of
Top-Knots:
With the many Reasons that She shows for the Continuation of the same:
As also proving Men to be as Proud as themselves.
To the Tune of, _Here I love, There I love_: Or, _The two English
Travellers_.
Licensed according to Order.
Young Women and Damsels that love to go fine, [112.]
Come listen a while to this Ditty of mine,
In spight of all Poets, brave Girls, we will wear
_Our Towers and Top Knots, with Powdered Hair_.
I am a young Woman, 'tis very well known,
And I am resolv'd to make use of my own,
In spight of all Poets, brave Girls, we will wear
_A Tower and Top Knot, with Powdered Hair_.
They talk of a Calf which was seen in our dress,
But let us take Courage, Girls, nevertheless.
In spight of those Rumours, we'll constantly wear
_A Tower and Top Knot, and Powdered Hair_.
We are not such Fools to believe what they say,
'Tis fit that young Women should go fine and gay,
In spight of their Bugbears, brave Girls, let us wear,
_Rich Towers and Top Knots, with Powdered Hair_.
Were we to be Ruled by some sort of Men,
We should go like Women of Fourscore and Ten,
In spight of those Cox combs, brave Girls, we will wear
_Rich Towers and Top Knots, with Powdered Hair_.
Like Beautiful Angels we strive to appear,
The Hearts of our Husbands in order to cheer,
Then what is the Reason that we may not wear
_Rich Towers and Top Knots, with Powdered Hair_.
[Illustration]
If we are the Pleasure and Joy of their Life,
Pray when can they take more delight in a Wife,
Then at the same time when rich Garments they wear,
_With Towers and Top Knots, and Powdered Hair_.
We see the young Misses and Jilts of the Town,
Have six Stories high, as they walk up and down,
Then pray tell me why should not honest Wives wear
_Rich Towers and Top Knots, with Powdered Hair_.
If we an't as Fine and as Gaudy as they,
Who knows but our Husbands might soon run astray,
Consider this, Women, and still let us wear
_Our Towers and Topknots, with Powdered Hair_.
It is but a Folly to tell us of Pride,
While we have these Arguments still on our side;
As long as we live we will flourishing wear
_Rich Towers and Top Knots, with Powdered Hair_.
Nay further I'le tell ye the case it is thus,
That all is not sav'd which is put in the Purse;
A Shopkeepers Lady she utters much Ware
_When drest in her Top Knots, with Powdered Hair_.
What Man would not have his Wife richly Array'd
When as he well knows it enlarges his Trade;
Come, come, I must tell ye, 'tis fit we should wear
_Rich Towers and Top Knots, with Powdered Hair_.
Sometimes when our Husbands are out of the way,
Pray tell me what huffing young Gallants will stay,
If that a fine Delicate Wife were not there?
_Then Hey for the Top Knots, and Powdered Hair_.
Some young-men may flout us, yet mark what I say,
There's no Woman living, now Prowder than they;
Observe but the many knick-knacks which they wear.
_More Costly than Top Knots, or Powdered Hair_.
Their Wigg, Watch, and Rapiers we daily behold,
And Embroidered Wastcoats of Silver and Gold;
Likewise, Turn up Stockings, they constantly wear
_More Costly than Topknots, or Powdered Hair_.
If Pride be a sin and a folly, why then
Han't we a far better Example from Men?
If Gaudy Apparel those Gallants do wear,
_We will have our Top Knots and Powdered Hair_.
Printed for P. Brooksby, J. Deacon, J. Blare, J. Black.
[103.] A Gentleman in a Town in _Hartfordshire_, being much in Debt,
was oblig'd to keep House close, a Bailiff who had been promised a
great reward to take that Gentleman, having made several attempts in
vain to snap him, at last resolv'd upon one that he thought could not
fail, so pretending himself in dispair, came by the Gentlemans Parlor
Window, (which was next the Street, and where he sat Writing every
Day) and pulling out of his Pocket a Halter, made a Nooze, and seemed
as if he intended to Hang himself therewith; a Grindstone was before
the Door, upon which he got up, and threw the Rope over a good Bough
of the Tree, and fastned it, and then put his Head in, concluding
the Gentleman would whip out, and so he should arrest him; but as the
Devil would have it, the Grindstone which stood firm like a Rock for
him to get up, tumbled down as soon as ever the Halter was about his
Neck, the Innocent, Unwary Gentleman seeing what past, sallied out,
to Cut the Rope, and save the Man; but the Bailiff's Follower lying
in Ambuscade, snap'd the Gentleman as soon as ever he peept out, and
carried him off, and let his Master hang; who carried the Jest too
far, and when the Gentleman told the Bailiff's Follower that his
Master would soon be Dead if he did not cut him down--Let him be D----
said he, I have got my Prize, and I shall have the Reward, and my
Masters place too.
[26.] A Man being very much diseas'd and weak, was bemoaning himself
to his only Son, whom he lov'd very well. For, _Jack_, says he, if I
stand, my Legs ake, if I kneel my Knees ake, if I go, my Feet ake, if
I lie then my Back akes, if I sit my Hips ake, if I lean, my Elbows
ake. Why truly, Father, says he, (like a good dutiful Child) I advise
you, Father, to hang yourself an hour or two, and if that does not do,
then come to me again.
[67.] A Scholer being at a Parson's house, stole a Pig; the Parson
looking out at his window, spied him and said, Scholer, Scholer, I'le
none of that. Noe more you shall, quoth y^e Scholer, and ran away with
it.
[82.] A Nobleman of France (as hee was riding) met with a yeoman of
the Country, to whom he said, My friend, I should know thee, I doe
remember I have often seene thee: My good Lord, said the Countryman,
I am one of your Honors poore tenants, and my name is T. I. I remember
thee better now (said my Lord) there were two brothers of you, but one
is dead, I pray which of you doth remaine alive.
The aforesaid Nobleman having had a Harper that was blinde playing to
him after supper, somewhat late, at last hee arose, and commanded one
of his servants to light the Harper downe the staires: to whom the
Serving man sayd, my Lord, the Harper is blind; thou ignorant knave,
quoth my Lord, he hath the more need of light.
[105.] When that _Scogin_ had taught his scholler that hee with helpe
might be Sub deacon, he said to him, thou shalt goe to take orders,
and I will go with thee. And if thou dost stand in any doubt, take
heed to my booke, and give an eare to me, and I will helpe thee as
much as I can. When all they that should take orders, were come
to oppositions, _Scogin_ did come forth with his scholler. And the
Ordinary did oppose him with a verse of the Psalter; which was
this, _Moab, Agareni, Gebal, Amon & Amalek, cum habitantibus Tirum_.
_Scogins_ scholler was blanke or amazed. Sir, said _Scogin_ to the
Ordinary, you shall understand that _Moab, Agareni, Gebal, Amon &
Amalek, cum habitantibus Tirum_, were unhappy fellowes, for they did
trouble the children of Israel, and if they trouble my scholler, it
is no marvell: but now I doe tell thee, my scholler, be not afraid of
_Moab, Agareni, Gebal, Amon & Amalek, cum habitantibus Tirum_, for I
will stand beside to comfort thee, for _Moab, Agareni &c_ can do thee
no harm for they be dead. By reason that _Scogin_ did so oft repeate
these words, the scholler did reade this verse aforesaid: and through
_Scogins_ promise, the Ordinary was content that his scholler should
take Orders, and be Sub deacon. After this when the orders were given
againe, _Scogin_ did speake to his schollers Father, to send in a
letter three or foure peeces of gold. The Schollers Father was content
so to doe; so that his son might be Deacon. Then said _Scogin_ to his
scholler, thou shalt deliver this letter to the Ordinary, when he doth
sit in oppositions, and as soone as he feeleth the letter, he will
perceive that I have sent him some money, and he will say to thee
_Quomodo valet magister tuus?_ that is to say, how doth thy Master?
thou shalt say _Bene_: that is to say, well. Then will he say, _Quid
petis?_ What thing doest thou aske? Then thou shalt say, _Diaconatum_,
to be a Deacon. Then the Ordinary will say, _Es tu literatus?_ art
thou learned? & thou shalt say _Aliqualiter_, somewhat. Now said
_Scogin_, thou hast no more than three words to beare in mind in
Latine, which is to say _Bene_, _Diaconatum_, and _Aliqualiter_. The
father and the scholler were glad that by _Scogins_ letters & the
money he should be Deacon, & went to the oppositions, and delivered
his letter with the money. The Ordinary perceiving money in the
letter, said to the scholler. _Quid petis?_ that is to say, what dost
thou aske or desire? The scholler remembring _Scogins_ words, that
the first word was _Bene_, he said _Bene_, that is, well. When the
Ordinary heard him say so, he said _Quomodo valet Magister tuus?_
How doth thy Master? The scholler said, _Diaconatum_ that is to say
Deacon. The Ordinary did see he was a foole, & said, _Tu es stultus_,
thou art a foole: the scholler said _Aliqualiter_, that is to say,
somewhat. Nay, said the Ordinary not _Aliqualiter_, but _Totaliter_, a
starke foole. Then the scholler was amazed, and said, sir, let me not
goe home without mine Orders, and heere is another Angell of gold for
you to drinke. Well, said the Ordinary, on that condition you will
promise me to goe to your booke and learne, you shall bee Deacon at
this time. Heere a man may see that money is better than learning.
[17.] In a wedding between a Gentleman of a great Family and no
Wealth, and a Widdow of great Wealth; says one This is like a Black
pudding; the one brought _blood_, and the other _Suet_ and _Oatmeal_.
[110.] In the beginning of Queene Elizabeaths raigne, when the order
of hanging out lanterne and Candlelight first of all was brought
up; the bedell of the warde where Maister _Hobson_ dwelt, in a darke
evening crieing up and downe, hang out your lantornes; using no
other words. Whereupon Maister _Hobson_ tooke an empty lantorne, and
according to the beadles call hung it out. This flout by the Lord
Maior was taken in ill part, and for the same offence was sent to
the counter; but being released, the next night following, the beadle
thinking to amend his call, cried with a loud voice, hang out your
lantorne and Candle. Maister _Hobson_ hereupon hung out a lantorne
and candle unlighted, as the beadle againe commanded, whereupon he was
sent againe to the counter. But the next night the beadle being better
advised, cryed, hang out your lantorne and candle light, hang out your
lantorne and candle light, which maister _Hobson_ at last did, to his
great commendations, which cry of lanthorne and candle light is in
right manner used to this day.
[94.] One observ'd it to be a good fashion that was worn now a days,
because the Taylors had so contrivd it, that there was little or no
Waste in a whole Suit.
The illustration to this satire on drunkenness (which is dated
September 1652) is indebted for its point to the foxes, it being then
a cant term when a man was drunk to say he was _foxed_; the geese
denote the foolish behaviour of men when under the influence of drink.