The result of a very long consultation between Mr. Runnington and his
partners, held on the day after his last interview with Mr. Aubrey, was,
that he drew up the following draft of a letter, addressed to Messrs.
Quirk, Gammon, and Snap:--
"_Lincoln's Inn, 26th April 18--._
"GENTLEMEN:
"_Doe_ d. _Titmouse_ v. _Jolter_.
"In answer to your letter of yesterday, (the 25th inst.,) we beg to
inform you, that after the judgment in this cause pronounced
yesterday in the Court of King's Bench, our client, Mr. Aubrey,
does not intend to resist the claim of Mr. Titmouse to the residue
of the Yatton property. We now, therefore, beg to give you notice,
that on the 17th of next month you will be at liberty, on behalf of
your client, Mr. Titmouse, to take possession of all the property
at Yatton, at present in the possession of Mr. Aubrey. The whole of
the last quarter's rents, due at Ladyday, have been paid into the
bank of Messrs. Harley at Grilston, and will, on the day above
mentioned, be placed at the disposal of your client.
"We are also instructed to request the delivery of your bill at as
early a period as may suit your convenience, with a view to its
immediate examination and settlement.
"We cannot forbear adding, while thus implicitly following the
instructions of our client, our very great surprise and regret at
the course which he has thought fit to adopt; since we have the
strongest reasons for believing, that had he been disposed to
contest your client's claim farther, in accordance with advice
received from a high quarter, his case would have been materially
strengthened, and your difficulties greatly increased,
and rendered, in fact, absolutely insuperable. We feel confident
that the magnanimity displayed by our client, will be duly
appreciated by _yours_.
"We are, Gentlemen, your obedient servants,
"RUNNINGTON & CO.
"MESSRS. QUIRK, GAMMON, & SNAP."
"Really," said Mr. Runnington, when he had read over the above to his
partners, "I _must_ throw in a word or two about those accursed mesne
profits--yet it's a very ticklish subject, especially with such people
as these--eh?"
One partner shook his head, and the other looked very thoughtful.
"We must not compromise Mr. Aubrey," said the former of the two.
"We have had no instructions on that point," said the latter,--"on the
contrary, you told us yourself that your instructions were to announce
an unconditional surrender."
"That may be; but in so desperate a business as this, I do think we have
a discretion to exercise on behalf of himself and family, which I must
say, he seems quite incapable of exercising himself. Nay, upon my honor,
I think we are _bound_ not to forego the slightest opportunity of
securing an advantage for our client in this unrighteous claim!"
His partners seemed struck with his observation; and Mr. Runnington,
after a few moments' consideration, added the following postscript:--
"P. S.--As to the _mesne profits_, by the way, of course we
anticipate no difficulty in effecting an amicable arrangement
satisfactory to both parties, due consideration being had for the
critical position in which our client finds himself placed so
suddenly and unexpectedly. Indeed, it is not difficult to conceive
that Mr. Aubrey, in taking the step of which we have above
advised you, must have contemplated"----(here Mr. Runnington paused
for a considerable time,) "being met in a similar frank, liberal,
and equitable spirit."
It was agreed, at length, that the whole amount and effect of the above
postscript ought to be regarded as a spontaneous suggestion of Messrs.
Runnington, not in any way implicating, or calculated in any event to
annoy, Mr. Aubrey; and a fair copy of the letter and postscript having
been made, it was signed by the head of the firm, and forthwith
despatched to Saffron Hill.
"Struck, by Jove, Gammon!" exclaimed Mr. Quirk, as, with the above
letter open in his hands, he hurried, the instant after he had read it,
into the room of his wily partner, and threw it down exultingly before
him. Gammon read it with apparent calmness, but a slight flush
overspread his cheek; and, as he finished the perusal, a subdued smile
of excitement and triumph stole over his acute and placid countenance.
"Lord, Gammon! isn't it glorious?" quoth Mr. Quirk, heatedly, rubbing
his hands together; "give us your hand, friend Gammon! We've fought a
precious hard battle together"--and he shook his partner's hand with
vehement cordiality. "This fellow Aubrey is a trump--isn't he?--Egad, if
I'd been in his shoes--one way or another, I'd have stuck at Yatton for
a dozen years to come--ah, ha!"
"Yes, I am sure you would--if you had been able," replied Gammon, dryly,
and with a smile--the real character of which was not perceived by Mr.
Quirk.
"Ay, that I would," replied he, with a triumphant chuckle--"but now to
come to business. By next quarter-day Titmouse will have £5,000 in hard
cash--half of it on the 17th of next month.--Lord! what have we done for
him!" he added with a sort of sigh.
"We've put an ape into possession of Paradise--that's all"--said Gammon,
absently and half aloud, and bitterly and contemptuously.
"Humph!--what of that?" said Mr. Quirk--"It answers _our_ purposes, at
any rate! By the way, Gammon, you see what's said about our bill--eh?
The sooner it's made out the better, I should say--and--ahem!
hem!--while Mr. Aubrey's on the tight rope he won't think of looking
down at the particular items, will he? I should say, _now's_ our time;
and we should strike while the iron's hot! I've got _rather_ a stiff
entry, I can assure you. I must say Snap's done his duty; and _I've_ not
had my eyes shut--or my pen idle! You know one _must_ live in these hard
times--eh?" Here Mr. Quirk winked very knowingly.
"You must not _overdo_ it, Mr. Quirk--but all that I leave, as usual, to
your admirable management, as to that of a first-rate man of business.
You know I'm a sad hand at accounts; but you and Snap are perfect
adepts--in short, I'm satisfied you'll do all that should be done."
"Ay, ay, trust us!" interrupted Quirk, quickly, with a significant nod,
and fancying himself and Snap already at work, plundering the poor
Aubreys. "And, by the way, Gammon, there are the mesne profits--that's a
mighty fine postscript of theirs, isn't it?" and replacing his
spectacles, he read it over aloud. "All my eye, of course!" he added, as
he laid down the letter--"but I suppose one must give 'em a little time;
it _is_ a little hard on him just at present; but then, to be sure,
that's _his_ look-out--not ours, or Titmouse's!--Off-hand, I should say
we ought to be content with--say--twenty thousand down, and the rest
within two years, so as to give him time to look about him a little"----
"That will be quite an after consideration," said Mr. Gammon, who, for
the last few minutes, had appeared lost in thought.
"Egad--an _after_ consideration? Hang me if I think so, Gammon! There's
a certain _bond_--eh? don't you recollect"----
"I assure you, Mr. Quirk, that my eye is fixed quite as steadily and
anxiously on that point as yours," said Gammon, gravely.
"Thank you--thank you, Gammon!" replied Quirk, with the air of a man
suddenly relieved from apprehension--"it couldn't possibly be in better
hands. Lud--to go wrong _there_! It would send me to my grave at a hand
gallop--it would, so help me Heaven, Gammon!--Titmouse--by the way--is a
queer hand to deal with--isn't he? Wasn't he strange and bumptious the
other day? Egad, it made me quake! Need we tell him, just yet," he
dropped his voice, "of the letter we've got? Couldn't we safely say only
that they have sent us word that we shall have Yatton by the 17th of
next month?"
"Very great caution is necessary, Mr. Quirk, just now"----
"You _don't_ think the young scamp's going to turn round on us, and snap
his fingers in our face, eh?" inquired Mr. Quirk, apprehensively,
violently twirling about his watch-key.
"If you leave him implicitly to me, you shall get all you want," replied
Gammon, very gravely, and very pointedly. Quirk's color changed a
little, as he felt the keen gray eye of Gammon fixed upon him, and he
involuntarily shrank under it.
"You'll excuse me, Gammon," at length said he, with rather a disturbed
air; "but there's no fathoming you, when you get into one of your
mysterious humors; and you always look so particularly strange whenever
we get on this subject! What can you know that I don't--or _ought_ not
to know?"
"Nothing--nothing, I assure you," replied Gammon, with a gay smile.
"Well, I should have _thought_ not. But, coming back to the main point,
if one could but _touch_ some part of that same ten thousand pounds, I
_should_ be a happy man!--Consider Gammon, what a draught there has been
on my purse for this last sixteen months! Ecod!--the sleepless nights it
has cost me!"
"Well, can you doubt being soon richly repaid, my dear sir? Only don't
be too hasty."
"I take it, Gammon, we've a lien on the rents now in the banker's hands,
and to become due next quarter-day, and on the first instalment of the
mesne profits, both for our bill of costs, and in respect of that same
bond?"
"Mesne profits, Mr. Quirk?" echoed Gammon, rather quickly; "you seem to
take it for granted that they are all ready to be paid over! Even
supposing Titmouse not to grow restive, do you suppose it probable that
Mr. Aubrey, after so vast and sudden a sacrifice, can have more than a
very few thousands--probably hundreds--to keep him and his family from
immediate want, since we have reason to believe he has got no other
resources than Yatton?"
"Not got 'em--not got 'em? D--n him! then he must look sharp and _get_
'em, that's all! You know we can't be trifled with; we must look after
the interests of--Titmouse. And what's he to start with, if there's no
mesne profits forthcoming? But, hang it! they must; I should say a
gentle pressure, by-and-by, as soon as Aubrey's fairly got out of
Yatton, must produce money, or _security_--he must know quantities of
people of rank and substance that would rush forward, if they once heard
him squeal"----
"Ah, you're for putting the thumbscrews on at once--eh?" inquired
Gammon, with subdued energy, and a very strange sort of smile.
"Ay--capital--that's _just_ what I meant!"--quoth Quirk.
"Eugh! you heartless old reprobate!" thought Gammon, nearly on the point
of expressing as much; but his momentary excitement passed off
unobserved by Mr. Quirk. "And, I must say, I agree with you," added
Gammon, calmly, "we ought in justice to see you first reimbursed your
very heavy outlays, Mr. Quirk."
"Well, that's honorable, Gammon.--Oh, Gammon, how I _wish_ you would let
me make a friend of you!" suddenly added Mr. Quirk, eying wistfully his
surprised companion.
"If you have one sincere, disinterested friend in the world, Mr. Quirk,
I am he," said Mr. Gammon, throwing great warmth into his manner,
perceiving that Mr. Quirk was laboring with some communication of which
he wished to deliver himself.
"Gammon, Gammon! how I _wish_ I could think so!" replied Quirk, looking
earnestly, yet half distrustingly, at Gammon, and fumbling about his
hands in his pockets. The mild and friendly expression of Gammon's
countenance, however, invited communicativeness; and after softly
opening and shutting the two doors, to ascertain that no one was trying
to overhear what might be passing, he returned to his chair, which he
drew closer to Gammon, who noticed this air of preparation with not a
little curiosity.
"I may be wrong, Gammon," commenced Mr. Quirk, in a low tone; "but I do
believe you've always felt a kind of personal friendship towards me; and
there ought to be no secrets among friends. _Friends_, indeed? Perhaps
it's premature to mention so small a matter; but at a certain
silversmith's, not a thousand miles from the Strand, there's at this
moment in hand, as a present from me to you"--(Oh dear, dear! Mr. Quirk!
what a shocking untruth! and at your advanced period of life, too!)--"as
elegant a gold snuff-box as can be made, with a small inscription on the
lid. I hope you won't value it the less for its being the gift of old
Caleb Quirk"----he paused and looked earnestly at Mr. Gammon.
"My dear Mr. Quirk, you have taken me," said his bland partner,
apparently with great emotion, "quite by surprise. Value it? I will
preserve it to the latest moment of my life, as a memorial of one whom
the more I know of, the more I respect and admire!"
"You, Gammon, are in your prime--scarce even that--but I am growing
old"----tears appeared to glisten in the old gentleman's eyes; Gammon,
looking much moved, shook him cordially by the hand in silence,
wondering what upon earth was coming next. "Yes;--old Caleb Quirk's day
is drawing to a close--I feel it, Gammon, I feel it! But I shall leave
behind me--a--a--child--an only daughter, Gammon;" that gentleman gazed
at the speaker with an expression of respectful sympathy;--"Dora: I
don't think you can have known Dora so long, Gammon, without feeling a
_leetle_ interest in her!" Here Gammon's color mounted rapidly; and he
looked with feelings of a novel description at his senior partner. Could
it be possible that old Quirk wished to bring about a match between his
daughter and Mr. Gammon? That gentleman's thoughts were for a moment
confused. All he could do was to bow with an earnest--an anxious--a
deprecating air; and Mr. Quirk, rather hastily, proceeded,--"and when I
assure you, Gammon, that it is in your power to make an old friend and
his only daughter happy and proud,"--Gammon began to draw his breath
hurriedly, and to look more and more apprehensively at his senior
partner,--"in short, my dear friend Gammon, let me out with it at
once--my daughter's over head and ears in love with Titmouse! She is, so
help me Heaven!"
["Whew!" thought Gammon, suddenly and infinitely relieved.]
"Ah, my dear sir, is that all?" he exclaimed, and shook Mr. Quirk
cordially by the hand,--"at length you have made a friend of me indeed!
But, to tell you the truth, I have long suspected as much; I have
indeed!"
"Have you really? Hang me if anything can escape your lynx's
eyes!--Well! there _is_ no accounting for tastes, is there?--especially
among the women? Poor Dora's quite lost her heart--quite--she has--so
help me Heaven!" continued Mr. Quirk, energetically.
"Well, my dear sir, and why this _surprise_?" inquired Gammon,
earnestly. "I consider Titmouse to be a very handsome young fellow; and
that he is already rapidly acquiring very gentlemanly manners; and as to
his _fortune_--really--when one thinks of the thing--it would be most
desirable to bring it about! Indeed, the sooner his heart's fixed, and
his word's pledged, the better--for you must of course be aware that
there will be many schemers on the look-out to entrap his frank and
inexperienced nature--look, for instance, at Tag-rag."
"Eugh!" exclaimed Mr. Quirk, with a sudden motion of sickening
disgust--"the old beast! I smoked him long ago! Now, _that_ I call
villany, Gammon; infernal villany! Don't you?"
"Indeed, indeed, Mr. Quirk, I do; I quite agree with you! Upon my honor,
I think it is a part of even _my_ duty towards our confiding and
inexperienced client, if possible, to protect him against such infamous
designs."
"Right--right, Gammon; by Jove, you're quite right--I _quite_ agree
with you!" replied Quirk, earnestly, not observing the lambent smile
upon the features of his calm, crafty, and sarcastic companion.
"You see, however," said Gammon, "we've a very delicate and difficult
game to play with old Tag-rag. He's certainly a toad, ugly and
venomous--but then he's got a jewel in his head--he's got money, you
know, and, to serve _our_ purposes, we must really give him some hopes
about his daughter and Titmouse."
"Faugh! eugh! feugh! Nasty wretch! a little trollop! It makes one sick
to hear of her! And, by the way, now we're on that subject, Gammon, what
do we want of this wretch Tag-rag, now that Titmouse has actually got
the property?"
"Want of him? Money--security, my dear sir!--money!"
"But, curse me! (excuse me, Gammon,) why go to Tag-rag? _That's_ what I
can't understand! Surely any one will advance almost any amount of money
to Titmouse, with such security as he can now give!"
"Very possibly--probably"----
"Possibly? Why, I myself don't mind advancing him five thousand--nay,
ten thousand pounds--when we've once got hold of the title-deeds."
"My dear sir," interrupted Gammon, calmly, but with a very serious air,
and a slight change of color which did not happen to attract the notice
of his eager companion, "there are reasons why I should dissuade you
from doing so; upon my word there are; farther than that I do not think
it necessary to go; but I have gone far enough, I know well, to do you a
real service."
Mr. Quirk listened to all this with an air of the utmost amazement--even
open-mouthed amazement. "What reason, Gammon, _can_ there be against my
advancing money on a security worth at least twenty times the sum
borrowed?" he inquired with visible distrust of his companion.
"I can but assure you, that were I called upon to say whether I would
advance a serious sum of money to Titmouse on the security of the Yatton
estates, I should at all events require a most substantial _collateral_
security."
"Mystery again!" exclaimed Mr. Quirk, a sigh of vexation escaping him.
"You'll excuse me, Gammon, but you'd puzzle an angel, to say nothing of
the devil! May I presume for one moment, so far on our personal and
professional relationship, as to ask what the reason is on which your
advice rests?"
"Mere caution--excessive caution--anxiety to place you out of the way of
all risk. Surely, is your borrower so soon to be pronounced firm in the
saddle?"
"If you know anything, Gammon, that I don't, it's your bounden duty to
communicate it! _Look at our articles!_"
"It is; _but do I_ know anything! Prove that, Mr. Quirk, and you need
trouble yourself no more!--but, in the mean while, (without saying how
much I feel hurt at your evident distrust,) I have but a word or two
further to add on this point."
When Mr. Gammon chose, he could assume an expression of feature, a tone
of voice, and a manner which indicated to the person he was addressing,
that he was announcing a matured opinion, an inflexible
determination--and this, moreover, in the calmest, quietest way
imaginable. Thus it was that he now said to Mr. Quirk, "My opinion is,
that you should get _some third party_ or parties to advance any
required sum, and prevail upon Tag-rag to join in a collateral security,
without--if possible--making him aware of the extent of liability he is
incurring. By exciting him with the ridiculous notion of an attachment
between his daughter and Titmouse, he may be induced to give his
signature, as to some complimentary matter of form only--Now, that's my
opinion, Mr. Quirk; not lightly or hastily formed; and it rests upon a
deep feeling of personal regard towards you, and also our common
interests."
Mr. Quirk had listened to this communication in perturbed silence, eying
the speaker with a ludicrous expression of mingled chagrin,
apprehension, and bewilderment. "Gammon," at length said he, affecting a
smile, "do you remember, when you, and I, and Dora, went to the play to
see some German thing or other--Foss was the name, wasn't it?"
"Faust--Faust," interrupted Gammon, curiously.
"Well; and now, what was the name of that fellow that was
always--Meph--Meph--what was it?"
"Mephistopheles," replied Gammon, unable to repress a smile.
"Ah--yes! so it was. That's all; I only wanted to think of the name--I'd
forgotten it. I beg your pardon, Gammon."
This was poor Mr. Quirk's way of being very sarcastic with his friend.
He thought that he had now cut him to the very quick.
"If it hadn't been for what's passed between us to-day, Gammon, I should
almost begin to think that you were not sincere in your friendship"----
"Did I ever deceive you? Did I ever attempt to overreach you in
anything, Mr. Quirk?"
"N--o--o--," replied Mr. Quirk--but not in the readiest manner, or most
confident tone in the world,--"I certainly can't say I ever found you
out--but I'll tell you what, we each keep a precious sharp look-out
after each other, too--don't we?" he inquired with a faint smile, which
seemed for a moment reflected upon the face of Gammon.
"How long," said the latter, "I am to be the subject of such unkind
suspicions, I do not know; but your nature is suspicious; and as every
one has his fault, that is the alloy in the otherwise pure gold of your
manly, generous, and straightforward character. Time may show how you
have wronged me. My anxious wish is, Mr. Quirk, to witness your daughter
occupying a position in which we may all be proud to see her." Here a
smile shot across Quirk's anxious countenance, like evening sunshine on
troubled waters.
"I do really believe, Gammon," said he, eagerly, "that Dora's just the
kind of girl to suit Titmouse"----
"So indeed, my dear sir, do I. There's a mingled softness and spirit in
Miss Quirk"----
"She's a good girl, a good girl, Gammon! I hope he'll use her well if he
gets her." His voice trembled. "She's got very much attached to him!
Gad, she's quite altered lately; and my sister tells me that she's
always playing dismal music when he's not there. But we can talk over
these matters at another time. Gad, Gammon, you can't think how it's
relieved me, to open my mind to you on this matter! We quite understand
each other _now_, Gammon--eh?"
"Quite," replied Gammon, pointedly; and Mr. Quirk having quitted the
room, the former prepared to answer Messrs. Runnington's letter. But
first he leaned back, and reflected on several points of their late
conversation. Of course, he had resolved that Miss Quirk should never
become Mrs. Titmouse! And what struck him as not a little singular was
this; viz. that Mr. Quirk should have made no observation on the
circumstance that Gammon allowed him to risk his daughter, and her all,
upon chances which he pronounced too frail to warrant advancing a
thousand or two of money! Yet so it was.
This was the answer he presently wrote to the letter of Messrs.
Runnington:--
"_Saffron Hill, 26th April 18--._
"GENTLEMEN:
"_Doe_ d. _Titmouse_ v. _Jolter_.
"We are favored with your letter of this day's date; and beg to
assure you how very highly we appreciate the prompt and honorable
course which has been taken by your client, under circumstances
calculated to excite the greatest possible commiseration. Every
expression of respectful sympathy, on our parts, and on that of our
client, Mr. Titmouse, which you may think fit to convey to your
distinguished client, is his.
"We shall be prepared to receive possession of the Yatton estates
on the day you mention--namely, the 17th May next, on behalf of our
client, Mr. Titmouse; on whose behalf, also, we beg to thank you
for your communication concerning the last quarter's rents.
"With reference to the question of the mesne profits, we cannot
doubt that your client will promptly pursue the same line of
honorable conduct which he has hitherto adopted; and sincerely
trust that a good understanding in this matter will speedily exist
between our respective clients.
"As you have intimated a wish upon the subject, we beg to inform
you that we have given instructions for making out and delivering
our bill herein.
"We are, Gentlemen,
"Your obedient humble servants,
"QUIRK, GAMMON, & SNAP.
"MESSRS. RUNNINGTON & CO."
Having finished writing the above letter, Gammon sat back in his chair,
with folded arms, and entered upon a long train of thought--revolving
many matters which were worthy of the profound consideration they then
received.
When Gammon and Titmouse returned to town from York, they were fortunate
in having the inside of the coach to themselves for nearly the whole of
the way--an opportunity which Gammon improved to the utmost, by
deepening the impression he had already made in the mind of Titmouse,
of the truth of one great fact--namely, that he and his fortunes would
quickly part company, if Gammon should at any time so will--which never
would, however, come to pass, as long as Titmouse recognized and
deferred to the authority of Gammon in all things. In vain did Titmouse
inquire how this could be. Gammon was impenetrable, mysterious,
authoritative; and at length enjoined Titmouse to absolute secrecy
concerning the existence of the fact in question, on pain of the
infliction of those consequences to which I have already alluded. Gammon
assured him that there were many plans and plots hatching against him
(Titmouse;) but that it was in his (Gammon's) power to protect him from
them all. Gammon particularly enjoined him, moreover, to consult the
feelings, and attend to the suggestions of Mr. Quirk, wherever Mr.
Gammon did not intimate to the contrary; and wound up all by telling
him, that as he, Gammon, was the only person on earth--and this he
really believed to be the case, as the reader may hereafter see--who
knew the exact position of Titmouse, so he had devoted himself for his
life to the advancing and securing the interests of that fortunate
gentleman.
For about a fortnight after their return, Titmouse, at Gammon's
instance, continued at his former lodgings; but at length complained so
earnestly of their dismal quietude, and of their being out of the way of
"_life_," that Gammon yielded to his wishes, and, together with Mr.
Quirk, consented to his removing to a central spot--in fact, to the
CABBAGE-STALK HOTEL, Covent Garden--a queer enough name, to be sure; but
it was the family name of a great wholesale green-grocer, who owned most
of the property thereabouts. It was not without considerable uneasiness
and anxiety that Messrs. Quirk and Snap beheld this change of residence,
apprehensive that it might have the effect of estranging Titmouse from
them; but since Gammon assented to it, they had nothing for it but to
acquiesce, considering Titmouse's proximity to his splendid
independence. They resolved, however, as far as in each of them lay, not
to let themselves be forgotten by Titmouse. Pending the rule for the new
trial, Mr. Quirk had been so confident concerning the issue, that he
greatly increased the allowance of Titmouse; to an extent, indeed, which
admitted of his entering into almost all the gayeties that his as yet
scarce initiated heart could desire. In the first place, he constantly
added to his wardrobe. Then he took lessons, every other day, in "the
noble art of self-defence;" which gave him an opportunity of forming,
with great ease, at once an extensive and brilliant circle of
acquaintance. Fencing-rooms, wrestling-rooms, shooting-galleries, places
for pigeon-shooting, cock-fighting, dog-fighting, and billiard-rooms;
the water, and boat-racing--these were the dazzling scenes which
occupied the chief portion of each day. Then, in the evenings, there
were theatres, great and small, the various taverns, and other places of
nocturnal resort, which are the secret pride and glory of the
metropolis. In addition to this, at an advanced period of the night, or
rather very early hour in the morning, he sedulously strove to perfect
himself in those higher arts and accomplishments, formerly excelled in
by one or two of the more eminent of the youthful aristocracy, viz.
breaking windows, pulling bells, wrenching off knockers,[10]
extinguishing lamps, tripping up old women, watchmen, and children, and
spoiling their clothes;--ah, how often in his humbler days, had his
heart panted in noble rivalry of such feats as these, and emulation of
the notoriety which they earned for the glittering miscreants excelling
in them! Ah, Titmouse, Titmouse! Now is your time! _Macte novâ virtute,
puer!_
That he could long frequent such scenes as these without forming an
extensive and varied acquaintance, would be a very unlikely thing to
suppose; and there was one who would fain have joined him in his new
adventures--one who, as I have already intimated, had initiated him into
the scenes with which he was now becoming so familiar; I mean Snap, who
had been at once his
"Guide, philosopher, and friend;"
but who now had fewer and fewer opportunities of associating with him,
inasmuch as his (Snap's) nose was continually "kept at the grindstone"
in Saffron Hill, to compensate for the lack of attention to the business
of the office of his senior partners, owing to their incessant
occupation with the affairs of Titmouse. Still, however, he now and then
contrived to remind Titmouse of his (Snap's) existence, by sending him
intimations of interesting trials at the Old Bailey and elsewhere, and
securing him a good seat to view both the criminal and the
spectators--often persons of the greatest rank, fashion, and beauty; for
so it happened that, in this country, the more hideous the crime, the
more intense the curiosity of the upper classes of both sexes to witness
the miscreant perpetrator; the more disgusting the details, the greater
the avidity with which they are listened to by the distinguished
auditors;--the reason being plain, that, as they have exhausted the
pleasures and excitements afforded by their own sphere of action and
enjoyment, their palled and sated appetites require novel and more
powerful stimulants. Hence, at length, we see "fashionables" peopling
even the condemned cell--rushing, in excited groups, after the
shuddering malefactor, staggering, half palsied, and with horror-laden
eye, on his way to the gallows! As soon as old Quirk had obtained an
inkling of Titmouse's taste in these matters, he afforded him many
opportunities of gratifying it. Once or twice the old gentleman
succeeded in obtaining for him, even the gratification of shaking the
cold and pinioned hands of wretches within a few minutes' time of their
being led out for execution!
This is a brief and general account of the way in which Titmouse passed
his time, and laid the groundwork of that solid, extensive, and
practical acquaintance with men and things, which was requisite to
enable him to occupy with dignity and advantage the splendid station to
which he was on the point of being elevated.
But let us not lose sight of our early and interesting friends, the
Tag-rags--a thing which both Quirk and Gammon resolved should not happen
to Titmouse: for, on the very first Sunday after his arrival in town
from York, a handsome glass-coach might have been seen, about two
o'clock in the afternoon, drawing up opposite to the gates of Satin
Lodge; from which said coach, the door having been opened, presently
descended Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Titmouse. Now, the Tag-rags always
dined at about two o'clock on Sundays; and, on the present occasion,
Mr., Mrs., and Miss Tag-rag, together with a pretty constant visitor,
the Reverend Dismal Horror, were sitting at their dinner-table
discussing as savory a leg of roast pork, with apple-sauce, as could at
once have tempted and satisfied the most fastidious and the most
indiscriminating appetite.
"Oh, ma!" exclaimed Miss Tag-rag, faintly, changing color, as she caught
sight, through the blinds, of the approaching visitors--"if there isn't
Mr. Titmouse!" and almost dropping on the table her plate, in which,
with an air of tender gallantry, pious Mr. Horror was in the act of
depositing some greens, she flew out of the room, darted up-stairs, and
in a trice was standing, with beating heart, before her glass, hastily
twirling her ringlets round her trembling fingers, and making one or two
slight alterations in her dress. Her papa and mamma started up at the
same moment, hastily wiping their mouths on the corners of the
table-cloth; and, after a hurried apology to their reverend and
astounded guest, whom they begged "to go on eating till they came
back"--they bounced into the little drawing-room, in just time enough to
appear (as they thought) to have been seated there for some time; but
they were both rather red in the face, and flustered in their manner.
Yet, how abortive was their attempt to disguise the truly disgraceful
fact of their having been at dinner when their distinguished visitors
arrived! For, firstly, the house was redolent of the odors of roast
pork, sage and onion stuffing, and greens; secondly, the red-faced
servant girl was peering round the corner of the kitchen stairs, as if
watching an opportunity to whip off a small dinner tray that stood
between the dining-room and drawing-room; and thirdly, the visitors
caught a glimpse of the countenance of the reverend young guest, who was
holding open the dining-room door just wide enough to enable him to see
who passed on to the drawing-room; for, in truth, the name which had
escaped from the lips of Miss Tag-rag, was one which always excited
unpleasant feelings in the breast of her spiritual-minded friend.
"Ah! Mr. and Mrs. Tag-rag! 'Pon my soul--glad to see you--and--hope
you're all well?" commenced Titmouse, with an air of easy confidence and
grace. Mr. Gammon calmly introduced himself and Mr. Quirk.
"We were just going to sit down to--_lunch_," said Mr. Tag-rag,
hurriedly.
"You won't take a little, will you, gentlemen?" inquired Mrs. Tag-rag,
faintly; and both the worthy couple felt infinite relief on being
assured that the great people "had already lunched." Neither Mr. nor
Mrs. Tag-rag could take their eyes off Mr. Titmouse, whose easy
nonchalance convinced them that he must have been keeping the society
of lords. He was just inquiring--as he ran his hand through his hair,
and gently smacked his slight ebony cane against his leg--after Miss
Tag-rag, when, pale and agitated, and holding in her hand a
pocket-handkerchief, which she had first suffused with musk and
bergamot, designed to overcome so much of the vulgar odor of dinner as
might be lingering about _her_--that interesting young lady entered.
Titmouse rose and received her in a familiar, forward manner; she
turning white and red by turns. She looked such a shrivelled little ugly
formal creature, that Titmouse conceived quite a hatred of her, through
recollecting that he had once thought such an inferior piece of goods
superfine! Old Quirk and Tag-rag, every now and then, cast distrustful
glances at each other; but Gammon kept all in a calm flow of small talk,
which at length restored those whom they had come to see, to something
like self-possession. As for Mr. Quirk, the more he looked at Miss
Tag-rag, the more pride and satisfaction he felt in reflecting upon the
unfavorable contrast she must present, in Titmouse's eyes, to Miss
Quirk. After a little further conversation, principally concerning the
brilliant success of Titmouse, Mr. Quirk came to the business of the
day, and invited Mr., Mrs., and Miss Tag-rag to dinner at Alibi House,
on the ensuing Sunday, at six o'clock--apologizing for the absence of
Miss Quirk, on the score of indisposition--she being at the time in the
highest possible state of health. Mrs. Tag-rag was on the point of
saying something deprecatory of their dining out on Sunday, as contrary
to their rule; but a sudden recollection of the earthly interests she
might peril by so doing, aided by a fearfully significant glance from
Mr. Tag-rag, restrained her. The invitation was, therefore, accepted in
a very obsequious manner; and soon afterwards their great visitors took
their departure, leaving Mr. and Mrs. and Miss Tag-rag in a state of
very great excitement. Goodness! could there be a doubt that there must
be some very potent attraction at Satin Lodge to bring thither Titmouse,
after all that had occurred? And where could reside the point of that
attraction, but in Miss Tag-rag?
As soon as their visitors' glass-coach had driven off--its inmates
laughing heartily at the people they had just quitted--Mr., Mrs., and
Miss Tag-rag returned to the dining-table, like suddenly disturbed fowl
returning to their roost, when the disturbance has ceased. Profuse were
their apologies to Mr. Horror; not aware, however, that he had improved
the opportunity afforded by their absence, to recruit his exhausted
energies with a couple of glasses of port wine from a decanter which
stood on the sideboard--a circumstance which he did not deem important
enough to mention. Vehemently suspecting as he did, what was the state
of things with reference to Mr. Titmouse and Miss Tag-rag, it was
somewhat of a trial of temper to the exemplary young pastor--and
calculated to interfere grievously with the preparation for his evening
duties--to have to listen, for the remainder of the afternoon, to the
praises of Titmouse, and speculations concerning the immensity of his
fortune--matters, indeed, (in his pious estimation,) _of the earth_,
_earthy_. In vain did the worthy minister strive, every now and then, to
divert the current of conversation into a more profitable channel--_i.
e._ towards himself; all he said was evidently lost upon her for whose
ear it was intended. She was in a revery, and often sighed. The
principal figures before her mind's eye were--TITTLEBAT TITMOUSE,
ESQUIRE, and THE REV. DISMAL HORROR. The latter was about twenty-six,
(he had been "called to the work of the ministry" in his sixteenth
year;) short in stature; his face slightly pitted with small-pox; his
forehead narrow; his eyes cold and watery; no eyebrows or whiskers; high
cheek-bones; his short dark hair combed primly forward over each
temple, and twisted into a sort of topknot in front; he wore no
shirt-collar, but had a white neck-handkerchief tied very formally, and
was dressed in an ill-made suit of black. He spoke in a drawling,
canting tone; and his countenance was overspread with a demure
expression of--CUNNING, _trying to look religious_. Then he was always
talking about himself, and his chapel, and the devil, and the bottomless
pit, and the number of souls which he had saved, and the number of those
whom he knew were damned, and many more who certainly would be damned;
and other cheerful and interesting matters of that sort, intrusted--it
would seem--to his confidential keeping. All this might be very well in
its way, began to think Miss Tag-rag--but it was possible to choke a dog
with pudding. Poor girl, can you wonder at her dwelling fondly upon the
image of Titmouse? So splendidly dressed, so handsome, such a
fashionable air, and with--ten thousand a-year! When she put all these
things together, it almost looked like a dream; such good fortune could
never be in store for a poor simple girl like herself. Yet there was
such a thing as--love at first sight! After tea they all walked down to
Mr. Horror's meeting-house. It was very crowded; and it was remarked
that the eloquent young preacher had never delivered a more impassioned
sermon from that pulpit: it was sublime. Oh, how bitterly he denounced
"worldly-mindedness!" What a vivid picture he drew of the flourishing
green bay-tree of the wicked, suddenly blasted in the moment of its
pride and strength; while the righteous should shine like stars in the
firmament forever and ever! Who cannot see here shadowed out the
characters of Titmouse and of Horror respectively?--who hesitate between
the two? And when at length, the sermon over, he sat down in his pulpit,
(the congregation also sitting and singing, which had a somewhat queer
effect,) and drew gracefully across his damp forehead his white
pocket-handkerchief, which had been given him by Miss Tag-rag; and
looked with an air of most interesting languor and exhaustion towards
Mr. Tag-rag's pew, where sat that young lamb of his flock--Miss
Tag-rag--her father the wealthiest man in the congregation, and she his
only child--he felt a most lively and tender interest in her
welfare--her spiritual welfare, and resolved to call the next morning;
entertaining an humble hope of finding that his zealous labors had not
been in vain, that he had not missed the mark at which he had been
secretly aiming! Was one fruit of the pious pastor's exertions the
benignant temper which Tag-rag, to the amazement of his shopmen, evinced
the next morning, for at least an hour? Would that the like good effects
had been visible in Mrs. and Miss Tag-rag; but--alas that I should have
to record it!--it was so far otherwise, that they laid aside some
fancy-fair work on which Mr. Horror had set them--for the whole week,
devoting it, instead, to the preparation of those dresses with which
they purposed the profanation of the ensuing Sunday.
That day at length arrived, and precisely at six o'clock a genteel fly
deposited the visitants from Satin Lodge at the splendid entrance to
Alibi House. There was the big footman--shoulder-knot, red breeches, and
all. Tag-rag felt a _little_ nervous. Before they had entered the gates,
the fond proud parents had kissed their trembling daughter, and
entreated her "to keep her spirits up!" The exhortation was needful; for
when she saw the sort of style that awaited them, she became not a
little agitated. When she entered the hall--ah! on a chair lay a glossy
new hat, and a delicate ebony walking-stick; so he had come--was then
up-stairs!--Miss Tag-rag trembled in every limb.
"I don't know, my dear," whispered Mrs. Tag-rag to her husband, with a
subdued sigh, as they followed the splendid footman up-stairs,--"it may
be all uncommon grand; but somehow I'm afraid we're doing wrong--it's
the Lord's Day--see if any good comes of it."
"Tut--hold your tongue! Let's have no nonsense," sternly whispered Mr.
Tag-rag to his submissive wife.
"Your name, sir?" quoth the footman, in a sort of gentlemanly way.
"Mr., Mrs., and Miss Tag-rag," replied Mr. Tag-rag, after clearing his
throat; and so they were announced, Miss Quirk coming forward to receive
the ladies with the most charming affability. There stood Titmouse, in
an easy attitude, with his hands stuck into his coat-pockets, and
resting on his hips, in a very delicate and elegant fashion. How
completely he seemed at his ease!
"Oh Lord!" thought the almost trembling Tag-rag, "that's the young
fellow I used to go on so to!"
In due time dinner was announced; and who can describe the rapture that
thrilled through the bosoms of the three Tag-rags, when Mr. Quirk
requested Mr. Titmouse to take down--Miss Tag-rag!! Her father took down
Mrs. Alias; Mr. Quirk, Mrs. Tag-rag; and Gammon, Miss Quirk. She really
might have been proud of her partner. Gammon was about thirty-six years
old; above the average height; with a very easy, calm, gentlemanly
appearance and address, and an intellectual and even handsome
countenance; though it occasionally exhibited, to a keen observer, a
sinister expression. He wore a blue coat, a plain white waistcoat, (not
disfigured by any glistening fiddle-faddle of pins, chains, or
quizzing-glasses,) black trousers, and plain black silk stockings. There
was at once an appearance of neatness and carelessness; and there was
such a ready smile--such a bland ease and self-possession about him--as
communicated itself to those whom he addressed. I hardly know, Mr.
Gammon, why I have thus noticed so particularly your outward appearance.
It certainly, on the occasion I am describing, struck me much; but there
are such things as _whited walls_ and _painted sepulchres_!
Dinner went off very pleasantly, the wines soon communicating a little
confidence to the flustered guests. Mrs. Tag-rag had drunk so much
champagne--an unusual beverage for her--that almost as soon as she had
returned to the drawing-room, she sat down on the sofa and fell asleep,
leaving the two young ladies to amuse each other as best they might; for
Mrs. Alias was very deaf, and moreover very stiff and distant, and sat
looking at them in silence. To return to the dining-room for a moment.
'T was quite delightful to see the sort of friendship that seemed to
grow up between Quirk and Tag-rag, as their heads got filled with wine;
at the same time each of them half unconsciously drawing closer and
closer to Titmouse, who sat between them--volubility itself. They soon
dropped all disguise--each plainly under the impression that the other
could not, or did not, observe him; and at length, impelled by their
overmastering motives, they became so barefaced in their
sycophancy--evidently forgetting that Gammon was present--that he could
several times, with only the utmost difficulty, refrain from bursting
into laughter at the earnest devotion with which these two worshippers
of the little golden calf strove to attract the attention of their
divinity, and recommend themselves to its favor.
At length the four gentlemen repaired to the drawing-room, whence issued
the sounds of music; and on entering, they beheld the two lovely
performers seated at the piano, engaged upon a duet. The plump
flaxen-haired Miss Quirk, in her flowing white muslin dress, her thick
gold chain and massive bracelets, formed rather a strong contrast to
her sallow skinny little companion, in a span-new slate-colored silk
dress, with staring scarlet sash; her long corkscrew ringlets glistening
in bear's grease; and as for their performance, Miss Quirk played boldly
and well through her part, a smile of contempt now and then beaming over
her countenance at the ridiculous incapacity of her companion. As soon
as the gentlemen made their appearance the ladies ceased, and withdrew
from the piano, Miss Tag-rag, with a sweet air of simplicity and
conscious embarrassment, gliding towards the sofa, where sat her mamma
asleep, but whom she at once awoke. Mr. Quirk exclaimed, as evidently
elevated with wine, he slapped his daughter on her fat back, "Ah, Dora,
my dove!" while Tag-rag kissed his daughter's cheek, and squeezed her
hand, and then glanced with a proud and delighted air at Titmouse, who
was lolling at full length upon the other sofa, picking his teeth. While
Miss Quirk was making tea, Gammon gayly conversing with her, and in an
undertone satirizing Miss Tag-rag, the latter young lady was gazing,
with a timid air, at the various elegant nick-nacks scattered upon the
tables and slabs. One of these consisted of a pretty little box, about a
foot square, with a glass lid, through which she saw the contents; and
they not a little surprised her. They were pieces of cord; and on
looking at one of the sides of the box, she read with a sudden
shudder,--"_With these cords were tied the hands of Arthur Grizzlegut,
executed for high treason, 1st May 18--. Presented, as a mark of
respect, to Caleb Quirk, Esq., by J---- K----._" Poor Miss Tag-rag
recoiled from the box as if she had seen it filled with writhing adders.
She took an early opportunity, however, of calling her father's
attention to it; and he pronounced it a "most inte_rest_ing object," and
fetched Mrs. Tag-rag to see it. She agreed, first, with her daughter;
and then with her husband. Quietly pushing her investigations, Miss
Tag-rag by-and-by beheld a large and splendidly bound volume--in fact,
Miss Quirk's album; and, after turning over most of the leaves, and
glancing over the "poetical effusions" and "prose sentiments" which few
fools can abstain from depositing upon the embossed pages, when
solicited by the lovely proprietresses of such works, behold--her heart
fluttered--poor Miss Tag-rag almost dropped the magnificent volume; for
there was the idolized name of Mr. Titmouse appended to some beautiful
poetry--no doubt his own handwriting and composition. She read it over
eagerly again and again:--
"Tittlebat Titmouse Is My name,
England Is My Nation,
London Is My Dwelling-Place,
And Christ Is My Salvation."
How exquisite--how touching its simplicity! She looked anxiously about
for writing implements! but not seeing any, was at length obliged to
trust to her memory; on which, indeed, the remarkable composition was
already inscribed in indelible characters. Miss Quirk, who was watching
her movements, guessed the true cause of her excitement; and a smile of
mingled scorn and pity for her infatuated delusion shone upon her face;
in which, however, there appeared a little anxiety when she beheld
Titmouse--(she did not perceive that he did so in consequence of a
motion from Gammon, whose eye governed his movements as a man's those of
his spaniel)--walk up to her, and converse with a great appearance of
interest. At length Mr. Tag-rag's "carriage" was announced. Mr. Quirk
gave his arm to Mrs. Tag-rag, and Mr. Titmouse to the daughter; who
endeavored, as she went down the stairs, to direct melting glances at
her handsome and distinguished companion. They evidently _told_, for she
could not be mistaken; he certainly once or twice squeezed her arm--and
the last fond words he uttered to her were, "'Pon my soul--it's early;
devilish sorry your going--hope you've enjoyed yourself!" As the
Tag-rags drove home, they were all loud in the praises of those whose
splendid hospitality they had been enjoying. Possessing a daughter, for
whom Quirk must naturally have wished to make so splendid a match as
that with Titmouse--but who was plainly engaged to Mr. Gammon--how kind
and disinterested was Mr. Quirk, in affording every encouragement in his
power to the passion which Titmouse had so manifestly conceived for Miss
Tag-rag! And was there ever so delightful a person as Gammon? How
cordially he had shaken the hands of each of them at parting! As for
Miss Tag-rag, she felt that if her heart had not been so deeply engaged
to Titmouse, she could have loved Mr. Gammon!
"I hope, Tabby," said Mrs. Tag-rag, with subdued excitement, as they
rattled homeward, "that when you're Mrs. Titmouse, you'll bring your
dear husband to hear Mr. Horror? You know, we ought to be grateful to
the Lord--for He has done it!"
"La, ma, how can I tell?" quoth Miss Tag-rag, petulantly. "I must go
where Mr. Titmouse chooses, of course; and no doubt he'll take sittings
in one of the West End churches; you know, _you_ go where _pa_ goes--_I_
go where Titmouse goes! But I _will_ come sometimes, too--if it's only
to show that I'm not above it, you know. La, what a stir there will be!
The three Miss Knipps--I do so hope they'll be there! I'll have your
pew, ma, lined with red velvet; it will look so genteel."
"I'm not quite so sure, Tabby, though," interrupted her father, with a
certain swell of manner, "that we shall, after a certain event, continue
to live in these parts. There's such a thing as retiring from business,
Tabby; besides, we shall nat'rally wish to be near you!"
"He's a _love_ of a man, pa, isn't he?" interrupted Miss Tag-rag, with
irrepressible excitement. Her father folded her in his arms. They could
hardly believe that they had reached Satin Lodge. That respectable
structure, somehow or other, now looked to the eyes of all of them
shrunk into most contemptible dimensions; and they quite turned up their
noses, involuntarily, on entering the little passage. What was it to the
spacious and splendid residence which they had quitted? And what, in all
probability, could _that_ be to the mansion--or any one, perhaps, of the
several mansions--to which Mr. Titmouse would be presently entitled,
and--in his right--some one else?
Miss Tag-rag said her prayers that evening very briefly--pausing for an
instant to consider, whether she might in plain terms pray that she
might soon become Mrs. Titmouse; but the bare thought of such an event
so excited her, that in a sort of confused whirl of delightful feeling,
she suddenly jumped into bed, and slept scarce a wink all night long.
Mr. and Mrs. Tag-rag talked together very fast for nearly a couple of
hours, sleep long fleeing from the eyes dazzled with so splendid a
vision as that which had floated before them all day. At length Mr.
Tag-rag, getting tired sooner than his wife, became very sullen, and
silent; and on her venturing--after a few minutes' pause--to mention
some new idea which had occurred to her, he told her furiously to "hold
her tongue, and let him go to sleep!" She obeyed him, and lay awake till
it was broad daylight. About eight o'clock, Tag-rag, who had overslept
himself, rudely roused her--imperiously telling her to "go down
immediately and see about breakfast;" then he knocked gently at his
daughter's door; and on her asking who it was, said in a fond way--"How
are you, Mrs. T.?"