From the time of my conversion in early life I longed to be useful in
helping others to find the way of salvation. But my inability and lack
of talent was an apparent barrier, and caused me to almost despair of
ever being able to accomplish the desire of my heart.
Though I felt that I was a Christian, yet I had a longing in my soul for
a closer walk with God. There were times when I had spiritual struggles
within and without, and I did not know how to be an "overcomer," as
mentioned in the Bible.
A few years later, while living in Ohio, I was awakened to the fact
that the Lord had promised the gift of the Holy Spirit to his believing
children and that it was my privilege to obtain that experience wherein
I could enjoy that "great grace" which was upon them all who were
assembled at one place after Pentecost. My heart yearned for the
experience that the people of those apostolic days enjoyed; and as I
read about how willing the Lord was to "give the Holy Ghost to them that
believe," and read that we were promised the "Comforter," who would
abide in our hearts, I decided to have the experience.
My religious instructors gave me no encouragement; for they had not
attained to such an experience themselves and did not think it
attainable in this life. But undaunted, and determined to have relief
for my burdened soul, I sought the Lord earnestly to reveal to me the
secret of obtaining that abundant grace which I was convinced was within
my reach if I could only learn how to obtain it.
The time came when my prayers were answered, and I was enabled to make
a complete consecration to the will of God. But before reaching that
point, I many times fell upon my knees or prostrated myself before the
Lord in earnest supplication for that grace. In the meantime I met
others who had received it, and I realized more than ever that what they
possessed was just the thing for which I had been seeking. There were
yet two points that seemed to hinder me in my final efforts. My desire
was to have such an outpouring of the Spirit as would cause me to leap
and shout the same as some others did when they received the Holy
Spirit. The second was that there was one thing which I had not fully
yielded to the will of God. Regarding that thing I made a conditional
surrender--that if God would give me the experience and then show me
that I held a wrong attitude, I would then yield the point. I thought
the Lord ought to accept my consecration and give me the experience I
had so long sought. But he would not do so.
I began to submit myself to the Lord more fully, and he more clearly
opened my understanding to his Word and more definitely shed rays of
light upon my pathway concerning the point in question; then came the
words of Jesus, "Walk in the light while ye have the light, lest ye go
into darkness." My duty was now as clear to me as the morning sun. There
was no rebellion in my heart, the surrender was complete, and I could
with confidence say that my consecration reached the will of God on
every point, regarding all the things I could call to my mind and also
everything that might present itself in the future. There was no doubt
concerning my having made what we sometimes call a Bible consecration.
Then I realized that I had a right to claim the promise and receive
its fulfilment. As I did so, laying claim to the promise as mine and
declaring the work was done because the Word of God said so, that
whatever touched the altar was made holy, I knew that by faith I had
touched the altar, Jesus Christ, and was made holy. I had become willing
to receive the blessing in any way that the Lord saw fit to bestow it.
Just at the time that I claimed the blessing as mine, quietness reigned.
It did not cause me to leap and shout as I had been expecting, but in
a quiet manner the Holy Spirit witnessed the work wrought in my soul.
I learned that the grace and glory or spiritual power that one possesses
is not dependent upon outward demonstrations of the body. While one may
leap and shout, another person of a different temperament may remain
quiet and yet be drinking just as deeply from the fountain of life.
Although many years have passed, yet I have never once doubted the work
wrought in my soul at that time. Amidst the deepest trials of life,
sorrow, sickness, and adversity, I have found a sweet solace by trusting
all away with Him who understands our every need.
Dark days and shadows of life may come, trials and temptations may
present themselves on every hand, the soul may be weighted down with
burdens that are heavy to bear, and accusations of the enemy and hours
of severe testing may come like a flood; yet for the trusting soul the
Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against the enemy and lead
onward to victory. To me the Lord has been "a very present help in
trouble" and a friend in time of need.
When I see others struggling along and yearning for that experience
wherein their souls can be satisfied, my wishes are that they make an
unconditional surrender, know without a doubt that their consecration is
complete and that they are in all points consecrated to the will of God.
It is then that the promise can be claimed and the fulfilment realized.
The greatest sinner on the face of the earth can find pardon through
the atonement of Jesus Christ by forsaking his sins, confessing them to
the Lord, and believing on him for deliverance. In like manner every
believer can be filled with the Holy Spirit and abound in the riches of
the grace of God.