I now turned my attention toward my feelings and decided that the normal
experience of the Christian was to be happy and joyful constantly. My
joy soon settled down into a deep, calm peace. Soon the enemy began to
suggest, "Where is your joy? You must be losing out." At these times
I tried to stir my emotions again by meditation and earnest prayer.
However, I was not always successful; and often great distress settled
over my spirit. Sometimes I would almost decide that I must be unsaved,
although I also had victory over the sins that formerly held me in
bondage, and my supreme desire was to do God's will in all things. Yet
my feelings were so variable that perhaps one day I would feel glad and
joyful and would conclude that I was truly saved. At such times I would
decide never to doubt my experience again; then probably the next day,
if not the very same day, my feelings would change, and the old doubts
would come back again.