One night after services, while on the way to my room, I resolved to get
where the Lord would have me to be even if I should have to pray all
night. I began; but the more I prayed the worse I felt. I was shown one
thing after another that I should have to give up or make right if I
would enjoy God's favor. About the midnight hour, I had said the last
yes to God, and then came the test of faith. That very evening I had
heard the minister instructing seekers to give up all sin, to ask God's
forgiveness, and then to believe his promise that he forgives and
saves, whether any change was noticed in the feelings or not; and
although I had always longed for the great emotions I thought others had
experienced, yet in the absence of any particular feeling, I was willing
to believe God's promise.
When I first began to pray, I was conscious of a great deal of fear,
which deepened until it seemed I was almost in despair; but as I yielded
my will to God's will, all fears subsided, and just before I grasped the
promise, I was void of any particular emotion. It seemed to please the
Lord to take this plan to teach me that, after all, salvation does not
come by feeling. Then calmly and quietly I laid hold upon the promise,
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). I said to the
Lord, "Now I am willing to forsake all sin and do all thou wouldst have
me to do; and although I do not feel any great change, yet I believe
that, according to thy Word, thou dost save me now." Quietly but
earnestly I said from the depths of my heart, "Jesus saves me now."
In a short time the peace of God gently flooded my soul, and I knew
that my sins were forgiven.
After spending some time in peaceful communion with God, I went to
sleep, knowing beyond a doubt that if I should never awaken, my spirit
would immediately take its flight to the realms of the blest. In my
gratitude, the tears streamed down my face, and I wondered how I had
ever been content to live at such a distance from God as I had lived
during the past few years.