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HOW TO TEACH MANNERS
IN THE SCHOOL-ROOM.
BY MRS. JULIA M. DEWEY,
METHOD AND CRITIC TEACHER IN THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS OF RUTLAND, VT.;
FORMERLY SUPT. OF SCHOOLS, HOOSIC FALLS, N. Y.
“Who misses or who wins the prize?
Go, lose or conquer, as you can;
But if you fail, or if you rise,
Be each, pray God, a gentleman.”
--_Epilogue to Dr. Birch and his Pupils._
[Illustration: (Publisher’s colophon)]
THE A. S. BARNES COMPANY
NEW YORK AND CHICAGO
COPYRIGHT, 1888
E. L. KELLOGG & CO.
NEW YORK
INTRODUCTION.
Importance of the definite teaching of manners. Children are close
imitators; they will learn some kind of manners, and one who
teaches positively or emphatically (or contrariwise) may often see
a miniature of himself in his young pupil. With this truth in mind
one can hardly attach too much importance to punctilious politeness
on the teacher’s part in his intercourse with pupils. But however
polite a teacher may be, the informal or unconscious teaching of
manners is not enough. The school-room does not afford opportunity
to exemplify all the necessary practices in good manners, and
there is no other way but to teach the various requirements of an
accepted code with reference to actual examples that may present
themselves at any time in life.
It is to be remembered that many children have no opportunity
of obtaining a knowledge of good manners, either by practice or
precept, except as it is afforded by the schools. And as habits
formed in childhood are the most enduring, a lack of early training
in good manners will show itself as long as life lasts. Many other
reasons weigh in favor of the definite teaching of manners, one of
which is, if courtesy is demanded of pupils.
The underlying principles of courtesy should be inculcated, that
children may know it is more than an empty show.
Children need to learn the definite language courtesy employs. This
to many children is a new language, and can only be accomplished by
definite teaching. Beside, if manners are considered of sufficient
importance to be counted a regular part of the school, they will
attract much more importance. Accompanying this by observance on
the part of teacher, the pupil acquires a valuable knowledge.
Good manners ever prove an invaluable aid in doing away with
many of the unpleasantnesses of school-life. Courtesy of manner
under all circumstances means great self-control, and a lack of
self-control in teacher or pupil is the origin of most misdemeanors
in school. Aside from the benefits to be derived in the
school-room, gentle manners help one on in the world wonderfully.
They are more powerful in many cases than their other knowledge.
“All doors fly open to the one who possesses them.”
“Manners are the shadows of great virtues.”--_Whately._ “High
thoughts seated in a heart of courtesy.”--_Sir Philip Sidney._
Mr. Calvert says: “A gentleman is never unduly familiar; takes
no liberties; is chary of questions; is neither artificial nor
affected; is as little obtrusive upon the mind or feelings of
others as on their persons; bears himself tenderly toward the weak
and unprotected; is not arrogant; cannot be supercilious; can be
self-denying without struggle; is not vain of his advantages;
habitually subordinates his lower to his higher self; is, in his
best condition, electric with truth, buoyant with veracity.”
_In a right conception of good breeding the moral element
predominates._ With this idea in view, no one should attempt to
instruct in good manners who has not the ability to instil into
the minds of children its _fundamental principles_. True courtesy
implies strict honor, self-possession, forbearance, generous and
refined feeling, all culminating in a polished deportment.
When teachers consider manners in this high sense, and teach them
accordingly, they give their pupils that which will bring them
much more happiness in life than any amount of knowledge teaching
without it.
AIM OF THIS WORK.
1. To furnish material for lessons in manners suitable to be taught
in the schools, and adapted to different grades of pupils.
2. To furnish illustrative lessons showing the main lines of
thought to be pursued, the length of the lesson, and the simplicity
of method to be employed.
3. To impress both teachers and pupils with a need of the knowledge
of good manners.
“A _gentleman_ can have no better watchword than that sung at
Bethlehem: ‘Peace on earth, good will to men.’
“Come wealth or want, come good or ill.
Let old and young accept their part,
And bow before the awful will,
And bear it with an honest heart.
“Who misses or who wins the prize,
Go, lose or conquer as you can;
But if you fall, or if you rise,
Be each, pray God, a gentleman.
“A gentleman, or old or young!
(Bear kindly with my humble lay.)
The sacred chorus first was sung
Upon the first of Christmas days.
“The shepherds heard it overhead;
The Joyful angels raised it then:
Glory to God on high, it said,
And peace on earth to gentle--men.”
--_Epilogue to Dr. Birch and his Young Friends._
T. T. MUNGER in “On the Threshold.”
CONTENTS.
PAGE
INTRODUCTION, 3
Importance of the definite teaching of manners, 3
The underlying principles of good manners, 3
Aim of the work, 5
_CHAPTER I._
General directions for teaching manners, 13
Special directions to teachers, 15
Practical training in manners 18
_CHAPTER II._
LESSONS ON MANNERS. FOR THE YOUNGEST PUPILS.
Lesson 1. Awakening an interest in manners in general, 21
2. Kindness an element of politeness, 22
3. Seeking the happiness of others an element of good
manners, 23
_CHAPTER III._
LESSONS ON MANNERS. SECOND TWO YEARS.
Lesson 4. Kindness and unselfishness two underlying principles
of good manners, 25
5. To follow the example of the best people a reason
for cultivating good manners, 26
6. Gaining the esteem of others a reason for cultivating
good manners, 28
_CHAPTER IV._
MANNERS IN SCHOOL. FIRST TWO YEARS.
_Illustrative Lessons._
Lesson 7. The necessity of good manners in school, 29
8. Regularity of attendance at school is a mark of
good manners, 30
9. Punctuality of attendance at school is a sign of
good manners, 31
10. Cleanliness is one sign of good manners in school, 33
11. Care in keeping the school-room clean is a sign of
good manners, 34
_Subjects for Additional Lessons._
1. Care of school-furniture, 35
2. Care of halls, piazzas, walls, 35
3. Care of school-grounds, 35
4. Care of books, 35
5. Economy in using what is furnished by the school, 35
6. Care in using and returning borrowed articles, 35
7. Quiet conduct in the school-room at all times, 35
Lesson 12. How pupils should conduct themselves toward
their teachers, 35
_Subjects for Additional Lessons._
1. Rendering assistance to teachers, 36
2. Care in not interrupting a teacher, 36
3. Kind treatment of school-mates, 36
4. Respectful treatment of the janitor, 36
5. Respectful treatment of visitors, 36
6. Respectful treatment of those who address the school, 36
_CHAPTER V._
MANNERS IN SCHOOL. SECOND TWO YEARS.
_Illustrative Lessons._
Lesson 13. The necessity of good manners in school, 37
14. Regularity of attendance at school is a sign of
good manners, 38
15. Punctuality of attendance at school is the sign of
good manners, 40
16. Cleanliness is one sign of good manners, 41
17. Care for school-belongings is a sign of good manners, 42
_Subjects for Additional Lessons._
1. Care of books, 43
2. Economy in using what is furnished by the school, 43
3. Care in using and returning borrowed articles, 43
4. Quiet conduct in the school-room at all times, 43
Lesson 18. How pupils should conduct themselves toward
their teacher, 43
_CHAPTER VI._
MANNERS AT HOME. FIRST TWO YEARS.
_Illustrative Lessons._
Lesson 19. Awakening an interest in home manners, 45
20. The attention due to home friends, 46
“Keys” suggested for additional lessons, 47
_CHAPTER VII._
MANNERS AT HOME. SECOND TWO YEARS.
_Illustrative Lessons._
Lesson 21. The polite attentions due to home friends, 48
_Subjects for additional lessons._
1. Special politeness to very old people in the family, 49
2. Polite treatment of visitors, 49
3. Polite treatment of servants, 49
Reminders, 49
_CHAPTER VIII._
MANNERS IN PUBLIC. FIRST TWO YEARS.
_Illustrative Lessons._
Lesson 22. The necessity of good manners in the street, 51
23. Undue curiosity shown in the street is impolite, 52
_CHAPTER IX._
MANNERS IN PUBLIC. SECOND TWO YEARS.
_Illustrative Lesson._
Lesson 24. The necessity of good manners in the street, 54
_Subjects for Additional Lessons for Both Grades._
1. Polite attention toward elderly people on the street, 55
2. Polite attention towards strangers who make inquiries, 55
3. Church manners, 55
4. Manners at places of entertainment, 55
_CHAPTER X._
TABLE MANNERS. FIRST TWO YEARS.
_Illustrative Lessons._
Lesson 25. The necessity of good table manners, 56
26. Punctuality at the table is desirable, 57
27. Polite attention is specially due the lady of the
house, 58
28. Selfishness at the table is a sign of bad manners, 59
29. Some forms of polite expressions used at table, 60
_CHAPTER XI._
TABLE MANNERS. SECOND TWO YEARS.
_Illustrative Lessons._
Lesson 30. The necessity of good table manners, 61
31. The deference due the lady of the house at table, 62
32. Some polite usages at table, 63
_Subjects for Additional Lessons for Both Grades._
1. Use of fork and spoon, with practical illustrations, 63
2. Impoliteness of rapid eating, 63
_CHAPTER XII._
LESSON ON MANNERS. FOR ADVANCED PUPILS.
Lesson 1. To suggest the underlying principles of good manners, 64
_CHAPTER XIII._
MANNERS IN SCHOOL.
Lesson 2. The necessity of good manners in school, 66
3. Regularity and punctuality of attendance are signs
of good manners, 67
4. Cleanliness is one sign of good manners in school, 67
5. Care for school-belongings is a sign of good manners, 68
6. How pupils should conduct themselves toward their
teacher, 69
Subjects for additional lessons, 71
Reminders, 71
_CHAPTER XIV._
PERSONAL HABITS.
Lesson 7. The necessity of attention to personal habits, 73
Suggestions for instruction relating to personal habits, 74
_CHAPTER XV._
MANNERS IN PUBLIC.
Lesson 8. Some particulars of street manners, 76
Suggestions for further instructions, 77
Reminders, 78
_CHAPTER XVI._
TABLE MANNERS.
Lesson 9. The importance of good table manners, 81
Subjects for additional lessons, 82
Reminders, 82
_CHAPTER XVII._
MANNERS IN SOCIETY.
Suggestions for lessons, 85
Reminders, 87
_CHAPTER XVIII._
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
Miscellaneous items, 90
Suggestive stories, fables, anecdotes, and poems, 91
1. Little Jack.
2. The Boy and the Sparrows.
3. The Unhappy Boy.
4. Which was the Gentleman?
5. The Elder Brother.
6. The Gnat and the Bull.
7. A Real Lady.
8. Cautions.
9. Letter of Recommendation.
10. A Gentlemanly Lad.
11. A Series of Don’ts.
12. Family Intercourse.
13. The Drum and the Vase of Sweet Herbs.
14. Love.
15. Treatment of the Aged.
16. Civility to Strangers.
17. A Good rule.
18. Character.
19. Honor.
20. Consideration for Others.
21. Truthfulness.
22. Delicacy.
MEMORY GEMS, 102
HOW TO TEACH MANNERS IN THE SCHOOL-ROOM.
Chapter I.
_GENERAL DIRECTIONS FOR TEACHING MANNERS._
=1.= In teaching manners to young children there is no better
example to be followed than that of a careful mother, who takes
advantage of incidents of every-day life to impress a truth upon
the mind of her child. By such means the ideal standard is kept
in close relation to the child’s conduct until it is taken up and
assimilated into his nature. For this reason it is better to begin
the definite teaching of manners with reference to the school,
and as far as possible to allow actual occurrences to suggest or
illustrate the point to be considered. The lesson that will fit
the needs of the occasion is the most effective. Just here it may
be remarked that, within bounds, a teacher is justified in taking
advantage of these opportunities, even if it somewhat disturbs the
formality of a rigid programme of school-work.
=2.= The mother’s method may be followed still farther in making
the definite lesson as informal as possible. Questions should be
asked to awaken thought, and the lesson should partake more of the
nature of a familiar conversation than of a school exercise. Pupils
should be allowed to tell what they know on certain points, and new
truths should be “developed” as in other subjects.
=3.= The instruction to older pupils may be given in a similar
manner, but less simply; or the item may be read with or without
comment. This lesson serves to instruct those ignorant of
prevailing forms, and to keep the matter before the minds of
others who are better informed. When pupils are old enough, if not
provided with a text-book on manners, it is well for them to make a
note of the directions given.
=4.= The time given to this subject must be regulated by the other
work in the school. A few minutes daily will amount to a great deal
in the course of years.
=5.= A plan that has been successfully pursued is to allow ten
minutes for the opening exercises of school, and to make a brief
lesson in manners a part of these exercises. It is not the aim
of the author that the illustrative lessons shall be arbitrarily
followed. That would be to aim at an impossibility. If success is
expected, it is even more necessary in this branch than in others
that the work be stamped with the individuality of the teacher.
There must also be a certain compass of expression and force and
earnestness of manner in giving these lessons which cannot be
imparted to the printed page.
=6.= Brevity is essential, as the effect sought would be lost if
the lesson became tiresome. Moreover, it is not intended to add
to the already overburdened curriculum of most schools. Teachers
should exercise care in selecting items adapted to the age and
capacity of their pupils. It is needless to add that as far as
there is opportunity teachers should see that precept and practice
go hand-in-hand.
SPECIAL DIRECTIONS TO TEACHERS.
=1.= =The manners of pupils are usually similar to those of the
teacher.= It is therefore of the utmost importance that he should
himself exemplify true courtesy, because he will be imitated. His
whole bearing and manner in the presence of pupils should be above
criticism. If not conversant with the details of a code of manners,
it is obligatory upon him to become so, and to conform his manners
to it.
=2.= =A high and loud tone of voice= should not have place in a
school-room.
There is perhaps no more unrefining influence unconsciously exerted
by a teacher than that of a loud voice. Emerson says, “Loudness
is rude, quietness always genteel,” and in nothing is the truth
more apparent than in the voice. As children are close imitators,
if teachers speak in a loud and dictatorial manner, so will their
pupils.
A teacher’s voice should be as melodious as nature permits, and its
effect should be heightened by all the modulations and intonations
used in polite conversation. Suitable language _voiced_ in this
manner not only has a most refining influence on the character and
manners of pupils, but is often the only instrumentality needed in
the formal “government” of the school.
=3.= =A teacher should assume no attitude in a school-room which
is not proper for the pupils.= Here again the natural propensity
of children to imitate should be remembered. Teachers have been
known to censure children for carelessness in posture when they
themselves were guilty of the same. There is no instruction of this
kind so impressive as that of example, and if teachers wish their
pupils to be patterns of propriety in attitude, motions, actions,
they themselves must furnish the model.
=4.= =Teachers should not be careless in personal habits.= Besides
formal instruction relative to habits of cleanliness and tidiness,
the teacher should show the importance of these habits by strict
adherence to them. Teachers should dress neatly and in good taste.
This does not necessarily involve expense. There should be no
gaudiness of dress, but due attention should be paid to harmony of
color and suitableness of fabric, and garments should be made in
prevailing styles. Attention to these details will help to refine
the tastes of pupils.
=5.= =Teachers should watch their tones and words with great care.=
It is not enough that expressions should be grammatical, but
they should be devoid of anything inelegant. All proprieties of
speech should be observed, even (or especially) with the youngest
children. _Severe_ expressions, arising from lack of self-control
on the part of the teacher, are productive of demoralization in the
school, and have a most unrefining effect on the pupils.
Let teachers observe the direction which they give to their
pupils,--
“Guard well while you are young
Ear and eye and _tongue_,--”
and it will be much more effectual than the memorizing of the
couplet. A polite request is at any time more refining and
effective than a stern command. Instead of saying “Do this” or
“Do that,” if teachers make a practice of asking “Will you kindly
do this?” or “Please do that,” they will find their wishes more
cheerfully complied with, and less selfishness displayed in the
requests made by pupils.
=6.= =Teachers should not only guard their words, but the
expression of their countenances.= The expression should be
pleasant and indicative of kindness and common sense. A stolid
expression or constant smiling are both exceedingly objectionable
in a school-room, as elsewhere.
Children are very susceptible either to smiles or frowns, and both
should be used with discretion. Approving smiles, like approving
words, may be given as rewards, but a too liberal use detracts from
their value. It may seem to be setting up an ideal standard to say
that when in the school-room an angry or a petulant look should
never come upon a teacher’s face. It is sometimes necessary to
express regret, sorrow, or severity in this manner, but anger and
irritability never, as that shows lack of self-control; and one of
the serious results of such a lack is impoliteness.
=7.= =Teachers should not indulge in modes of discipline that
are unrefining in their tendencies.= Happily the old barbaric
modes of punishment are passing away. If complete abolition of
corporal punishment does not seem feasible, any teacher ought to
be possessed of sufficient delicacy and refinement to avoid making
such punishment public. It should _never_ be inflicted in the
presence of the school.
PRACTICAL TRAINING IN MANNERS.
=1.= Ask the children daily to tell what opportunity they have
improved of being kind and polite.
=2.= The teacher should remark on any improvement shown by the
pupils, and lead pupils to talk of it. It is well to allow them
to talk without restraint so as to obtain their real opinions.
Tact will be needed to ward off a feeling of self-gratulation or
conceit, which may otherwise be brought out when pupils tell of
their own polite acts.
=3.= Impress pupils with the idea that good manners is one of the
subjects pursued in the schools, and that it will help them in
life, and that practice shows progress in this particular branch.
=4.= Without seeming to demand it, teachers should lead children
to offer them any service that is _not menial_. Such attentions as
disposing of wraps, umbrellas, etc., fetching them when needed,
picking up things accidentally dropped, handing crayon, eraser,
etc., lifting or moving things, offering a chair, helping to put
things in their places at the close of school, should be rendered
to teachers by pupils. If, at first, in order to make children see
what offices are proper, the teacher must ask for them, it should
be as one would ask an equal, and not a servant; and any service
rendered should be most politely acknowledged.
=5.= The older children should be made to understand the propriety
of assuming some responsibility over the younger. This is almost
universally practiced in schools where “busy work” is done, when
the older pupils help to distribute materials for such work, and
to assist in its execution. They should also assist those who need
aid in putting on or taking off wraps, overshoes, etc. Children
should understand that girls need not necessarily assist girls,
and boys boys, but that help should be offered and accepted, as is
convenient.
=6.= Children should be encouraged to try to settle disputes or
to quell disorder in any form. This does not imply a system of
monitorship. As young children are pleased to do these things, it
needs tact and watchfulness on the teacher’s part to keep down
an overbearing or officious spirit. This may be accomplished by
appointing certain pupils for a definite length of time, and by
removing them from “office” when they exceed their authority.
These advisers are not to be encouraged in tale-bearing. It should
be considered just cause for removal, unless the tale is told in
order to get the teacher’s advice as to the best mode of settling a
difficulty.
=7.= Pupils should be trained to receive and entertain those who
come to visit the schools. They should entertain as politely
in a school-room as in a parlor. When visitors come, a pupil
should answer the bell, politely invite the company to enter,
find them comfortable seats, take their wraps if they wish to
dispose of them, and offer any other attention the occasion may
seem to demand. To do this properly at the time implies previous
training--pupils acting as visitors. In this as in other things,
officiousness on the part of pupils should be guarded against. Give
opportunities to all pupils in turn to show these attentions.
=8.= Whenever it is possible, every direction in manners should
be exemplified in the school-room. When the school-room does
not furnish illustrations, directions should be made as real as
possible to the youngest pupils, as, for instance, they should
actually be shown how to hold the fork, how to drink from a
tumbler, how to enter a room, etc.
=9.= The polite phrases of society should be used by the teacher to
the pupil, and vice versa.
In the discipline of the school, when children have had training in
good manners, the question “Is this polite?” will oftentimes prove
more effectual than a severe reprimand. This has been demonstrated
by actual experience, even in schools difficult of control.
Chapter II.
_LESSONS ON MANNERS._
LESSON I.
For the Youngest Pupils.
=Purpose.=--To awaken an interest in manners in general.
=Method.=--A common incident in real life briefly described,
followed by questions and answers.
_The Lesson._
As I was sitting on the piazza the other evening, watching the
sunset and listening to the chirp of the birds, a boy passed along
the sidewalk, and as he looked up and saw me, he touched his hat
and smiled and said, “Good evening, Miss B.” I smiled back and
answered him, and as he passed on I thought about him. Why did I
think about him?
“Because he was so pleasant to you.”
Can you tell what I thought?
“You thought he was good.”
“You thought he was a nice boy.”
Why did I think so?
“Because he touched his hat.”
“Because he smiled.”
“Because he said, ‘Good evening, Miss B.’”
Yes, because he was polite to me. Can you tell why we should be
polite?
“It makes people think of us.”
“It makes people like us.”
What must we learn, then, if we wish people to like us?
“To be polite.”
LESSON II.
=Purpose.=--To suggest kindness as an element of politeness.
=Method.=-A supposed incident is used, and questions given.
_The Lesson._
Suppose a new little girl should come into our room. Perhaps she
would come from a country far away from this place. Her dress might
be queer, and she might not look like any other little girl in the
room. What do you think these boys and girls would do?
“Look at her.”
Oh, I hope not, for how would she feel?
“I guess she wouldn’t like it.”
“I think she would be scared.”
“Perhaps she would cry.”
If she should speak in her own way, not like ours, what would
happen then?
“Like enough we should laugh.”
Oh, no, I hope not.
“I should feel sorry for her.”
What would you _do_ for her, May?
“I would go and stand by her and speak to her.”
What would you say?
“Please come and sit with me.”
What would you say of May, children, if she should do and say what
she thinks she would?
“That she is a good girl.”
“She is a kind girl.”
“And a polite girl.”
What would you say of those children who stared and laughed at her?
“They were not kind.”
“They were not polite.”
What do you mean by politeness?
“It is to speak kind words.”
“And to do kind acts.”
Yes. I will tell you what it is, in a pretty verse:
“Politeness is to do and say
The kindest thing in the kindest way.”
_Note._--This couplet is to be memorized.
LESSON III.
=Purpose.=--To suggest seeking the happiness of others as an
element of good manners.
=Method.=--A story told founded on an incident liable to happen at
any time, and a conversation deduced.
_The Lesson._
One day I looked out on the play-ground, where there were many
children playing and seeming to have the best kind of a time. On
the other side of the ground was one little girl looking as sad
and lonely as you can think. I was about to go and see if I could
cheer her up, when another little girl whose name was Jennie,
and who had been playing with all her might, happened to see her.
She left her place and went to the stranger, and said in a sweet
way, “Wouldn’t you like to come and play too? Come and take my
place.” And away they went hand-in-hand, looking as happy as two
butterflies.
Now, what do you think of Jennie?
“She was good.”
“She was kind.”
“She asked the new girl to go and play.”
Was that all?
“She gave up her place in the game that the little girl might play.”
Was that very kind?
“Yes, Miss B.”
How did it make the little stranger feel?
“Happy.”
What do you say of such acts?
“They are polite.”
How, then, shall we be polite to others?
“By trying to make them happy.”
_Note._--Although all the underlying principles of politeness can
be taught unconsciously to the youngest pupils, it is better to
teach but two formally, without unfamiliar terms. The end sought in
the first year of instruction in this subject is to rouse thought
and interest, and to lead the pupil to make simple judgments. In
the next higher grade of lessons, other principles may be formally
taught, and new terms brought out. In the highest grade all
principles should be taught.
Chapter III.
_LESSONS ON MANNERS._
SECOND TWO YEARS.
LESSON IV.
=Purpose.=--To suggest kindness and unselfishness as two underlying
principles of good manners.
=Method.=--A familiar conversation.
_The Lesson._
Suppose a boy seated in the easiest chair in the room, reading and
enjoying himself, should rise on seeing his mother enter, and offer
her the chair. What would you say of that boy?
“That he was kind.”
Then what kind of a heart would you suppose he had?
“A kind heart.”
And of whom did this kind heart lead him to think?
“Of his mother.”
Do you suppose he disliked to give up the chair?
“I think he did.”
“I think he was glad to give it up.”
How could that be?
“Why, he wanted the chair, but he loved his mother so much he was
glad to give it up.”
Mary has told it very well. What can you say of him beside that he
was kind?
“He was unselfish.”
What is it to be unselfish?
“To think of others before ourselves.”
And to what do kindness and unselfishness lead?
“To politeness.”
There is a rule that may help you in being unselfish and polite,
and I wish you to learn it. It is this:
“Do to others as you wish others to do to you.”
LESSON V.
=Purpose.=--To suggest as a reason for cultivating good manners
that we thus make our manners like those of the best people.
=Method.=--Questions and answers.
_The Lesson._
Of what did we talk in our last lesson?
“Of kindness.”
“And trying to make others happy.”
What is it to think of the happiness of others before our own?
“Unselfishness.”
And if we practice unselfishness, what can be said of us?
“That we have good manners.”
But do all kind and unselfish people have good manners?
(Some are in doubt.) Let us see. I do not think a truly kind heart
will allow any one to be rude, but how is it in this case? It is
not thought polite to eat with the knife. Have you ever known kind
people to do it?
“Yes, Miss B.”
Why do you think they do it?
“Because they know no better.”
Can they learn better?
“Yes, Miss B.”
How?
“From other people.”
How from other people?
“They can watch, and do what they see nice people do.”
And how do these nice people know?
“Perhaps they have watched some other nice people.”
If one who has used his knife in eating learns better, what ought
he to do?
“To stop using it.”
And if he continues to use it, what will be thought of him?
“That he is odd or queer.”
Should you like to be thought odd or queer?
“No ma’am.”
Then what must you do?
“We must watch people who know what good manners are, and try to
make our manners like theirs.”
What kind of people are polite?
“The best people.”
If we learn to do as the best people do, how shall we be considered?
“To be _best_ people.”
Now tell me one reason why our manners should be good.
“Because the best people have good manners.”
And another?
“Because we wish to be considered _best_.”
LESSON 6.
=Purpose.=--To suggest gaining the esteem of others as a reason why
good manners should be cultivated.
=Method.=--A story.
_The Lesson._
A boy once wished to find a place to work. He went to a shop in
town where he had heard help was needed. Many were there before
him, and he thought he stood no chance at all of getting the work,
but much to his surprise he was employed. He said, “Why, sir, I
did not expect it when so many were ahead of me.” “Do you wish to
know why I hired you?” said the gentleman. “You came in quietly,
you took off your hat, you gave your chair to an old man, you stood
patiently until your turn came, and then you spoke pleasantly and
in a manly tone of voice; in fact, I saw you were a well-bred boy,
and that is the reason I hired you.”
If this boy had been rude, what would have happened?
“He would not have been employed.”
How did the gentleman feel toward him?
“He liked him.”
What was his one reason for liking him? He had never seen him
before.
“His manners were good.”
If your manners are good, how will people feel toward you?
“They will like us.”
Tell me, then, a reason why you should be polite.
“We should be polite because people like us better for it.”
Chapter IV.
_MANNERS IN SCHOOL._
FIRST TWO YEARS.
ILLUSTRATIVE LESSONS.
LESSON 7.
=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of good manners in school.
=Method.=--A guessing lesson.
_The Lesson._
Shall we have a guessing game to-day?
“Yes’m.”
Very well. You may guess, Arthur, why I like to have a boy enter
this room quietly.
“Because you have told him to.”
What is it to do as I have told him?
“It is minding you.”
You may guess, Mary, what I should think of a boy who came in
noisily.
“That he was rude.”
And the other boy was----?
“Polite.”
Then if he minded me, it made him----?
“Polite.”
You may guess, George, why I like to have Johnnie pick up my crayon
when I drop it.
“You want it.”
Yes, but I could get it for myself. Why do I like to have Johnnie
do it for me?
“It shows how kind he is.”
If he should not pick it up, would it be because he was unkind?
“Perhaps he wouldn’t think.”
What have we learned about those who try to think of doing others a
kindness?
“That they are polite.”
You may guess how I feel toward Johnnie when he is kind and polite
to me.
“You like him.”
May I guess that you like me when I am kind and polite to you?
“Yes, Miss B.”
Suppose we should always be kind and polite to each other here in
school, what kind of a school should we have?
“A good school.”
“A pleasant school.”
Then we must try and make our manners in school good. I must be
polite to you, and you polite to me.
LESSON 8.
=Purpose.=--To show that regularity of attendance at school is a
mark of good manners.
=Method.=--A conversation.
_The Lesson._
You may read a part of yesterday’s lesson, Susie.
“I can’t.”
Why not?
“I was not here yesterday, and I don’t know the lesson.”
Why were you not here?
“I did not wish to come.”
What did you lose by not coming?
“My lessons.”
Does that make any hard work for me, Susie?
“Yes’m. You will have to teach the lesson again.”
What will the rest of the class do while I am teaching you this
lesson?
“They will have to wait for me.”
What is thought of a school when the pupils do not come steadily?
“That it is not a good school.”
Tell me, then, why it is unfair for pupils to stay away from
school, when they can come.
“It makes extra work for the teacher.”
“It keeps the rest of the class waiting.”
“It gives the school a bad name.”
Yes, and all this is unkind, and if unkind----?
“It is impolite.”
LESSON 9.
=Purpose.=--To show that punctuality of attendance at school is a
sign of good manners.
=Method.=--A contrast drawn and lesson deduced.
_The Lesson._
It is not a little boy in our room of whom I am about to tell you.
I hope there is not such a child in _our_ room. But there is a boy
_somewhere_ who has to be called and called in the morning, and
then he yawns, and takes another nap, and puts off getting out of
bed as long as he possibly can. He is late at breakfast, late in
doing his morning’s work, and late at school. He goes into his
school-room after the rest are at their work, and disturbs the
teacher and the children, feels very unhappy, and perhaps gets a
mark that he does not like.
There is another boy _somewhere_, and I guess right here in this
room. _He_ does not wait for his mother to call him, but when it is
time he springs out of bed, and is ready in time for his breakfast,
and gets his work done, and starts for school with a happy face,
and arrives there in time for a game with his school-mates and a
pleasant word with his teacher before school begins. Which one of
these boys would you rather be, John?
“The one who is not late.”
Why?
“Because it makes trouble when we come in late.”
How does it make trouble?
“We do not mind you, for you have told us not to be late.”
“Sometimes you have to stop the lesson and help us take off our
things.”
“And show us the place in the book.”
And how about the class?
“They look at us when we come in, and forget their lesson.”
If you are unkind enough not to mind me, and to disturb the class,
what are your manners?
“Bad.”
Tell me how it is if you try not to be late.
“We are kind and polite.”
LESSON 10.
=Purpose.=--To show that cleanliness is one sign of good manners in
school.
=Method.=--A conversation.
_The Lesson._
You may tell me what you do in getting ready to go on a visit.
“We bathe.”
“And comb our hair.”
“And clean our nails.”
“And put on our best clothes.”
Why should you do all this?
“Because we wish to look nice.”
Why do you care to look nice?
“People see us.”
What of that?
“We ought to make ourselves as nice as we can to other people.”
“They like us better if we are clean.”
Then what is one reason why you make yourselves tidy?
“To make people like us.”
Are there any people here whom you wish to like you?
“Yes, Miss B., you and our school-mates.”
Tell me one way to make us like you.
“To keep ourselves clean.”
“And our clothes clean.”
If you do this with the idea of pleasing others, what can we say of
you?
“We are polite.”
LESSON 11.
=Purpose.=--To show that care in keeping the school-room clean is a
sign of good manners.
=Method.=--A conversation.
_The Lesson._
There is a rug at the door, children. Why is it there?
“We are to clean our shoes on it when they are muddy.”
Jack did not know, did he, when he came in? What is the use of
cleaning your shoes?
“It keeps the floor clean.”
How else can you keep the floor clean?
“We need not throw paper on it.”
“Nor anything else.”
And why keep the floor clean?
“That our room may be nice.”
“You wish us to keep it clean.”
Once in a while some little children are careless about it. Do you
suppose they are thinking about you or me?
“No, Miss B., neither one.”
Then we must call them impolite.
In what way, then, can you show good manners?
“By trying to keep our school-room neat and clean.”
SUBJECTS FOR ADDITIONAL LESSONS.
Care of school furniture.
Care of halls, piazzas, walls.
Care of school grounds.
Care of books.
Economy in using what is furnished by the school.
Care in using borrowed articles and in returning them.
Only quiet conduct permissible in the school-room at any time.
LESSON 12.
=Purpose.=--To show how pupils should conduct themselves toward
their teachers.
=Method.=--A conversation.
_The Lesson._
Suppose when I wished to speak to you I should call you _boy_
instead of Harry, how would you like it?
“I shouldn’t like it.”
Well, I might call you _pupil_?
“I shouldn’t like that either.”
How would it do to call you _child_, Mary?
“No one would know which child.”
What must I call any of you that you may know who is meant?
“You must call us by our names.”
Do you like your own name?
“Yes’m.”
Do you suppose I like my name?
“Yes’m.”
Then what should you do when you speak to your teacher?
“We should call you by your real name.”
Why?
“Because it is polite if you wish it.”
_Note._--A teacher’s name should be taught to pupils when they
first enter school.
SUBJECTS FOR ADDITIONAL LESSONS.
1. Rendering assistance to teachers.
2. Care in not interrupting a teacher.
3. Kind treatment of school-mates.
4. Respectful treatment of the janitor.
5. Respectful treatment of visitors.
6. Respectful treatment of those who address the school.
_Note._--Subjects for many lessons may be found in Reminders,
Chapter XII., etc.
Chapter V.
_MANNERS IN SCHOOL._
SECOND TWO YEARS.
ILLUSTRATIVE LESSONS.
LESSON 13.
=Purpose.=--To show the necessity of good manners in school.
=Method.=--A suggestive incident related, followed by a
conversation.
_The Lesson._
One time a little girl whom I knew had a birth-day party, and I was
invited. I went, and saw many little girls and boys wearing their
best clothes, their brightest faces, and pleasantest smiles. They
also had brought the best of something else. Do you know what?
“Their best manners.”
Yes. These same boys and girls were in my school, and as I saw how
lovely they could be at a party, it made me wish something. Do you
know what?
“That they would be so in school.”
What difference would it make?
“It would make the school pleasanter.”
“It would make it better.”
I wish you would all think what politeness in school would lead you
to do.
“We should be kind to you.”
“We should mind you.”
And then you would be what kind of pupils?
“Obedient.”
Yes. What else would you do?
“Learn our lessons.”
What kind of pupils would you be?
“Diligent pupils.”
“Industrious pupils.”
If you are obedient and industrious all day, how would you feel
when school closed?
“Happy.”
How many think it will pay to be polite in school? How many will
try?
If we study and practise good manners here, how will it be in other
places?
“Our manners will be good.”
Give two reasons why our school manners should be good.
“Good manners help to make a pleasant school.”
“Good manners studied and practised in school aid in their practice
elsewhere.”
_Note._--Terms obedient, diligent, etc., are supposed to have been
given in moral lessons.
LESSON 14.
=Purpose.=--To show that regularity of attendance at school is a
sign of good manners.
=Method.=--A conversation.
_The Lesson._
When I called the roll this morning, did every one answer to his
name?
“No, Miss B., some were not here.”
Why do you suppose they were not here?
“Perhaps they were sick.”
“Perhaps they had to work.”
“Perhaps they had gone away on a visit.”
“Perhaps they did not wish to come.”
How many reasons does that make?
“Four.”
How many good reasons?
“Two.”
What are the poor reasons?
“That they are away on a visit.”
“That they do not wish to come.”
What do you say of children who often stay away from school.
“That they are not steady in coming.”
Yes, or that their attendance is not regular. Tell me how many
people wish you to be regular in your attendance at school.
“You do, because we lose our lessons if we stay away.”
“And our school-mates, because they have to wait for us to make up
lost lessons.”
“And our parents, and all good people who know us, because they
wish us to learn.”
“We all wish our school to have a good name.”
Then what do you think of an absence that can be helped?
“It is unkind.”
“It is impolite.”
LESSON 15.
=Purpose.=--To show that punctuality of attendance is a sign of
good manners.
=Method.=--A story followed by a conversation.
_The Lesson._
I once knew a little girl with blue eyes and rosy cheeks and lovely
golden hair. Everybody loved her because she was so sweet and
loving and kind. But even this dear little girl had some faults,
and one was in putting off whatever she had to do.
When her mamma would say, “Bessie, it is time to start for school,”
she would answer sweetly, “Yes, mamma, I shall go in a minute,” but
the minutes would fly and Bessie would not start. Of course she was
often late. What trouble did she cause by her tardiness?
“She had a tardy mark against her name, and spoiled the record of
the school.”
“She displeased her mamma.”
“And her teacher.”
“She disturbed the class by going in late.”
Then, even if she were a very nice little girl in most things, what
did this show her to be?
“Selfish and unkind and impolite.”
Why?
“Because she made others unhappy.”
What do you say of one who is always at school on time?
“We say he is punctual.”
What is one way by which politeness in school can be shown?
“By punctuality.”
LESSON 16.
=Purpose.=--To show that cleanliness is one sign of good manners.
=Method.=--A conversation.
_The Lesson._
Suppose a boy should come to school with his face and hands
unwashed and his hair uncombed, what would you say of him?
“That he was not nice.”
How would you feel toward him?
“We should not like to look at him.”
“Nor sit beside him.”
“Nor touch him.”
What do you say of people whom you do not wish to see or touch?
“They are disagreeable.”
What must people expect when they make themselves disagreeable?
“That they will not be liked.”
If they show so little care for the good opinion of others, what
may be said of them?
“That they are disrespectful.”
And if they are disrespectful?
“They are impolite.”
Then how can pupils show politeness to teacher and school-mates?
“By being clean and tidy.”
LESSON 17.
=Purpose.=--To show that care for school belongings is a sign of
good manners.
=Method.=--A conversation.
_The Lesson._
Think just two minutes of the question I am about to ask you, and
then, if you have something to say, raise hands. How can we keep
our school-rooms, school-buildings, and school-grounds in good
order? You may begin with our room, Mary.
“When it is muddy we must clean our shoes on the mat before we come
in.”
“We must not throw things on the floor.”
“We must keep things in their places.”
“We must not mark the desks.”
“Nor the wall.”
How is it with the steps, or piazzas, or the halls?
“We must take the same care of them as of the inside.”
What of the yard?
“We must not throw papers or anything else in it.”
“Nor trample down the grass.”
“Except on the playground.”
Suppose, instead of taking care of things in this way, some boy
should carelessly throw things about, mar the furniture, or trample
down the grass?
“He would be a bad boy.”
“Nobody would like him.”
“If he kept doing it, perhaps he would be sent home.”
If he kept doing it when he knew better, and when he was told not
to, what would you say of him?
“That he was disobedient.”
And what may be said of one who neglects the wishes of others?
“That he is impolite.”
Yes, or ill-bred. If pupils take good care of everything belonging
to school, what can be said of them?
“That they are well-bred.”
SUBJECTS FOR ADDITIONAL LESSONS.
1. Care of books.
2. Economy in using what is furnished by the school.
3. Care in using borrowed articles and in returning them.
4. Only quiet conduct permissible in the school-room at any time.
LESSON 18.
=Purpose.=--To show how pupils should conduct themselves towards
their teacher.
=Method.=--A short incident related and conclusion drawn.
_The Lesson._
One time I heard a mother say to her two boys, “I wish you to do
some work for me. There are the chickens to be fed, Henry, and old
Doll is waiting for Charles to give her her morning’s meal.” The
boys both heard distinctly. This is how Henry’s face looked: round
as an apple, eyes bright, a pleasant smile on his lips, and with
an “all right, mother,” he started on a run to the barn where the
hens were. This is how Charles looked: a long face, eyes dull and
sober, a scowl on his forehead, as he moped along to feed old Doll,
after being repeatedly told to do so by his mother. Tell me what
the first face meant.
“It meant that Henry was the better boy.”
“It meant that he intended to obey his mother.”
“And to do so right off.”
“And in a pleasant way.”
What did the other face mean?
“It meant that Charles did not like to obey.”
“And he intended to take his own time.”
“And he was cross about it.”
Yes, you would know he was ill-natured by the scowl.
What do you say of Henry’s treatment of his mother?
“It was kind and polite.”
Did any of you ever act like Charles? And here in school? If you
treat me kindly and politely, how will you show it in one way?
“By obeying you immediately and cheerfully.”