could have been
happy, she might have appeared handsome. She had a most ladylike air;
and there was thought in her brow and acuteness in her eye, which
however, as it were, habitually watched the motions of the earl and the
Lady Cecilia, with deference and anxiety. Poor Miss Macspleuchan felt
herself gradually sinking into a sycophant; the alternative being
_that_, or starvation. She was very accomplished, particularly in music
and languages, while the Lady Cecilia really knew scarcely anything--for
which reason, principally, she had long ago conceived a bitter dislike
to Miss Macspleuchan, and inflicted on her a number of petty but
exquisite mortifications and indignities; such, perhaps, as none but a
sensitive soul could fully appreciate; for the earl and his daughter
were exemplary persons in the proprieties of life, and would not do such
things _openly_. She was a sort of companion of Lady Cecilia, and
entirely dependent upon her and the earl for her subsistence. She was
sitting on the sofa beside Lady Cecilia, when Titmouse re-entered the
drawing-room; and the latter eyed him through her glass with infinite
_nonchalance_, even when he had advanced to within a few feet of her. He
made Miss Macspleuchan, as she rose to take her seat and prepare tea, a
most obsequious bow. Absurd as was the style of its performance, she saw
that there was politeness in the intention; 'twas moreover a courtesy
towards herself, that was unusual from the earl's guests; and these
considerations served to take off the edge of the ridicule and contempt
with which Lady Cecilia had been preparing her to receive their
newly-discovered kinsman. After standing for a second or two near the
sofa, Titmouse ventured to sit himself down upon it--on the very edge
only--as if afraid of disturbing Lady Cecilia, who was reclining on it
with an air of languid hauteur.
"So you're going, my Lady, to a dance to-night, as my Lord says?" quoth
Titmouse, respectfully; "hope your Ladyship will enjoy yourself!"
"We regret that you do not accompany us, Mr. Titmouse," said Lady
Cecilia, slightly inclining towards him, and glancing at Miss
Macspleuchan with a faint and bitter smile.
"Should have been most uncommon proud to have gone, please your
Ladyship," replied Titmouse, as a servant brought him a cup of tea.
"These cups and saucers, my Lady, come from abroad, I suppose? Now, I
dare say, though they've _rather_ a funny look, they cost a good deal?"
"I really do not know, sir; I believe we have had them some time."
"'Pon my life, my Lady, I like them amazing!" Seeing her Ladyship not
disposed to talk, Titmouse became silent.
"Are you fond of music, Mr. Titmouse?" inquired the earl, presently;
observing that the pause in the conversation had become embarrassing to
Titmouse.
"Very, indeed, my Lord; is your Lordship?"
"I am rather fond of _vocal_ music, sir--of the opera."
This the earl said, because Miss Macspleuchan played upon the piano very
brilliantly, and did not sing. Miss Macspleuchan understood him.
"Do you play upon any instrument, Mr. Titmouse?" inquired Lady Cecilia,
with a smile lurking about her lips, which increased a little when
Titmouse replied in the negative;--but added that, he had once begun to
learn the _clarionet_ some years before, but could not manage the notes.
"Excuse me, my Lady, but what an uncommon fine piano that is!" said
he.--"If I may make so bold, will your Ladyship give us a tune?"
"I dare say Miss Macspleuchan will play for you, Mr. Titmouse, if you
wish it," replied Lady Cecilia, coldly.
Some time afterwards, a servant announced to her Ladyship and the earl
that the carriage was at the door; and presently they both retired to
their dressing-rooms to make some slight alteration in their dress;--the
earl to add an order or two, and Lady Cecilia to place upon her haughty
brow a small tiara of brilliants. As soon as they had thus retired--"I
shall feel great pleasure, sir, in playing for you, if you wish it,"
said Miss Macspleuchan, in a voice of such mingled melancholy and
kindness as must have gone to Titmouse's heart, had he possessed one. He
jumped up, and bowed profoundly. She sat down to the piano, and played
with great ease and brilliancy such music as she supposed would suit her
auditor--namely, waltzes and marches--till the door opened, and Lady
Cecilia reappeared drawing on her gloves, with the glittering addition
which I have mentioned--followed presently by the earl.
"Well, sir," said he, with dignified affability, "I need not repeat how
highly gratified I feel at our introduction to each other. I trust you
will henceforth consider yourself no stranger here"----
"Oh, 'pon my life, my Lord! your Lordship's most particular polite!"
exclaimed Titmouse, in a low tone, and with a sudden and profound bow.
"And that on your return from Yorkshire," continued the earl, drawing on
his gloves, "you will let us see you: we both feel great interest in
your good fortunes. Sir, I have the honor to wish you a good evening!"
He extended his gloved hand to his distinguished little kinsman, whose
hand, however, he touched with little more than the ends of his fingers.
"We exceedingly regret that we must leave you, Mr. Titmouse," said Lady
Cecilia, with forced seriousness; "but as we wish to leave the duchess's
early, in order to go to another ball, we must _go_ early. Good-evening,
sir," and having dropped him a slight formal courtesy, she quitted the
drawing-room followed by the earl, Titmouse making four or five such
bows as provoked a smile from all who witnessed them. The next moment he
was alone with Miss Macspleuchan. Her unaffected, good-natured address
made him feel more at home within the next five minutes, than he had
been since entering that frigid scene of foolish state--since being in
the oppressive presence of the greatness just departed. She felt at
first a contempt for him bordering upon disgust, but which very soon
melted into pity. What a wretched creature was _this_ to be put into
such a dazzling position! What might be the design of Providence in
placing such a being in the possession of such wealth and rank, at the
expense of the virtuous Aubreys?
Titmouse soon got pretty communicative with Miss Macspleuchan, and told
her about the Tag-rags, Miss Tag-rag, and Miss Quirk, both of whom were
absolutely dying of love for him, and thought he was in love with them,
which was not the case--far from it. Then he hinted something about a
most particular uncommon lovely gal that had his heart, and he hoped to
have hers, as soon as he had got all to rights at Yatton. Then he
described the splendid style in which he was going down to take
possession of his estates. Having finished this, he told her that he had
been the morning before to see a man hanged for murdering his wife; that
he had been into the condemned cell, and then into the press-room, and
had seen his hands and arms tied, and shaken hands with him; and he was
going into such a sickening minuteness of detail, that to avoid it Miss
Macspleuchan, who felt both shocked and disgusted, suddenly asked him if
he was fond of heraldry; and rising from the sofa, she went into the
second room, where, on an elegant and antique stand, lay a huge roll of
parchment, on a gilded stick, splendidly mounted and most superbly
illuminated,--it was about three-quarters of a yard in breadth, and some
ten or twenty feet in length. This was the _Pedigree of the
Dreddlingtons_. She was giving him an account of Simon de Drelincourt,
an early ancestor of the earl's, who had come over with William the
Conqueror, and performed stupendous feats of valor at the battle of
Hastings, Titmouse listening in open-mouthed awe, and almost trembling
to think that he had broken a valuable dish belonging to a nobleman who
had such wonderful ancestors; not, at the moment, adverting to the
circumstance that he was himself descended from the very same ancestors,
and had as rich blood in him as the earl and Lady Cecilia--when a
servant entered and informed him in a whisper that "his carriage had
arrived." He considered that etiquette required him to depart
immediately.
"Beg your pardon; but if ever you should come down to my estate in the
country, shall be most uncommon proud to see your Ladyship."
"I beg your pardon; you are mistaken, sir," interrupted Miss
Macspleuchan, hastily, and blushing scarlet; the fact being that
Titmouse had not caught her name on its having been once or twice
pronounced by Lady Cecilia; and very naturally concluded that she also
must be a lady of rank. Titmouse was, however, so occupied with his
efforts to make a graceful exit, that he did not catch the explanation
of his mistake; and, bowing almost down to the ground, reached the
landing, where the tall servant, with a very easy grace, gave him his
hat and cane, and preceded him down-stairs. As he descended, he felt in
his pockets for some loose silver, and gave several shillings between
the servants who stood in the hall to witness his departure; after
which, one of them having opened the door and gently let down the steps
of the glass-coach, Titmouse popped into it.
"Home, sir?" inquired the servant, as he closed the door.
"The Cabbage-Stalk Hotel, Covent Garden," replied Titmouse, with an
affected drawl.
His answer was communicated to the coachman, who thereupon addressed a
sharp argument to the brace of meek and skinny horses, standing with
downcast heads before him--which they lifted up--then they got into
motion--and away rumbled the glass-coach. As soon as its distinguished
inmate had become calm enough to reflect upon the events of the evening,
he came to the conclusion that the Earl of Dreddlington was a very great
man indeed; the Lady Cecilia very beautiful, but rather proud; and Miss
Macspleuchan (Lady Somebody, as he supposed) one of the most interesting
ladies whom he had ever met with; that there was something _uncommon_
pleasing about her: in short, he felt a sort of grateful attachment
towards her; but how long it would have lasted after his hearing that
she was only a plain miss, and a poor relation, I leave the acute reader
to conjecture.