The pathway of life has its shadows and sunshine, its pleasures and
sorrows; and in the Christian life, I am convinced, many people live in
the shadow more than in the sunshine, when they could very well have it
otherwise.
When I was about thirteen years of age, I yielded myself to the Lord and
made a decision to spend my life in his service. Since that time, like
Christian in Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress," I have met with many and
varied experiences; but one beautiful encouraging thought has been that,
no matter how hard my trials, how near my strength was gone, nor how
little my courage lacked of failing, just at that time, when I was the
most helpless, God was always present to help either by his Spirit or by
sending one of his servants to encourage and strengthen me.
I have, indeed, found the Christian life to be a warfare. Every
individual who enlists in the service of the Lord will have the forces
of evil to battle against, but God has made provision whereby every
child of God can be an overcomer in every conflict. The one who has a
firm decision to be true at any cost will receive such power and help
that Satan can not prevent him from serving the Lord. The enemy may
try to hinder by causing trials, difficulties, and perplexities, and
at times the way may seem dark, with no apparent hope of day; but our
God, who is mighty, will turn all these seeming hindrances into real
blessings and make them stepping-stones to glory.
In my youthful days I felt a deep desire to work for God and longed to
fill some place in life where I could feel that I not only was living a
life of salvation, but was really engaged in my Master's service. As I
knelt in earnest prayer and consecrated myself fully to the Lord for him
to direct me as seemed best, a dark sorrow filled my heart; for Satan
whispered: "You are too young. You can not stand against the powers of
evil that all young people must meet. Your covenant with the Lord is too
great for you to keep." But with tears I cried unto the Lord to know if
these suggestions were true. At that moment the Lord gave me the
assurance that if I decided to serve him he would teach me how to do so.
He would give me grace in every time of need.
Some time after this I became very ill and knew unless God came to
my aid I should soon have to leave this world. As I thought of my
condition, a joy filled my soul that I might soon be with the Lord.
With this joy came also a sadness, as I realized that I had done nothing
in the vineyard of the Lord. It seemed that I could not bear to go
empty-handed. I prayed God to spare my life that I might work for him.
He graciously and instantly touched my body with his healing power, and
in a few days I was able to attend school.
Once I was about to make a decision and take a step that would have
hindered me from filling the place the Lord designed I should fill. At
that moment the Lord made known to me by his Holy Spirit in such a way
that I could not question his leadings that he had called me to his
service, and also made known to me the place that I was chosen to fill.
Immediately I was reminded of my covenant with the Lord, although I had
to stand against the pleadings and earnest entreaties of some of my very
dear friends.
Before this I had decided not to leave my mother, but to work near
my home so that I could readily respond in case of sickness. After
considerable meditation about the matter of leaving my father and
mother, brothers and sisters, in order to take up my work for the Lord,
the matter became very serious. Finally I went to the Lord one morning
in earnest prayer. I shall never forget that season of prayer, when I
seemed to be in the direct presence of the Lord. My consecration was
put to a test as one question after another was presented, as to whether
or not I should be willing to die, to really give my life, if God so
designed, that my unsaved loved ones might be saved, or to do the same
for lost souls who were not dear to me according to the ties of nature.
And again, should I be willing to give my life for lost sinners and
have them scoff and spurn me? These were hard questions, but my heart
said: "Lord, thy will be done. Where thou leadest I will follow." I was
solemnly impressed with the thought: Jesus came to save a lost world,
but they crucified him; instead of accepting his love, they rejected it.
Within a short time I had the matter settled beyond a doubt that the
time had come for me to enter upon the mission whereunto the Lord had
called me. The way began to open before me, and as I bid loved ones
farewell, a sweet assurance filled my soul that my decision and action
was in accordance with His will. It gave me much sorrow to leave home,
but God so blessed and directed me that I have never been sorry that I
obeyed his voice. Over and over I have proved that God's way is best.
His way may cause pain and sorrow at times, which we may not be able to
understand, but in the end we can know of a truth that God has caused
all things to work together for our good and for his glory.
At one time I was very much tested, and discouragements presented
themselves. I was trying hard to be an overcomer and to cast every
burden upon the Lord. The enemy would suggest that it was of no use for
me to try to stand against the things that were oppressing me and that
it would be better to surrender, and even give place to discouragements,
and that even though I should come out a conqueror later, no one would
ever know anything about it. At first this suggestion seemed plausible,
but upon further consideration I said: "No, I will not surrender. If no
one else ever knows, I will know, God will know, and the devil will
know, that I stood true and came out victorious." This experience has
since that time often been a real encouragement to me.
At another time I had for weeks been passing through real testing times.
Occasionally the trials would lift and God would bless my soul, but
again the darkness of depressions would settle over me. I began to weary
and to long for deliverance. The suggestion came that it would be better
for me to cease serving God and never to try again. Over and over
something whispered that there was no use to continue; that if others
who were older and better qualified fell by the wayside and could not
stand, there was positively no use in my trying. Finally the enemy
insisted that there was nothing else for me to do than to give up, and
that, after all, I was in a deplorable spiritual condition; that there
was no hope for me. At this point I discerned that it was the enemy,
and, kneeling before God, I promised him that if he could get more glory
out of my life by my being in such a trial all the rest of my days,
I was willing to submit to the trial. When I came to this decision my
trial vanished suddenly, and God poured the glory into my soul and
the victory was far sweeter than the trial had been bitter.
Sometimes I have had trials in which I could see no good nor from which
I could not perceive how any good could possibly result; but later I
would be enabled to know that those very trials were worth more to me
than any treasure this earth could afford.
As I look upon my past life and see how mercifully God has dealt with
me, how he has guided and protected, and how he has shielded me from the
power of the tempter, my heart cries out, "What a mighty God! What a
great and loving Father!" Counting my blessings, I find they so far
outnumber my trials that it brings me real courage to press on, knowing,
as I do, that grace will be given me to meet whatever may yet lie in my
pathway. "For there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common
to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above
that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to
escape, that ye may be able to bear it" (1 Cor. 10:13).