[Footnote 153: Published in 1620, and assigned his patent the
same year. He is also heard again of in 1642, when his patent
was petitioned against, but unsuccessfully.]
[82.] A Proper Gentlewoman went to speak with a rich Mizer that had
more Gowt than good manners, at her taking leave hee requested her to
tast a Cup of Canara: Shee (contrary to his expectation) tooke him at
his word and thanked him. Hee commanded _Jeffrey Starveling_ his man,
to wash a glasse, and fill it to the Gentlewoman. Honest _Jeffrey_
fill'd a great glasse about the bignesse of two Taylors thimbles, and
gave it to his master, who kist it to save cost, and gave it to the
Gentlewoman, saying that it was good Canara of six yeeres old at the
least, to whom shee answered (seeing the quantity so small,) Sir, as
you requested me, I have tasted your wine, but I wonder that it should
be so little, being of such a great age.
[61.] There were two notable boon Companions which when they were met
were alwayes so indeared to each others Company that very seldom an
earlier houre than midnight could part them, but when they were drunk
they had two troublesome infirmities, _Jack_ could not goe nor _Will_
could not speak; therefore one night before they fell to drinking,
they made Articles of Agreement that when they were drunke _Will_
should carry _Jack_, and _Jack_ should speak for _Will_, and after
this agreement to drinking they went pell-mell, untill the one was
drunk, and the other lame: So after they had paid the Reckoning,
_Will_ takes up _Jack_ a pick-pack and carries him to _Ludgate_, and
being very weary sets him down in the dark close by the prison. The
Constable and Watch who were within the Gate hearing a bustle, called
out, saying, Who goes there? Come before the Constable. _Will_
could goe well enough, but could not speak, so he went over to the
Constable, who examined him whence he came, and why he was out so
late, and where he lived; to which _Will_ could answer nothing,
but make mouths: but _Jack_ having his tongue at liberty, as he was
sitting in the blind hole, cryes to the Constable, Sir, he cannot
speak. Upon that the Constable asked who was that which spake, and
commanded him to come before him; to which _Jack_ made answer, Sir, I
can't goe, at which the Constable and Watch laught; _Will_ took up his
load again and away they marcht.
_To his Quill._
Thou hast been wanton, therefore it is meet, [5.]
Thou shouldst do penance--do it in a sheet.
[128.] Caricature of different religious sects. 1646.
[Illustration: _Adamite_]
[Illustration: _Seeker_]
[Illustration: _Arminian_]
[Illustration: _Diuorcer_]
[Illustration: _Anabaptist_]
[Illustration: _Iesuit_]
[78.] One said Physitians had the best of it, for, if they did well,
the world did proclaime it, if ill, the earth did cover it.
[77.] Upon a time, as _Tarlton_ and his Wife (as passengers) came
sailing from Southampton towards London, a mighty storme arose, and
endangered the Ship, whereupon, the Captaine thereof charged every man
to throw into the Sea the heaviest thing he could best spare, to the
end to lighten somewhat the Ship. _Tarlton_, that had his Wife there,
offered to throw her over-boord: but the company rescued her; and
being asked wherefore he meant so to doe? he answerd, She is the
heaviest thing I have, and I can best spare her.
[4.] A _Welshman_ that was condemned to be hanged, had the
benefit[F. 154] of Clergy granted to him, and so was burnt in the
Hand; which when it was doing, they bid him say. God bless the King.
Nay, says he, God bless hur Father and Mother; for if they had not
taught hur to read, hur might have been hanged for all the King.
[Footnote 154: This plea was put in for mitigation of
punishment, the person presumably being a clerk or learned
person, exemplified by his being able to read, the punishment
then being commuted to burning on the hand. In later days
it became a farce, as a bribe would have the effect of being
apparently branded with only a warm or cold iron.]
[4.] One asking a certain Person how his friend came off at the
Sessions House? he told him he was to be Burnt in the Hand; Pish, says
the other, that's a small matter; for, for a little Fee, the'll Burn
him in the Hand with a cold Iron.
Marriage as old men note, hath likened bin [5.]
Unto a publique feast, or common route,
Where those that are without, would fain get in,
And those that are within would faine get out.
[26.] A Gentleman that had a great Wit, and well belov'd among the
great ones, and therefore invited often amongst them; but it seems had
a very sore Leg; he, being at a Noble mans Table, greedily cat'd at a
Goblet of Wine. Says my Lord to him, Prithee _Jack_ drink it not, for
'twill hurt thy Leg. O my Lord, says he, take no care for my Leg, for
I have care enough of that, for I always drink o' the t' other side.