who being
Stopp'd by the Constable near to the Tower, was examin'd where he had
been; whither he was going; and his Name and Place where he dwelt: to
which he answered, Where the Constable would have been glad to have
been, and where he was going he dared not go for his Ears, as likewise
his Name, which he called _Twenty Shillings_; with an Account of what
followed and how he came off.
To the Tune of _The New Rant_.
Licensed according to order.
One night at a very late hour [23.]
a Watchmaker home did repair;
When coming along by the Tower,
was stopp'd by the Constable there.
Friend, come before Mr Constable,
to see what his Worship will say,
You'd have me do more than I'm able,
I fear I shall fall by the way.
Sir, tell me, and do not deceive me,
where have you been playing your part?
Kind Mr Constable, believe me,
where you'd have been with al your heart.
Sweet Bacchus in Bumpers were flowing,
which Liquor all mortal Men chears,
And now, after all, I am going,
where you dare not come for your Ears.
[Illustration]
Your Words they are sawcy and evil,
this may be a Charge to your Purse;
For why? you are something uncivil,
to answer a Constable thus.
Oh, where do you dwell with a whennion?[F. 39]
cross Humours we will not allow,
Sir, out of the King's own Dominion,
pray, what can you say to me now?
Pray what is your name you cross Villain;
be sure that you answer me true;
Why, Sir, It is just _Twenty Shilling_,
I think I have satisfied you.
What Trade are you, Brewer or Baker?
or do you a Waterman ply?
No, Sir, I'm an honest Watch-maker,
my Trade I will never deny.
Have you e'er a Watch you can show, Sir?
we'll see how it sutes with our Clocks;
Yes, faith, and a Constable too, Sir.
I wish you were all in the Stocks.
You Sawcy impertinent Fellow,
because you have answered me so,
Although your mad Brains they be mellow,
this Night to a Prison you go.
Therefore without any more dodging,
the Lanthorns was lighted streightway;
They guarded him to his strong Lodging,
to lye there while Nine the next day.
Next Morning the Constable brought him.
before a Justice to appear,
And earnestly then he besought him,
a Sorrowfull Story to hear.
Of all the Transactions he told him,
to which the good Justice reply'd,
From Liberty he would withold him,
till the Naked Truth should be try'd.
The Tradesman returned this Answer,
the Truth I will never deny;
If I may speak without Offence, Sir,
I scorn to be catch'd in a Lye.
I said nothing which was unfitting,
as solemnly here I profess;
The King, he is King of Great Britain
and I live in Britain the less.[F. 40]
The next thing that causes the Trouble,
my Name he would have me to show,
The which is right honest _Mark Noble_,[F. 41]
and that's Twenty Shillings you know.
Then asking me where I was going,
and I being void of all Fears,
Right readily made him this Answer,
where he dare not go for his Ears.
I rambl'd all day, yet the Centre,
at night was to lye by my Wife,
Instead of his Ears, should he venture,
i' faith it might cost him his Life.
Now when he had given this Relation,
of all that had past in the night,
It yielded most pleasant Diversion,
the Justice he laughed outright.
It seems that a Glass of Canary,
conducted the Gallant along:
I find that he's nothing but merry,
intending no manner of wrong.
Therefore I will free him from Prison
without any Charges or Fees,
It being no more than right reason,
you watch not for such men as these.
Printed for _B. Deacon_ at _the Angel_ in _Giltspur Street_.
[Footnote 39: "Wanion," with a vengeance, with a plague.]
[Footnote 40: Little Britain, by Aldersgate Street.]
[Footnote 41: A mark was a coin worth 13s. 4d., and a noble
6s. 8d.]
[17.] A Gentleman ask'd a Shepherd, whether that River was to be
passed over or not: Yes, says he, but going to try, flounc'd over head
and ears. Why thou Rogue, says he, did you not tell me it might be
past over? Truly, Sir, says he, I thought so, _for my Geese go over
and back again every day_.
One did ask why B [12.]
Was set before C,
And did much desire to know;
Why, a man must be,
Before he can see,
And I think I have hit on't now.
_Against Swearing._
In elder times an ancient custome was [6.]
To sweare in weighty matters by the Masse.
But when the Masse went downe (as old men note)
They sware then by the Crosse of this same grote.[F. 42]
But when the Crosse was likewise held in scorne,
Then by their faith, the common oth was sworne.
Last, having sworne away all faith and troth,
Only God damn them is the common oth.
Thus custome kept decorum by gradation,
That losing Masse, Crosse, Faith, they find damnation.
[Footnote 42: Queen Elizabeth's groats were the last bearing a
cross on the reverse. James I. coined none.]
_One fighting with his wife._
_Meg_ and her husband _Tom_, not long agoe, [24.]
Were at it close, exchanging blow for blow.
Both being eager, both of a stout heart,
Endured many a bang ere they would part.
_Peter_ lookt on & would not stint the strife,
He's curst (quoth he) that parteth man and wife.
=The Welch Mans Inventory.=
Han Infentory of the Couds of _William Morgan_, ap_ Renald_, ap
_Hugh_, ap _Richard_, ap _Thomas_, ap _Evan_, ap _Rice_, in the County
of _Clamorgan_, Shentleman.
_Imprimis._ In the _Pantry of Poultry_ (for hur own eating)
One creat Pig four Week old, one Coose, one Cock Gelding, two
Black puddings, three Cow-foots.
_Item._ In the _Pantry of Plate_, one Grid-iron, one Fripan,
one Tripan, three Wooden Ladle, three Cann.
_Item._ In the _Napery_, two Towel, two Table Cloath, four
Napkin, one for hurself, one for hur Wife _Shone_, two for
Cusen _Shon_ ap _Powell_ and _Thomas_ ap _Hugh_, when was come
to hur House.
[Illustration: Hur Armory Hur Pantry Hur Cattle]
_Item._ In the _Wardrope_, one Irish Rugg, one Frize Sherkin,
one Sheepskin Tublet,[F. 43] Two Irish Stocking, two Shooe,
six leather Points.
_Item._ In the _Tary_,[F. 44] one Toasting Shees, three oaten
Cake, three Pint of Cow Milk, one pound of Cow Butter.
_Item_ in the _Kitchen_, one Pan with white Curd, two White
pot, two Red Herring, nine Sprat.
_Item._ In the _Cellar_, one Firkin of Wiggan, two Gallon
sower Sider, one Pint of Perry, one little Pottle of
_Carmarden_ Sack, _alias_ Metheglin.
_Item._ In the _Armory of Weapon_, to kill her Enemy, One Pack
Sword, two edge, two Welsh-hook, three long Club one Cunn, one
Mouse trap.
_Item._ In the _Carden_, One Ped Carlike, nine Onion, twelve
Leek, twelve Worm, twelve Frog.
_Item._ In the _Leas-way_. Two Tun Cow, one Mountain Calf.
_Item._ In the _Common-field_, Two Welch Nag, twelve long
leg'd Sheep, fourteen and twenty Coat.
_Item._ In the _Proom Close_, three Robin Run-hole, four Hare,
_hur own Coods if hur can catch hur_.
_Item._ In the _Parn_ one half Heblet of Oate, seven Pea, two
Pean.
_Item._ In the _Study_ (_py Cot hur was almost forgot hur_)
One Welch Pible, two Almanack, one _Erra Pater_,[F. 45] one
Seven Champions[F. 46] for St _Taffy_ sake, twelve
Pallat,[F. 47] one Pedigree.
_Item._ In the _Closet_ Two Straw hat, one louse.
_Item._ In the _Ped_. Two naked Pody, one Shirt, one Flannel
smock at hur Ped's head.
_Item._ More Cattle about the House. Two Tog, three Cat,
twelve Mouse (_pox on hur, was eat hur toot Cheese_) 1000
White Flea with black Pack.
_Item._ More Lumber about the _House_. One Wife, two Shild,
one call hur Plack _Shack_, and t'other little _Morgan_.
_Item._ In the _Yard_ under the Wall, one Wheel, two Pucket,
one Ladder, two Rope.
_This Inventory taken Note in the presence of hur own Cusen_ Rowland
Merideth _ap_ Howel _and_ Lowellin Morgan _ap_ William _in_ Anno
1849,[F. 48] _upon the Ten and Thirtieth of Shune_.
The above named _William Morgan_ dyed when hur had threescore and
twenty years, thirteen Months, one Week and Seven days.
_A NOTE of some LEGACY of a creat deal of Coods, bequeathed to hur
Wife and hur two Shild, and all hur Cusens, and Friends and Kindred in
the Manner as followeth._
_Imprimis._ Was give hur teer Wife, _Shone Morgan_, awl hur
Coods in the Ped, over the Ped, and under the Ped.
_Item._ Was give to hur eldest Son _Plack Shack_, 40 and
12 Card to play at Whipper Shinny 4 Try to sheat hur Cusen:
besides awl her Land to the fule value of 20 and 10 shillings
3 groats per Annum.
_Item._ Was give to hur second Son, Little _Morgan_ ap
_Morgan_, hur short ladder under the Wall in the Yard and two
Rope.[F. 49]
_Item._ Was give to hur Cusen _Rowland Merideth_ ap _Howell_
and _Lewellin Morgan_ whom was made her Executor, full power
to pay awl hur Tet, when hur can get Money.
Seal'd and deliver'd in the Presence of _Evan_ ap _Richard_, ap
_Shinkin_, ap _Shone_, hur own Cusen the Tay and Year above written.
Licens'd and Enter'd.
London. Printed by and for W. O.[F. 50] and sold by the Booksellers.
[Footnote 43: Doublet.]
[Footnote 44: Dairy.]
[Footnote 45: An astrological almanac.]
[Footnote 46: Chap-book of the "Seven Champions of
Christendom."]
[Footnote 47: Ballads.]
[Footnote 48: Probably antedated two centuries to make it more
comical.]
[Footnote 49: Is this legacy a gentle intimation to his son
that he may hang himself?]
[Footnote 50: Is this William Onley, who published from 1650
to 1702?]
_Upon one_ Day _that ran away, and laid the Key under Door_.
Here _Night_ and _Day_ conspire a cheating flight, [25.]
For _Day_ they say, is run away by _Night_.
The Day is past, why, Landlord! where's your rent,
Cou'd you not see the Day is almost spent.
Had you but Kept the Watch well, I suppose,
'Twas no hard thing to Know how the _Day_ goes?
_Day_ sold and pawn'd and put off what he might,
Though it were ne'er so dark, _Day_ would be light:
That he away with so much Rent should get,
Though _Day_ were light, 'twas no light matter yet.
You had one Day a Tenant, and wou'd fain
Your Eyes might one day see that Day again.
No, Landlord, No; you now may truly say,
And to your cost too, you have lost a Day,
By twy-light _Day_ is neither Day nor Night;
What then? 'twixt both, he's an _Hermaphrodite_.
Day is departed in a Mist, I fear,
For _Day_ is broke, yet does not Day appear:
His pale face now does Day in Owl light shrowd,
Truth is, at present _Day's_ under a Cloud.
If you wou'd meet with _Day_ you must be wiser,
And up betimes, for Day's an early riser.
Broad Day is early up, but you begin
To rouze, and then broad Day is shutting in.
From Sun to Sun are the set times of Pay,
But you should have been up by break of Day:
Yet if you had? you had got nothing by 't.
For _Day_ was Cunning and broke over Night.
_Day_ like a Candle is gone out, and where,
None knows, except to th' other Hemisphear.
You must go look the _Day_ with Candle light,
This _Day_ was sure begotten in the Night.
The Lanthorn-looker,[F. 51] if he now began,
Might find the _Day_, but scarce the honest Man.
Well, _Day_ farewel; be't spoke to thy small praise
There's little honesty found now a Day's.
In vain you do yourself this trouble give,
You'l never make an even day while you live;
And yet, who trusted him for any Summe,
Might have their mony, if the _Day_ were come.
And when will that be; when the Devil's blind;
You will this _Day_ at the _Greek_ Calends find.
For, if the Sun doth hang _behind_ the Change,
If you can find the _Day before_ 'tis strange.
Then to the Tavern, Landlord, let's away,
Chear up your heart, hang't, 'tis a broken Day.
And for your Rent, never thus Rent your Soul,
E're long you'l see _Day_ at a little hole:
Look at the _Counter_[F. 52] when you go that way,
Early enough, and you'l see peep of _Day_.
But how now Landlord? what's the matter pray?
What, can't you sleep, you do so long for _Day_?
Have you a mind, Sir, to arrest the _Day_?
There's no such Sergeant as a _Joshua_.
Why, Landlord, is the Quarter out I pray;
That you Keep such a quarter for the Day?
Put off your passion, pray; true, 'tis a Summe:
But don't you know that a Pay-day will come?
I'le warrant you, do you but banish sorrow,
My life for yours, _Day_ comes again to morrow.
[Footnote 51: Diogenes.]
[Footnote 52: One of the city prisons.]
[26.] A Person of Quality in this Kingdom, was one night at Supper at
_Pickadilly house_ which was then an Ordinary and great Gaming House,
where he had bowled all day; and after Supper he call'd for some
Cheese, which it seems was very thin and lean; then he ask't the
Master of the House, where those Cows went, of whose Milk that Cheese
was made? He told him they graz'd not far off; then he swore a great
Oath that he was Confident that they never fed in any other place than
his Bowling Alley, which was made good by the fatness of the Cheese
they now tasted of, for it cries _Rub, rub_, in the eating of it, when
'tis so long a going down.
Another person of Quality also, in this Kingdom, amongst other
Gentlemen, did often meet at a Bowling Ally, which stood next to the
Church-yard; and the Parson of that Church had this Benefit, That if
any did swear there, he was to have 12d for every Oath: This Person
aforesaid, happened to swear a great _Goliah_ Oath, upon which the
Parson demanded 12d. which he gave him; and after that swore many
others, for which he paid 12d a piece; and then swearing another,
he demanded 12d as before; then he pluckt out of his pocket a 20
Shilling piece and bid him give him 19s. again. _Sir_, says he, _I
cannot_. _Why then_, says he, _take it for I intend to swear it out_.